Subpoenas of the Gods

A Telegraph correspondent in India describes a dispute "over ownership of a 1.4-acre plot in Dhanbad which adjoins a temple dedicated to Ram and another one dedicated to the monkey god Hanuman." The priest claims to own the land, while the congregants say it belongs to the gods themselves. To resolve the debate, a judge has

placed notices in newspapers...asking gods Ram and Hanuman to appear in his court next week to present their arguments.

"You failed to appear in court despite notices sent by a messenger and later through registered post. You are hereby directed to appear before the court personally," Judge Singh's notice stated.

The newspaper notices were published, in keeping with accepted Indian legal practice, after two summons dispatched to the plaintiff deities were returned because their addresses were "incomplete".

In a parallel development,

Tweety may get a chance to take the witness stand and sing like a canary. An Italian court ordered the animated bird, along with Mickey Mouse, Donald Duck and his girlfriend Daisy, to testify in a counterfeiting case.

In what lawyers believe was a clerical error...the court summons cites Titti, Paperino, Paperina, Topolino -- the Italian names for the characters -- as damaged parties in the criminal trial of a Chinese man accused of counterfeiting products of Disney and Warner Bros.

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  • Episiarch||

    And of course, the prosecution in the Italian case would ask "what kind of Mickey Mouse operation are you running, anyway?"

  • ||

    I favor Hanuman's position, particularly given that today is the holiest of holy days for him. . .Monkey Tuesday.

  • ||

    US Courts have never been able to get personal jurisdiction over Satan. Monkey gods are another story. How does one keep a straight face when saying "monkey god"?

  • ||

    hold me, i'm scared.

  • ||

    I hope Ram and Hanuman choose to appear manifest.

    It would set a precedent for the other deities.

  • lunchstealer||

    How does one keep a straight face when saying "monkey god"?

    Lots of muscle relaxers and/or mood stabilizers.

  • ||

  • ||

    There's no point in acting all surprised
    about it. The plans and demolition orders
    have been on display at your local planning
    office in Alpha Centauri for fifty of your
    Earth years, so you've had plenty of time
    to lodge formal complaints.

    What do you mean you've never been to
    Alpha Centauri? Oh, for heaven's sake
    mankind, it's only four light years away
    you know. I'm sorry, but if you can't be
    bothered to take an interest in local
    affairs that's your own lookout.

  • ed||

    There is no god but Monkey, and Lancelot Link is his prophet.

  • Butt-head||

    So, like, if the court rules in Ram's favor, will they spank the monkey?

  • ||

    I kind of like this ruling. The judge is basically saying that if you won't appear in court, you have no standing. He's just making sue that the legal Ts and Is are crossed dotted. We have laws in this country that require notice publication in certain civil cases, don't we?

  • iowan||

    Too bad George Burns is unavailable.

  • ||

    Let's take up a collection, and pay somebody to release a monkey into the countroom on the day of the hearing.

    Then videotape it.

  • Episiarch||

    joe wins prankster of the day.

  • ||

    Monkey gods are another story. How does one keep a straight face when saying "monkey god"?

    I'm sure it sounds much more intimidating in the original Hindi.

  • ||

    A monkey appearing in a courtroom will not suffice. What we need is a guy in a gorilla suit, wearing Hanuman regalia. Is Rick Baker available?

  • ||

    As far as the tree branches are above the earth, so far are my feces above your feces, says the Monkey God.

  • ||

    It is rank heresy to speak of the Monkey God throwing his own feces. No, as it is written, he throws the feces of Brahma.

  • ||

    With apologies to any Hanuman worshipers--it's just so hard to resist on Monkey Tuesday. Must. . .restrain. . .self.

  • sr2||


    (click it, g'head!)

  • ||

    What would happen to someone in a monkey god suit that showed up in court to assert ownership of the land? Obviously in Sudan they would cut his head off, but what would happen in India?

  • ||

    It would be comical, like when the ewoks worshipped 3PO.

  • BakedPenguin||

    It would be comical, like when the ewoks worshipped 3PO.

    Until the monkey got revenge!

  • ||


    Ah, part of the award-winning Maneater Series™. With Oscar® winner, F. Murray Abraham.

  • VM||

    ProGLib, Baked:

    was that the movie where FMA's character was fictionalized into a scoundrelesque music teacher, who was driven to madness by the prodigy Organ Grinder simian student?

    At any rate, we have to beware of the Monkey. YEA, FORSOOTH! FEAR THE MONKEY! Just ask Mr. Tallyman...

  • ||


    Wolfgang Amamonkus Monkzart?

  • VM||


    (I think, however his middlename was Amazaius)

  • ||

    Amazaius! Brilliant! Oh, man, that's got to be a Monkey Tuesday posting. Amazaius by Moose Forman. A play about an orangutan composer. Koko in a cameo?


  • bali||

    its shame on our new generation who doesnt beleive in GOD and GODDESSES. The problem is who owns the land.My answer is God owns the Land because when one who claims is his land after he dies he is no more the owner someone else is the owner sooo ultimately human´beings come and go OWNERS CHANGE but IMMORTAL is GOD EARTH BELONGS TO HIM......


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