Paging Ooka the Wise
Ooka the Wise was the feudal Japanese judge-hero of an old Scholastic Book of the same name. He rendered clever solutions to seemingly insoluble court cases. F'r instance, in one tale, a greedy restaurant owner learns that a poor student eats rice above the restaurant so that the smell of the good food makes his bland fare taste better. The owner demands compensation and Ooka solomonically (to switch cultural referents) decrees that the cost of "stealing" a smell will be the sound of money and commands the student to jingle his coins together for the owner.
Would that Ooka the Wise got to rule on this case out of Germany (no, not the consensual cannibalism one):
Woman Reports Neighbor for Disturbingly Loud Sex
BERLIN (Reuters)—A German woman took her male neighbor to court for noise pollution after he repeatedly kept her awake through half the night and had at least one four-hour sex session, a court spokeswoman said Friday.
"Four hours of sex noises. What was I supposed to think? It was nothing but groaning and banging," the woman told the judge, a Bild newspaper report said.
The woman told Berlin magistrates that her 25-year old neighbor Andreas G. was disturbing the peace by keeping her awake early in the morning.
Andreas said his 26-year old neighbor had complained in the past, calling at five in the afternoon, but that he had not felt obliged to respond. "I can have as much sex as loud as I want then," he said.
The judge dropped the case on learning that the man had since moved out of the apartment.