The Libertarian Party's secret and powerful Committee on Political Intelligence (COPI) has recently submitted a report to LP's national Executive Committee indicating that it was having a difficult time finding any. This Committee, which is charged with the serious responsibility of bringing the LP into the big leagues of national politics, was created in response to the numerous demands for action which have been flooding into the Excom as a result of the Watergate hearings.
These hearings have revealed how seriously the Republican Party hierarchy has taken its responsibility to do in the enemy. What, Party members are asking, is the LP doing to insure its viability as a major political force in America?
Clearly, political success today depends on a consistent, well thought out philosophy of political espionage. This is necessary, of course, to provide a steady flow of scandal concerning opposing parties. The LP is anxious not to get the reputation of being unsophisticated and hopes COPI will be able to turn up enough embarrassing data on the Other Guys to allow the Party to avoid mundane things like issues. (Remember Chappaquiddick and forget about socialized medicine.)
Since it is a secret organization, information on COPI is only available from Committee members at periodic press leak conferences. Your LP Correspondent, however, has been able to obtain certain pre-leak leaks from a ranking member of COPI concerning two unsuccessful but nonetheless game attempts to duplicate the heroic efforts of its counterpart in the Republican Party, the Nixon Administration.
The first, which involved two months of intensive research employing some of the most subtle of subterfuges (one LPer wore a fake mustache during the early stages of the investigation), failed to capitalize on an undeniably brilliant ploy: Get to Nixon by substantiating the oft-heard rumors that David and Julie Eisenhower engaged in premarital petting!
Undaunted by the total lack of success in finding any such information, COPI next undertook to bug telephones at the headquarters of the LP's most direct competition in the '72 Presidential election, the Socialist Workers' Party. Three weeks of patient listening to silence prompted the buggers to check with the telephone monopoly which confirmed their worst fears: Failure of the SWP to pay their telephone bills had resulted in a discontinuance of service the previous month.
Despite these setbacks the Libertarian Party continues to set ambitious goals. Over the next several years the LP hopes to accomplish the herculean task of removing from office some 13,874,192 incompetent bureaucrats. These office holders come in all shapes and sizes. Some are elected, some are appointed and all are unnecessary. Given its limited resources the question of priority is an important one to the LP in deciding which elections to participate in first. It is obvious that the City of New York has been a victim of bureaucratic bungling for far too long and so it is not surprising that considerable enthusiasm is developing for the candidacy of the Free Libertarian Party's Francine Youngstein who is running for Mayor of Fun City.
Frantic Fran has been charming the citizens of NYC since July 12 when her petition drive to get on the ballot began. The FLPers will be attempting to obtain some 20,000 signatures before the August 23 deadline. Many libertarians across the country have contributed to the campaign and pledged more money if Youngstein is successful in getting on the ballot. She has scheduled a fund raising trip in early August that will take her to Chicago, Los Angeles, San Francisco and two or three other cities. Given the grey mediocrity of the major party candidates for Mayor, Fran's articulate and enthusiastic presence could represent the Libertarian Party's greatest opportunity for national publicity in 1973.
John Goodson, LP candidate for governor of New Jersey, continues to receive good media coverage…Dr. Jerry Millett, chairman of the LP of Louisiana, testified before the Committee on Bill of Rights and Elections in Baton Rouge. Jeff Daiell has started a Libertarian Society of Shreveport…Sarah Helber of Dallas has been elected chairwoman of the Texas LP at its state convention last June. Libertarian activist Mike Holmes was chosen vice chairman. Past TLP chairman Guy Story Brown deserves much credit for making the party one of the most effective in the nation. Texas is interested in hosting the 1974 national LP convention…If the Republicans spent S10,000 in their unsuccessful attempt to keep Schmitz off the ballot in California last year, how much did they spend on Hospers who was unable to get on the ballot?…Winston Duke reports that the Illinois LP is continuing its rapid postelection growth. Bob Meier of Chicago has been active in the ILP…Members of the LP of California gave John Hospers a standing ovation after his second annual Fourth of July address. The LPC has recently hired a full-time Executive Secretary and is anxious to receive contributions to help finance this important project. William K. Shearer, nationally prominent figure in the American Independent Party, recently met for five hours with California LP officers in Los Angeles…The national LP has established communications with Denmark's libertarian-like Progressive Party.…
This article originally appeared in print under the headline "Libertarian Party Correspondent".