Tuesday Fun Link: Bad Libertarian Conversion Techniques

I can't honestly say I disagree with all the intellectual content of these parodic examples of how to utterly turn off normal human beings with your libertarian arguments, but it's still pretty amusing:

Those interested in bad libertarian p.r. may also enjoy the classic pre-YouTube age "Libertarian Macho Flash" on when and where the most bold and purist and aggressive declarations of libertarian belief are inappropriate if persuasion is your goal.

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  • Old Mexican||

    [...]when and where the most bald and purist and aggressive declarations of libertarian belief are inapprorpriate if persuasion is your goal.


    Expediency should be your weapon of choice, not principles or arguments or logic or reasons or....

  • cynical||

    You're just mad that they stole your schtick.

  • fish||

    That was fabulous! ....could you keep your daughter quiet....!

  • Jeff P||

    Anyone remember that motherfucker with the deelie-bobbers you used to talk on end at every LP convention? God, C-Span's cameras loved that asshole. I think he actually wore a Krull shirt one year while pontificating on National IDs. I'd donate a few grand to LP if they put a velvet rope up once in a while.

  • Big Tent Anarchist||

    You reap what you sow.

  • DMXRoid||

    It's amazing to me that Libertarians are somehow the only ones that have to powder your ass while telling you that you're being a tyrannical asshole. Do Republicans or Democrats do that? Are they subtle and gentle and caring and polite about the arguments they make for stealing our property and freedom? No, of course not. But libertarians, because we're the "unserious" ones in any given political conversation, have to tread lightly in the houses of adults when trying to talk to them.

    Fucking hell.

  • ||

    Democrats don't have to go there at all. Somehow they got most of the college-attending women on their side. That's all you need.

    Republicans, I'm not sure why people become Republicans.

  • ||

    Lack of attention from college women.

  • sr7||

    AKA as The Big Lie. Sure you can find plenty of college poon of the democratic persuasion, but ones that are worth a damn? I remember the year I graduated, 1992, a survey of Miss America contestants caught my attention. 65 percent unregistered. Of those registered, not a single democrat among them. If you want quality tail, untarnished by association with filthy socialist, yet still easy pickings, hang around PGA tournaments.

  • Gabe E||

    I like this.

  • ||

    OK, it's probably true that the Democratic dominance in the category of number of supporters who are attractive college women willing to have sex probably peaked during the JFK years.

  • DMXRoid||

    It's amazing to me that Libertarians are somehow the only ones that have to powder your ass while telling you that you're being a tyrannical asshole. Do Republicans or Democrats do that? Are they subtle and gentle and caring and polite about the arguments they make for stealing our property and freedom? No, of course not. But libertarians, because we're the "unserious" ones in any given political conversation, have to tread lightly in the houses of adults when trying to talk to them.

    Fucking hell.

  • PIRS||

    "Do Republicans or Democrats do that? Are they subtle and gentle and caring and polite about the arguments they make for stealing our property and freedom? No, of course not."

    The difference is they have the mainstream media on their side. There are still plenty of people who are not very familiar with what we believe at all. That is why we have to be more carefull in the way we communicate.

  • Robert||

    "Do Republicans or Democrats do that? Are they subtle and gentle and caring and polite about the arguments they make for stealing our property and freedom? No, of course not."

    What rock have you been living under? Of course they do, all the time.

    The difference is they have the mainstream media on their side.


    And yet they still powder their asses. How do you think they keep mainstream media, or anyone else, on their side?

  • PIRS||

    "But libertarians, because we're the "unserious" ones in any given political conversation, have to tread lightly in the houses of adults when trying to talk to them."

    It is not because we are the "unserious" ones but because we are new to so many people. Think of this as your "first date" with a political convertee.

  • ||

    Think of this as your "first date" with a political convertee.

    "If that slaver bitch thinks I'm buyin dinner then she's got another thing coming.

    No we will not go dutch, the dutch are commies, we'll go Rand.

    And, if after we go back to my place and she gets turned on by my gun collection I'll have her sign this contract that puts parameters on all of the variables involving coitus...then some sweet sweet after-sex Star Trek."

  • PIRS||

    "If that slaver bitch thinks I'm buyin dinner then she's got another thing coming."

    One of the smartest things that the LvMI ever did was allow people to download anything from their entire PDF library at no cost. They also have lots of MP3s they let people download at no cost. AND they also put almost everything on thier site under a Creative Commons license. If your ACTUAL GOAL is to change people's minds about freedom this makes perfect sense.

  • cynical||

    Politics (as opposed to ideology) is basically intranational diplomacy. And the weaker your bargaining position, the more charm you have to pile on.

  • Surly Chef||

    I support my right to drive a tank...

  • Name Nomad||

    And my children's right to make love to my dog's tank.

  • Fiscal Meth||

    Just make sure you keep the registration up to date and don't forget your smog check. Oh yeah and the tinting on your front visor is a little darker than allowed.

  • Upgrayyed||

    I love bazooka

  • ||

    Oof. I know that hit a nerve with more than one of the regulars on these boards. Let the whining commence!

    Come to think of it, the GOP almost never has a "macho flash" these days, and when they do, they usually end up apologizing profusely and going to an MLK breakfast and doing a rain dance with a tribal chief.

    As for the Dems, I don't think they have had a real "macho flash" in 25 years. Obama's "spread the wealth" quip was like a thunderclap, and the GOP tried in vain to milk it like it was an rGBH dairy cow. The Dems don't have party discipline, but they have learned message discipline, and manage to keep pretty much everything euphemistic.

  • ||

    "spread the wealth"

    I love it. The left are so mind-numbingly stupid on this, its a wonder they can tie their shoes.

    Why would a wealth-maker continue making wealth if it's just going to be spread around? Why would a wealth-receiver get off his fat ass when he's just going to receive more?

    Oh, yeah, that gun in their backs.

  • ||

    You are like a gumball machine. I put in the coin. I turn the crank. Out pops a gumball. Here. Let's do it again:

    Reverend Wright [crank!][bing!]

    Bill Ayers [crank!][bing!]

    cling-to-guns [crank!][bing!]

    Mmmm! Wingnut-flavored!

    You will never, ever, be a threat, or even a nuisance, to anyone you oppose. You are a flea in the midst of a cattle stampede. You count for nothing.

  • ||

    You will never, ever, be a threat, or even a nuisance, to anyone you oppose. You are a flea in the midst of a cattle stampede. You count for nothing.

    Which is why Danny the dip-shit feels it so imperative to respond to you. The above statement is a classic example of projection.

    If Danny had been alive and old enough to vote back then, he would have been one of the people who said, after a landslide, "I don't know a single person who voted for Nixon". In poor Danny's world, everything to the right of Paulie Krugnuts isn't even understood to exist. Basically, "someone disagrees with me? Nah, impossible". Such is the state of American "education" today.

  • doctor||

    Right, kick ass. Well, don't want to sound like a dick or nothin', but, ah... it says on your chart that you're fucked up. Ah, you talk like a fag, and your shit's all retarded.

  • Gabe E||

    +1

  • ||

    I like how libertarians are alternatively Koch-funded monsters intent on bringing society to its knees and completely irrelevant losers who'll never say or do a single thing that matters.

    I guess as long as we're not characterized as normal people with sincerely held beliefs, it's all good.

  • ||

    The rejoinder was directed to the individual Sean L., not to any larger cause or movement. Unless, of course, the larger cause or movement is misguided enough to adopt the likes of Sean L. as representative. Which is exactly what the video cautions against. And this is all so effing obvious I can't believe I even have to type it out for you 'tards so maybe you all are really hopeless as a group after all.

    Oh, and Gill, telling somebody that they would not have voted for Nixon isn't exactly an insult, you know? You know how it turned out with Nixon, right? He was not a good choice and the people who voted against him turned out to be right in the end.

  • ||

    Gil said you would have claimed not to know anyone who voted for Nixon. He didn't say anything about how you actually would have voted.

    As for the rest of us 'tards, we should be thankful you're here to teach us the art of fair-minded civil discourse.

  • ||

    (1) a distinction which signifies exactly nothing and (2) you're welcome.

  • ||

    Danny, 11/8/1972, after Nixon wins 61-38: "Damn, at least I didn't vote for him."

    Danny, 11/8/1972, after Nixon wins 61-38: "Wow, I can't believe he won, I don't know a single person who voted for him."

    Yeah. Same thing.

  • ||

    Do you have a point?

  • prolefeed||

    Do you have a point?

    Yes. Yes, he does.

    Do you get it?

  • ||

    Do you get it?

    Of course he doesn't. But to be fair to Danny, from the tenor of his posting, he is probably still in his teens and barely knows who Nixon even was. The quote, revealing how out of touch the Leftard is, means nothing to the out of touch Leftard.

  • ||

    ++++++++++

  • ||

    So what are you? 80 and you voted for Nixon against JFK in 1960?

  • ||

    Better than you, at least.

  • ||

    Are you asking me or Rhayader?

  • cynical||

    "Do you have a point?"

    Yes, and it's been made a few times in different ways by people trying to help clarify. The fact that they all get it and you don't means that the problem is you.

  • ||

    I'd like to see you prove that.

  • sr7||

    Loser.

  • ||

    "Guns! Booze! The only thing that gets me hard is freedom! Like to do as you're told? Get the fuck out! I'm fanning my balls with LIBERTY! Don't walk away from me, bitch!"

  • Patrick Henry||

    "I'm fanning my balls with LIBERTY!"

    Stop stealing my work.

  • Brett L||

    This is my new email signature.

  • Rob||

    You just made me laugh so hard I cried.

  • Sovereign Immunity||

    You forgot snorting bumps off hookers' asses...

  • ||

    Got to save something in case she comes back.

  • Juice||

    Sounds like your going to go America all over their asses!

    /not that obscure

  • ||

    What the hell kind of candy-ass tank has a steering wheel.

  • Surly Chef||

    The M1 Abrams.

  • Surly Chef||

    Well sort of. More like handle bars.

  • silent v||

    I went to a few meetings of the OC LP. The guy in the OC Hemp Council shirt is a pretty cool guy. And he has (or at least had) one smoking hot Indian girlfriend.

  • Doug||

    Thanks. She was very hot! Now I'm dating an olympic gymnist. By the way, the lack of many libertarian men having girlfriends or being unable to be attractive to the opposite sex is one reason we aren't attractive to the rest of the public. If you are one of these guys please research the Pick Up Artist community. Much better then toastmasters to learn how to persuade and be cool. LET THE FLAMING BEGIN!

  • Mango Punch||

    Some comedian friends of mine made this: Chnk Thomas the Real Tea Party Candidate... it's much funnier than above video.

  • CatoTheElder||

    dumb

  • Robert||

    It is better, and practically exactly the same subject matter. Too bad it was linked down here in the comments rather than by one of the bloggers.

  • Mango Punch||

    Happy you liked it Robert, maybe Stephen J Smith will be tasked with digging leads out of the comments, and find this gem.

  • ||

    No one's going to take away my dog's gun!

  • TheOtherSomeGuy||

    It would be kind of entertaining to shoot a spotted owl.

  • T||

    So, what side goes best with spotted owl?

    Although I imagine owl, like most predators, tastes kind of gamy.

  • CatoTheElder||

    Yeah, even though it's fowl, you should choose a hearty red wine.

  • ||

    I prefer a wild-rice stuffing.

  • Fiscal Meth||

    If you shoot it with some fine bird shot, it will be even more spotted.

  • CatoTheElder||

    It's been a long time since I laughed so hard as I did at the 2nd Amendment libertarian at about 4:30.

    "you need to be able to shoot 'em, shoot 'em with a machine gun"

  • Robert||

    Try the Chunk Thos. link above.

  • Max||

    Since libertarians talk mostly to each other, presuation isn't even an issue. But did that old cunt Aun Rand really believe that the link betwee cigarettes and lung cancer was a hoax?

  • Fiscal Meth||

    I don't know if I'm even presuaded that there's even a link betwee Aun Rand and the woman you're thinking of.

  • .||

    I'm presuaded.

  • BakedPenguin||

    Hell, I thought you were part of presuede / denim secret police.

  • sr7||

    loser.

  • ||

    No, that's the thing. They have these public events called street fairs, and they let us libertarians set up booths there just like anybody else. Which leads to the trouble depicted in above video.

  • ||

    David Nolan was great in this! I always like it when someone has passed on and then I get to see them live on in a video clip or something similar.

    Dang I had cute kids!!

  • Robert||

    You thought that was David Nolan at the opening too? Could we be mistaken?

  • Robert||

    According to the notes at YouTube, we're right. Who knew he'd be a fine improvisational actor, it asks? I did, and told him so. He said he had done a little bit of theater.

  • Mark||

    That was Dave Nolan, he was is in Orange County CA at the time we made this video, he was great!

  • SIV||

    Disney can't bid on Yosemite until they give Mickey Mouse his manumission papers.

  • ||

    What are you? 80 & voted for Nixon in '60 over JFK?

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