Martha Stewart Shivving


With her newfound free time, Martha Stewart apparently plans to write a how-to book for people who find themselves in her position. I'm hoping she covers the prison side as well, since if she focuses primarily on the trial, advice like "hire an $800/hour attorney" is likely to have a limited audience.


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  1. “Now notice how Tonya, who’s been abusing me for the last few weeks, is again moving across the cafeteria to take my portion of food…but then notice how my new friends from the female white aryan brotherhood move to intercpt Tonya before she can “kill my white ass.”

    In order to better fit in to my surroundings, for the next few months my catch phrase has changed:

    “It’s all good…..”

  2. Isn’t $800/hour a bit of a low-ball estimate?

  3. It’s good to know that this show trial at least provided endless merriment for Reason-style “libertarians”,and the source of Ms Stewart’s predicament was her ill-considered strategy of going out into the marketplace and hiring an experienced and consequently well-paid attorney.Now I know why the “Free Minds and Free Markets” bit appears in such tiny type.

  4. Why would she recommend a high-paid attorney? Any cheapo barrister would have suggested she admit to the email and apologize, which would get her at most a fine.

  5. NPR had a guy one who provides consulting services and advice for people going to Federal prison. He mentioned that female prisoners figure out ways to make cosmetics and things from the substances available.

    Martha should have hired some chemists for the last few months, and had them come up with a variety of new recipes for cosmetics.

    If she’d done that, and taught the other prisoners, she’d probably be queen of the cell block in short order.

  6. Its been done, by a delightfully crooked Phialdelphia pol/belly dancing joint owner named Jimmy Tayoun, who got swept up in, if memeory serves, the Abscam case (its kind of hard to keep track of which Philly pols were jailed in which corruption case).

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