NSA Anti-Surveillance Suggestion: “Operation Everyone Talk Like a Terrorist All the Time”

The comedian Trevor Moore, of Whitest Kids U Know fame, has a video out for Funny or Die styled as a “public service announcement” about NSA surveillance. Moore is a pessimist, explaining that “elections are of no use” because the people who run for president are assholes, and instead suggests “Operation Everyone Talk Like A Terrorist All the Time” to thwart any wiretapping efforts the NSA may be directing. Watch:

Some previous politically subversive Moore bits from the Whitest Kids U Know show: “I Want to Kill the President,” and an alternate rendering of the pledge of allegiance.

h/t Mad Scientist

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  • Fist of Etiquette||

    It's all fun and games until someone gets droned.

  • John||

    They don't have to. Everyone does talk like a terrorist. How many times do you use the word bomb or Islam or Allah or plot during a typical week? The idea that they can find the needle in that haystack if retarded.

  • ant1sthenes||

    Derka derka muhammad jihad.

  • James Sinclair||

    This is why I'm not jumping on the "if the NSA can see and hear everything, why didn't they know about the Boston bombing?" bandwagon. Of course they didn't know about it. How would they have? Unless, I don't know, the brothers were emailing pressure cooker bomb schematics to each other, but even then, there's probably similar-sounding bullshit all over the internet.

    The fact that it took a week (and an appeal to the public) to catch them afterward is, it seems to me, a much stronger indictment of our intelligence-gathering abilities.

  • DEATFBIRSECIA||

    So he's suggesting we talk like this?:

    “We must pledge ourselves to support those brave men and women who this very moment are carrying forth the struggle against British imperialism in the streets of Belfast and Derry.”

  • Skip||

    These Funny or Die D-bags were just fine and dandy sucking Obama's statist dick the entire election cycle and hitting Republicans about everything under the sun. And NOW they have the "courage" to say Obama might be less than perfect?

  • cavalier973||

    Don't forget this gem.

  • cavalier973||

    Abe Lincoln: "Who said that? Which one of you dead ************* just said that ***? Was it you, Stringbean? You skinny-ass looking ************? Turn around and say it again! Turn around and say it again! Turn arooouuund and say it agaaaaiiin!"

    John Wilkes Booth: "Will you please be quiet?"

    Mrs. Booth: "John! That is the president of the United States!"

    JWB: "I don't care who he is, he's ruining Hamlet!"

    AL: "OOOOOHHH! Now you ****** up! Now you ****** up! Noooww you ****** up!" etc.

  • MJGreen||

    I thought Clint Webb was the go-to sketch for their political humor.

  • IceTrey||

    The secret court order does not allow the NSA to spy on every single customer. It only allows them to archive the metadata for every single customer because the phone companies purge it every 90 days or so. In order to view the data they need another warrant. Even then the NSA is not a law enforcement agency.

  • Restoras||

    Quality derp, right there.

  • IceTrey||

    The derp is the video which contains falsehoods in the first ten seconds.

  • Hugh Akston||

    Since the law that authorizes NSA data mining and the opinions that interpret it and the courts that issue the warrants (which they do 100% of the time) are all classified, I guess we don't have to worry about abuse since they have to get warrants huh?

  • DEATFBIRSECIA||

    I guess we don't have to worry about abuse since they have to get rubber stamps huh?

    FTFY

  • IceTrey||

    This isn't data mining. It's archiving.

  • Brandybuck||

    How do you know? When not even senators have to power to reveal the details of this carte blanche warrant, how do you know they aren't data mining? Do you know just because the Asshole in Chief told you so?

  • IceTrey||

    No, Fox News.

  • ||

    Well shit, if they say it on TV...

  • Anonymous Coward||

    The FISA court has yet to reject a single NSA request. If it looks like a rubber stamp, smells like a rubber stamp, and is sitting on a rubber stamp rest, it must be a rubber stamp court.

  • IceTrey||

    That's a different question.

  • DEATFBIRSECIA||

    What's your goddamned point?

  • IceTrey||

    That we are talking about NSA data archiving and not FISA rubber stamping.

  • Bobarian||

    You're the only one that seems to be making that argument. Everyone in the government is talking about data mining and using meta-data.

    The potential evils here are many.

    No one is defining what the meta-data actually consists of. It is possible to convert text and voice in to meta-packages that could be a lot more intrusive than we're being led to believe.

    Data mining looks for any kind of pattern in data that correlates to a result. The NSA could target you a person of interest based on any odd combination of results. A certain area code combined with a time of day and the telemarketer who called you called one of the relatives of the boston bombers, and poof, they're listening to your phone calls and reading your e-mail.

    The potential for other forms of fishing are egregious and extreme. Give the DEA some access and we're all fucked.

  • IceTrey||

    I'm just going by what was reported the subpoena allowed. That they could get the records and store them for possible future warranted searches. I don't know why people are talking about data mining. As usual something other than the real subject gets focused on. If anyone listens to your phone without a warrant it can't be used in a court.

  • ||

    They shouldn't be allowed to archive my metadata in the first place without a targeted warrant. If the data is purged every 90 days too fucking bad.

  • IceTrey||

    That's a different question.

  • SIV||

    Are you one of them there collaborators?

    'Cause we're making a list.

  • IceTrey||

    That's ok I use a VPN to anonymize myself so you'll be looking for me in the Netherlands. Hint: I don't live in the Netherlands.

  • DEATFBIRSECIA||

    Like they can't penetrate the relatively weak obfuscation of a VPN.

    Self-delude much?

  • IceTrey||

    That's just one technique.

  • ||

    I consider archiving my metadata to be spying on me so it's not a falsehood.

  • Dweebston||

    And honestly, camel's nose much? or maybe the old "hooker for a dollar" chestnut is more apropos. What right will we have to draw a line when it isnt mererly archiving metadata, but intercepting and archiving conversations? That's a leap from the current scheme, but a paltry step from, say, maintaining networks of caller identities, or mining text messages for trigger words.

  • IceTrey||

    When they do it without warrants, which I think they already have.

  • IceTrey||

    Maybe it is, maybe it isn't. It really depends on your definition of "spying" doesn't it?

  • Adam330||

    We're not searching your house. We're just archiving its contents in case we want to search it later. See, completely different.

  • IceTrey||

    Terrible analogy. They don't archive the contents of your calls only that you made a call.

  • DEATFBIRSECIA||

    "They don't archive the contents of your calls..."

    Did you get that from Clapper? You know, the guy who lied about them even collecting any information at all?

    You might want to acquire a more trustworthy source for your information about the program.

  • IceTrey||

    Fox News.

  • Contrarian P||

    I'm sorry, but how is Fox News the font of truth on this?

  • Irish||

    They don't archive the contents of your calls only that you made a call.

    Not a call. They archive who you called and when. Given the IRS scandal, do you really think that it's a good thing for the federal government to be able to know if you've been in contact with a Tea Party Group? Or the NRA?

    Or if a Republican gets into power, to know that you've been in contact with The Center For American Progress?

  • Live Free or Diet||

    What if the USDA finds out I'm in contact with Atkins and the Duke University Nutritional Center?!

    They might come after me for suspicion of consuming raw milk! (Seriously, look up "raw milk raid.")

  • Dweebston||

    More like logging your comings and goings, along with all your visitors. Tut tut, not to worry, we're not peeking into your windows at night!

    Somehow their assurances aren't comforting.

  • IceTrey||

    Going from reports only the NSA has access and even they need a warrant to look at it.

  • ||

    How do you know this? I believe it's classified, traitor.

  • Bam!||

    FBI used to refer to NSA tips as "pizza cases" as they typically turned out to be people ordering take out.

  • Scarecrow Repair||

    Reminds me of an old Emacs add-on for email which appended some random collection of scary words to email. Haven't used emacs for email in a while, don't know if that package still exists.

  • oncogenesis||

    NSA line eater

    The National Security Agency trawling program sometimes assumed to be reading the net for the US Government's spooks. Most hackers describe it as a mythical beast, but some believe it actually exists, more aren't sure, and many believe in acting as though it exists just in case. Some netters put loaded phrases like "KGB", "Uzi", "nuclear materials", "Palestine", "cocaine", and "assassination" in their sig blocks to confuse and overload the creature. The GNU version of Emacs actually has a command that randomly inserts a bunch of insidious anarcho-verbiage into your edited text.
  • ||

    For those of us who want a more practical way of sticking it to the NSA than talking like a terrorist all the time, try Operation Troll The NSA, which operates along the same lines but with a more limited time span and more coordination:

    Let's jam up the NSA's scanners

    IF MILLIONS OF US, ALL AT THE SAME EXACT TIME, CALL OR EMAIL SOMEONE WITH OUR KEYWORDS-OF-TERROR-FILLED SCRIPT,
    WE CAN GIVE OUR NATION’S IMPRESSIVE SURVEILLANCE APPARATUS THE KIND OF TEST IT DESERVES.

    They say they don’t read or listen to the contents of our messages. Why not test it out?

    It'll be fun.
    COUNTDOWN TO THE MASS CALL/EMAIL - 7:00PM EST WEDNESDAY, JUNE 12, 2013
    1 Hour 30 Minutes 33 Seconds
    AT 7:00 PM EST ON WEDNESDAY, JUNE 12, CALL/EMAIL THIS SCRIPT TO A FRIEND

    I sincerely hope everyone here, including any casual lurkers, will join me in approximately 2 hrs and 30 minutes to post/email the script at the posted link.

  • ||

    *approximately 1 hr and 30 minutes

  • 2ndClassProle||

    So, meet ya here in hour and half. What shall I say, there are so many choices. LOL

  • ||

    I'm posting this here, on Facebook, AND emailing my mom.

  • 2ndClassProle||

    I am not getting my mother involved, but do look me up on Facebook. https://www.facebook.com/2ndClassProle

  • ||

    Heh, my mother has been a libertarian since before I was born, she'll love this.

  • 2ndClassProle||

    I believe the timer is off, on the website.

  • SIV||

    So you rebelled by turning cosmo?

  • Ted S.||

    Does she keep sending you the email about the "It takes guts to say Jesus" virus?

  • ||

    I don't even know what that is, so no.

  • Paul.||

    Flaw: If the NSA gets wind of that, they'll just filter that script. Everyone has to say something different, but with the same keywords.

  • ||

    Well, this one is just a onetime thing. We can always alter the script after this event.

  • Ted S.||

    Sorry, I was out trying to hike on some flooded hiking trails.

    And we're supposed to get another two inches or more of rain in the next 48 hours.

  • Anonymous Coward||

    Terrorists still have yet to match the killing rate of cops.

  • Heroic Mulatto||

    Yeah, but he also once dressed up like Hitler, so he's just a racist teacup obstructionist pedophile Obama hater!

  • Raston Bot||

    http://www.aei-ideas.org/2013/.....veillance/

    Thiessen says Wyden is to blame, not Clapper, for DNI's lie since it was Wyden who asked the question.

    Commenters DP Thiessen.

  • widget||

    Comment from Seattle Sam:

    Back in the 1940s if Major General Leslie Groves had been asked by a congressman who knew all about the Manhattan Project whether anyone was developing an atomic bomb, what do you think he should have said? And what should be done with the congressman whose motive was clearly to expose the project to our enemies?

    A clear definition of the enemy would help. I have one, but it's politically incorrect.

  • ant1sthenes||

    Don't be shy. The enemy is the American people. Anyone with sense knows this.

  • Paul.||

    As libertarians, we're already covered.

  • Jon Lester||

    Recalling a sketch from "MAD TV," we could start greeting everyone we encounter with "Death to America."

  • Jon Lester||

  • Ed||

    One of the greatest MAD TV skits of all time

  • ant1sthenes||

    Washington delenda est.

  • SIV||

    Could any of you sovereign citizens spare a cup of ammonium nitrate?

  • 2ndClassProle||

    I took a shit the other night, that felt like AMMONIUM NITRATE was coming out of my ass. I AM serious, when I tell you my bowel TRACK felt like it was LINEd with C4, and EXPLODED out my ass. I sat there in tears, thinking, God is Good.

  • Lord Humungus||

    allah (colonel) ackbar!

  • LynchPin1477||

    So what's the goal here? To make the program completely useless? This is government we're talking about -- if that happens, they'll only make it bigger and more intrusive.

  • Drake||

    Also - Encrypt some of your e-mails. Send each other texts that are just meaningless symbols and numbers - see if NSA computers can makes something of them.

  • widget||

    So what's the goal here?

    The goal is to have government employees get defined-benefit pensions, private healthcare, and immunity from legal actions, while the proles get market driven SEPs and IRAs, whatever's left over to fund Obamacare, and government employees snapping at your ankles. Are you still confused?

  • Drake||

    I thought it was to see how much shit we'll eat before we become violent.

    I always admired the Founders because they took very little shit before violently rebelling. Unfortunately, our collective tolerance has increased greatly.

  • 2ndClassProle||

    Here is few keywords

    DERKA!!DERKA!!

  • mr simple||

    Whitest Kids U Know show: “I Want to Kill the President,”

    I thought The State did it better and first.

  • ||

    Hat tip! Sweet!

  • Ballz||

    it's not that they monitor content (pointless) but that they just effectively shoved gps trackers up your collective asses.
    cool huh?

  • ||

    I remember when I used to have that quote about watering the tree of liberty in my email sig line.

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