Why Smoking Pot Is Like Sex With a 10-Year-Old Girl

A recent interview with deputy drug czar Scott Burns by the Arcata Eye, a Northern California newspaper, provides some insight into the quality of thought underlying the war on drugs. Asked about "chemotherapy patients who would tell you that [marijuana] is the only thing that suppresses their nausea and gives them an appetite," Burns says:

Anybody can say something makes me feel better anecdotally. And I hear that a lot. "Marijuana is the only thing that makes me feel good." I say you should try crack, because from what I hear, crack cocaine will make you feel really good as well.

Bear in mind that Burns is not talking about people who get doctor's recommendations to take marijuana for something vague and hard to verify like "anxiety and depression." He is talking about cancer patients undergoing chemotherapy, and it's indisputable that marijuana helps relieve their nausea and restore their appetites. The Food and Drug Administration has approved the use of THC, marijuana's main active ingredient, for that very purpose, based on controlled, double-blind clinical trials. There are various reasons why some patients prefer smoked (or vaporized) marijuana to the FDA-approved capsules containing synthetic THC, including easier absorption and better control over dosage, and most drug warriors would say those reasons are not strong enough to justify allowing the medical use of marijuana. But to suggest there's no scientific evidence that marijuana is an effective anti-emetic you'd have to be utterly uninformed, egregiously dishonest, or just plain stupid.

I'm not sure which category Burns falls into, but the rest of the interview provides further evidence on that score. Asked how the American tradition of "freedom and self-determination" can be reconciled with "the government telling us what we can ingest and what we can't," Burns says:

On some issues that affect all of us for the good of the order we have to come to some consensus. And not everybody's happy, are they? And every time we don't get to do what we want... I know there are states where they really really like to marry young girls, 12, 11, or 10, and they would argue to you, "How dare the federal government preclude us from engaging in certain activities?" Well, in some instances we just say your, quote, "constitutional rights" and your freedom to do certain things gets trumped by the rest of us who say, "You know that's just not a good idea."

In short, pot smokers should be treated like child rapists. For the good of the order. 

[via Paul Armentano at NORML]

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  • ||

    "But to suggest there's no scientific evidence that marijuana is an effective anti-emetic you'd have to be utterly uninformed, egregiously dishonest, or just plain stupid."

    Why the disjunctive?

  • ||

    Another one with the "quote-unquote constitutional rights".

    I say you should try crack, because from what I hear, crack cocaine will make you feel really good as well.



    Reverse psychology: the anti-drug.

  • ||

    Under federal law, what is the minimum age for marriage?

  • The feds||

    Because we know better than you do, citizen.

  • ||

    Why Smoking Pot Is Like Sex With a 10-Year-Old Girl

    Because pot and 10-year-old girls are both carbon-based forms of life?

    Other than that, not much?

  • Episiarch||

    "Anybody can say something makes me feel better anecdotally. And I hear that a lot. "Marijuana is the only thing that makes me feel good." I say you should try crack alcohol, because from what I hear, crack cocaine alcohol will make you feel really good as well."

    I wonder if Mr. Burns likes to wind down after a hard day of criminalizing cancer patients by having a scotch or two.

  • ||

    Why Smoking Pot Is Like Sex With a 10-Year-Old Girl

    Because one makes you tight, and the other is tight?

  • ||

    prolefeed,

    So, you either copulate with your pot before smoking it or light your partner on fire and inhale the fumes after sex. I don't want to guess.

  • Quitter||

    Well, I'm convinced.

  • Bingo||

    Because you can turn pot around and pretend it's a ten-year old boy!

  • ||

    You know, we really don't have to wait until libertarians are 50% of the electorate. We could just start shooting when we get to 30%. I got dibs on this guy.

  • Episiarch||

    Bingo, Bingo!

  • ||

    To argue with a man so deficient in cognition, I recommend my patented "9-iron to the nuts" rhetorical technique. Very persuasive.

  • Bingo||

    Well, in some instances we just say your, quote, "constitutional rights" and your freedom to do certain things gets trumped by the rest of us who say, "You know that's just not a good idea."


    I don't know whether to laugh or cry.

  • ||

    tomhynes,

    I don't believe there's any federal law addressing that, aside from the prohibition on transporting an underage minor across state lines for the purpose of marriage. However, if any state got out of line, they could easily pull the withholding-highway-funds trick to force them into compliance.

  • Mike Laursen||

    "I know there are states where they really really like to marry young girls, 12, 11, or 10 ..."

    I'm sorry but that sure sounded like our deputy drug czar majorly insulting a bunch of our citizenry. I suppose the only reason he hasn't been dragged out to apologize on CNN is that everybody figures he's talking about some other state.

  • bradley||

    This guy sounds like he was totally baked for this interview.

  • Johnny Nowhere||

    "I know there are states where they really really like to marry young girls, 12, 11, or 10..."

    Burns is from Utah. A little personal experience in this statement?

  • TallDave||

    Anybody can say something makes me feel better anecdotally. And I hear that a lot. "Marijuana is the only thing that makes me feel good." I say you should try crack, because from what I hear, crack cocaine will make you feel really good as well.

    Goddamn right. Same goes for penicillin, aspirin, and quinine. WALK IT OFF, PEOPLE!!

  • Abdul||

    I know there are states where they really really like to marry young girls, 12, 11, or 10,

    Which state's population is made up entirely of Roman Polanski and Woody Allen?

  • TallDave||

    This guy sounds like he was totally baked for this interview.

    I think that's more than a little unfair to the baked.

  • Fluffy||

    Which state lets you get married at 10? I mean, name one, Burns.

    By the way, who's the 10 year old girl in the scenario when someone is smoking pot? That would seem to be an important element of an analogy that compares an activity one does to oneself with an activity one does to a 10 year old girl.

  • Fluffy||

    "You know that's just not a good idea."

    I'm also trying to understand how people can continue to offer consequentialist arguments against pot use when the guy who's pretty likely to be the next President of the United States freely admits to having been a steady pot user.

    Pretty much all the successful people I've ever met have smoked marijuana at some point in their life. Why was it a bad idea? Where's the evidence?

  • ||

    this is depressing. Obama or McCain, nothing will change. The kingdom will come from within your heart. To do that you must be brave.
    One virtue; courage. One vice; cowardice.
    It is time to call for and out THE LIBERTARIAN MILITIA.

    By 2012 the relationship between the Federal government and the people will be vastly different.
    If no blood is spilled for the worse. A lot worse.

  • Scooby||

    FTA, speaking of busted "grow houses":

    Burns: A couple in the county.

    Eye: Were these what we think of in Arcata as houses ą that is, residential homes that have been converted to this industrial use?

    Burns: Yes.



    No wonder the Arcata (Humboldt County, California) fuzz brought in the feds to help bust pot growers - there were zoning violations involved.

  • Nigel Watt||

    By 2012 the relationship between the Federal government and the people will be vastly different.
    If no blood is spilled for the worse. A lot worse.

    3% of the population cannot effect change through violence. Move to NH and participate in the peaceful, effective activism happening there.

  • Scooby||

    Terry,

    I find your ideas intriguing and would like to subscribe to your newsletter.

  • ||

    Who does the DEA answer to? Just who do I complain to about this moron?? :(

  • pxt||

    Terry, you're wrong as hell.

    If there's one thing I trust Obama to do right--and there may only be one--it's to not spend federal funds harassing medical dispensaries or basement grow ops, provided that they do not get too large-scale or loud to ignore.

  • Colin||

    Barney Frank and Ron Paul just sponsored a bill to decriminalize pot use, in regards to federal law.

  • ||

    I'm sorry, but in polite conversation or even in heated discussion, raping a 10 year old never comes to mind. Why is it that it does for Burns?

  • ||

    "I know there are states where they really really like to marry young girls, 12, 11, or 10..."

    Even with parental consent, I believe the minimum age for marriage is no lower than 14, anywhere.

    So I assume the rest of his blatherings are of equal value.

  • ||

    "The order"?!?! Why the definite article? Is he referring to the New World Order? The Jesuits? The Brüder Schweigen? A secret society of dominatrixes? Objectifying abstract concepts like "order" is yet another symptom of the fungus eating away at this guy's brain.

    And as for 10 year old girls, the reason there is an age limit is the same reason there's an age limit for signing contracts and joining the military: the age of consent. Last I checked, no one on the marijuana legalization bandwagon was advocating selling pot to minors.

  • ||

    Scott Burns is a

    douchebag.
    lying cunt.
    bootlicking asshole.
    enemy of freedom.
    disingenuous purveyer of lies.
    dissembling cocksucker.
    mendacious prick.
    deceitful propondagist.

    I'm going to go regulate me some commerce in order to calm down

  • ||

    prolefeed,

    So, you either copulate with your pot before smoking it or light your partner on fire and inhale the fumes after sex. I don't want to guess.


    Well, if one's wife's flimsy French maid's costume accidentally catches fire from all the lit candles scattered about the room, I guess the latter technically applies.

    Though I would put out the fire before continuing to have sex with her. I'm romantic that way. ;)

  • Warty||

    Beating Scott Burns to death with a kettle would make me feel really, really good. May I try it?

  • ||

    God, I had that argument.

    As if treating the symptoms of chemo was the same thing as getting a buzz. It's the retreat to generality.

    Way to insult cancer patients, Mr. Compassion.

  • Scooby||

    I'm sorry, but in polite conversation or even in heated discussion, raping a 10 year old never comes to mind. Why is it that it does for Burns?



    I'm sure that, if you asked him, he would answer something like: "You just haven't been exposed to the depravity that I have. There is to limit to the depths that these potheads will descend in their quest to destroy all that is good about this great land. If you only knew what I know, you'd be all for the summary execution of anyone possessing so much as a single marijuana cigarette, or "joint" to use the parlance of these despicable creatures."

    Fuck. Just reading that tripe made my skin crawl.

  • ||

    "I know there are states where they really really like to marry young girls, 12, 11, or 10 ..."

    Nobody wants to marry a 12 year old. They might want to fuck her if she's hit puberty and looks older than 12, but marry her? Please. Well, OK, this police chief appears to be protesting his innocent o'ermuch, but to extrapolate to the rest of us?

  • ||

    "Do your children enjoy jazz music? For I am here to tell you that Cab Calloway, Dizzy Gillespie, Duke Ellington, and the whole weed-blowing ginger-colored lot are merely masquerading as musicians and are, in fact, agents of evil. Reefer slows down the smoker's sense of time, allowing him to squeeze in unnecessary grace notes, giving this voodoo music the power to hypnotize white women into indulging in acts of unspeakable degradation."

  • ||

    pxt | July 30, 2008, 3:51pm | #

    Terry, you're wrong as hell.

    If there's one thing I trust Obama to do right--and there may only be one--it's to not spend federal funds harassing medical dispensaries or basement grow ops, provided that they do not get too large-scale or loud to ignore.


    You left out "... or it turns out to be politically expedient."

    You DO know he's a politician, right?

  • Naga Sadow||

    Someone needs to plant drugs in his house and then make an "anonymous" tip to the police. Said tip should include selling drugs to young girls of approximately 10, 11, or 12 years of age.

  • ||

    Who does the DEA answer to? Just who do I complain to about this moron?? :(

    The DEA is Department of Justice. This piece of festering detritus is ONDCP, a Cabinet-level administrative office.

  • ||

    Well I will add him to the growing list of government peckerheads I hope dies a slow painful death. Yes I mean that with all my being, all those that would keep another from relief over what ails them should die a very slow very painful death. Oh, the sooner the better!

  • atrevete||

    "Well, in some instances we just say your, quote, "constitutional rights" and your freedom to do certain things gets trumped by the rest of us who say, 'You know that's just not a good idea.'"

    Like in Iran or North Korea? What a tool!

  • ||

    "...your freedom to do certain things gets trumped by the rest of us who say, 'You know that's just not a good idea.'"

    Welcome to the gulag.

    Are we sure that the fellow being interviewed wasn't MONTGOMERY Burns?

  • jtuf||

    So, Burns can't see the difference between an adult and a 10 year old girl. That is scary.

  • Ska||

    No, Monty Burns would not be steadfastly against legalizing pot or restricting your rights as there is no conflict of interest with his power plant.

  • Ska||

    He can't see the difference between what an adult does to themself as compared to what an adult would do to a 10 year old girl.

  • Rimfax||

    What's this "order" that he refers to? I don't remember getting a robe and a board.

  • ||

    I know some government employees would like to keep and use their reproductive organs...
    Well, in some instances we just say your, quote, "constitutional rights" and your freedom to do certain things gets trumped by the rest of us who say, "You know that's just not a good idea."

  • red green||

    Add this guy to the long ,"war criminals of the drugwar",list. Bring on the trials...soon.

  • ||

    In case anyone wants to know the biography of this genius:

    http://www.whitehousedrugpolicy.gov/about/burns.html

  • ||

    What if the rest of us say that this fool should be punched in the groin every fifteen minutes for the rest of his life ... you know ... for the good of the order? I wonder what he would think about his, quote, "constitutional rights" then.

    What an asshat.

  • ||

    "On some issues that affect all of us for the good of the order we have to come to some consensus. And not everybody's happy, are they? And every time we don't get to do what we want..."

    Damn socialist.

  • ||

    Some people deserve cancer. This guy is one of them.

  • ||

    ...the good of the order...



    I hope I can go the rest of the year without seeing those words again.

  • Metal Messiah||

    Some days I just hate myself for coming to this site, you know?

    The shit I read here can just destroy my whole day. Innocent people getting murdered by cops over a couple of joints. Government assholes gleefully stripping us of our civil liberties.

  • ||

    There are an awful lot of pot stories here lately, what's going on? Gas prices got everyone extra stressed out or something?

  • ||

    Anybody can say something makes me feel better anecdotally. And I hear that a lot. "Marijuana is the only thing that makes me feel good." I say you should try crack, because from what I hear, crack cocaine will make you feel really good as well.

    Isn't the important thing here that we now have a high-ranking U.S. official on the record recommending that Americans smoke crack?

  • ||

    Yo, Burns, I'd stay away from comments about 10 year olds if I were you, since your drug alcohol is the drug of choice of child molestors. As noted above, he does sounds drugged up himself. The DEA seems to be getting more and more wild in their claims, let's keep up the pressure!

  • ||

    maybe if it wasn't dry around here, I would have done a better job of proof reading. Sorry 'bout that.

  • 5th grade boy||

    IMO, it's way easier to buy a bag of pot.

  • ||

    So, this asshole doesn't even pretend to be an appointed official in a democracy anymore? This is a fascist ideal justified with a socialist agenda.

  • ||

    Brandon
    "This is a fascist ideal justified with a socialist agenda."

    Not really. Marijuana prohibition began as a religious crusade by the Mormons in Utah. It's still religion based with no science or demonstrated need backing this crusade to banish temptation.

  • ||

    some states people like to shoot assholes like him caue it makes them feel better

  • M Minteren||

    Down with the Czar's

  • briana||

    this is bull shit! okay this is so much bull shit i do weed and i fucked many ten year olds they are not the same you dip shit duh

  • mel||

    This is the dumbest article ive ever read.

  • ||

    Wow, This is a prime example of idiocracy. This guy is so self absorbed he couldnt even consider the up's rather than the downs of pot.

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