Shaquille O'Neal, Lawman

Radley Balko | September 17, 2010

Washed-up basketball star Shaquille O'Neal has made no secret about his wish to become a cop after he retires. And he's been made an honorary deputy at several police departments around the country. Radar Online now reports that he may already be well-acquainted with the custom of professional courtesy.

NBA star Shaquille O'Neal is at the center of an explosive new lawsuit accusing him of computer hacking, destroying evidence and indicating that he attempted to frame an employee by planting child pornography on his computer, RadarOnline.com is reporting exclusively...

Here are some of the explosive allegations:

Shaq hacked into the voicemails and phone systems of Darling and Vanessa Lopez, a mistress who is currently suing O'Neal. He deleted Lopez's messages and changed her password.

O'Neal used his law enforcement contacts, both active and retired, to obtain restricted information about one of his mistresses, Alexis Miller, while he was involved in a legal battle with her.

Shaq threw a personal computer holding much of this evidence in the lake behind his home.

Shaq conspired with active law enforcement as well as ex-members of law enforcement to frame Darling for a criminal offense and destroy any evidence that Darling might have against O'Neal.

Darling says there is proof in the form of emails, text messages and photos that Shaq had multiple affairs while married and tried to keep that information from going public.

This is one half of a lawsuit, so digest the allegations with that in mind.

Back in 2007, I wrote a short item for Reason about Shaq's participation in a botched SWAT raid in, of all places, Bedford County, Virginia. Of all the bizarre SWAT stories I've reported over the years, that one is among the most surreal. Imagine you're A.J. Nuckols or his wife. You've just been thrown to the ground at gunpoint by a SWAT team on a mistaken search for child porn. Terrified, you then look up to see that among the officers rummaging about your rural Virginia home . . . is Shaquille O'Neal.

But Shaq had the post-raid script down pat:

"It ain’t no story," he said. "We did everything right, went to the judge, got a warrant. You know, they make it seem like we beat him up, and that never happened. We went in, talked to him, took some stuff, returned it—bada bam, bada bing."

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|9.17.10 @ 4:44PM|#

All we need now is a Steven Seagal story, and the circle will be complete.

¢|9.17.10 @ 4:46PM|#

Shaq threw a personal computer holding much of this evidence in the lake behind his home.

It must have bounced in off the shore.

hiyo

|9.17.10 @ 5:02PM|#

Dude, that was a wicked burn.

Almanian|9.17.10 @ 5:19PM|#

If he shoots a gun like he shoots free throws, would-be criminals, innocent people and family pets are safe.

The Empire|9.17.10 @ 5:56PM|#

If so, then we could find him a job as a Storm Trooper.

PicassoIII|9.17.10 @ 4:50PM|#

Geez, and i thought Dennis Rodman was a douche.

Russ 2000|9.17.10 @ 4:53PM|#

Why do you think Kobe and Phil got rid of his ass? HE'S AN ASSHOLE!!

Ragin Cajun|9.17.10 @ 5:06PM|#

As opposed to Kobe?

Russ 2000|9.17.10 @ 5:32PM|#

Yep, hard to be more arrogant than Kobe and Phil, but there you go.

|9.17.10 @ 5:07PM|#

accusing him of computer hacking

Not "Haqing"? "You've been Haq'd, bitch!"

In Shaq's defense, he is an incredibly stupid individual.

Attorney|9.17.10 @ 5:31PM|#

Good point.

|9.17.10 @ 8:49PM|#

He should fit right in to most police departments.

Someone Who Doesn't WtLHJ|9.18.10 @ 5:42PM|#

He'll need to be stupid and evil to manage that.

Ice Cube said it best.

|9.19.10 @ 8:52PM|#

What did Ice Cube say?

Warty|9.17.10 @ 5:07PM|#

More terrifying cop: Shaq or Ronnie Coleman?

|9.17.10 @ 5:11PM|#

Larry Cohen?

|9.17.10 @ 5:21PM|#

Clearly his PD does not test for steroids.

Almanian|9.17.10 @ 5:17PM|#

Sounds like he's well on his way to joining the The Thin Blue Line™.

However, until he's shot his first harmless family pet on a mistaken raid at the home of an innocent family, he won't be fully in the club.

|9.17.10 @ 5:19PM|#

And he's been made an honorary deputy at several police departments around the country.

Sounds like Rampart, LA, will now extend him the courtesy as well.

|9.17.10 @ 5:22PM|#

We've all seen that fat lazy bastard try to shoot free throws.

Yet somebody thought giving him a gun was a good idea.

|9.17.10 @ 5:24PM|#

I see others have made the connection.

|9.17.10 @ 5:28PM|#

Caption Contest!

"Hurry up and take tha picture already! I wanna bust some innocent melons wide open!"

|9.17.10 @ 5:30PM|#

"I came here on the short bus. My mommy said it's for special people like me."

|9.17.10 @ 7:44PM|#

"HURR DURR I'M A PO-PO HURR DURR HURR DURR!"

Hugh Akston|9.17.10 @ 5:31PM|#

If he got off the hook for Shazam, there's no way they're going to make this stick.

Invisible Finger|9.17.10 @ 5:35PM|#

Shaq's father is lifelong military. So this is the logical progression.

LeBron|9.17.10 @ 5:36PM|#

He's fat, can barely walk let alone run, and can't shoot straight. So he's a natural part of the brotherhood.

I am not the government's ATM|9.17.10 @ 6:07PM|#

Hey Darling, Lopez, and Miller: "tell me how my ass tastes"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1UziUhf1ukw

Paul|9.17.10 @ 6:33PM|#

NBA star Shaquille O'Neal is at the center of an explosive new lawsuit accusing him of computer hacking, destroying evidence and indicating that he attempted to frame an employee by planting child pornography on his computer, RadarOnline.com is reporting exclusively...

So what you're saying is, he's the perfect cop.

Paul|9.17.10 @ 6:35PM|#

Darling says there is proof in the form of emails, text messages and photos that Shaq had multiple affairs while married and tried to keep that information from going public.

An NBA star? Fuck that where's the evidence? You make extraordinary claims, you need extraordinary evidence.

Next thing you'll tell me is Tiger Woods is hittin' the nanny.

|9.17.10 @ 7:15PM|#

I think what he really wants is not to be a cop, but an actor on one of those cop shows. He could have his own "Low I.Q." Swat Team series. Call it "Bada bam, Bada bing."

He fit right in with Kyra Sedwick on "The Closer". Can you imagine her glaring at you, trying to get you to confess, saying, "If you don't fess up, Shaq will crush your skull."

More like "if you don't fess up, Shaq will RAP to you!"

|9.17.10 @ 8:48PM|#

Washed-up basketball star Shaquille O'Neal has made no secret about his wish to become a cop after he retires,

In the meantime, he will just be a cop-sucker.

The Thinking Man's NASCAR|9.17.10 @ 9:29PM|#

Geez, how many mistresses does one man need?

PicassoIII|9.18.10 @ 3:09AM|#

If you have to ask....

|9.17.10 @ 11:16PM|#

Wondering if Radley is a bigger fan of the Dexter Morgan brand of justice.

Brian|9.18.10 @ 4:36PM|#

"We went in, talked to him, took some stuff, returned it—bada bam, bada bing."

I really hope Shaq gets bada bam, bada binged in the ass for the next quarter century.

hee|9.20.10 @ 2:04AM|#

I saw some commercial with him in it the other night and was thinking how much I'd like to see him taken down. So this qualifies as good news, though I'm sympathetic to his ex-girlfriends, sort of.

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