? Do you think the Federal Aviation Administration knows how to handle a bomb threat? Well, think again. The FAA was warned of a possible bomb at the Portal Building in Washington, D.C., which houses the FAA and other government offices, including workers from the Department of Education. So did the FAA have security clear out the building? Not quite. It telephoned a select group of managers. They, in turn, alerted their immediate staffs, and they all left the building. About 80 percent of the workers were still inside, and didn't find out about the threat for another hour.

? Thou shalt not steal. Unless, of course, the victim is richer than you are. That seems to be the biblical interpretation of the Rev. John Papworth, a minister with the Church of England. "Jesus said `Love your neighbor,' he didn't say `Love Marks and Spencers,'" said Papworth, referring to the big British retailer. Papworth says it's wrong to steal from individuals or small merchants, but shoplifting from big retailers is another matter.

? In San Francisco, the Human Rights Commission has reproached the Café, a gay and lesbian bar in the Castro district, for violating nondiscrimination laws. The bar kicked out a straight couple for kissing passionately, an act forbidden for straights but not gays. The Café's manager said that some of its patrons find such displays offensive, but that argument didn't carry water. So now the bar has banned heavy kissing by people of all sexual orientations.

? A man on trial in Wichita, Kansas, for robbing a shoe store propped his feet up on the defense table, wearing a pair of stolen boots. "I leaned over and stared," said Judge James Fleetwood. "I said, 'Surely nobody would be so stupid as to wear the boots he stole to his trial.'" Alas, Charles Taylor was. He was convicted, and deputies confiscated the boots, sending him to jail in his bare feet.

? Joseph Stropnicky had taken care of the kids and done the housework during much of his 18-year marriage. So when he and his physician wife split, he wanted an attorney with experience representing homemakers. Judith Nathanson seemed perfect. One problem: She represents only women. Indignant when she turned him down, Stropnicky filed a complaint with the Massachusetts Commission Against Discrimination, which decided Nathanson broke anti-discrimination laws and ordered her to pay Stropnicky $5,000 for emotional distress.

? Maartin Altena. Juus Janssen. Jan van Vlijmen. They aren't exactly household names, even in their native Netherlands. But if Dutch authorities have their way, they soon will be. The government is upset that Dutch symphonies play too little music by Dutch composers. So they've ordered national music makers to play at least 7 percent Dutch music. The government, which has actually studied the matter, says the symphonies now play the completely inappropriate amount of just 4 percent to 5 percent Dutch music.

? Since taking control of the Afghanistan capital of Kabul, the religious conservatives of the Taliban army have banned foreign books and magazines, all photography and music, and most games. Among miscellaneous other edicts: All government workers (who must be men) must wear turbans. Windows of homes must be painted black so the women inside can't be seen. And paper bags are forbidden because they may have been made from recycled paper that had parts of the Koran written on it.

? Workers in many Russian factories are being paid in kind by cash-strapped managers, with the very products they manufacture. Workers are left to sell the items themselves. But sometimes that's easier said than done. Just ask the workers at the Akhtuba factory in Volgograd, which used to make marine navigation equipment. They now make a rubber dildo known as "the Adam." Workers who tried to sell their goods found out what factory managers should have learned long ago: People now want electronic vibrators. And it's hard even to give away a Russian-made dildo.

? From our "Do As I Say, Not As I Do" Department: Susan John is a New York state lawmaker who sponsored a "zero tolerance" bill that would force teens who drive drunk to forfeit their driver's licenses. She has also pleaded guilty to driving while impaired. Said John, "This will give me additional insights into the problem of drinking and driving."