My Kinda Platform

Jesse Walker | May 26, 2008

Another electoral alternative:

I created my own party. It's called the Sloth and Indolence Party, and I am running as an anarchist candidate in the best sense of that word. I have studied the presidency carefully; I have seen that our best presidents were the do-nothing presidents: Millard Fillmore, Warren G. Harding. When you have a president who does things, we are all in serious trouble. If he does anything at all -- if he gets up at night to go to the bathroom -- somehow, mystically, trouble will ensue. I guarantee that if I am elected, I will take over the White House, hang out, shoot pool, scratch my ass, and not do a damn thing. Which is to say, if you want something done, don't come to me to do it for you; you got to get together and figure out how to do it yourselves. Is that a deal?

That's the folksinger Utah Phillips talking, a few elections ago. He won't be running this time, alas -- he just died at age 73.

Comments

|5.26.08 @ 8:37PM|#

Why the fuck doesn't Reason Magazine hire a "body language expert" to determine once and for all what these candidates are REALLY saying?

Mike|5.26.08 @ 8:50PM|#

RIP Utah Phillips.

Dormouse|5.26.08 @ 8:50PM|#

I'd vote for him.

Neu Mejican|5.26.08 @ 9:01PM|#

Utah was a great story teller.

RIP

Gahan|5.26.08 @ 9:04PM|#

I might vote for such a candidate if it didn't involve leaving my living room.

Andy|5.26.08 @ 9:22PM|#

If you were starting a country from scratch, maybe this would be fine. Unfortunately, to create more freedom in this country as it is, a President would have to be active, cutting this, slashing that, smacking so and so around.

rechoboam|5.26.08 @ 9:32PM|#

Why the fuck doesn't Reason Magazine hire a "body language expert" to determine once and for all what these candidates are REALLY saying?

If their lips are moving, they are lying; if their hands are moving your pocket has probably been picked. If they look happy or (God forbid) are doing high-fives and stuff - GET THE HELL OUT OF THERE...

Geoff Nathan|5.26.08 @ 9:44PM|#

Everybody has to listen to 'Good, though'. And after you've heard it, you'll never be able to say it again.
Olav ha-shalom...

Geoff Nathan|5.26.08 @ 9:49PM|#

I guess the cut itself is called 'Moose Turd Pie'. Anyway, it's one of the all-time great stories, told by an amazing story-teller.

Jesse Walker|5.26.08 @ 10:00PM|#

I guess the cut itself is called 'Moose Turd Pie'.

Hear it here.

|5.26.08 @ 10:25PM|#

If only I had known about this guy sooner. Rest easy.

|5.26.08 @ 10:32PM|#

As much as I applaud the idea of "Sloth and Indolence Presidential Candidate" I'd do one better.

I would promise to do absolutely nothing, except veto every single bill passed to me which contains even a one line item exceeding Congress' Constitutional powers.

By my estimate, that should be pretty much all of them.

Neu Mejican|5.26.08 @ 11:09PM|#

Other passings of note:

Musician Sonny Okosuns
http://combandrazor.blogspot.com/2008/05/rip-sonny-okosuns-1947-2008.html

And Film Maker Sydney Pollack

petey|5.26.08 @ 11:39PM|#

I'd join your party but I'm too busy laying on the couch watching tv.

thoreau|5.27.08 @ 1:25AM|#

There's no way I would have voted for this guy while he was alive. What if he got to the White House and suddenly developed some ambition and broke his promise to do jack shit? But now that he's dead, I'm quite comfortable voting for him.

|5.27.08 @ 6:18AM|#

"Rock Salt & Nails" was a good song.

I used to listen to his radio show on the internet a few years ago. I'd say it's a nice thing to have a sort of historical hobo personage like Utah P. around but I wouldn't want him to run my local emergency room.

robc|5.27.08 @ 9:08AM|#

rhoreau,

Missouri tried that but it didnt work out so well. They didnt let sleeping (or in that case dead) senators lay.

|5.27.08 @ 9:13AM|#

robc,

We were just willing to do anything to get out from under Ashcroft. I mean, really, none of us could have expected that /not/ electing him would put him in an even more powerful position...

Abdul|5.27.08 @ 9:26AM|#

To be fair, the current president has logged more vacation time than any other recent president, and few people seem to think that he meets the Utah Phillips ideal.

|5.27.08 @ 9:52AM|#

As much as I applaud the idea of "Sloth and Indolence Presidential Candidate"

Say, isn't Fred Thompson available?

BakedPenguin|5.27.08 @ 10:17AM|#

Reminds me of the "Apathy Party" from Futurama. I'd link to something about it, but...eh, screw it.

|5.27.08 @ 10:22AM|#

Say, isn't Fred Thompson available?

If I wanted to be indolent, the last thing I would do is run for President of the United States of America. It would be a full-time job just getting people to stop bothering me.

TallDave|5.27.08 @ 10:50AM|#

He won't be running this time, alas -- he just died at age 73.

That's just an added attraction. Now he's even more qualified!

Frankly, I think just about all our elected officials do a much better job at room temperature.

|5.27.08 @ 12:34PM|#

It would be a full-time job just getting people to stop bothering me.

You'd have people for that. Just move into Camp Pendleton full time, and tell the Secret Service to hold your calls.

|5.27.08 @ 1:39PM|#

He won't be running this time, alas -- he just died at age 73.

Why should that be a problem? The Democrats have a lot experience getting dead people to vote for their candidates. Surely we can leverage their expertise and get a dead guy on the ballot.