David Weigel | October 1, 2008

Your chart of the day
comes from Econompic Data, whose editor notices that stock in
Taser and canned soup was outperforming the S&P
index.
I personally can't think of any pure bomb shelter plays (although the housing index is up over the past three months), but over the past three months; Campbell Soup Co (which also happened to be the ONLY stock in the S&P 500 that was up yesterday) and Taser International are up 16% and 34% respectively. This compares very favorably to the S&P 500, which has struggled and is down 14% over that time frame.
Via Ezra Klein. I echo his challenge: Build your own Apocalypse portfolio!
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I'm buying Cyberdine, Spectacular Optical, and Massive Dynamic. Maybe some Network 23.
Why should we arm a gideon? In my experience, they just want us to read the bible, and offer it free for our use. I don't think they really want to force themselves upon us at gunpoint.
Episiarch -- I get the Cyberdine reference, but where are the other names from?
I'm sticking with GE. While you're all out fighting over quarts
of gasoline, I'll be in the GE bunker, powered by fusion and
defended by high-powered lasers.
Just heard that Buffet's injecting $3 billion into GE, by the way.
Good. I need a bailout after my Wamulathon last week.
Pro Lib/Epi,
You fools! Invest in Ford. Then you can create your own V8
Interceptor to prowl the Wastelands in your never ending quest for
gasoline.
Naga,
You're not reading my postings carefully. It's to avoid that very
lifestyle that attracts me to GE and its domed cities, toga-based
society, and Carousel of Progress Death.
GE has the bomb, too, I believe.
Given the Law Enforcement Problems in Detroit, it might be about time to invest in Omni Consumer Products - I'm hearing good things about their prototype Enforcement Droid Series 209
Naga,
Funny you mention that, I just bought a lot of F this
morning.
Great minds and all that . . .
Episiarch -- I get the Cyberdine reference, but where are
the other names from?
Spectacular Optical -- Videodrome
Massive Dynamic -- Fringe
Network 23 -- Max
Headroom
Smith & Wesson, Exxon, Jack Daniels, gold futures, and any publicly traded porn company.
I'm buying Cyberdine, Spectacular Optical, and Massive
Dynamic. Maybe some Network 23.
Are you bearish on Blue Sun?
I dunno. Tasers are more of an ante-Armageddon weapon. The kind you would use if you were concerned with the possibility of repercussions from a still extent legal system.
Network 23 -- Max Headroom
Way back in the mid 80's, my roommate at the time and I watched Max
Headroom for the first time on Showtime while stoned off our
gourds. We stumbled across it while channel surfing and hadn't
heard of it before.
We had to watch it again straight just to be sure that what we
remembered actually happened on the show. So, no, it wasn't the
drugs, for once.
And not the tepid-ass American version either. It was the good old
UK version that served to introduce Max as a VJ to British
television viewers.
No-one things Vault-Tec is a good buy? for shame.
I was staying away from games; they're so loaded with evil
companies that there are just too many. Though Shinra Electric
Power Company would be a good choice.
Pro Lib,
Toga wearing society? Good lord! This Censor business is gettin'
outta hand. Body armor and leather are the outfits of the
future!
Matthew,
Since I assume you are now a major stockholder please try to
pressure Ford to begin manufactoring the Ford Falcon. The bedrock
car for the V8 interceptor.
ProL, I have this one of Jayne's. If the link is bad, it's the one with the "28" and the Chinese characters that say "the militant elves".
Build your own Apocalypse portfolio!
Is this going to be anything like Choose Your Own Adventure?
Because, despite those books being lame, you could always cheat and
flip back if you didn't like your choice.
Come to think of it, is it too late to sneak a similar provision
into the bailout bill? Seems to fit the spirit of the thing.
If things are going apocalyptic, no one would be a better role
model for us than Jayne Cobb.
Naga,
I was going down the Logan's Run path. GE did that
Carousel of Progress at Disney World, and Logan's Run had
that Carousel where 30-year olds got zapped. I saw a connection and
seized the moment.
Well . . . carpe diem indeed. For some reason I picture you from Six String Samurai fighting the Russian Army in post apocalyptic America.
Is this going to be anything like Choose Your Own Adventure?
Because, despite those books being lame, you could always cheat and
flip back if you didn't like your choice.
Those were the worst. Totally defeats the purpose. Yet strangely
compelling...I would make all the wrong choices to see all the ways
you can die.
We had to watch it again straight just to be sure that what
we remembered actually happened on the show
Some of the shit Max said was surreal. When he was really rolling I
could just watch him for the whole show. All of them were nuts.
One of the most stark differences between men and women is the
powerful grip survivalist gear has on men. A few months ago I
bought one of those magnesium flint strikers even though I can't
imagine myself winding up in a situation where I'd suddenly need a
fire and have no other means to produce one.
One of these days I'm also going to blow money on one of those
straws that both filters and treats water. Nothing like drinking
off the ground after a storm to amuse your friends.
It's almost worth risking illness, starvation and death for a
chance to use these gizmos in their proper environment.
You fools! Invest in Ford. Then you can create your own V8
Interceptor to prowl the Wastelands in your never ending quest for
gasoline.
BAH! I already have 2 MOPARS! You will never catch me on or off the
road. The Charger is soon to have a bored/stroked Magnum hooked to
a TF727 and uber-new suspension too. So there!
Ah . . . like Stephen King's Dark Tower series.
"Behold! The Anti-Christ . . . the Lord of Spiders . . . all hail
the Crimson King!!!"
Guy,
Does that mean you will be The Humungous come the apocalypse? Cuz
the Interceptor was a 600 hp car, sucka fool!
Those were the worst. Totally defeats the
purpose.
Definitely the worst. After I'd read all the books in my class, I'd
start in on those pieces of shit. They defeated the purpose of my
learning to read in the first place.
In a random act of 1990s nostalgia, a friend of mine brought up the
Goosebumps books the other day. They'd have been hilarious
if they weren't so godawful.
Yet strangely compelling...I would make all the wrong choices
to see all the ways you can die.
You were a disturbed youth, weren't you?
Epi,
I love the whole quote, not just the bread and butter of it.
"My Dogs of War inform me that you mean to find a truck big enough
to haul that fat tank of gas. What a puny plan! Here is my offer .
. . just walk away. Just walk away and we will spare your lives.
Just walk away."
The kind you would use if you were concerned with the
possibility of repercussions from a still extent legal
system.
Or the kind of weapon one might use if he truly wanted to be able
to "shoot first" and still be able to "ask questions later". You
can always kill the fucker later, if you don't like his answers. It
doesn't necessarily have to be about avoiding repercussions from
law enforcement.
I'm buying Cyberdine, Spectacular Optical, and Massive Dynamic.
Maybe some Network 23.
But not before getting a key-card to Thunder Mountain and securing
a safe-house in a little town in Kansas.
NS,
Seems I shall need a . . . SUPER CHARGER!
Okay, that makes a bit over 600 HP total.
Looks liek we will have the only two hybrids on the planet worth a
crap. Next issue: tires. Since our cars burn gas and rubber . .
.
They defeated the purpose of my learning to read in the
first place.
I had two that people bought me as gifts. I would do them when I
had read everything else in my possession.
You were a disturbed youth, weren't you?
Are you telling me you didn't choose wrong answers just to
see what happened?
Guy,
Due to your almost disturbing knowledge of what a muscle car is, I
shall give some helpful advice. Kumho tires. Big, thick, awesome
looking tires. I have a set on my Camaro at 240/40/18's on the
front and 275/40/18's on the back. Never had a blowout. Even with
all the crap I was running over after Katrina. Best of all. The
tire is so versatile you can run on a flat for days it would
seems.
"Just walk away..."
I like that quote best when spoken by Butters.
But not before getting a key-card to Thunder Mountain and
securing a safe-house in a little town in Kansas.
I'm already in Valhalla Sector, bitches! Ha ha ha!
Epi,
I used to do that too. Except I would forget my path after the
first read and keep running into the same damn deaths.
Episiarch,
I have a 97' Z28 with a modified LT1 V8 engine running at about 385
hp. As you well know!
I would do them when I had read everything else in my
possession.
Remember the days before the internet, when the eventuality of
having nothing to read was a possibility? Highly
annoying.
Are you telling me you didn't choose wrong answers just to see
what happened?
Sure I did, but few can match your fascination with pain.
"What kind of pain?"
"I think: psychosexual."
NS,
In the real future that we are discussing, that could be just days
away according to some, THERE WILL BE NO MORE TIRE MAKERS ANYPLACE
IN THE UNIVERSE!!!!
That is what I need to invest in . . .
Did you just suggest I'm a guido!?
Just asking! Scottish Retard Out Cruising doesn't work with a
Camaro.
Wait! What the hell is Thunder Mountain?
I think it's a coaster at Disney
Forgiven Epi. I got into it with a guido just a few weeks ago. 2 to be precise. Started over his name. Lodovico. Asked if he was related to Lodovico il Moro. One of the Borgias. He took exception to the thought his ancestor might have been a Moor.
The "Choose Your Own Adventure" books weren't that great, but I
remember one where the United States was split into three separate
countries that were at war with each other. That one was
cool.
I also had a series of "CYOA-esque" books that were really
D&D/Fantasy kinda things. Those were much better.
NS,
Musta been a Sicilian, not an Italian. They are all sensitive about
being thought Moorish. Kinda sensitive about being thought Italian
too.
Epi,
I also have amigo blood in me. My grandmother is Mexican. Where
does that leave me? I'm apparently a Scots-Irish/Mexican
cracker.
Guy,
True enough. Sicily has been invaded so many times that I believe
them when they say they are somethin' else entirely than
Italian.
Remember the days before the internet, when the eventuality
of having nothing to read was a possibility? Highly
annoying.
Oh, that was a terrible time. You could even be bored...at
work!
Sure I did, but few can match your fascination with
pain.
When you've experienced a ton of it, it becomes almost a student of
it.
"I have this phobia about having my body penetrated surgically. You
know what I mean?"
Wait! What the hell is Thunder Mountain?
From this.
I also have amigo blood in me
Don't let LoneWacko find out!
Epi,
Now that is just in bad taste. To bring LoneWacko into this. (takes
a deep breath)
Fuck that looney piece of shit racist worthless motherfucker! Where
the fuck does he get the fucking nerve to dictate who American and
who isn't!
When you've experienced a ton of it, it becomes almost a
student of it.
Aw. Well, that's not nearly as fun as a freaky fetish. :-(
Don't let LoneWacko find out!
Not that it makes up for the racism, but the L-Dub actually had a
few half-decent lines the other day. I can see the Urkobold comic
of the future: "The Lonewackoff Makes a Friend."
I don't know what you are talking about, Dagny. I've got no problem with LoneWacko.
Aw. Well, that's not nearly as fun as a freaky fetish.
:-(
Sure it is. It's just that the fetish was caused by the pain, much
like the car accident fetish in Crash
was triggered by a crash. Can't put the cart before the
horse.
I can see the Urkobold comic of the future: "The Lonewackoff
Makes a Friend."
That would be good. Did you see BakedPenguin's comic?
I remember that movie. That movie was just plain weird. Though I did get some confused signals when the chick in the leg brace gets pounded in the car.
A Tazer required batteries....better to get a gun which require ammo....spent shotguns shells are particularly easy to reshell.
You fools! Invest in Ford. Then you can create your own V8
Interceptor to prowl the Wastelands in your never ending quest for
gasoline.
The vehicle of choice for a good Technical is a Toyota.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Technical_(vehicle)
Personally, Josh, a katana would be perfect. Blades don't need reloading!
Sure it is. It's just that the fetish was caused by the
pain
Touche. Being an (almost) American, I naturally look for a way to
skip to the fun stuff without the shitty stuff.
"We're super-rich again!"
Did you see BakedPenguin's comic?
Yup. We can only hope that gratuitious praise will convince him to
make another.
"Build your own Apocalypse portfolio!"
How about Alliant Techsystems?
They crank out about 6 billion rounds of M-16 ammo a year.
Technicals are only useful in a gang.
The loner Mad Max only survives in the movies.
In a post apocalyptic economy you should invest in the implements
that will succeed not only in the market but in the wasteland.
They crank out about 6 billion rounds of M-16 ammo a
year.
M-16 is an elegant high maintenance weapon that requires way to
much in over head.
In the long run deer hunting rifles have an advantage.
Better to invest in Wetherbee or some Kalashnikov factory in South
America.
Or better yet just give a gun smith in your town a small purse of
gold dust and a few nights with your daughter.
Josh,
Totally agree. In such an economy there will be two ways to live.
Farming and living off farmers. I don't feel like pushing a plow. I
will give you lands and technical help and in return you will
furnish men for my armies of conquest. Also, a certain percentage
of your yearly profits, say, your demesne.
"M-16 is an elegant high maintenance weapon that requires way to
much in over head."
The M-16 ins't the only rifle chambered to fire the .223 round.
The M-16 ins't the only rifle chambered to fire the .223
round.
But for killing lots of riffraff none of them really stand up to a
good 7.62-chambered Kalashnikov. It makes up for lower muzzle
velocity by punching a bigger hole, and besides, you aren't
fighting mechanized infantry in the post-apocalyptic wasteland,
you're fighting unarmored *people*.
And also, the Kalashnikov has better durability, lower overhead
costs on maintenance, and will take a fucking beating before it
breaks.
Pro Lib,
Sweet! And on the day I assume the title Lord Protector can I hold
my sword up and announce, "Power no longer grows out of the muzzle
of a gun. It grows from this!!!".
Pro Lib,
Join now and I will give you a catchy title of nobility. Lord
Liberate, scourge of bandits and reavers, Marchwarden of Florida.
Think about it.
I'll consider it, but I already have a tenuous claim to the throne of Scotland to consider. In the event of a total collapse of civilization, I should have a better chance, not having to proffer evidence or anything like that.
"And also, the Kalashnikov has better durability, lower overhead
costs on maintenance, and will take a fucking beating before it
breaks."
Maybe - but I'd say the Ruger Mini 14 scores pretty high on
durabilty as well.
I'll take a phased plasma rifle in the 40 watt range over either
one though.
Pro Liberate,
Wise of you. No is not a word to use when in the presence of
princes and kings.
Personally, Josh, a katana would be perfect. Blades don't
need reloading!
True, but I think blades will be strictly backup weapons for
awhile, and a katana is a lot to lug around for that purpose. I
would go with a wakizashi, or maybe a kukri.
And also, the Kalashnikov has better durability, lower
overhead costs on maintenance, and will take a fucking beating
before it breaks
I had heard that some of this was a bit of propoganda put out by
commies and Kalishinkov's family. That if you know anything about
taking care of guns, it's a subpar weapon; only if you're a peasant
who's used to working in the rice or poppy fields that its
foolproof nature makes a difference. (kinda like a Mac :)
OTOH, I know jack squat about (small caliber) guns; I fire a 9mm
once a year (badly).
Ah, Kolohe, thank you. I'll amend my plans to employ peasants
who have not yet achieved the age of majority. Of course,
collecting taxes from me may be difficult post-collapse.
Naga,
My family is part of the Siol Alpin, so I'm at least somewhere in
the line of one group of claimants to the throne. Along with a
hundred thousand others, I'm sure. Including people whose families
didn't ditch Scotland four hundred years ago for the New World.
Pro Libertate | October 1, 2008, 6:00pm | #
I'll consider it, but I already have a tenuous claim to the throne of Scotland to consider. In the event of a total collapse of civilization, I should have a better chance, not having to proffer evidence or anything like that.
Yeah, but you'd still be King of the wasteland known as Scotland.
Not really a win-win scenario, you know?
King of Wasteland beats slave of whoever seizes power in your part of the former United States, buddy. We're going to corner the market in wool and salmon, too.
King of Wasteland beats slave of whoever seizes power in
your part of the former United States, buddy.
"Whatever you've got in that there plane better be good, buddy,
because I think I just declared war on Cheyenne."
Naga Sadow | October 1, 2008, 3:36pm | #
Matthew,
Since I assume you are now a major stockholder please try to pressure Ford to begin manufactoring the Ford Falcon. The bedrock car for the V8 interceptor
Somewhere in a bunch of old crap, I have specs for the REAL
interceptor...The high-performance cop car engine based on the GM
400. My best friend and I built one in high school, and dropped it
into a 1970 Pontiac Tempest (Think bigger, uglier, 4 door GTO). It
was so much fun to smoke the rich kids in their supposed muscle
cars LOL
Elemenope | October 1, 2008, 6:38pm | #
King of Wasteland beats slave of whoever seizes power in your part of the former United States, buddy.
"Whatever you've got in that there plane better be good, buddy, because I think I just declared war on Cheyenne."
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