Smuggling Grapes

Ever wondered why the Romans stripped Jesus specifically in order to humiliate him, but then pulled an Ashcroft and allowed a drapery to cover his private parts? You're not alone! Father John Dobson of Caloundra in Queensland, Australia tells the naked truth in his column for Sunshine Coast Sunday newspaper:

"Most certainly Jesus would have been crucified naked, as was the Roman practice," Fr Dobson wrote. "At some stage it was decided that Jesus' sexuality must be covered up, and so he was draped in a loincloth, which somehow would make him more presentable in polite Christian company!

Fr Dobson said the crucifix should never have become the symbol of Christianity because it was a means of execution.

Condemning Fr. Dobson as "weird," the editor of the conservative Catholic paper Lepanto has reported the priest/columnist to the Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith.

(What happened to newspaper columns written by priests, anyway? When I was a kid, one of my favorite items in the Atlantic City Press was the regular column by "Monsignor S.J. Adamo," which was entertainingly heavy with profiles of great two-fisted priests. A typical article would tell of some tough Salesian working in Camden who gets mugged outside the rectory; after beating his attacker like a Saracen, the priest would then reach into his pocket and fish out a sawbuck. The defeated mugger would always be amazed at this act of mercy—saving grace delivered with a mean right hook. Sadly, the column-writing man of the cloth, like the tough-but-true priest, seems to be a fading figure from days of yore. )