Mrs. Ridge On the Hunt for Hot Teen Sex!

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"How old were you when you first had sex?"

"Have you ever had oral sex?"

"The last time you had sexual intercourse, what one method did you or your partner use to prevent pregnancy?"

These and other questions are part of a survey used on high school students in more than 400 communities nationwide by Communities That Care (CTC), a consultant that helps local governments cook up federal and foundation grant applications. [Link courtesy of Drudge] CTC's spokeswoman is none other than Michele Ridge, former first lady of the Keystone State and current first lady of homeland security. In addition to the sex questions, the 169-question survey probes kids' drug use and asks whether they have considered suicide (when the rainbow is enuf).

Although the questionnaire might be useful in reminding uncool kids that they could be having sex and getting high already, parents are understandably concerned about having their kids subjected to such probing questions for the sake of a grant proposal. Eagle Forum founder Phyllis Schlafly calls the survey "completely unreliable. A lot of the kids think it's a big joke and they give phony answers." And the other 5 percent are masturbating.

NEXT: Too Close for Comfort II

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  1. Does the survey ask female high school students what color panties they are wearing?

  2. Great, all the nerdy kids can once again be reminded of their nerdiness and the fact they aren’t getting laid.

    (can you tell I am bitter toward my high school experiance???)

  3. You’re not alone. MOST people I know are bitter about their high school experience.

  4. I remember taking something like this in high school. I lied and said I used meth, PCP, and LSD on a daily basis. Knowing my friends I imagine they did the same. . . let’s not even get into the sex part.

  5. If I were a student and presented with this, I’d tell them that it was none of their god damned business. Well, either that, or I’d say that I masturbate 6 times daily with various household appliances while dreaming of Ridge, Ashcroft, and Bush in a 3-way, all while praying to my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ for forgiveness. That’ll teach ’em to mind their own business.

  6. These questions are always too open-ended. I abuse such polls by answering questions with other questions.

    Q: How old were you when you first had sex?

    A: You mean with another person?

  7. ROFLMAO Mountain Goat!!!!!!!

    Q: Have you ever had oral sex?

    A: You mean with another person?

  8. Dear Ask Betty Bowers:

    Sometimes when I’m watching Gilligan’s Island, I like to… you know… beat off, when I look at Mary Ann and Ginger. But sometimes the scene changes suddenly to Gilligan and the Skipper, and I start coming all over the place like crazy. Does this mean I’m gay?

    Concerned

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