The Discordian Vote

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We've mentioned this before, but since it's Election Day in California I'll bring it up again: libertarian novelist Robert Anton Wilson is running a write-in campaign for governor. Here, reprinted in full from his campaign website, is one of his position papers:

GUNS AND DOPE PARTY POSITION PAPER #23

Little Tony was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar after another. After the 6th candy bar, a man on the bench across from him said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."

Little Tony replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."

The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"

Little Tony answered, "No, he minded his own fucking business."

NEXT: Wally George, Dead

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  1. If it weren’t for my overwhelming fear of big birds that can’t fly (Ostrich, Emu, large Penguin…) I’d vote for this guy in a second.

    Guns and dope make a happy man indeed.

  2. what i can’t figure out is why none of the pro-drug lefties i know in CA won’t consider voting for bob wilson. even his craziest stuff, compared to bustamante, is relatively reasonable.

  3. dhex, Your lefty friends are probably too busy with the “blocking vote” method. Vote for the liberal/psuedoliberal with the best chance of winning to keep the conservative out of there.

    Yes, son, this is the American political process at its finest. With politicians like these, who needs enemies?

  4. Huh. A post by Jesse Walker that is actually funny. I’m confused. I have to believe that he “gets” this joke in a way completly unrelated to its actual funniness.

  5. Why do I get the impression that lots of people would not get this joke?

  6. How about the “give dope to the ones with guns” party, can you see it “Dude, so what if he’s running away, that thing is too loud”

  7. While I can’t remember the last time I literally “rolled on the floor laughing,” I got a big belly laugh out of this.

  8. SICC!!

    (Sitting In a Chair Chuckling)

  9. Jesus that was funny…

  10. 23 skidoo

  11. Hm. 23 SkidooL 2+3=5. Skidoo=2 sets of three letters 2+3=5 AGHHH!

  12. Why does his fear of large flightless birds exclude Cassowaries,which are by far the most aggressive and dangerous of these avians?

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