Remy: April Fools!

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Remy: April Fools!

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Remy explores some of the great April Fools' Day gags in American history.

Written and Performed by Remy. Music tracks and mastering by Ben Karlstrom. Camera by Austin and Meredith Bragg. Edited by Austin Bragg. Music tracks and mastering by Ben Karlstrom.

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Lyrics:

Give me liberty or give me death!
Let us fight for independence up until our final breath!
The one regret that we should all have in our minds
We only have one life to give up for the future of mankind!

April Fools! A jestful jab!
How about we give ourselves free health care
and stick our grandkids with the tab?
I'm talking penis pills for you and you and you!
April Fools! April Fools! April Fools!

Four score and seven years has been the span
Fair weather brought a crowd I see
you all must be Penguins fans
Thousands sacrificed their lives upon this turf
To ensure that a free nation shall not perish from the earth!

April Fools! A playful plea!
They died so we could monitor your browser history
and use your phone to watch you number two
Must we give thought to the price paid by these tools?! (No!)
April Fools! April Fools! April Fools!

Ask not about yourself
Ask what you can do for your country
leave selfishness on the shelf
May the communists abroad hear this reprise
We shall pay any cost to ensure that liberty survives!

April Fools! Just cheeky chants!
There's a missile crisis! Yes and it is happening in your pants
So take these free pills, we'll send China IOUs
April Fools! April Fools! April Fools!

April Fools! They died in vain!
Life is dangerous, just ask people under Harrison Ford's planes
Must we give thought to the price paid by these tools?
April Fools! April Fools! April Fools!

A federal workforce so small and lean!
Will they be fluent in Latin?
Yes! Well, if you count "per diem"…

I'm talking free stuff for you and you and you
and you and you and you and you and you
and you and you and you and you…

Comments

[SQRLSY One]

OK, so where IS my free stuff?

[jebekokox]

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Click this link

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[Inigo Montoya]

I've decided to stop being libertarian and embrace unfettered spending, corruption, surveillance, and endless wars. I will also start commenting only to complain that this site isn't neocon.

April Fools!!!

[Not a True MJG]

I'm worried for Remy's penis.

[Diane Reynolds (Paul.)]

you'll not just worry about it, you'll pay for it.

[Fist of Etiquette]

Fair weather brought a crowd I see
you all must be Penguins fans

President Lincoln playing to a-hole Cryers fans.

[Crusty Juggler - #2]

OT: Coastal Carolina's cheerleaders suspended after prostitution allegations

A cheerleader who spoke on the condition of anonymity said an investigator with the CCU Department of Public Safety came to their practice Wednesday night. The cheerleader said the investigator explained to the team an anonymous letter was mailed to school president David DeCenzo on March 7 alleging that team members were involved in "a long list of things," including prostitution, purchasing alcohol for underage team members, and paying others to complete their homework assignments.

Give me an S! Give me en E! Give me an X!

Give me my money!

[Crusty Juggler - #2]

Coral Gables police prostitution sting leads to arrest of three students, two from UM

According to police, UM student Maury Noun, 21, negotiated a deal with an undercover officer posing as a man looking for a prostitute. He was negotiating a deal for his two female student friends to have sex with the officer.

Guys named Maury are sex trafficking college students!!!!!

[Crusty Juggler - #2]

ESPN Has Seen the Future of TV and They're Not Really Into It

ESPN broke ground on this $175 million, 194,000-square-foot facility, called Digital Center 2, in 2011. It was billed by executives as "future-proof," capable of adapting to any possible change in the way people watch sports. At the time, ESPN looked indestructible. Its namesake cable channel had just topped 100 million subscribers and was posting record profits for its parent company, Walt Disney Co., even as streaming apps such as Netflix were growing rapidly. Ratings for live sports, unlike almost everything else on TV, were soaring. And ESPN had big games year-round?Monday Night Football, college football bowl games, Major League Baseball's opening day, and the NBA playoffs, to name a few. A cover story in this magazine in the fall of 2012 dubbed ESPN the "Everywhere Sports Profit Network."

Five years later the network's profits are shrinking, and the 10,000-square-foot SportsCenter studio has already begun to look like a relic.

[Fatty Bolger]

At the time, ESPN looked indestructible.

To who? It's been obvious that they were on shaky ground since on demand streaming services started taking off, and that was well under way by 2011.

[Agammamon]

I read a pretty convincing article several months back saying that organizations that achieve their
perfect building' only do so once they're past their peak and sliding down into obsolescence.

[Agammamon]

The idea is that useful agencies are busy doing things - too busy to stop and spend resources to plan out everything in a headquarters.

Its once they're no longer relevant that they have time to sit back and pay attention to all that shit.

[Crusty Juggler - #2]

Tyrannosaurus rex Was the Sensitive Lover You've Been Looking For

"In courtship, tyrannosaurids might have rubbed their sensitive faces together as a vital part of precopulatory play," a team of researchers wrote in the journal Scientific Reports, per PA.

Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.

[Crusty Juggler - #2]

I literally can't anymore.

MGTOWs are similarly obsessed with women having sex with men other than them. While MRA complaints ? especially those involving alleged "false rape accusations" ? often reek of sexual insecurity and aggrieved sexual entitlement, MGTOWs seem to be motivated by little other than their own sexual anxieties and resentments. In comment sections and YouTube videos they regularly hash and rehash what is perhaps the central MGTOW myth, that of the "cock carousel." As MGTOWs see it, women in their prime live in a state of sexual overabundance and endless male affirmation, flitting from alpha male to alpha male in an endless utopia of casual sex ? riding that so-called "carousel."

Meanwhile, the overwhelming majority of men in their teens and early 20s live in a parched sexual desert, scorned by women, who have eyes only for the studly and confident jocks that have become known, at least among the bitter young misogynists of the internet, as "Chads," short for "Chad Thundercock." Young women consider him far more exciting than the genuine "nice guys" who remain trapped in an extended period of involuntary celibacy because their shallow female counterparts can't see just how deserving of love and sex they are. MGTOWs see themselves as the innocent victims of a grave sexual injustice, essentially cuckolded by the lucky minority of men who get to enjoy sex with women still in their "prime."

[Fist of Etiquette]

Were the T-Rex alt-right or MGTOW?

[MarkLastname]

So, it's sexist of men not refuse to have sex or be in relationships with women?

Feminists these days appear very confused.

[Chipper Morning Wood]

I see not much has changed in 65 million years.

[Crusty Juggler - #2]

Lastly: Inside the Dangerous Convergence of Men's-Rights Activists and the Extreme Alt-Right

While MGTOWs and alt-rightists regularly spar with one another online, the two movements now appear to be converging, with alt-rightists increasingly spouting anti-feminist, anti-women talking points familiar to anyone who has paid attention to the men's-rights movement; meanwhile, more and more MGTOWs are becoming less shy about expressing their racism, with many openly identifying with the alt-right.

[Crusty Juggler aka "Chad"]

Stupid threading.

[Fist of Etiquette]

Phew, I was looking for a way to further denigrate MGTOW. Anyone else hear that Hitler was the first one? This was before Eva, of course.

[Crusty Juggler aka "Chad"]

"Chad" Hitler met Eva before she took a ride on the schwanz karussell.

[Chipper Morning Wood]

Crusty, I clicked on your link, but got distracted by this story.

[Crusty Juggler aka "Chad"]

Yes, that website is full of goodies, but I chose T-Rex snuggles and Chad Thundercock over this:

London Fields was supposed to premiere at the 2015 Toronto International Film Festival but was yanked from the lineup because director Mathew Cullen filed suit against the Hanleys for fraud. Cullen claimed the couple "hijacked" the final cut, adding details like "incendiary imagery evoking 9/11 jumpers edited against pornography."

[Not a True MJG]

At least you no one linked to "SNL's Greatest (and Funniest) Feminist Moments."

[MarkLastname]

Sounds about as fun as the list of my best smelling shits.

[Fatty Bolger]

What is this shit?

[lap83]

more and more MGTOWs are becoming less shy about expressing their racism

They're all racist though, right?

[Lacky]

They're white males, need we say more?

[chemjeff]

Wow. He guzzled down a whole lot of those penis pills.

[Bruce Majors]

Actually there is a "penis pill" that cost $1300 a month and Obamacare covers it - that is your insurance premiums cover it for those who take it. http://www.npr.org/sections/he.....ay-latinos?

[MarkLastname]

Does it cover chemical castration? Because I'd contribute to that happily for a significant fraction of Americans.

[Fatty Bolger]

You know you want one. No, you NEED one.

And no, this is not an April Fool's gag. Unfortunately.

[Agammamon]

Is that the 'Choke yourself! Not with your hand, with mine!' Full Metal Jacket Special Edition Bobblehead?

[chemjeff]

Oh Lord.

So I guess Sherriff Clarke is the new Sarah Palin for the right?

[Domestic Dissident]

Glibertarians.com is closing shop and everyone is going to come rushing back here to enjoy all of Reason's honest and principled libertarians.

April Fool!

[ClaudePrez]

Am I in the right comment section? This was a really funny video

[DanO.]

But ESPN is the Eww, Sports Proggie! Network. Way more pertinent.

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[Aloysious]

I upvote this times infinity.