Don't Have a (Sea) Cow, Man!


The Orlando Sentinel reports that manatees–sea cows–are the latest victim of bottom-line corporate bean-counting and pro-environment policies.

It turns out that manatees thrive in the warm water released by power plants. But many of those plants are now old, inefficient, and otherwise environmentally dubious. As they get shut down or replaced with less wasteful plants, the manatees have to leave northern Florida and head to South Florida–and we all know how dangerous, overbuilt, and expensive Miami and its environs have become in the past few years!

"I don't think any of us have any solutions," a Tallahassee-based lover of manatees told The Sentinel. "But we really have to look at what could happen to the [manatee] population

Oversized cuddly mammals in the Sunshine State haven't faced this sort of serious threat since Burt Reynolds shut down his dinner theater in Jupiter, thereby threatening glad-handing pal Dom DeLuise with starvation.