License to Thrill: Texas Lawmaker Wants Stripper Permits

At last, a public official publicly admits what we all know to be true about occupational licensing: Its goal is to make it harder for people to do their jobs.

Texas State Rep. Bill Zedler, R-Arlington, makes no bones about it. He has introduced legislation to require employees at any sexually oriented business to get licensed and display them while working – or “performing” as the case may be.

The Star-Telegram reports:

The conservative lawmaker said he hopes the measure, if it passes, might encourage women to find another line of work.

"They won't want to get a license as a stripper from the state of Texas," Zedler said of his legislation. "I think it would keep a lot of girls from getting involved in that lifestyle and basically wrecking their lives.

"This will force everyone to clean up their act," he said. "Overall, it will be a benefit to everyone concerned."

He wouldn’t be a politician if he were able to see outcomes other than the ones he wants, would he? Imagine what other work these ladies might pursue!

The legislation would also require adult workers to take classes on human trafficking, so he even managed to throw in a typical occupational licensing financial barrier that will benefit some rent-seeking agency.

Anna M. Tinsley’s reporting suggests the bill is a longshot, but do keep in mind Measure B in Los Angeles, the porn condom law that passed via public vote in November. While portrayed by promoters as a safety bill, it is fundamentally an occupational licensing scheme that also requires some sex industry workers to take classes on HIV transmission.

Hat tip to Adam Serwer of Mother Jones.

Below: Reason.tv on L.A.’s Measure B.

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  • John||

    I actually support this for the single reason that it would surely create the single greatest job ever created, "Chairman of the Texas State Stripper Commission". Sure it is unlawful, stupid and unneeded regulation. But it would also give every straight man and gay woman in America a chance to dream.

  • BarryD||

  • Whiterun Guard||

    Actually, the Chairman's job would probably suck. I think the dream job would be one of the lower level License Inspector jobs.

    Or work at the department that issues them. That'd be the key.

    "I see your paperwork is in order, now for the practical exam..."

  • BarryD||

    "I see your paperwork is in order?"

    No offense, but if I were running an extortion racket, I wouldn't hire you as a "field agent." You don't seem to understand how it works. :-)

  • Whiterun Guard||

    How do you figure? You charge them before they file, as an application fee, then it's all nice and legal.

    Frankly I wouldn't work for your backwater extortion racket, I prefer to be on the cutting edge of extortion technology!

  • Robert||

    No, I think the Chairman would probably lick.

  • ||

    I think we can compromise on this one John. Forgo the licensing, keep the Commission. They can still inspect strippers all they want.

  • Brett L||

    I'm certain that he'll put himself and his buddies up for licensing inspectors at the very least.

  • SIV||

    In my county they have "cabaret dancer" permits. I had to wait in line with all the cabaret dancers to get fingerprinted for my GFL.

  • JW||

    I finally get to wear my "Federal Body Inspector" t-shirt, with authority!

  • BarryD||

    We're ALL naked under our clothes. Why should only strippers have to get licenses? Maybe EVERYONE should have to be licensed!

  • Doctor Whom||

    This is how Team Red deregulates the economy and affirms the wisdom of the market.

  • Ace Sullivan||

    Paul/Rubio 2016

  • Brandon||

    Rubio?

  • Adam330||

    Is he saying they would be embarrassed to get a license from the state? Why would he think that? They've already decided to strip in public.

  • robc||

    I think he thinks they wouldnt want their real name in a public database.

  • kinnath||

    yup

  • BarryD||

    You're saying that Rachel Finkelstein might not sell as well as Cinnamon Star?

  • ||

    Yes, and many probably have their stage name on the payroll records, linking very little income to their real name. This makes it easy to avoid tax.

  • BarryD||

    Records? They get paid mostly in cash, I thought.

  • ||

    I would think so, but the house probably has some kind of scheduling system where they throw whatever fake name in. I doubt they are doing a lot of background checks.

    Incidentally that could perhaps make it a more attractive option for people without SSN's/US work authorization. Not knowing the racial demographic of the Texas stripper market, I have to wonder if that has something to do with the interest in licensing.

  • Tim||

    They took our jobs!

  • Cliché Bandit||

    Ahh yes, the threat of an overabundance of eastern european naked women in their 20s...

    ...

    ...

    I'll be in my bunk.

  • Randian||

    Yes, and many probably have their stage name on the payroll records

    I doubt it. Not unless the club owner wants his visit from the Tax Commission to be extremely unpleasant.

  • BarryD||

    He's probably the local Tax Commissioner, though.

  • robc||

    Is there even payroll?

    I thought they were independent businesswomen who "rented" the stage.

    I really have no clue how the business side of it works.

  • Redmanfms||

    Depends on the club.

    Most of them work on some kind of system like what your described. Consistently not showing up for shifts or frequent tardiness is usually frowned upon though.

    Most places make the girl give a percentage of her stage and VIP take to the house, another bit to the DJ, and it's pro forma to tip the door guy and bartender.

  • ||

    I think some are independent contractors who work a circuit through some booking agency, and some are directly employed by a particular club. One of the nicer ones in Vancouver is the latter, for example, and I think the more low-rent ones are the former.

  • Cliché Bandit||

    You realize every dude is hanging on your every word.

  • mad libertarian guy||

    One of the nicer ones in Vancouver . . .

    Brandi's FTW!

  • Doctor Whom||

    Oh, and this is priceless:

    But the bill states that anyone who receives a license would have to wear it while doing their job -- including dancers.

    "They could wear it around the neck ... or on their shoes ... or attached to a head band," Zedler suggested.

    What could possibly go wrong?

  • Ska||

    Nothing, as long as the license could be wadded up into a ball and fired as a projectile from somewhere.

  • nicole||

    That's too perfect. I almost want it to happen just so thousands of women will start rubbing this idiot's precious state licenses all over their naked bodies.

    On second thought, it's probably the real reason he wants the law. Fucking license-sniffer.

  • ||

    I'm trying to picture where the lovlies at the Clermont Lounge in Atlanta would display their licenses if the same thing were to happen in GA. Especially the old lady with the light-up rings.

  • SIV||

    I'm sure Fulton county requires "cabaret dancer" licenses as well. They don't have to wear them though.Atlanta has only required shoes on dancers for at least 50 years.

  • Randian||

    If it were me, I'd get tattooed on my ass.

  • ||

    Ah, the Tramp Stamp Act. Intolerable.

  • Cliché Bandit||

    One full internets for Warty today. Well done sir.

  • Restoras||

    Indeed.

  • Ted S.||

    Fold it up into a paper hat.

  • Ska||

    The only thing stopping Sugartits from pursuing her dream of being a chemical engineer was the easy money guaranteed from a career in stripping.

  • robc||

    I thought the easy money from stripping was paying her tuition to engineering school.

  • Brett L||

    Right. Because of all the women in our respective chemical engineering classes we nicknamed Sugartits. Pretty sure I had one (and only one) that could make it on the Houston circuit. And another couple who were skinny enough for the skanky airport place in Austin (the Landing Strip?). So, like 3 of 15. Before the crowdout effect of the Education majors.

  • ||

    the skanky airport place in Austin (the Landing Strip?)

    If that's not its real name, it should be. Best skanky airport strip joint name ever.

    And, 20% is higher than I'd have expected in an engineering major, so that's something.

  • ||

    There's one by the airport in Tucson called Club Turbulence. Sadly, I didn't have time to investigate it.

    20% is an unreasonably high percentage. Brett picked a better school than me.

  • Randian||

    Another serious question: why are there always strip clubs by the airport?

  • nicole||

    Isn't that just for the same reason that some high percentage of all porno is watched in hotels? Or is it just that some high percentage of hotel PPV is porno? Whatevs.

  • robc||

    High density of business travelers.

  • ||

    What else are you going to want to do when you haven't fucked your wife in two years and you're away from her on business for a week?

  • Randian||

    Look at porn in the hotel room?

  • RBS||

    Randian, I think zoning ordinances have a lot to do with it. Keeps the strippers out of the nice parts of town. In my town all the strip clubs are in the industrial section.

  • Brett L||

    20% is an unreasonably high percentage. Brett picked a better school than me.

    FSU has campuses in both Panama City, FL and Panama City, Panama. But in both cases, you must come to Tallahassee for engineering degrees. So 1 well-built Panamanian plus one white girl who looked a lot like Hope Solo plus one skinny asian girl in a cohort with 15 or 16 women.

  • Ted S.||

    The FSU, thank you very much. :-)

  • Mensan||

    Sure, but there are no strip clubs in Tallahassee. I had a roommate for a while while I was at FSU who worked as a stripper at "private parties" ostensibly to pay for her education. Of course, in reality she dropped out of school and just used it to support her oxy habit. Also, I'm pretty sure she was actually a prostitute.

  • Brett L||

    Its hard for me to judge. I'm pretty sure healthy 19-20 year old women look acceptable naked. I'm sure I wouldn't have said no if they offered me a $10 lap dance.

    I know my friend's roommate worked in that sketchy strip club back in the late '90s and she was a skinny A cup who was too stoned to have much personality. She made damn good money, though not as much as my next door neighbor who was a much prettier 23 year-old with store-bought tits courtesy of her ex-husband.

  • Brian Combs||

    That's it's real name. It was used as the strip club in the movie Varsity Blues. Scary looking place.

  • ||

    Fucking dogooders. No form of life is more loathsome. The dogooder in the video is especially punchable.

    Also, who's the blond in the kitty ears costume?

  • ||

    Your mom?

  • ||

    No, her skin is way worse than that. You should remember her boils, you silly goose.

  • Randian||

    I mean this with total sincerity: I love "your mom" as a response. It never gets old. Ever.

  • ||

    Unlike your mom. Tell her to buy some goddamn KY or something. I'm all chafed now.

  • Randian||

    She said that if Mr. Fancypants wants some sex oil he can bring the Crisco next time.

  • $park¥||

    So Randian inherited his sandy vagina from his mother? Makes sense.

  • RBS||

    Ha!

  • $park¥||

    Why the question? Do you not recognize her from the front?

  • Zeb||

    "I think it would keep a lot of girls from getting involved in that lifestyle and basically wrecking their lives."

    I thought you generally wrecked your life first and then become a stripper.

  • Brett L||

    Most of the strippers I knew were just too flighty to make it to work on time as bartendresses or waitresses. Surprisingly few were using it as a way to get free drugs.

  • mad libertarian guy||

    I was at a strip club in Toronto, and though the girls were hot, the waitress was by far the hottest girl there.

    If I were a bad man, I WOULD have fucked her sideways. But instead, I declined going out after her shift and decided to go back to the hotel and fuck my wife.

    Long term, it was the right thing to do, but I can't help but wonder how it would have been to screw the, by far, best looking woman I ever had a chance with.

  • AlmightyJB||

    He's going to stop them from wrecking their lives by making sure he wrecks there lives. Sounds like the WOD.

  • Randian||

    That's a John-esque grammatical typo you've got going on there.

  • AlmightyJB||

    I'll blame my smartphone as always.

  • Redmanfms||

    I thought you generally wrecked your life first and then become a stripper.

    Pretty much, though some of them had their lives ruined for them by other people (namely parents) in some very unpleasant ways. Very, very few sex-workers at any level aren't badly damaged goods in some way. I dated and was friends with enough strippers when I was in the Navy to know.

    But that shouldn't preclude these girls from an extremely lucrative (if short-lived) career with a certain degree of anonymity. Some of them might make enough money to sort their shit out. This shitheel would rather drive them underground into more dangerous forms of employ because he's a prude twatwaffle with too much time on his hands.

    I'm firmly convinced that people who wring their hands publicly over "moral issues" and what others do with their lives are seriously depraved.

  • mad libertarian guy||

    This shitheel would rather drive them underground into more dangerous forms of employ

    How DARE you suggest that laws and regulations could drive otherwise legal activities in to shadier places of commerce!

  • The Late P Brooks||

    Typical pointless grandstanding. We all know the strip club industry will collapse when the DoD budget is cut.

  • LTC(ret) John||

    You mean the skank strip club industry will collapse when DoD cuts the budget, right? I don't think the Admiral in Chicago is frequented by anyone from DoD, name aside.

  • Randian||

    I know I've asked this before, but serious question: could a person legally hire a prostitute to star in an adult film with him and pay her just for the film, not for the sex?

    Just askin' for a friend here.

  • ||

    Sure, at least in California or New Hampshire. A lot of porn stars also work as escorts or at the whorehouses in Nevada.

  • Randian||

    I would sincerely love to demolish the vice cops' angle of busting people by advising my clients to simply videotape themselves in the act.

  • Brett L||

    At that point, though, your clients have to get copies of 2 forms of photo ID, at least one state or federally issued to comply with the federal pornography regulations.

  • Tim||

    Just claim freedom of worship. " Oh God!, Oh GOD!"

  • Redmanfms||

    You're going to pork Marlene Desmond!?

  • Rasilio||

    You certainy "could" if you were in compliance with all federal and state porn and tax laws (remember, she'd be your employee so that means a payroll and filing taxes).

    That said I can imagine that an enterprising lawyer who wanted to make himself rich could probably get away with setting up a company where men get to pay for the right to make their own porn movie and you the studio owner provides the set, the location, and the costar(s).

    You'd be guaranteed to be busted for running a prostitution ring but they'd have a REALLY hard time making the conviction stick given the first amendment.

  • Tim||

    "mind your own business" should have been in the Bill of Rights.

  • $park¥||

    I think that was the furthest thing from their minds when they were drafting the Constitution.

  • JW||

    It was the 3rd Amendment before Adams got all huffy about the squatting redcoats.

    "The people shall remind the state to mind it'f own fucking bufineff, with ufe of the 2nd Amendment if needed."

  • Fist of Etiquette||

    "They won't want to get a license as a stripper from the state of Texas," Zedler said of his legislation. "I think it would keep a lot of girls from getting involved in that lifestyle and basically wrecking their lives..."

    Why doesn't he just regulate away daddy issues altogether. Nip it in the bud.

  • Anonymous Coward||

    The conservative lawmaker said he hopes the measure, if it passes, might encourage women to find another line of work.

    "They won't want to get a license as a stripper from the state of Texas," Zedler said of his legislation. "I think it would keep a lot of girls from getting involved in that lifestyle and basically wrecking their lives.

    So this measure is intended solely as a means of state-sponsored harrassment?

    WAR ON WIMMINZ!!!

  • ||

    So begins the 6 month period where our legislature tries to cram in as many shitty bills as possible. Luckily most of them will not pass/not have time to be voted on and then they disappear for 18 months. It's not a perfect system but it could be worse.

  • ||

    What's next, prostitution tax stamps?

  • JDMont||

    This law endangers strippers. No doubt this Texas legislator's bill will have the performer's real name on the license. And in this day in age, it's not too long before some creeper looks her up, stalks her, and does something tragic to her.

    Seems to me that Zedler unwittingly wishes these women harm.

  • SugarFree||

    Seems to me that Zedler unwittingly wishes these women harm.

    His concern for women is as fake as Episiarch's tits.

  • ||

    Those are actually....AHA! You almost got me, Saccharin Man! HIPAA still applies here.

  • Fatty Bolger||

    No, it's definitely wittingly.

  • mad libertarian guy||

    This law endangers strippers. No doubt this Texas legislator's bill will have the performer's real name on the license. And in this day in age, it's not too long before some creeper looks her up, stalks her, and does something tragic to her.

    To the nannies, that would only prove how dangerous being a stripper is, and be used as exhibit A in their bill to outlaw it altogether.

  • ||

    GOD DAMNIT!!!

    Why do all of these moral busybody, to borrow from Randian, twatwaffles have to come from Texas? What. The. Fuck.

    Go die in a fire you limp dicked cunt.

    Ahhhh. That felt good.

  • Fatty Bolger||

    They don't, of course. They're everywhere.

  • ||

    I know, it just pisses me off how many we have here in Texas. Though it shouldn't surprise me given our size and population.

  • Brett L||

    On the other hand, the elected twatwaffles only get to fuck with things statewide for 6 months out of every 24.

  • KevinP||

    The dark spectre of fascism forever threatens to land in Texas, but somehow manages to always land in California. (See the condom law mentioned in the article)

  • Fatty Bolger||

    How much porn do you suppose State Representative Zedler has watched in his lifetime? I'm guessing: A lot. Fucking hypocrites, using their own guilt to justify messing up other people's lives.

  • Brian from Texas||

    Bill Zedler is NO Conservative. No true Conservative supports adding more needless regulation to what is a perfectly legitimate and LEGAL business. It's additional taxation and taxation equals socialism.

  • Mensan||

    "Imagine what other work these ladies might pursue!"

    Clearly, they would all become nurses, teachers, and librarians.

  • Siamclipx.com||

    "Imagine what the other these women may be pursued". Apparently they all become nurses, teachers, and librarians. http://siamclipx.com/index.php?board=7.0

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