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Congressional New Year's Resolutions

Read bills before voting, and other ways Congress can be less terrible in 2018.

As 2017 thankfully limps to its conclusion, we turn our sights to 2018 and ways in which Congress can be less awful. In this special holiday edition of "Mostly Weekly" Andrew Heaton comes up with some out-of-the-box ideas for our legislators:

And, of course, what to do about that shrimp running on a government-funded treadmill.

Mostly Weekly is hosted by Andrew Heaton with headwriter Sarah Rose Siskind. Watch past episodes here.

Script by Andrew Heaton with writing assistance from Sarah Rose Siskind
Edited by Austin Bragg and Sarah Rose Siskind.
Produced by Meredith and Austin Bragg.
Theme Song: Frozen by Surfer Blood.

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  • Domestic Dissident||

    Thank you, thank you, thank you Congress for giving us the biggest tax cut in over 30 years. Everyone in America except that far left assholes appreciate it greatly.

    Now, please cut spending across the board in 2018. You came close this year, but you need to try a little harder.

  • $park¥ leftist poser||

    Your stoopid. Your sew stoopid it hertz to reed yore stoopid noncents.

  • sarcasmic||

    Citizens! In all times, two political systems have been in existence, and each may be maintained by good reasons. According to one of them, Government ought to do much, but then it ought to take much. According to the other, this two-fold activity ought to be little felt. We have to choose between these two systems. But as regards the third system, which partakes of both the others, and which consists in exacting everything from Government, without giving it anything, it is chimerical, absurd, childish, contradictory, and dangerous. Those who parade it, for the sake of the pleasure of accusing all governments of weakness, and thus exposing them to your attacks, are only flattering and deceiving you, while they are deceiving themselves.

    Bastiat

  • Hank Phillips||

    Who was it that said altruism is "based on self-deception, the root of al evil"?

  • Chipper Morning Baculum||

    Just like every question Hank has ever asked, the answer is Ayn Rand.

  • sarcasmic||

    your mom?

  • gah87||

    Start earning $90/hourly for working online from your home for few hours each day... Get regular payment on a weekly basis... All you need is a computer, internet connection, a litte free time, and no scruples...
    Read more here,.....https://www.congress.gov

  • Crusty Juggler||

    How about "collectively drink hemlock?"

  • sarcasmic||

    would

  • Crusty Juggler||

    He's too thin for me.

  • sarcasmic||

    He does have a Matt Bellamy thing going, which isn't that attractive without a lot of money.

  • Chipper Morning Baculum||

    Are you implying Sarah is Andrew's muse?

  • BestUsedCarSales||

    Heaton has the decency to not breath directly into the microphone though.

  • H. Farnham||

    This will-they-won't-they dynamic always leaves me wanting more. Kiss him already, Sarah!

    Also... good points about the government stuff.

  • Chipper Morning Baculum||

    I get the vibe thay they banged in the past, it didn't work out, but they work great together so they just convert that sexual attraction, which never really went away, into creative energy.

  • H. Farnham||

    Maybe, but you can clearly tell that Heaton is not over her. I mean, she did show him where the clethaures is located; that kind of sexual discovery leaves lasting impressions.

  • Citizen X - #6||

    "Clethaures"?

  • H. Farnham||

    You see, this is why we need more funding for sexual education in public schools.

  • Citizen X - #6||

    That is a rather dramatic rejection of the concept of phonetic spelling.

  • H. Farnham||

    http://reason.com/reasontv/201.....sisted-sex

    I was referencing a previous Heaton gem with the terminology.

  • Hank Phillips||

    The shrimp on the barbie treadmill story leads to a sampling of grants the IRS uses your money to hand out... "The largest, for $5.65 million, is for a project that aims to use innovative education methods to educate Arctic communities about climate change and related issues." The idea is to teach Eskimaux to BBQ shrimp on a hot rock. Barrow, Alaska is 29º below freezing right now. 2017 was about the coldest year of the past century: https://preview.tinyurl.com/ychmgvx5

  • BestUsedCarSales||

    My news years resolution is to dress half as well as Big H.

  • Citizen X - #6||

    It's easy. Spend $2000 on a custom-fit suit, and then look like you slept in it even though you didn't.

  • Half-Virtue, Half-Vice||

    O_O *cough* H-h-hey Sarah... errr... *ahem* ... th-that's a pretty d-dress.

  • CE||

    Here's one: Cut Spending.

  • gah87||

    The shrimp-on-a-treadmill video is worth every penny just for the entertainment. Choosing between tax subsidies for Hollywood filmmakers and funding the shrimp scientist, I'll put my NSF/Kickstarter dollars on Dr. Crustacean every time.

  • windows movie maker||

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    wings io

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