From
the environs of Cincinnati, whose immediate
financial situation and long-term
prognosis is every bit as craptacular as the city's own sports
teams (who have been bilking taxpayers and fans for decades
now):
As the Enquirer reported Sunday, Hamilton County Sheriff Simon Leis will ask county commissioners on Wednesday to sign off on his using federal grant money to buy a sport cabin boat to be used to patrol potential terrorist targets on the Ohio River.
Leis argues that the money for the 25-foot boat is coming from a federal Homeland Security grant—not from county coffers—so the spending should not be an issue.
County Commissioner Greg Hartmann said this week that he will vote against the expenditure. He has been questioning all items that have come before the commissioners recently in which county departments ask for new vehicles, saying that the county should not be making such expenditures when the county is in such a severe budget crunch that it has closed a jail and laid off hundreds of employees.
This sort of scenario is doubtless playing out across the small towns and the hamlets and roaring big counties of the republic and its rolling green fields of debt-ridden sub-state-level governmental units where every public servant just needs new equipment, dagnab it, to do their job properly and be taken seriously, even if this is a downturn, isn't the whole point of the stimulus to spend as much as we can from every source because that's what's not only patriotic but good government too, what with all the terrorists and pirates and stuff around us. It's a dangerous world out there, and I don't have to tell you that we take very seriously every threat that might mean we can get more money and cool toys.
And please, Dad and Mom, it's really a gift from my uncle anyway, so it's not like it'll cost any money to you and I'll take care of it and wash it and clean it and feed it and that won't cost very much and I'll work on the weekends and shake down drug dealers and take their stuff and use that to pay for it, come on, please, come on, you know I don't even really need to be asking you, you know...
For old time's sake, here's a video (sadly, already outdated in terms of actual numbers) that graphically explains how we got into the current self-stimulatory mess at the national level, which is every bit as much an act of autoerotic asphyxiation as Michael Hutchence's finale ultimo:
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Alan Vanneman|6.3.09 @ 7:30AM|#
Well, at least the more time the good sheriff spends trolling the Ohio for terrorists, and bass, the less time he can spend hassling civilians.
Warty|6.3.09 @ 8:03AM|#
Autoerotic asphyxiation has to be the funniest way there is to die.
ed|6.3.09 @ 8:04AM|#
That's the longest rant with the fewest periods ever.
Cabeza de Vaca|6.3.09 @ 8:23AM|#
Autoerotic asphyxiation would make a great band name.
Tomcat1066|6.3.09 @ 8:26AM|#
The local DA's office is in the process of something similar, with the same argument of "it won't cost us a thing." I guess they forget where those federal grants get THEIR money from, huh?
creech|6.3.09 @ 9:00AM|#
Seems like every Catholic parish around here gets a car dealer to donate a new car for its raffles. Can't Cincy cops find a boat dealer that will donate some used trade-in? Oh, wait, it's gotta have all the bells and whistles and crap, too (much like the cosmetic nonsense that doubles the cost of a serviceable fire truck.)
|6.3.09 @ 9:28AM|#
and that won't cost very much and I'll work on the weekends and shake down drug dealers and take their stuff and use that to pay for it, come on, please,
Don't forget the drunken topless chicks auditioning for Girls Gone Wild. We'll need a camera; with a really long lens.
And after we ogle their titties, we can seize their boats and tow vehicles, and stuff.
Citizen Nothing|6.3.09 @ 10:20AM|#
Speaking of the great mass of suckage that is my home state, what do my fellow Buckeyes think of John Kasich's run for Governor?
His announced main plank is eliminating the state income tax. That seems like a good thing, especially coming from a Republican who stands a better than 50-50 shot of getting the nomination.
Greatest Hits|6.3.09 @ 11:25AM|#
INXSphyxiation
|6.3.09 @ 11:29AM|#
"""His announced main plank is eliminating the state income tax. That seems like a good thing, especially coming from a Republican who stands a better than 50-50 shot of getting the nomination.""""
Hocus Pocus. The money will just come from a different tax.
|6.3.09 @ 12:56PM|#
Is that Art p.o g. and Pro lib in the boat?
|6.3.09 @ 1:33PM|#
Why did we have to bring INXS into this
JB|6.3.09 @ 1:34PM|#
Government employees suck.
techreseller|6.3.09 @ 2:27PM|#
You mean I get a toy and someone else pays for it. Quick, write up a justification. Mention terrorists and drug dealers. There have got to be some terrorists and drug dealers out there on this land locked lake.
Man, this toy is going to be cool. Huh, what? The stupid judge said no. What does he know about what we need to do our jab?
:)
johnl|6.3.09 @ 6:20PM|#
Simon Leis is still around? He's 74!