A Pizza W/O a Country


Italian lawmakers have issued strict guidelines regarding authentic "Neapolitan pizza" (as the grandson of two spaghetti-benders from Campania and as someone who grew up in the pizzatopia of New Jersey, I assert that Neapolitan, e.g. thin-crust, pie is the only one worth eating). Among the rules:

Real Neapolitan pizza must be round, 35 centimetres in diameter, no thicker than 0.3 centimetres in the middle and with a crust of about two centimetres.

"The texture must be soft, elastic, easily foldable," the guidelines say….
They recognize only three types of real Neapolitan pizza: Marinara, with garlic and oregano; Margherita, with basil and mozzarella cheese from the southern Apennines, and extra-Margherita, with fresh tomatoes, basil and buffalo mozzarella from Campania, the region that includes pizza's hometown, Naples.

The dough must be rolled out manually and baked in wood-burning ovens that can reach the required temperature of 485 Celsius.

Such rules, while in keeping with various sorts of controlled-appellation protections used throughout, are mostly pathetic ways to stave off EU mongrelization. As the business daily Il Sole 24 Ore editorialized, "Pizza is now a stateless, boundless, flag-less food."

In other pizza-related news, the Officer Krupkes of Portsmouth, New Hampshire are now offering a "booze bounty" to pizza deliverymen who rat on underage drinking parties to which they're summoned.

[Thanks to reader Jarod for that list bit]

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  1. Shouldn’t laws defining true Neapolitan pizza also ban the use of New World species, such as tomatoes?

  2. That last bit will just ensure that underage drinkers will no longer order pizzas, or when they do, they’ll just hide the fact they’re drinking.

  3. That’s it! From now on all my keggers will serve Chinese!

  4. I shudder to think what would have happened if the pizza boy had had an incentive to rat out my place whenever he got called in college…

  5. “Neapolitan, e.g. thin-crust”
    should be:
    “Neapolitan, i.e. thin-crust”

  6. The last part sounds a lot like what would have been done in Russia, had they had an economy good enough to support pizza, beer, cars to get the stuff, enough food to support rats (so there could even be a phrase “rat out”), etc…

    Shoot, first delivery guy who talks to Ociffer Krupkes will end up with a face that looks much like that Neapolitan sausage, pepperoni, anything but fuckin anchovies pie, mentioned in the main post.

  7. What about the ice cream?

  8. Thin crust? 2 centimeters is more than 3/4 of an inch thick.

  9. Thin crust? 2 centimeters is more than 3/4 of an inch thick.

  10. “…the business daily Il Sole 24 Ore editorialized, “Pizza is now a stateless, boundless, flag-less food.”

    Stateless and boundless, the perfect libertarian snack.

    A friend of mine went to Cambodia a few years ago, and he told me in Cambodia, you can order a pizza with marijuana baked into it.

    I told him “That’s amazing! Who would have thought you could get pizza in Cambodia.”

  11. A little weird seeing these sort of French appellation rules about pizza, a food that I would figure was inspired by the good old culinary tradition of poor people trying to make a little go a long way. Is the burger next?

  12. Do you know what they call a Quarter-pounder in France?

  13. Is that some kind of sex joke?

  14. I don’t know what they call a quarter pounder in France, but I recall reading that an early attempt by McDonald’s to translate “Big Mac” into French turned out to be an inadvertent piece of sexual slang.

  15. Be nice to see how they can justify this under Articles 30 or 32. The Bocksbeutel Case should have convinced them that something like this cannot stand.

    I understand from Sandefur’s Blog that California has some equally silly laws, that the Steiermann has not yet touched. Shame.

  16. “huh huh…do you like ze big mac, eh?”

    their logo should be mozarella bundled together.

  17. Royal with cheese

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