How Does He Know When You've Been Bad or Good?

Thought I'd reprise a post that I'd put up a couple of times before.

This was supposedly written for and sung at a U.S. Department of Justice Office of Legal Counsel Christmas party during the Carter administration; please let me know if you have a more precise attribution:

You'd better watch out,
You'd better not cry,
You'd better not pout;
I'm telling you why.
Santa Claus is tapping
Your phone.

He's bugging your room,
He's reading your mail,
He's keeping a file
And running a tail.
Santa Claus is tapping
Your phone.

He hears you in the bedroom,
Surveills you out of doors,
And if that doesn't get the goods,
Then he'll use provocateurs.

So—you mustn't assume
That you are secure.
On Christmas Eve
He'll kick in your door.
Santa Claus is tapping
Your phone.

And a slightly different version:

Comments

[Dr. Ed 2]

Scary thing is that it is real...

[darkknight9]

Santa gets a discount on purchasing surveillance info from the alphabet groups. Hell, the CIA has him on speed dial. 🙂

[AmosArch]

Here comes Biden’s Paws, here comes Biden’s Paws
Riding down Pennsylvania Lane
Kamala, Blinken, all of his henchmen
Pulling on the reins
Bells are ringing, children fleeing
All is scary and blight
Hide your kids and say a prayer
'Cause Biden’s Paws come out tonight
Here comes Biden’s Paws, here comes Biden’s Paws
Riding down Pennsylvania Lane
He's got a bulge that's filled with joy
For boys and girls again
Hear those Depends crinkle crangle
What a horrible sight
Jump in bed and cover up your head
'Cause Biden’s Paws come out tonight
Here comes Biden’s Paws, here comes Biden’s Paws
Riding down Pennsylvania Lane
He doesn't care if you're rich or poor
He’ll grope you just the same
Biden knows there’s lots of children
That makes everything right
Fill your hearts with Christmas dread
'Cause Biden’s Paws come out tonight
Well, here comes Biden’s Paws, here comes Biden’s Paws
Riding down Pennsylvania Lane
He'll come around when the Repubs sell out
It's mourning time again
Peace on Earth will come to all
If we’d not swallow the lies
Say our prayers to the Lord above
'Cause Biden’s Paws comes out tonight
'Cause Biden’s Paws comes out tonight

[Mark In Florida]

When I was a 1L at the U of Illinois in the '70s someone had a sheet of several legal Christmas carols and about 10 of us went to some of our Profs' homes and sang them.
The only lines I remember are these, sung to the tune of "It's a long way to Tipperary."

It's a long way to certiorari
It's a long way to go
It's a long way to certiorari
To the Supremest court we know

They were all pretty clever, wish I remembered more.

[Frank Drackman]

I thought he just had one of those "Magic Mirrors" like the Romper Room Lady.

[Stephen Lathrop]

Problem is, all that stuff in the parody can actually happen, and if it does, plenty of folks in the know will conclude something criminal must be going on. There must be some reason for all the surveillance, right? Even if generations of surveillance by now-dead investigators turned up nothing. That's what keeps McCarthyism going. It feeds on itself.

[Longtobefree]

"How Does He Know When You've Been Bad or Good?"

He uses Google, of course - - - - - -

[John Mosby]

Santa's not "tapping" your "phone." Do you think he's crouching outside your house with alligator clips on your junction box? What a ridiculous thing to say!

Sound familiar? CC, JSM