Bailout Relief

That is, I give you relief from the bailout, with perhaps the greatest news story written in weeks.  Here's how it begins:

State attorneys say John LaVoie should be forever barred from the massage business because he ran a house of prostitution camouflaged as a church.

 

But in his latest court argument, the Tucson man says he hired women at Angel's Heaven Relaxation Spa — near University Medical Center — not to sell sex but to comfort the afflicted through the religious act of "laying on of hands."

 

[…]

 

Whatever they offered, LaVoie's "angels" operated out of an office building at 1740 E. Lester St., northwest of Campbell and Speedway.

 

The Angel's Heaven Web site displayed portraits of young women over trademarked names.

"Oriental Angel" described as 5-foot-2 with dark brown hair and hazel eyes, invited visitors to discover "Far East delight."

 

Brown-eyed "Passion Angel" peered out over this message: "Come to Angel's Heaven now and be touched by an angel willing to take you to heaven and back."

I will struggle—mightily—to avoid blasphemous double entendres, here.  LaVoie is using the improbable First Amendment claim to appeal his conviction on 22 various counts related to running a house of prostitution.  The fantastic quote from his lawyer:

"This offer of comfort by this means is based on several Biblical passages."

Interestingly, LaVoie was only convicted in civil court under asset forfeiture proceedings.  Why wasn't he hit with criminal charges?  Well, I told you this was a great story.

Prosecutors declined to file prostitution-related criminal charges against LaVoie after a Tucson police detective compromised the investigation. Detective Michael Moser told his sergeant in February 2004 that he had sex with one of LaVoie's angels after work, at her home and in his police car.

Internal Affairs records show then-Chief Richard Miranda agreed to suspend him without pay for a week and demote him from detective to officer. Before police served the discipline, Moser retired in September 2004.

They say the converts are really the only ones who take the faith seriously.