Franken Announces Resignation, Officer Gets 20 Years for Killing Unarmed Man, Fatal Shooting at N.M. School: P.M. Links

• 

  Ron Sachs/ZUMA Press/Newscom

  Sen. Al Franken (D-Minn.) announced today he will be resigning from the Senate amid accusations of groping women.

• The former South Carolina police officer who shot and killed Walter Scott following a traffic stop was sentenced to 20 years in prison after pleading guilty to a federal civil rights charge in a deal.
• Three federal agencies, the IRS, FBI and HUD, sent officials to Cleveland's City Hall last night for some sort of criminal investigation, though they declined to indicate what they were looking for or why.
• Two students were killed when a gunman opened fire at a high school in Northern New Mexico. The gunman was also killed, though how it happened (and why) has not been released yet.
• FBI Director Christopher Wray defended the FBI in the face of various accusations from members of the House Judiciary Committee about how the agencies has handled probes of allegations of misconduct about both Hillary Clinton and President Donald Trump.
• The White House believes its intelligence agencies can continue to engage in warrantless surveillance under Section 702 authorities of the Foreign Intelligence Surveillance Act Amendments until April, even if Congress fails to renew these authorities, which expire at the end of the year.
• The Department of Justice has selected a prosecutor from North Carolina to oversee checks and balances of federal civil asset forfeiture programs.

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Comments

[Fist of Etiquette]

Sen. Al Franken (D-Minn.) announced today he will be resigning from the Senate amid accusations of groping women.

To think, the next woman he gropes won't even be a staffer or a constituent.

[Anomalous]

Kind of takes the fun out of it, huh?

[Rufus The Monocled]

Hello.

[Diane Reynolds (Paul.)]

She'll be a fan.

[Eidde]

"Well, this Senatorial term could have ended better. But that's negative thinking. What's important isn't how many women I feel up, but how *I* feel about myself. Because I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and doggne, people like me (though in the case of these women, they didn't like me as much as I thought they did)."

[Bubba Jones]

But doggone it, people like him!

[Citizen X - #6]

Three federal agencies, the IRS, FBI and HUD, sent officials to Cleveland's City Hall last night for some sort of criminal investigation, though they declined to indicate what they were looking for or why.

Fishing expedition. It being Cleveland, they know they'll get SOMETHING.

[Fist of Etiquette]

They'll let you down.

[Unicorn Abattoir]

Trying to determine if the Browns are a giant tax evasion scheme, or if they actually are an NFL team.

[Citizen X - #6]

Mostly, they are a fun and convenient euphemism for poopin'.

[MarkLastname]

They're the NFL equivalent of The Room: suspicions abount that they're existence is just a money laundering scheme for organized crime.

[Red Tony]

And Cleveland will curse the EPA for not letting the river catch fire and wipe out the evidence.

[Jerryskids]

Pointers.

[Fist of Etiquette]

The former South Carolina police officer who shot and killed Walter Scott following a traffic stop was sentenced to 20 years in prison after pleading guilty to a federal civil rights charge in a deal.

Murder seems more appropriate.

[Rich]

This. Would some *kindly* explain the "federal civil rights charge"?

[Stormy Dragon]

in a deal

The state prosecutors agreed to drop the state murder charges if he plead guilty to the federal charge.

[Rich]

Thanks, Stormy; but what's the federal charge? "He deprived Scott of his civil right to life"?

[Stormy Dragon]

Pretty much.

[Citizen X - #6]

The gunman was also killed, though how it happened (and why) has not been released yet.

A nearby meth lab exploded, probably.

[mad.casual]

When I read about how sanctuary cities are cracking down on immigrants I realized that all the conflicting narratives are going to come to a head at some point. We aren't going to be able to allow immigrants in indiscriminantly, allow them (and the rest of us) to have guns, and protect them from mass shootings. Extreme vetting and deportations, complete disarmament, or simply allowing terrorist organizations and drug cartels to operate freely are the only options.

Not to say that this shooting had anything to do with immigrants but with all the conflicting media narratives at some point they're either going to have to compromise one or start advancing the notion that he was struck down by Zeus's lightning bolt or something.

[Citizen X - #6]

The White House believes its intelligence agencies can continue to engage in warrantless surveillance under Section 702 authorities of the Foreign Intelligence Surveillance Act Amendments until April, even if Congress fails to renew these authorities, which expire at the end of the year.

Of course they can, and they will. Note that the word "legally" is nowhere mentioned, for good reason.

[Unicorn Abattoir]

It's not illegal when the President does it.

/said every president ever.

[Red Tony]

/maybe Washington would be an exception? Hopefully?

[Hank Stamper]

At least they say there is a limit to April. I guess that is when it makes it super serious illegal.

[AlmightyJB]

No one is going to stop them

[Fist of Etiquette]

The Department of Justice has selected a prosecutor from North Carolina to oversee checks and balances of federal civil asset forfeiture programs.

Seize more checks to balance our budgets!

[Francisco d'Anconia]

More like...

...we checked and yes, we'll be keeping the balance.

[Fist of Etiquette]

More like two hours too late.

[Citizen X - #6]

The Department of Justice has selected a prosecutor from North Carolina to oversee checks and balances of federal civil asset forfeiture programs.

Isn't that sort of like getting a fox to guard a henhouse(/SIV's bedroom)?

[Griffin3]

... after appointing Emma Sulkowicz to head a commission to ensure due process rights are protected in our nation's colleges and universities.

[Conchfritters]

She would have to put the mattress down first, and I just don't see that happening. She has become the mattress - the mattress is her.

[DEATFBIRSECIA]

The Department of Justice has selected a prosecutor from North Carolina to oversee checks and balances of federal civil asset forfeiture programs.

Checks written to accounts which increase balances no doubt.

[DEATFBIRSECIA]

Damn. You. Fist.

[Citizen X - #6]

Sorry, Bobby Clown. Eugene claims usufruct over all low-hanging fruit in this jurisdiction.

[Fist of Etiquette]

YOU HAVE BECLOWNED YOURSELF.

[DEATFBIRSECIA]

I am sad clown now 🙁

[Fist of Etiquette]

FBI Director Christopher Wray defended the FBI in the face of various accusations from members of the House Judiciary Committee about how the agencies has handled probes of allegations of misconduct about both Hillary Clinton and President Donald Trump.

The committee members better watch it or they'll find themselves on the wrong end of a misconducted probe.

[Citizen X - #6]

Misconducted Probe was my nickname in medical school, and also the official reason for why i got kicked out of there.

[Diane Reynolds (Paul.)]

I got kicked out of the boy scouts for eating brownies.

[Citizen X - #6]

I can't tell if this is a cannibalism joke or a pedophilia joke, but either way, props.

[Red Tony]

It's both of those AND a pothead joke.

[AlmightyJB]

Brownies taste so much better when high

[Half-Virtue, Half-Vice]

So who made their Fantasy Football playoffs?

[Diane Reynolds (Paul.)]

Gay.

[Red Tony]

...how'd you know I made my league's playoffs?

[HeteroPatriarch]

Fuck fantasy football, and fuck you. Waste of a hundred bucks.

[Citizen X - #6]

That earlier Franken resignation thread picked up a really nasty Hihnfection.

[BestUsedCarSales]

I'm excited for when Bailey gains immortality so that he and Hihn can battle at end times. It's our own personal The Stand!

[Red Tony]

Hey I'm already planning to battle with him in the way old people are best at.

[Eidde]

See who can write the angriest letter demanding that Murder She Wrote get put back on the air?

[Red Tony]

What? No. No!

Although that's a good one, along with demanding that Family Circle tone down the violence and sexuality.

I was actually referring to a rap battle.

[Mickey Rat]

"But what of Bailey? What of Bailey?"

[Conchfritters]

Which one is Randall Flagg?

[Aloysious]

Sweet, I was wondering what I was going to do with this large bowl of buttery, salted popcorn.

[Bacon-Magic glib reasonoid]

*GIGGLES THEN FARTS*

[BestUsedCarSales]

Whatever happened to John?

[Diane Reynolds (Paul.)]

Working on the Roy Moore strategery.

[loveconstitution1789]

"Satirist Chelsea Handler dealt with the tragedy with her usual sense of humor, saying it felt like the president had set the world on fire 'figuratively and literally', as she implored her followers to 'stay safe'"
I was going to say something sympathetic about the people facing the Taxifornia fire, but fire damage [not caused by Trump] couldn't happen to a bunch of lefty retards.

[loveconstitution1789]

It was one of his "tweets" that physically sparked and ignited the fire.

[Diane Reynolds (Paul.)]

I love twitter.

[Eidde]

Oh, please, they didn't start the fire, it's been burning since the world's been turning.

(You're welcome for the earworm)

[BYODB]

(You're welcome for the earworm)

+1 Beastmaster

[Entropy Drehmaschine Void]

Satirist Chelsea Handler

STOP RIGHT THERE, BRITCHES.

Handler wouldn't know satire if it bit her on her fat, white ass.

[MarkLastname]

She literally doesn't know what literally means.

[Rich]

Strzok, the top agent on that probe, was removed after supervisors learned he exchanged pro-Clinton, anti-Trump texts with a senior FBI lawyer with whom he had an affair, according to people familiar with the matter. Strzok's alleged conduct is now the subject of a probe by the Justice Department's inspector general.

It's probes all the way down!

[Red Tony]

You know who else used probes all the way down?

[Diane Reynolds (Paul.)]

My internist?

[Aloysious]

aliens?

[Conchfritters]

My proctologist?

[gaoxiaen]

That's all the way up.

[HeteroPatriarch]

You haven't seen his proctologist's "Exam" "chair."

[Eidde]

Poor Strzok, his name only has one vowel, the "o."

You know who else only had one "o" shaped thing?

[Rubbish!]

Bjork?

[BestUsedCarSales]

My ex-girlfriend?

[mad.casual]

Mr. Bill?

[Entropy Drehmaschine Void]

Sen. Al Franken (D-Minn.) announced today he will be resigning from the Senate amid accusations of groping women.

All Together, Now:

Bye, Felicia.

[Jerryskids]

I suspect Franken's resigning because he knows there's another shoe that hasn't been dropped yet. So far, it's just been adult women coming forward about groping. Young girls, men, or more than groping?

[Eidde]

"There weren't any sheep-themed orgies at my office, where do you get those ideas?"

[Eidde]

(And the sheep actually provided the margin of victory in his closely-contested election)

[DenverJ]

No, the Democratic party leadership leaned on him, because they know the governor of Minnesota will appoint a Dem to replace him, and this (they think) now allows them to talk about Moore without being hypocrites (cough Clinton cough).

[Arizona_Guy]

Exactly. His resignation is a sacrifice play. Sucks for him, but good strategery for the TEAM.

1. Saves a Blue senate seat.
2. Captures some moral high ground.

[Eidde]

"Sucks for him"

I dunno...if he's taking one for the team maybe he'll get a soft landing. Professor? No, I guess that won't work now. Maybe a think tank?

[Eidde]

Confessional memoir:

"How I learned that I don't have to feel up women in order to stop feeling down"

"I'm so sorry I gave ammunition to those evil Republicans who hate puppies"

"Well, I guess it's back to the Borscht Belt circuit for me"

"You're only as young as the woman you feel...oops, too soon"

[Eidde]

"Since I identify as a woman, those were merely sisterly hugs."

[Eidde]

FRANKEN: "Have you read my new memoir about the stuff all the other Senators are getting away with?"

DNC Chair: "Uh, no, I haven't read it."

FRANKEN: "Nobody else needs to read it either, if you play things right...use unmarked bills, please."

[steve walsh]

Agree but I'm willing to bet he never actually leaves. He's done this to enable attacks on Moore in advance of the vote and if that succeeds and Moore loses Franken gets to stay.

[DenverJ]

Woohoo! Cop finally goes to prison! And it only took two trials, incontrovertible video evidence of him planting the taser, and intervention by the federal government! Libertarian moment!

[Juice]

lol

[Diane Reynolds (Paul.)]

*facepalm*

[Fist of Etiquette]

Pai, who was nominated as chairman by President Donald Trump, has said that the rules are unnecessary and that market forces would prevent internet service providers, like AT&T and Verizon, from blocking or slowing sites.

In a 1,500-word article, that sentence is the sole attempt at balance.

[Bubba Jones]

But there was this one time in band camp that a torrent got throttled.

LIAR

[ChipToBeSquare]

So August Ames, the pornstar who died, was being viciously attacked by the left wing lynch mob on Twitter because she said she wouldn't do scenes with guys who had done gay porn. The cause of death was apparently suicide

Congrats, leftist Twitter fanatics. You bullied a sex worker who openly identified as bisexual and had sex with other women on camera because you believed she was a homophobe. And it totally worked, she definitely felt the shame!

[Bubba Jones]

I am confused. An award winning porn actress was shamed into committed suicide?

How many gay men watch lesbian porn?

Wtf.

[Eidde]

That sounds really bad and depressing.

(not that her award-winning status made her death more tragic, as I presume you weren't suggesting)

[MarkLastname]

Looks like she was just one of the eggs that had to break to make the omelette of a wonderful tolerant society.

[mad.casual]

While I do feel a bit bad and certainly empathize with her survivors, Twitter does shame pretty much anyone and everyone all day and they don't commit suicide over it and I can't help but feel a bit slighted that she chose suicide over being outed as a deplorable bitter clinger.

I'm gonna assume she sexually assaulted a co-worker or refused to serve someone on religious grounds and would rather die then have the story come out.

[SIV]

Was it Welch or Gillespie who was saying that most libertarians he met were Radley Balko libertarians, I can see why.

[Eidde]

So that would make them a bunch of...

[tyvu]

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[Eidde]

Also must be willing to take payment in rubles.