Reason has profiled the major Republican presidential hopefuls and devised a scientific* survey to help readers find true love among the 10 top contenders (Herman Cain, Michelle Bachmann, Rick Santorum, Rick Perry, Gary Johnson, Sarah Palin, Jon Huntsman, Newt Gingrich, Mitt Romney, Ron Paul).
Click here to take an eight-question quiz and find the candidate of your dreams.
* We're using "scientific" in the Republican sense of the word. So we really mean "made up."
Name: Herman Cain
DOB: December 13, 1945 (Shares a birthday with Mary Todd Lincoln, Ted Nugent, Ben Bernanke)
Aliases: The Godfather
Experience: Raised in Atlanta by his mother and janitor/chauffeur/barber father. Math major at Morehouse College. Worked in management for Coke, Pillsbury, and Burger King, and eventually rescued the floundering Godfather's Pizza chain as CEO. Chaired the Federal Reserve Bank of Kansas City. Got into politics as the head of the National Restaurant Association (a.k.a. "the other NRA"), where a well-placed quip helped nix HillaryCare—and where he was twice accused of "sexually suggestive behavior." Thence to talk radio, and a 2000 presidential candidacy. Cain is the author of four books, including the prescient They Think You're Stupid (2005).
Hangups: Sharia, the number 4.
Spending/Size of government/entitlement reform: Cain has pledged not to sign any bills longer than three pages.
Economic Policy: Backs a Fair Tax (read all about it here), elimination of the income tax, and the abolition of the IRS. Opposes some (but not all) government subsidies to industry. Cain's tax plan is the much-quoted 9-9-9 plan—9 percent business tax, 9 percent personal tax, 9 percent national sales tax.
Made a name for himself attacking the Occupy Wall Street protesters in October: "I don’t have facts to back this up, but I happen to believe that these demonstrations are planned and orchestrated to distract from the failed policies of the Obama administration. Don’t blame Wall Street. Don’t blame the big banks. If you don’t have a job, and you’re not rich, blame yourself!"
Foreign policy: Draws on his experience as a pizza magnate to form his views on foreign policy: “There was a very dangerous part of town in the black community where I wouldn’t allow my restaurants to deliver because we had kids beat, robbed. And I said ‘if I won’t send my son over there, I’m not going to send someone else’s son or daughter over there.’ When I get ready to make a decision relative to foreign policy I will make a decision based upon as if I’m sending my own kids, sons and daughters, into war. I’m not going to do that lightly.” Plans for Afghanistan are unclear. Accuses the Obama administration of "foggy foreign policy."
Has recently tried to turn his ignorance on foreign policy into a strength: “I’m ready for the ‘gotcha’ questions and they’re already starting to come. And when they ask me who is the president of Ubeki-beki-beki-beki-stan-stan I’m going to say you know, I don’t know. Do you know? And then I’m going to say how’s that going to create one job?"
Drug war: Cain wants to "crack down on the laws against illegal drug use," but would like to see responsibility devolved to the states.