Al Qaeda Officially Jumps Shark, Fails in Bid to Assassinate Irish Pop Duo Jedward

Like Friendster and MySpace, al Qaeda used to be really hot on the Internet. But the latest news shows the Islamofascist terror group rapidly joining icons of a past age of irrational exuberance in the dustbin of history. (Say hello to Wendy the Snapple Lady and Newt Gingrich for all of us, why don't you?)

Via Frances Martel at Mediaite comes word of yet another foiled al Qaeda plot, this one involving Jedward, the most objectionable band of Irish siblings since the Clancy Brothers washed ashore a thousand years ago.

The latest failure from the terror group, which seems to barely be scotch-taped together at this point, comes from Baku, Azerbaijan, where authorities foiled a plot to bomb Europe’s biggest pop music festival and take out, among many others, overcaffeinated pop music hair confection Jedward....

From the Belfast Telegraph:

"Forty people linked to Al-Qaeda have been arrested over a plot to kill Jedward at the Eurovision song contest.

"Security services in host city Azerbaijan also recovered a major arms cache in the operation in which a number of key personnel and property were also targets, including Azeri President Ilham Aliyeve, the £100million Baku Crystal Hal and other major hotels which housed acts and officials connected to the song contest.

"Azerbaijan has been targeted in a number of terror plots in recent months and Eurovision bosses confirmed they had spent hours devising a detailed emergency strategy in the event of an attack."

More - including a possible Reason connection (some time back, I averred on Fox News Red Eye with Greg Gutfeld that it would "be people like Jedward who will liberate the Arab world") - here.

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  • sarcasmic||

    This is a joke, right?

  • Ice Nine||

    I'm just trying to grasp why assassinating Jedward should be a crime.

  • JW||

    If Al Qaeda wantnig to kill them is wrong, I don't want to be right.

  • affenkopf||

    I wouldn't believe Azerbaijani security forces. Seems to be just a convenient way to lock people they don't like up.

  • Montani Semper Liberi||

    WTF am I looking at?

  • ||

    Fuck. Where's the nearest Al Qaeda recruiting office?

  • SugarFree||

    It's times that this that my belief in equality for homosexuals is really put to the test.

  • ||

    Jesus, why all the hate to Jedward? Surely there are more objectionable popsters who should be higher up the hit list?

  • Ice Nine||

    Because without having ever heard of them you just know that there names are John and Edward?

  • Ice Nine||

    their

  • ||

    Like Kylie Minogue? I could also support a full thrust Ke$ha annihilation.

  • sarcasmic||

    No way! Kylie's ass is a work of art! (can't speak for her "music", but I could bounce quarters off that ass all day long)

  • ||

    Quarters? How about jelly beans? Bounce them off of her ass and catch them in your mouth....I will be happy to show you it is done.

  • sarcasmic||

  • Hell's Librarian||

    Now, Kylie wants her crown back and she has challenged the 28-year-old to a 'bum-off'.

    God I love the Daily Fail.

  • ||

    OK Doc, this is not the first time you have attacked one of the finest living Australians. If this persists I might have to send my second to call upon your second and inquire as to your choice of weapons.

  • EDG reppin' LBC||

  • ||

    Isn't this the definitive proof you libertards wanted??? That if we ease up on the paramilitary police statism of recent times, the TERRORISTS WIN??? Such competent foes should be feared universally.

  • niobiumstudio||

    Best way to tell the world "Fuck you, all of the west" is to blow up tens of thousands of screaming emo and hipster girls and a bunch of europop trash trying to win a decades old version of American Idol...

  • ||

    Yeah, that was one of my reactions -- what a shitty target.

  • niobiumstudio||

    I wonder if Jedward was specifically named by Al Qaeda or they just wanted to blow up the Eurovision Song Contest...

  • SugarFree||

  • RBS||

    Good lord.

  • Hell's Librarian||

    Cannot. UNSEE.

  • The Fatman||

    You are an evil, evil man. I have to burn out my eyes now.

  • The Fatman||

    You are an evil, evil man. I have to burn out my eyes now.

  • Fist of Etiquette||

    First they came for douchy pop idols and I said nothing...

  • ||

    ... because fuck yeah, kill the fuckers WITH FIRE.

  • SugarFree||

    I hate you all so much I wish I could make this auto-play.

  • ||

    It's Jepic!

  • ||

    The autotune is, like, so, like, amazeballs!

  • fried wylie||

    1989 called: says it's having the time of its life in Ireland.

  • ||

    After Googling this "Jedward" (you kind of have to when you see a pic like that), I consider it a point of pride that I'd never heard of them.

  • Hell's Librarian||

    Haha me too. Enquiring minds want to know why Nick seems to know so much about Jedward.

  • Drake||

    Uhgg - I followed the links. Now I have to watch Thin Lizzy Live and Dangerous to cleanse, and not hate the Irish.

  • SugarFree||

    The foresight of my drunken ancestors saved me from that blighted isle and this horrible "band."

  • ||

    If it makes your faith in humanity a little firmer, plenty of Brits and Irish hate these fuckers with the searing intensity of a trillion giant stars.

  • SugarFree||

    Granted. But then being on this side of the pond has meant being blissfully unaware of these vile polyps until today.

  • Abdul||

    We have Bieber. they have Jedward. It's a wash.

  • SugarFree||

    We only have Bieber because we are building a wall on the wrong border.

  • ||

    What, are you some kind of Canadian or something?!?!

  • EDG reppin' LBC||

    Now I have to watch Thin Lizzy Live and Dangerous to cleanse, and not hate the Irish.

    Some Stiff Little Fingers might help you as well.

  • Drake||

    Should be the Irish National Anthem.
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rENy7MQIYJs

  • Franklin Harris||

    I think we should have let the terrorists win this time.

  • Abdul||

    Just last week, I atteneded my neice's first communion in Ireland. She had a minor tantrum when she could not wear her novelty Jedward wig in some of the post-ceremony photos.

    Metaphysical question: does anyone really "win" the Eurovision contest?

  • Mensan||

    I'm just curious as to how everybody else here seems to have already known of Jedward's existence while I did not. Of course, the only Irish musicians I listen to are Blood or Whiskey and Flogging Molly.

  • Invisible Finger||

    I'm calling them al-KAOS from here on.

  • Invisible Finger||

    It's like the Schmenges meet Ed Grimley.

  • Loki||

    ...and these are the people that we're supposed to be hiding from in our basements, trembling with fear? These are the people that we have to give up civil liberties to be protected from? Un-fucking-believable.

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