Michigan Legislature Wants to Kill Fancy Pigs, My Relatives

A bunch of fancy pigs may get the axe in Michigan on Sunday, and I'm feeling a strong sense of solidarity with these imperiled bacon factories. Let me explain.

The Michigan Department of Natural Resources (DNR) is trying to get rid of feral pigs by going after people who keep boars that might be able to survive in the wild. An order has been issued which mandates the killing of all such swine by April 1, at which point the DNR "hope[s] to be invited onto farms voluntarily. We will be doing inspections" to make sure the forbidden breeds—classified as invasive species—are no longer around.

But there is some confusion about whose porkers will be legal come Fools Day. Naturally, there are exceptions built in for the breeds favored by the huge factory farms. But heritage breeds are in blurrier territory. And that has some farmers freaked out about their livelihoods:

The breeders of Mangalitsa pigs, for instance, were concerned that their animals might fall under the ISO, Golder said. A letter from DNR director Rodney Stokes states in part, "It is the DNR's understanding that purebred Mangalitsa swine do not exhibit characteristics listed in the Declaratory Ruling, other than potentially striped piglets. The Invasive Species Order would not prohibit purebred Mangalitsa swine based solely on this characteristic."

However, in the event that breeders have crossed Mangalitsas with Eurasian wild boar or any of the swine outlawed under the ISO, those hybrid animals would still be prohibited, Golder said.

This particular story caught my attention because I have something in common with those swine set for the chopping block. The first part of my last name (Mangu) may derive from the Romanian name of these medium-sized pigs prized for their fatness. That makes me a Mangalitsa crossbreed—the Wards definitely qualify as wild Eurasian stock. All which adds up to staying the heck away from the Great Lakes State for the time being. (No one likes to be called an invasive species, you know? Not that there's anything wrong with that.)

Watch one Michigan pig farmer defend his product, my cousins, and make hogwash joke around the 4:00 minute mark:

Via alert reader Tom Niedringhaus.

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  • Colonel_Angus||

    If people want them around, they're not really invasive.

  • o4||

    read where hunters (illegally) transport ferals into virgin territory.
    >ferals are a HUGE prob in the south tearing-up farmers fields

  • 655321||

    And right on cue, Dumbshit McGee goes out of his way to miss the fucking point.

  • o4||

    hard to miss the point on ur head
    bada boom

  • Agriculture creates government||

    Agriculture creates government.

    ~Richard Manning, Against the Grain, p. 73

    believe me now?

  • Franz and Hanz||

    Listen to me now and believe me later.

  • Agriculture creates government||

    Agriculture creates delicious Hostess products....and Prozac for MARY STACK.

    ~Dick Manning, For the Grain, p. 73

    believe me now?

  • Mary Stack||

    "My grandmother was Flemish, and my great-grandmother a full-blooded Nez Perce Indian."

  • ||

    So they are killing fancy pigs because they might escape?

    You know, there's a good chance that every 3rd grader in Michigan might kill someone at some point during their life.

  • WTF||

    We need to prevent Futurecrime.

  • Jeffersonian||

    Philip K Dick, call your office!!

  • Zeb||

    Seems like holding farmers liable for damage caused by escaped pigs should be good enough. Or if they really can't stand not getting involved in other people's business, they could require radio tracking devices on pigs kept outdoors or something like that. But I guess it's just more fun to ban stuff outright.

  • Michigoose||

    RACIST!

  • ||

    How Lovecraftian. Or Kramerian, depending on your strange aeon.

  • rho||

    Feral pigs in Michigan? I know enough Michiganers (Michigonians?) with guns who'd love to hunt wild bacon.

    This is a problem neatly solved with a one-paragraph bill specifying no bag limits on wild pigs.

  • WTF||

    Hell, Ted Nugent could probably solve the feral pig problem all by himself.

  • rho||

    I get the DNR's concern. Wild pigs are no-joke dangerous.

    But they're dangerous AND delicious, so where's the problem?

  • Loki||

    To many immasculated pussies who can't hunt?

  • rho||

    Michigan is full of frozen rednecks.

  • Can't hunt and gather||

    city-Statist domesticated emasculated pussies

    you talkum up heap big WI smoke

  • Phat Idiot||

    city-Statist domesticated emasculated pussies

    Au contraire...we want to hunt. You on the other hand might be mistaken for a feral pig. Just looking out for you shakbrah and MARY STACK!

  • Ex nihilo||

    there are exceptions built in for the breeds favored by the huge factory farms.

    There's the problem. Competition = bad.

  • The Noble Non-State Savage||

    Competition = bad.

    Yeah, it's hard to get people to work in a field, factory, office, or army when they're gamboling about forest and plain foraging a free lunch.

  • Coeus||

    Hell, Ted Nugent could probably solve the feral pig problem all by himself.

    Only if someone puts it in a cage first for his fake, wannabe hick ass.

  • Fist of Etiquette||

    The first part of my last name (Mangu) may derive from the Romanian name of these medium-sized pigs prized for their fatness. That makes me a Mangalitsa crossbreed—the Wards definitely qualify as wild Eurasian stock. All which adds up to staying the heck away from the Great Lakes State for the time being.

    That's what you get for not taking your husband's name, Gloria Steinem.

  • RobSmalls||

    I'm tempted to be her white knight, but that's too damn funny.

  • ||

    He only had one, she had two. It wasn't a fair trade.

  • BakedPenguin||

    So Pigs Gone Wild! isn't just a video of Georgia Tech's sororities on spring break anymore?

  • ||

    If I wanted to save exotic swine, I'd vote in Congressional elections.

  • ||

    So killing a bunch of penned pigs because a few might escape some time in the future and fractionally add to the wild boar problem is the government's solution. Not opening up hunting. No, that's too simple. It doesn't involve forcibly destroying people's property, and they can't have that.

    Let's destroy some wealth! I mean, isn't that what government is for?

  • Tim||

    Only Congressional Pork is protected.

  • Loki||

    Similar to how Colorado has been discussing reintroducing wolves to cull the elk population in RMNP. They don't want to allow hunters to do it because

    1: it's a national park and guns are prohibited in national parks (it never occurs to anyone that they could open up some of the more secluded sections of the park where few tourists go to hunting without increased risk of anyone getting shot) and

    2: a lot of rich PRB residents live nearby and they don't want to have to hear gunshots in the woods.

    That and OMG GUNZ R BAD!!!!!!!!1111!!!

  • WTF||

    Apparently it makes much more sense to them to expose park-goers to wolf packs rather than other people with guns.

  • ||

    Some of those hunters might be off-duty cops, so I see their point.

  • ||

    Wasn't the "guns are prohibited in national parks" rule lifted during the Bush administration?

  • o3||

    yep

  • Loki||

    http://www.nps.gov/romo/parkmg.....ations.htm

    Apparently it was lifted a couple of years ago, but you must still comply with the state laws.

    Also, back in 2009 IIRC the did allow some hunters to come in and cull the elk herd at night afte the wolf plan was deemed infeasible (I don't recall the exact reason). A lot of people threw a fit over TEH EVUL GUNZ IN TEH PARK.

  • Tim||

    I thought it was Katherine Mongoose-Ward.

  • ||

    Yes, but it's pronounced "Throat Warbler Mangrove".

  • fish||

    I thought it was Katherine Mongoose-Ward

    That's her "street" name.

    Originally it was Katherine Montgomery-Ward!

  • BakedPenguin||

    Go upside, and let the Mangu through.

  • Night Elf Mohawk||

    The first part of my last name (Mangu)...

    A wonderful, magical Reason writer.

  • Zeb||

    Heh. I'm sort of surprised that I even got that. Very subtle.

  • Loki||

    An order has been issued which mandates the killing of all such swine by April 1

    Has the government of Michigan (or at least the DNR; nice acronym, BTW) developed a sense of humor and this is all an elaborate April Fool's prank?

  • Almanian||

    No.

  • Old Mexican||

    The Michigan Department of Natural Resources (DNR) is trying to get rid of feral pigs by going after people who keep boars that might be able to survive in the wild.


    Hokum. The real trick is going after Michigander union bosses who might be able to survive in the wild.

  • Chupacabra||

    They should have enough fat on them to last 2, maybe 3 winters.

  • Tim||

    Katherine Mongo-is-just-a-pawn-in-life's-game-Ward.

  • ||

    the DNR "hope[s] to be invited onto farms voluntarily. We will be doing inspections"

    "ON THE GROUND, MOTHERFUCKER! WHERE ARE THE PIGS? WHERE ARE THE FUCKING PIGS! DID YOU FLUSH THEM?"

    An average of three teeth are lost to everyone who responds "The pigs are right here, standing on my neck."

  • Loki||

    WHERE ARE THE PIGS? WHERE ARE THE FUCKING PIGS!

    I'm looking right at them, asshole!

  • ||

    I wouldn't call them 'feral', just arrogant.

  • Coeus||

    At that point you can also accurately call them "tumescent".

  • Jeffersonian||

    You can have my Berkshire pork when you pry it from my cold, dead fingers.

  • Tim||

    POlice? yes I'd like to report that my neighbor is living with an exotic breed pig. He walks on two legs, wears a little bow tie and vest but never any pants. He also has a stutter

  • Sevo||

    Th....th....th.... that's all, folks!

  • A Modest Proposal||

    Officer am I free to be an animist? Christianty and Atheism are symptoms of the Christfag AgriCULTural CitySTATE and PRIVATion PROPerty.

    It is hilarious how FIBertarians defend that CIA asset Ignaz Semmelweis who was involved with MKULTRA and Monarch Mindcontrol. But of course the FIBertarian KOCHsuckers are allied with the AgriCULTural citySTATE to mind control us with hand washing.

    FIBertarians also defend that AgriCULTural citySTATEist Christfag Oliver Cromwell was nothing a but a CIA agent who lied to steal Ireland's oil with the help of multinational NGOs to engage in Gambol Lockdown.

  • RECTAL STACK||

    THE VOICES....I CAN'T MAKE THEM STOP.

  • Mary Stack||

    "My grandmother was Flemish, and my great-grandmother a full-blooded Nez Perce Indian."

  • db||

    So if you have some of these pigs and tou kill them, how are you supposed to prove it? Put the heads on pikes in front of the local DNR office?

  • ||

    Mail them the blood.

  • db||

    Public swine executions in the town square.

  • ||

    Not one pig would agree to an auto-da-fé in order to save their little piggy souls.

  • HeroicMulatto||

    Then, they would truly be Marranos

  • Fist of Etiquette||

    Didn't this happen at the end of Animal Farm?

  • A Modest Proposal||

    OF course the FIBeratians, KOCHsuckers that they are defend the CIA backed Regime Change to assassinate Cromwell. He merely eliminated poverty and inequality in Ireland. All those Irish who opposed him were CIA quislings and lakceys of the NGOS so they deserved their fate. What would the FIBertarians do in a similar situation. Since Ireland has been independent they have been bailed out and unleashed upon the world the corporatist Vulgar Libertarian horrors like Father Ted and Yhe Commitments. Also Cromwell banned Christmas and the Theatre, threatening the ChristFags and Big Theatre, symptoms of the AgriCULTural CitySTATE.

  • Old Mexican||

    Re: White Imbecile,

    Cromwell [...] merely eliminated poverty and inequality in Ireland.


    He also turned water into wine and piss into ale.

  • A Modest Proposal||

    Officer am I free to drink my own piss and unclean water like humanity has done for its own history? Isn't ale a diseas of City-STATEism?

    MISES: NO!
    MARX: NO!
    JUAREZ: NO!
    DIAZ: NO!
    VILLA: NO!
    ZAPATA: NO!

  • Mary Stack||

    "My grandmother was Flemish, and my great-grandmother a full-blooded Nez Perce Indian."

  • Phat Indian||

    Old Mex,

    There is no more "White Indian"...only rectal, or MARY STACK, or RECTAL STACK!

  • A Modest Proposal||

    PS: Any opposition to this post is a CIA disinfo agent in league with the Giant shapeshifting space lizard elite.

    PPS: I love how the FIBertarians are all against Collective punishment, Eminent Domain, prisons, Capital punishment except when it comes to opponents of FIBeratarianism so of course Mass Murder and Theft is okay

  • Zeb||

    OK, that's pretty funny. I like the incorporation on elements of Lone Wacko and shrike.

  • bbgray||

    It's worse than just killing the farmers' pigs. The ruling would make possessing them a felony. A farmer could become a fucking felon for having a prohibited pig.

  • Reformed Republican||

    Person A: What are you in for?

    Person B: Possesion.

    Person A: Coke, marijuana, what?

    Person B: Pig.

  • GW||

    I'm currently doing 3 to 5 myself for possessing the "other white meat".

  • Almanian||

    Your neighbor's wife??

  • I, Kahn O'Clast||

    Neighbor's daughter.

  • ||

    "Litterin'... and causin' a public disturbance"

    Sure Arlo could be an asshole, but he wasn't necessarily wrong.

  • db||

    Nowadays you can get 20 years for shovels and rakes and implememts of destruction.

  • A Modest Proposal||

    Also under Cromwell there were no Roman Catholic Pedophile Priests, until the FIBertarian KOCHsuckers got there hands on Ireland that is eliminated all non-state lifeways.

  • rho||

    I like how crazy you are.

    I bet you like cats. I bet you like a lot of cats.

  • A Modest Proposal||

    Cats are true FIBertarians, they want to lick each other all the time, do drugs (catnip), kill all plant and animal life, live a life of leisure at the behest of their KOCHsucking masters and want all of our bases to belong to them since they support the Right to TAKE!

  • rho||

    This is a lot of work for a Theme Troll. I applaud the effort.

    My only criticism is that it ceases to be funny after about the third lap.

  • Jason Godouchebag||

    We are doomed if we do not destroy modernity and the agricultural city-state!!

    ** Sent from my iPad 3**

  • cats are domesticated moochers||

    like Fibertarian city-slickers

  • Great Puma||

    A winner is you!

  • Sterling Archer||

    Any healthy hog would be able to survive in the wild. Banning specific breeds makes no sense. This reeks of larger farms using the government to kill competition.

  • Zeb||

    That's what I thought (about pigs surviving in the wild, that is). I wouldn't think that small time farmers of heirloom breeds would be much of a threat to big pork producers. I tend to think that it is probably a misguided overreaction to an actual problem with feral pigs. Possibly with lobbying from the pork industry making sure they were exempt.

  • ||

    I think that is the whole point. No pigs. No domestication of any animal.

  • Yev Kassem||

    No Pig for you!

  • skr||

    That's what I thought. Hogs, any breed, go feral really quickly. The coat changes in a generation or two, along with tusks and striped piglets.

  • skr||

    That's what I thought. Hogs, any breed, go feral really quickly. The coat changes in a generation or two, along with tusks and striped piglets.

  • ||

    Just like Warty, then. That makes sense if you think about it.

  • rho||

    Warty's a vegan.

    True fact.

  • ||

    Warty's a Vegan, not a vegan. A subtle yet critical distinction.

  • ||

    So, not Venerian, then?

  • ||

    No, don't be silly.

  • ||

    I've always wondered where Vegans get their superpowers.

  • ||

    Blue stars. And the color blue. And bleu cheese.

  • ||

    You mean a Vogon, right?

  • rho||

    Writer of bad poetry?

    Yes, that too.

  • ||

    No, I have it from reputable sources that he originated on an asteroid orbiting the star, Vega. Incidentally, he eats meat. All meat.

  • rho||

    I seen what you done did, there, like.

  • Feral, rewilding, freedom||

    Agricultural city-Statists are against wildness in any animal, including humans.

  • Robert||

    Shut up, already, you died in the 1st few pp.

  • Sevo||

    "This reeks of larger farms using the government to kill competition."

    And, thank you for the introduction. The pork's on the table:
    "S.F. local-hire law passes 1st 'test,' backers say"
    From the story:
    ""It comes back full circle," Means said. "They're looking specifically for San Francisco residents because they need compliance.""
    Yep, the fact that this guy is a rent-seeking twit matters more than the job he might be able to do.
    http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/.....1NPK9N.DTL

  • Agriculture creates government||

    Agriculture creates government. ~Richard Manning, Against the Grain, p. 73

    believe me now?

  • You are a ||

    CIA Disinfo agent of the AgriCULTural City-STATE, with its enTITLEments and PRIVATion PROPerty.

  • Livin' rent free in your head||

    I may be repetitive, but it works.

  • Jeffersonian||

    "I am covered with spiders" - Marcus Berwiler, hobo at the Port Authority

    Believe him now?

  • Appalachian Australian||

    Cool! I'm always looking for more reasons not to locate a business or hire employees in San Francisco.

  • Sevo||

    Appalachian Australian|3.28.12 @ 5:17PM|#
    "Cool! I'm always looking for more reasons not to locate a business or hire employees in San Francisco."

    Not hard; target-rich area.

  • Sterling Archer||

    Zeb,

    Let me re-state. Overeaction is probably a huge factor, and I am not suggestion that feral hogs aren't a problem; but it is not unheard of for a large business to use government to go after a much smaller competitor.

    Anheuser-Busch comes to mind.

  • Appalachian Australian||

    I can't think of a single problem here that completely private ownership of property wouldn't solve.

  • o3||

    so leave the thinkin to the pigs
    bada boom

  • Mr Whipple||

    Or a bunch of Irish Wolfhounds

  • ||

    do you still hear the squealing of the pigs, clarice?

  • Jeffersonian||

    Silence of the Hams?

  • Muslims and Jews||

    We *told* you raising pigs for food was a bad idea.

  • Joe M||

    An order has been issued which mandates the killing of all such swine by April 1...

    Ooh, thanks for reminding me. I need to prank the hell out of my wife this weekend.

  • Mr Whipple||

    Wait. They completely bypassed something not quite as coercive as licensing and permitting and went straight to complete ban?

  • Repairman Jack||

    There's this huge, mean son of a bitch on the ranch that I hunt on that has killed about 5 dogs already. It's ears are completely stripped so we've decided to just shoot it on sight. Despite that we still haven't been able to get him in the last few weeks. It's like he knows we're coming for his ass with guns now.

    Soon...

  • Coeus||

    If they survive long enough to get that big, they're usually very smart. Like turning doorknobs and raising latches smart.

  • Almanian||

    Jaws Part XVII - Porcine Madness

  • ||

    Charlie: That's how you become a feral pork eater, Dee. Look, you get one taste of delicious, delicious feral pig, none of this stuff ever satisfies you ever again for the rest of your life.

    Dee: OK, now I just think that you're overreacting.

    Charlie: Oh, really?

    Dee: Yeah, that's stupid.

    Charlie: Is that stupid? Oh, I'm sorry, Dee! Well, then I guess Jaws 4 is stupid, OK? 'Cause that's the exact same plot!

  • Pip||

    "An order has been issued which mandates the killing of all such swine by April 1"

    Then Herod, when he saw that he was mocked of the wise men, was exceeding wroth, and sent forth, and slew all the children that were in Bethlehem, and in all the coasts thereof, from two years old and under, according to the time which he had diligently inquired of the wise men.

    Matther 2:16 (KJV)

  • Jesus was anarcho-primitivist||

    Behold the fowls of the air: for they sow not, neither do they reap, nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feedeth them. Are ye not of much more value than they?

    ~Jesus
    verse 26, chapter 3, The Jefferson Bible

    Consider the ravens: for they neither sow nor reap; which neither have storehouse nor barn; and yet God feedeth them: of how much more value are ye than the fowls!

    ~Jesus
    verse 40, chapter 4, The Jefferson Bible

  • Appalachian Australian||

    I'd say he embraced some pretty advanced technology when he changed water into wine through the sheer power of his mind and voice.

  • pagan mythology||

    "This story is really the Christian counterpart to the pagan legends of Dionysus, the Greek god of wine, who at his annual festival in his temple of Elis filled three empty kettles with wine-no water needed! And on the fifth of January wine instead of water gushed from his temple at Andros. If we believe Jesus' miracle, why should we not believe Dionysus's?"

    ~Dr. A.J. Mattill, Jr.

  • Almanian||

    ....as is tradition....

  • Romulus Augustus||

    Kill them by April 1st. Hell, let them all loose on March 31st!

  • ||

    The first part of my last name (Mangu)

    Anarcho-capitalist wooly pig!!

  • Almanian||

    As a Michiganderanian, literally on the first day back from my assmt in Ohio, this is the news with which I am greeted.

    I see the leglistards and administards haven't gotten any better, even after we dumped Two Penny Jenny for the Nerd Gov.

    Fuck Michigan. Stupid government....

  • Appalachian Australian||

    You might as well move to Ohio; it seems everyone else from Michigan and southern Ontario has.

  • Appalachian Australian||

    OT, from my favourite libertarian-leaning aviation consultant, Michael Boyd: On the Republican side, we have Rep. Ryan. He's got a proposed budget. One that's intended to counter whatever the Administration comes up with. Except in one area: he agrees with the Administration and wants to increase the passenger screening fee to $5 from $2.50.

  • Appalachian Australian||

    OT: Manhattan socialite shames fat daughter, writes about it in ‘Vogue’ (on SFGate)

    “She did everything we recommend people don’t do,” Lynn Grefe, president of the National Eating Disorders Association, told Time. “To us, diet is a four-letter word.

    Yes, the president of an assocation of people with neuroses is *far* better than a child's own parent at helping a youngster overcome the primal urges we all have.

    (I'm fully aware I've left myself wide open for Mary Stack to start talking about the evils of agriculture.)

  • Herrod||

    An order has been issued which mandates the killing of all such swine by April 1

    The Pharoah would be proud.

  • shrike||

    Britain Deserves Better

  • Edwin||

    great, now they're messing with gourmet food. Wonderful

  • So||

    It's official? KMW has jumped the shark?

  • ||

    lol, a bunch of idiots in Michigan obviously.

    www.Anon-Works.tk

  • Barbara Yawp||

    Maybe Circe moved from the Aegean to Romania, took a human husband, and produced a family of witches and gypsies?

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