We Eat Therefore We Are Fat


Fortune has big fat package of stories about how much more Americans eat these days than in the good ol' days. In typical journalistic fashion, this is portrayed as an epidemic that threatens to tear apart the national fabric like split jeans on a tubby plumber. When we will admit, this type of story demands, that Wendy's "Biggie" menu is simply the latest incarnation of Manifest Destiny?

NEXT: Spill the Wine

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  1. Wait, wait, it’s coming to me. Of course! People have to use gas to drive to the fast food places where they get the fattening food, right? Maybe some of them even drive SUV’s to get there. So naturally buying fast food, which implies driving, supports terrorism. Plus, this explanation also allows us to blame Iraq on Bush and his Big Fast Food cronies getting more cheap oil to his Big Oil Cronies to keep us driving to McDonalds. And sprawl, don’t forget sprawl–’cause if we had to walk our fat asses to McDonald’s, we wouldn’t all be so fat any more. And an out of shape nation is less ready to fight back when the multinational oil and food corporations take over the government with their private armies and start killing all the poor people.

    OKay, I’m taking off my tin-foil hat now. Did I leave anything out?

  2. Jason,

    The only thing you missed is that fat people are heavier and thus take more fuel (and/or require larger vehicles like SUVs) to transport around. Larger vehicles with fatter passengers equates to larger parking spaces, larger parking lots and thus more sprawl. The ring of conspiracy is thus complete!

    One campaign the morally righteous probably won’t start: What would Jesus Drink? Probably wine, or, er, his own blood, or something. Not exactly a healthy choice in either case.

  3. Actually I should have read the preceeding blog subject first. Turns out wine is good for you. I already knew that, but the health Nazi are loathe to admit it.

  4. Is it any coincidence that most of the unhealthy aspects of eating fast food come from them being fried in oil? No Blood For Oil!

  5. And all this time, I thought I was just getting a bargain. I’m sure soon, eating high-fat food will be supporting terroriwsm, or we’ll wonder, “What would Jesus eat?” (the answer of course, being loaves and fishes).

  6. LOL! The next thing you know, you’ll have a government agent at every Wendy’s reminding you that “if you Biggie-size this meal, the terrorists win”…

  7. EMAIL: draime_2000@yahoo.com
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    DATE: 01/25/2004 06:23:31
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