The President's Neck Is Missing!

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New at Reason: If you think this is a uniquely bad time for Washington politics, you have no historical memory. Don't you remember when the president was forced to kneel before General Zod? Remember when the president had to nuke New York while his wife was there? When Serbs or something took over the president's plane, and he had to whup some ass? When the president was kidnapped, and Captain Kirk (a Canadian, for Christ's sake!) had to rescue him? Jesse Walker throws popcorn at the screen of movie politics.

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  1. Jesse say Mr. Smith and Mr. Bush are different due to the odd circumstances as to how Bush was chosen for his office. But Jesse, Mr. Smith got chosen by a bizarre coin flip, so what’s the difference.

  2. Maybe he’s referring to the episode where they met Abe Lincoln (who still up and died, this time with a pig-sticker in his back).

  3. Mr. Smith got chosen by a bizarre coin flip

    You’re right. If I’d remembered that when I wrote the piece, I would have written that transition differently.

  4. White adults look like the biggest dorks in the universe when they try to rap. So says this honky.

    The most realistic Clinton-era presidential portrayal has to be Jack Nicholson in Mars Attacks!: “Rest assured that we will soon come out at a very real… outcome.”

  5. My President is David Palmer.

  6. Some of my favorite Hollywood presidents:

    Frederic March, “Seven Days In May”

    Peter Sellers, “Dr. Strangelove”

    Henry Fonda, “Fail Safe”

    Dick Crockett as Gerald Ford in “The Pink Panther Strikes Again”

    And of course, Ronald Reagan as himself…

  7. Solution to the Capt. Kirk riddle. As I draw no distinction between Kirk and Shatner, I’m counting Montreal as his birthplace. I certainly think by the time of the Federation we’ll have a truly open border with our neighbors to the north.

  8. Out of all these films the award for most unbelievable major plot element, even further out than little green men and flying saucers, has to be given to The American President.

    You have Mike Douglas as President Andrew Shepherd, a liberal, handsome, virile, hetrosexual, sensitive, widowed single parent who falls in love with Annette Bening as Sidney Allen Wade, a liberal, beautiful, passionate, heterosexual, compassionate, single woman. Can you spell “fairy tale?”

    But this is the problem! This is the issue the opposition is going to use to defeat Shepherd. Oh, right!

    Had Michael Fox’s Lewis Rothschild really been any kind of PR flack, he’d have been doing handsprings and predicting a landslide. Who could have resisted voting for a president in love?

    On the other end, there was My Fellow Americans with Jack Lemmon as the former Republican President Russel O. Kramer and James Garner as the former Democrat President Matt Douglas. They end up travelling with a family living in their car, and find out that each of their administrations was equally devastating to this typical American family. Now that’s believable.

  9. I can no longer support David Palmer after he lied to protect Sherry from murder charges.

    I’m voting for Senator Keeler instead. Keeler might not be very smart on trade (witness what he said during the debate early this season) but some actions are just beyond the pale.

    I did consider voting for Bush or Kerry, but finally I decided that the race between Palmer and Keeler is more interesting.

  10. C’mon thoreau. You know Palmer will out Sherry sometime in the next eight weeks. Hours, whatever.

    Or have her “disappear”.

    Have a little faith.

    They killed Nina this season, after all.

  11. I admired Nina, like I admire sharks. 😀

  12. When did Captain Kirk have to save the president from kidnappers? In Star Trek VI, he saved the president of the Federation from Assassins, maybe that’s what you were thinking of.

    I believe he was referring to the actor William Shatner (born in Canada) who stared in the 1980 movie ?The Kidnapping of the President? and not the character Captain Kirk.

    Also, Captain Kirk is an American, born in Iowa.

    Yep and Archer was born in New York, Tucker in Florida, McCoy in Georgia, Janeway in Indiana, Sisko in Louisiana, and Riker in Alaska.

  13. Thorley Winston,

    He didn’t say William Shatner, he said Captain Kirk, read it again.

  14. Brian-

    The problem is that they killed Nina without telling us who she works for.

  15. In the interest of accuracy, Gary Oldman did claim that there were a lot of changes made to the script for The Contender to make it more Clinton-friendly. Make of it what you will. Personally, I thought was weird that the supposedly far-right sentar Oldman was playing was mentioned as being the sponsor of an anti-hate crimes bill. I thought Lurie’s previous movie Deterrence was a much more entertaining flick.

  16. I remember when the president led an F-18 squadron to fight the flying saucers.

  17. Too scary – I got all those references except the Star Trek one (I’ve seen all the movies, didn’t watch the show much).

    Also, don’t forget President Jack Nicholson getting killed by a Martian.

  18. Those weren’t Serbs on the plane, they were Russians nostalgic for communism. The Serbs are the ones who tried to assassinate then-Senator David Palmer in a plot so convoluted it would make Dr. Evil blush.

  19. What was the name of that
    really preposterous movie where the
    President gets a blow job in the Oval Office, lies about it,
    gets impeached, survives,
    and closes his second term as a Democrat idol?

  20. “What was the name of that
    really preposterous movie where the
    President gets a blow job in the Oval Office, lies about it,
    gets impeached, survives,
    and closes his second term as a Democrat idol?”

    Um, I believe that was “The Real World”…

    Shirley Knott

  21. God God, y’all!

  22. George,

    Thanks for reminding us why rap so totally blows.
    Stripped of its dreary, monotonous beat, it’s even worse!

  23. Special Release: President Bush Legalizes Marijuana In America
    Historic Executive Order to Take Effect on April 20

    http://www.norml.org/index.cfm?Group_ID=6007

    If only (sigh)…

  24. Emily Dickinson it ain’t.

  25. Special Release: President Bush Legalizes Marijuana In America
    Historic Executive Order to Take Effect on April 20

    April 1, 2004 – Washington, DC, USA

    http://www.norml.org/index.cfm?Group_ID=6007

    If only (sigh)…

  26. When did Captain Kirk have to save the president from kidnappers? In Star Trek VI, he saved the president of the Federation from Assassins, maybe that’s what you were thinking of. Also, Captain Kirk is an American, born in Iowa.

  27. Speaking of 24, what about the time when the Cabinet removed the President under the 25th amendment because they disagreed with his response to a terrorist attack that his ex-wife was involved with?

  28. In 2004, I’m voting for Chauncy Gardener.

    “In a garden, things grow – but first some things must wither; some trees lose their leaves before they grow new leaves…”

  29. What about [i]Wag the Dog[/i] and [i]Primary Colors[/i]? Oh wait, those were documentaries. 😉

  30. I’ve been in too many forums today… 😉

    What about Wag the Dog and Primary Colors? Oh wait, those were documentaries. 😉

  31. Or held by the Duke of New York.

    Donald Pleasance gave that role just the right amount of determination, fear, and icky political smarminess.

  32. Let’s not forget Richard Belzer as the hoodlum President (signature line, “I’m the f**king President!”) in 1974’s “Groove Tube.” Just try to tell me that GWB or WJC before him never uttered THOSE words. Then tell me ANOTHER fairy story. These days, the public behavior of Presidents is getting too damned close to Belzer’s parody. He had ’em dead to rights in the 1970s; if we got the message, we’ve been too stupid or lazy to do anything about it in all that time.

  33. remember when the president was kidnapped by ninjas?

  34. John Ritter played a Jerry Brown-inspired bachelor president in Americathon, one of the most underrated satires of that era, in my opinion. I actually got to see that one during its theatrical run. If you can find it in your video store, I recommend it.

  35. Excellent James! You even beat out Jesse Walker (granted, he may have been out drinking) and Gene Bart.

    However, you didn’t frame your answer in the form of a question. Sorry, but you still get the home version ….

    ;-}

    I have seen it on VHS before at the video rental store – If you see it, rent it, y’all.

  36. OK, Jesse and others:
    Name the movie in which the president is none other than Jack Tripper (RIP).

    … unfortunately, Chrissy’s tities do not show up in the movie.

  37. another hint is that the soundtrack contains music by Elvis Costello and the Beach Boys, among others (it’s a good soundtrack).

  38. “However, you didn’t frame your answer in the form of a question. Sorry, but you still get the home version …. ” -Jimmy

    I’d protest to the judges that you did not frame your question in the form of an answer, but then, even the Jeopardy(TM) writers seem to have forgotten how to do that consistently in the modern day, so what-evv-er. I was just glad to get a chance to stand up for Americathon (a movie which, I note sadly, isn’t available via NetFlix — what’s wrong with them?). “Does that make me a bad guy?”

  39. Maybe the site twisted my words around, James. I thought I said:

    “Celebrities with big-breasted co-stars who also played the US President in the movies for $800, Chuck (is it Chuck Woolery, or who?).”

    “He starred in a famous sit-com that also had a gay landlord who used to be a deputy sheriff and a previous landlord who had formerly been a landlord in Berkeley, CA in the late 60’s***”

    *** James, how bout this last bit of show-biz trivia?

  40. Uh … “Who was John Ritter?”

    [Landlord #2, Mr. Ferley, was played by Don Knotts, ex-Mayberry Deputy Barney Fife. I didn’t watch Three’s Company much during that era, so I don’t remember whether Ferley was a gay character. I do recall him wearing some flamboyant shirts, though. 🙂

    Landlord #1, Mr. Roper, was played by Norman Fell, who was also “Ben’s” suspicious Berkeley landlord (“You degenerate!”) in “The Graduate.”]

    OK, here’s one for you (and the rest of you lurkers out there):

    He chased the not-yet-Bionic Woman twenty-eight years before sharing weekly pillow-talk with the first lady (the first time, exactly three years ago today).

  41. “You’re not one of those agitators, are you? I don’t want any of those agitators !…”

    Very good, James, I thought I was the only one who noticed that Mr. Roper had been a landlord before. Yeah, maybe Mr. Furley wasn’t gay – hell, we may never no now.

    Sorry, you have me stumped, James. It’s probably because I have not seen the recent movie (3 years ago today?).

    Uhh, let’s move on to the daily double.

    Jimmy

  42. >>>Sorry, you have me stumped, James. It’s probably because I have not seen the recent movie (3 years ago today?).

  43. It appears that Charlton Heston played several men who were or became President (Jefferson, Jackson, and even FDR in a voiceover), as well as the Moses and John the Baptist roles, for which he has long been famous.

    Any others?

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