A World Safe for Oreos

Attorney Stephen Joseph has dropped his lawsuit. He wanted to draw attention to the evils of hydrogenated oil, but I'd be surprised if sales of Oreos didn't shoot up this week.

Comments

[Rick Barton]

I'm guessing sales will fall since a lot of folks
have never heard of hydrodgenated oils before this. I avoid em like the plague. How can we monitor Oreo sales? It would be interesting.

[esmerelda]

haha! my husband and i thought this was what this guy was doing. good for him. people do need to know about the dangers of trans fats. my hubby and i have been off of them for almost 3 years now. what a change in the way we feel and look.

unfortunately, trans fats are in just about all prepared foods and if it's not present, corn syrup or other refined sugar will be. avoid that like the plague, too.

[erf]

yeah, sounds like a successful PR suit to me.

[Rick Barton]

There are a lot of prepared foods with out trans
fats. You just have to be willing to read really small print on the lables to find out. Corn syrup
and refined sugar aren't nessisarily bad for ones health like hydrodgenated oils (trans fats) are.

[geophile]

The lawsuit as the modern publicity stunt. Should've seen it coming.

Maybe it's about time the media became a bit more savvy about these things. Then again, there are plenty of people out there eager to be outraged. It seems like there's plenty of fodder out there for that crowd to feed from already though.

[Hank the Angry Dwarf]

So you guys think this was just a PR stunt? Well my boss at the Keebler Elf factory in New Paltz got so freaked out by all the hubub that he laid me off today. Yeah, so I drank on the job once in a while and put too much shortening in some cookies another time. He told me that the projected factory orders were already low. Now I don't have a freakin' job!

Guess it's back on the dole for me. Not that I'm complaining. I hate work as much as I hate sobriety.

-Hank

[Kevin Carson]

People who file such lawsuits are opportunistic swine. People are responsible for their own choices.

But the story does have one benefit: it puts egg on the face of the American Dietetic Association and the rest of the public health nazis. Remember how they told us butter was bad all these years, and it was so much healthier to use margerine instead? Baaahhh!

I use butter sometimes, and I use mono-unsaturated oils like olive sometimes. But I wouldn't feed oleo to my dog.

[Nathan Handler]

This lawsuit should never have been filed. There is no rational precedent which gives consumers the right to coerce companies beyond their individual choice of whether to buy the product or not.

[Homer]

Oreos made with butter, with syrup and melted butter on top, mmmmm.

[Bill Anderson]

Today, torts are simply a moneymaking entity for law firms and a vehicle for people who wish to destroy the institutions of private property and free enterprise by manipulating the law.

Indeed, the law has ceased being a shield and instead has become a sword to be used by the state and by all who wish to destroy what was once a great civilization.

[j.c.]

" it puts egg on the face of the American Dietetic Association and the rest of the public health nazis. Remember how they told us butter was bad all these years, and it was so much healthier to use margerine instead? Baaahhh!" Uhm, no, it doesn't. No no no. That's not what they said. The medical community said, basically, "Stop stuffing your effing face and move around a little bit now and then. What? That's impossible? Jeebus, if you really can't stop stuffing your effing face and get of the damn couch, then it might help if to eat some fake foods and cut down the number of calories you consume." Women's magazines, idiot TV shows, and Oprah tended to misinterpret this and suggested that magical phrases such as "fat-free" and "natural" would solve all our problems.

Meanwhile, I'm such a tool that Oreos, which I don't like, were my breakfast. How did I become such a rebel at such an old age? I'm off to start smoking.

Where is Bill Hicks when you need him? Oh that's right. Dead. Not from smoking or drinking or eating fatty foods.

[Kevin Carson]

Homer:

The way things are going, you should have an iron-clad case against the Good Morning Burger.

[Anonymous]

From the NY Times:

The Pillsbury Doughboy is filing a lawsuit against Oreo cookies, sighting 'lack of work' and 'conspiracy to widen my girth' as reasons. It seems the Pillsbury Doughboy (herein called 'Dough, for short)imbibed in the creamy little cookies enough to hamper his physical appearance.

"I'd cast him as the Sta-Puff Marshmallow Man in a Ghostbuster's remake", claimed an unamed Hollywood producer,"but as the cute little stomach -poker, not a chance, he's friggin'HUGE!".

Dough was unavailable for comment, though his lawyer Betty Crocker insists this is not the last we have heard on this troubling case. "Dough is a part of Americana, you know, 'baseball, hotdogs, appli pie, and . . . well, you know what I mean. Oreo's will pay for this. I don't just stir things up, I mix all the ingredients evenly so a just and fair outcome is reached."

Litigous of society, UNITE!!

[Betty Crocker]

With a sad heart I learned yesterday that the Pillsbury dough boy passed away. He died of a yeast infection and complications from repeated pokes in the belly. Dough boy was buried in a lightly greased coffin.

Dozens of celebrities turned out to pay their final respects, including Mrs. Butterworth, Hungry Jack, the California Raisins, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies and Captain Crunch.

The grave site was piled high with flours, as long-time friend Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy, describing Dough boy as a man who never knew how much he was kneaded. Dough boy rose quickly in show business but his later life was filled with turnovers. He was not considered a very smart cookie, wasting much of his dough on half-baked schemes.

Despite being a little flaky at times, this crusty old man was still considered to be a roll model for millions. Toward the end it was thought that he would rise again, but alas, he was no tart.

Dough boy is survived by his wife, Play Dough, two children: John Dough and Jane Dough, and they had one in the oven. He is also survived by his father, Pop Tart.

The funeral was held at 3:50 for about twenty minutes, pre-heated.

Please join me in remembering this great character, who passed away yesterday. He was only 71.

[Zach]

mmm, i love me some oreos.

[Zach]

I think if you die from Oreo consumption, it is nobody's fault but your own. You control what you eat, when you eat it, and how you eat it. Except during the Holocaust when the Germans used force to make the Jews eat Oreos, thus causing many thousands of deaths. It was shortly after this, that Oreos came onto the American market.

[bill]

If you take away my Oreos you will have hell to pay!

[Levy Rachel]

EMAIL: [e-mail]
IP: 62.213.67.122
URL: http://www.PENIS-ENHANCEMENT-PILLS.BIZ

DATE: 12/10/2003 07:46:35
I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

[Lee Brian]

EMAIL: [e-mail]
IP: 62.213.67.122
URL: http://big-penis.nonstopsex.org
DATE: 12/20/2003 10:56:36
A solved puzzle is just a picture.

[Levy Matt]

EMAIL: [e-mail]
IP: 68.173.7.113
URL: http://hair-cure.hair-loss-cure.net
DATE: 01/09/2004 07:45:29
I can't understand why a person will take a year to write a novel when he can easily buy one for a few dollars.