How Wet Do You Want It?


The Times reports that several dry Texas counties are considering a plethora of ways to rejigger their liquor laws in order to spare restaurant goers the farce of having to join a "private club" (i.e. the restaurant) each time they want to order a bottle of wine with dinner.


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  1. Here’s an idea… drop the stupid liqour laws entirely, tell those redneck Bible Beaters to go to Hell, and get out of people’s private lives.

    Then again, that would make too much sense.

  2. From what I could tell, all of Utah is like this. When I went to a dance club I think I was “Jim”‘s Guest. I have no idea who Jim is.

  3. The opponents to this will be, as it has been in almost all prohibition moves, the Baptists and the Bootleggers.

  4. I was in Niagra Falls (Ontario) for a stag, recently, and one of my friends had to become a member of a peeler (the rest of us became his guests), so we could smoke.

  5. Gene, don’t forget the Methodists.

  6. I live in Texas and it is just like that. The local restaraunt in town charged five dollars to become a member of a “private” club so they could legally serve alcohol. The rest of the town is dry and just to by beer we had to drive twenty miles to get to the beer store. Oh and of course the country club could serve alcohol.

  7. One sad, ironic aspect of all of this is that in so many places the only way you can legally buy alcohol is to go to a “club” where you must consume it on the premises – and presumably drive home afterwards.

  8. What’s the difference between Baptists and Methodists? The Methodists will say “hi!” to each other when they meet at the liquor store.

    And I thought Alabama’s liquor laws were bad.

  9. Right, ex-Texan. The mostly dry county in which I live has the area’s highest number of DUI arrests per year.

  10. It ain’t just Texas. I don’t know if it’s still this way, but at least back in the ’80s the town of Damascus, Maryland was dry. Which made for a lot of late-night drunks rolling north on Rte. 355, I suppose.

    I don’t know the history of why the town was dry, maybe there was an influential contingent of 7th Day Adventists there, that’s about all I can figure…

  11. Easy solution: Convert them to Catholicism.

  12. I’ll never forget my initiation in Texas liquor laws. I had just moved to a Dallas ‘burb for my first job after college. I was a Sunday. After a hard day of moving furniture (such as it was), I was totally set for a frozen pizza and a cold beer. Imagine my shock and horror at the grocery when I discovered that I could only buy beer at a liquor store within the Dallas city limits, which are, by the way, CLOSED on Sundays.

    The look on the cashier girl’s face when I asked if they sold beer was really a classic. She was mortified at the thought…

  13. “It’s a dry county….” – B-52s

  14. (Making the Run to) Gladewater

    Written & Sung by Michelle Shocked

    Well, Upshur County’s drier than an empty bottle
    Since the Mormon’s come to town, yeah
    And to run out of beer, thats a run to Gladewater
    Highway 79 thirty miles on down now
    You know, fair is fair but life’s a gamble
    When it’s eleven forty-five, yeah
    And it’s a toss of the coin to see who’s got fifteen minutes
    To make a thirty minute drive

    Something like this:
    It was Saturday night
    You was sitting ’round the square
    Ohh, small town Texas sons and daughters
    But you lost the toss, yeah
    That means you’re taking up the money
    Ohh, that means you’re making the run
    Making the run
    Making the run to Gladewater

    Here’s what you do:
    You hustle all your buddies off the back of your truck
    You grab your girl, you say ‘C’mon lets…’
    You tuck your jeans in your boots (that’s what you do)
    You slap your gimme-cap on
    You turn the country music radio station louder than you oughta
    But it’s okay, you’re on your way
    Ohh, you lost the toss, you’re taking the money
    You’re making the run to Gladewater
    Run, boy!

    Now it’s 79 to the county line
    It’s the Minit Mart with not one to spare
    And your friends in Gilmer, are they your friends indeed, why?
    Well, you got their money and their six-pack of beer, that’s why

    Yeah, it was Saturday night
    You was sitting ’round the square
    Ohh, small town Texas sons and daughters
    But you lost the toss, yeah
    That means you’re taking up the money, yeah
    That means you’re making the run
    Making the run
    Making the run to Gladewater

    Oh, you are making the run
    You are making the run
    Oh, you are making the run
    Making the run, making the run to Gladewater

  15. Concerned Citizen:

    I wasn’t making a joke about Adventists — Takoma Park, in the same county, is the world headquarters of the Adventist church & there were a few communities around there that had heavy Adventist populations at one time. Hence my speculation.

  16. I did my big project in an undergrad econometrics class on the effect of prohibition on DUI rates, using all of Kentucky’s counties, which are roughly split down the middle wet/dry. After controlling for pertinent demographical factors the results showed, with statistical significance, that a county’s dry status did nothing to reduce DUI rates.
    Also, it always boggled my mind how Georgia (and many other bible-belt states) justified their restrictions on the alcohol content of beer (6% max) while liquor stores could carry 190 proof golden grain. I can’t think of one compelling reason.

  17. Franklin Harris,

    If you go fishing with a Baptist, you should take at least two of them. Know why? If you take just one, he’ll drink all your beer.


    Was that a “Blazing Saddles” reference?

  18. I just moved to South Arlington, Texas from the North side of Arlington where you could walk 2 tha nearest water hole and satisfy that thurst with a ICE COLD BUD LIGHT ON ICE…….WOOOOOOOOOO WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE AINT NUTTIN LIKE IT -N- THIS TEXAS HEAT…., Well my gripe is that in South Arlington you can’t buy a empty beer bottle unless you drive north towards highway 360. That is stupid because I am still living in Arlington where it is wet and just because i’m close to Mansfield they tripping….I say VOTE NOW!!!! AMERICA…..

  19. EMAIL:
    DATE: 01/26/2004 12:18:38
    Gratitude is the most exquisite form of courtesy.

  20. Colorado is a real pisser, I went into a bar to buy some beer (carry out)they all laughed so freaking loud it split my ears some dork said “What do you think this is, Nevada ?”
    What a back ass country funk state. Thank god I live in Missouri (State Motto:Liquor for all
    ………..she’s worth!!)

  21. That is “killer funny”
    You also suck !!

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