Joe Biden, Keeping Things Simple for the Kids

Wake Forest University wanted Tim Russert as a commencement speaker. Russert kicked the bucket and so yesterday, the graduates of 2009 found themselves staring into the flapping jaws of Vice President Joe Biden, a man clearly still reeling from Bunkergate.

Read (or listen to!) the whole thing to enjoy the confused delivery, mixed metaphors ("Imagine a country that lifts up windows of opportunity"), abuse of the word "literally," and bizarre platitudes ("I believe so strongly, as you may recall when I was here in October, not in you particularly but your generation, that I don’t have a single doubt in my mind we’re on the cusp not only of a new century but a new day for this country and the world.") After Biden finished warning parents not to encourage their kids to go to graduate school, he offers up this analysis of the financial future of America:

"Just imagine. Imagine a country brought together by powerful ideas, not torn apart by petty ideologies. Imagine a country built on innovation and efficiency, not on credit default swaps and complex securities."

Hope you're taking notes grads, especially those of you who majored in econ.

On the upside, as The Christian Science Monitor points out, Biden did not reveal nuclear launch codes at any point during his talk.

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  • ||

    Imagine a country built on innovation and efficiency...

    Joe Biden, like any other politician, wouldn't know innovation or efficiency if it bit them in the ass.

  • ||

    My goodness... is that level of commentary by the CSM representative?

    I might have to subscribe.

  • Invisible Finger||

    You have to hand it to Bush, Clinton, Bush, and Obama - they certainly found running mates that were perfect assassination insurance.

  • !</a||

    Why must you give me these during working hours? I know I should not have looked, but like an addict to train wrecks, I had to.

    Now I cannot stop giggling.

  • ||

    Other gems:

    There's not a single issue on this President's plate that will not yield a change - just merely by ignoring it, it will change.



    Admittedly, it's nice to admit that the President could do nothing and watch the world change anyway. But apparently that's only true for this generation:

    Folks, we're either going to fundamentally change the course of history, or fail the generations that come after us, because change will occur. Non-action is action, unlike most generations.

  • ||

    Joe Biden; the country's village idiot.

  • ||

    What's up with the picture?

    Did the foot just come out of the mouth or is he playing ping pong with his tongue?

  • ||

    Mad props on the photo. It looks like he's about to start banging his shoe on the podium.

    The whole thing is easier to understand once you remember that Joe Biden is almost certainly suffering from brain damage after his aneurysms and brain surgery.

  • !</a||

    The whole thing is easier to understand once you remember that Joe Biden is almost certainly suffering from brain damage after his aneurysms and brain surgery.

    Didn't he get a bad hair transplant too?

  • hmm||

    The guy is a fucking idiot. Everyone knows it. He sealed the deal on the white working union vote and that is it. He's been a fucking moron from the time he hit the public stage and nothing will change. Nothing new here. Has someone started a Joe Biden gaff site yet? You could dedicate a whole site to this retards 4 years as VP. There's already enough out there to at least start a site.

  • Hugh Akston||

    I think that picture is from the NAACP event where Biden told the crowd that he's the only thing between them and the pitchforks.

  • ||

    Joe Biden makes GWB and Sarah Palin look like Geniuses in comparison. Let's see if the mainstream media gives him the bad press they gave them.

  • Mister DNA||

    I love me some abuses of the word "literally". My favorite:

    An ad for a memory-improvement program seen in The Fortean Times. One of the customer testimonials claimed the program had literally turned his mind into a steel trap.

  • ||

    Did the foot just come out of the mouth or is he playing ping pong with his tongue?

    He's yelling at the Secret Service agent who tipped the wrong stripper.

  • Fascitis Necrotizante||

    can't track it down now, but at one point I saw on some lefty blog the enraged accusation that "Bush literally wiped his ass with the Constitution."

  • ||

    People told me if I voted for John McCain we would end up with a buffoon as VP. And sure enough they were right.

  • ||

    "Just imagine. Imagine a country brought together by powerful ideas, not torn apart by petty ideologies."

    They're liquidating Congress? He and BHO are quitting?

  • ||

    Except from the presidential succession viewpoint (don't forget impeachment or resignation also gets us Biden or Pelosi), Obama's selection of Biden shows how bad Obama really is. It's not like he didn't serve in the same body as Biden and didn't know what a doofus the man is.

  • Fascitis Necrotizante||

    It's not like he didn't serve in the same body as Biden and didn't know what a doofus the man is.

    Somewhere there's a profile of Obama with the detail that on one of the handful of days he showed up to the Senate he had to listen to Biden give a speech and he rolled his eyes and wrote a note to a staffer along of the lines of "just shoot me."

  • hmm||

    Hell I'm praying for no harm to befall Il Duce every night. I dislike his policies and him. I am terrified of Biden or Pelosi getting the reigns. Both are in a race to the bottom of the left side of the bell curve. This country is doomed if either get control. It's bad enough they have the power they do.

  • ||

    "Except from the presidential succession viewpoint (don't forget impeachment or resignation also gets us Biden or Pelosi), Obama's selection of Biden shows how bad Obama really is. It's not like he didn't serve in the same body as Biden and didn't know what a doofus the man is."

    It just shows how arrogant he is. Everyone knew Biden was a moron. But, Obama knew his supporters and the media wouldn't say a word. His selection of Biden is nothing but him saying that he thinks he can do anything no matter how absurd and get away with it.

  • ¢||

    I might have to subscribe.

    It's the least infuriatingly bad big-name newspaper.

    At worst, it'll make you tear your scalp off and throw it at a baby.

  • the innominate one||

    P Brooks @ 4:07 - nice

    John @ 4:51 - one could easily make the same argument about McCain and his choice of VP

  • creech||

    Until the late night comedians start ragging on Biden, he will never rise to the level of Quayle. I wonder what Hill and Billary think of the situation?

  • ||

    Non-action is action, unlike most generations.

    And always, twirling, Twirling to Victory.

  • Paul||

    What's up with the picture?

    Did the foot just come out of the mouth or is he playing ping pong with his tongue?


    He just scored against his opponent. He must have thrown his paddle down before he began his famous Biden Trash Talk(tm).

  • ||

    "John @ 4:51 - one could easily make the same argument about McCain and his choice of VP"


    I suppose you could. But you would be a fuckhead.

  • Paul||

    John @ 4:51 - one could easily make the same argument about McCain and his choice of VP

    Who was McCain's VP again?

    It's hard enough keeping up with actual presidents, let alone every half-baked candidate that once ran but lost.

  • ||

    No, I've heard Palin make sense on something once. Biden never has. Ever.

  • the innominate one||

    John, since you have a black belt in being a fuckhead, I'll defer to your judgement.

    No, I won't. The same is true of McCain.

  • Gilbert Martin||

    "On the upside, as The Christian Science Monitor points out, Biden did not reveal nuclear launch codes at any point during his talk."

    Ha!

    He couldn't get that right if he wanted to.

  • ||

    Palin may have been a poor choice, but at least she's attractive and has occasionally sounded sane. Biden has no redeeming characteristics whatsoever. I say that without even considering his politics.

    Biden will reveal next week that the U.S. nuclear arsenal is down for a month as we re-boot the controlling computer network.

  • Gilbert Martin||

    "You have to hand it to Bush, Clinton, Bush, and Obama - they certainly found running mates that were perfect assassination insurance"

    Gore and Biden are idiots.

    Dick Cheney is not an idiot.

  • Art-P.O.G.||

    Throwing in Wayne A. Root, last year's VP choices sure were colorful, if nothing else.

  • Art-P.O.G.||

    Dick Cheney is not an idiot.

    I don't think people were implying he's an idiot, I think they're implying he's sinister and unpleasant.

  • the innominate one||

    Pro Lib - note I'm not defending Biden.

    Gore's not an idiot.

    Cheney's not an idiot, he's just evil.

  • ||

    Blue Tie Guy: "Is he humping the ping pong table?"

    Red Tie Guy: "Yeah, it's that 'victory dance' thing he does when he scores."

  • ||

    I'll give Gore one thing: I didn't think he was an idiot when he was in the Senate or when he first became VP. His idiocy kind of evolved over time.

    Cheney sucked. I actually thought he'd be a reasonably good VP when he was elected (in contrast to my low expectations for the nominal president). Wrong! But no, he's no idiot.

  • Mike Laursen||

    ... not in you particularly ...

    That's just golden.

  • BakedPenguin||

    If Palin went against Biden on Jeopardy!, Sean Connery would win.

  • ||

    BP,

    How full of synchronicity you are! I posted a video clip of Connery defending the bitch slap as a key part of marital relations today.

  • hmm||

    Biden is a habitual liar. While all politicians stretch the truth Biden flat out lies. The scary thing is I think he actually believes his own lies.

  • Art-P.O.G.||

    Hmm, wouldn't that actually make him delusional?

  • the innominate one||

    Pro Lib - I also expected Cheney to be a good VP when he was elected, although I didn't want Bush to win. Boy, is my face red! (from being waterboarded).

  • ||

    "The scary thing is I think he actually believes his own lies."

    Yep.

    Except the real scary thing is he gets away with it, with nothing but goofy coverage (there goes Joe again!) at worst. His performance at the first VP debate, in particular, was a joke.

  • Art-P.O.G.||

    If it weren't for Reason I would've had no warning.

  • skr||

    I used to think we would never have a VP as dumb as Quayle. The Bunkergate gaffe has me thinking that Biden may be up for the contest.

    As to other posts concerning Obama's choice of Biden, I think it is an assassination insurance policy. Even a right wing nutjob would think twice about putting Biden or Pelosi in the office. Unless of course they go for the trifecta in order to get former KKK member Byrd in there.

  • hmm||

    Quayle wasn't dumb per se. He was just a bumbling nerdy doofus. Biden could be dumb, but worse he is a liar. Which leads to his probably being dumb since he is too dumb to even lie effectively.

  • ||

    say what you will, Biden is getting together one awesome Jim Carrey impersonation.

  • Jim Treacher||

    Joe Biden, like any other politician, wouldn't know innovation or efficiency if it bit them in the ass.



    That's hardly fair; he can make one follicle do the work of 10.

  • ||

    Re: Pro-Liberated

    As they used to say, this is kind of idiocy that only post graduate education can produce.

  • Elemenope||

    Palin may have been a poor choice, but at least she's attractive and has occasionally sounded sane.

    [Citation Needed]

  • ||

    Another loser from the house of David??

  • Brett Stevens||

    We just elected the most corrupt and least competent administration in history because The People (circa 2009) had a tantrum over being asked to do something for which they saw no immediate benefit.

    A nation of brats gets whorelike leaders.

  • ||

    To be clear, I'm not praising Palin. I'm burying Biden.

  • ||

    He does Ted Bxter better than Ted Baxter (WKRP Cincy)

  • Mark||

    On picture:

    "Only GIRLS are allowed to blow!"

  • ||

    Tom

    Ted Baxter was on The Mary Tyler Moore Show.

    I'm almost ashamed that I knew that. :)

  • ||

    Oh, but Tom, you're right about the resemblance. Even though it hadn't occurred to me.

  • ||

    My President is an idiot, and my Vice-President is an off the charts moron.

    Biden is literally retarded

  • ||

    Wow, Joe B. and W. must have gone to the same school of crappy public speaking! What a disgrace!

  • ||

    Imagine a country led by politicians elected to office based on lies

    oh wait. thanks obama, biden...

  • ||

    all you guys making fun of cheney; had he been president there would be no iraq or afganistan. literally. as for gore, had he won, we would still be listening to his acceptance speech. had kerry won, well he would still be telling us how great he was. biden did win, but he is perhaps the worst of the lot, hes a serial 'exagerater' that really believes his own exagerations, and that makes him either dangerous or the butt of our jokes. thank god its the latter.

  • ||

    This article is indicative of poor journalism.

    "After Biden finished warning parents not to encourage their kids to go to graduate school... "

    This was a joke, go read the speech. This article is implying that he really meant it.

    What ever happened to truth in reporting...

    Independant in Georgia.

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