Trump Demands Health Care Vote Today, Jay Z Making Trayvon Martin Movie, Sex Toys Were Really Water Snakes: A.M. Links

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  1. Trump demanded House Republicans take a vote on the GOP health care bill today; House Speaker Paul Ryan said they will oblige.

    Yes on Trumpcare or government shutdown!

    1. Hello

      Jay-Z talking about T-Martin.

      Look forward to it.

      Not.

    2. I like how all the news heads are implying if Trump doesn’t get this one controversial bill passed, he will be unable to pass another one of his bills ever. You know, ignoring like 240 years of history …

  2. Jay Z is working on bringing a biopic about Trayvon Martin to the screen.

    Finally, something to bring the nation together.

    1. What Jewish Latino actor will play George Zimmerman?

      1. Turtle from Entourage, but he has to get fat again.

      2. I don’t know but Obama should play Trayvon.

        1. They should wait until Obama has a son.

      3. Jurgen Prochnow, he’s always the bad guy.

      4. John Cena is the early front runner for the Zimmerman role. Jaden Smith was getting consideration for Trayvon, but was deemed “too old” and “imposing” to play Martin.

        1. Jaleel White.

        2. Trayvon will be played by a 4 your old kid with no legs.

  3. Fist spams comments.

  4. A new smartphone attachment can analyze semen and determine a man’s fertility level with 98 percent accuracy.

    Masturbating onto an iPhone? Now I’ve heard everything.

    1. I thought those things were supposed to kill sperm and make you sterile?

      1. I believe that it was laptops but the same idea could possibly apply to smartphones.

  5. A new smartphone attachment can analyze semen and determine a man’s fertility level with 98 percent accuracy.

    So, you’re supposed to just jack off onto your phone now?

    1. Finally we get the real reason that they’ve been working on making them waterproof.

  6. A 12-year-old girl was suspended in Wisconsin for selling sex toys. Turns out they were toy water snakes.

    Anadongas.

    1. Well my anadonga don’t want none unless you got buns hon.

      1. My nickname in college was Anadonga

  7. A 12-year-old girl was suspended in Wisconsin for selling sex toys. Turns out they were toy water snakes.

    Sometimes the only difference between kids’ toys and adult toys is location.

    1. Anything is a dildo if she’s brave enough.

  8. I bought a CB two years ago so I can listen to channel 19 now while taking long road trips. The consensus I’ve heard on the party line there is that Trump is one hack of a guy.

    https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=wHbGhEfnh2E

  9. Rotten Tomatoes is ‘the destruction of our business,’ says director

    “The worst thing that we have in today’s movie culture is Rotten Tomatoes,” said Ratner, whose company RatPac Entertainment co-financed Batman vs. Superman: Dawn of Justice (among dozens of other Warner Bros. titles). “I think it’s the destruction of our business. I have such respect and admiration for film criticism. When I was growing up film criticism was a real art. And there was intellect that went into that. And you would read Pauline’s Kael’s reviews, or some others, and that doesn’t exist anymore. Now it’s about a number. A compounded number of how many positives vs. negatives. Now it’s about, ‘What’s your Rotten Tomatoes score?’ And that’s sad, because the Rotten Tomatoes score was so low on Batman v Superman I think it put a cloud over a movie that was incredibly successful.”

    1. Sure. It’s the democratization of criticism that’s destroying Big Film, not the single-minded pursuit of the lowest common denominator or the relentless avoidance of original storytelling.

    2. I hear ya, buddy. I also am lost without some super smarty pantses telling me what I’m supposed to think of things. Literally paralyzed.

      1. If the auteur behind the Rush Hour trilogy is wrong, then damnit I don’t want to be right.

    3. “I live in a rather special world. I only know one person who liked Batman V Superman. Where they are I don’t know. They’re outside my ken. But sometimes when I’m in a theater I can feel them.” ~ Pauleen Kael

    4. And that’s sad, because the Rotten Tomatoes score was so low on Batman v Superman I think it put a cloud over a movie that was incredibly successful.

      Because, once people saw what was actually in the movie, instead of what paid shills said, they were like, wha? and, hoo?, and that din’t even make no sense? and, whaddafu? and, I paid 11 dollars for this shite? which completely quashed our hopes of making another 70 gajillion dollars in the sequel, “Aquaman Does the Justice League.”

      1. Pretty sure a Jason Moma Gal Gadot porn would make somewhere around a billion dollars

    5. Yeah, they hate the Tomatometer, back in the day they hated Siskel and Ebert’s Two Thumbs Up/Two Thumbs Down, and in the future (surprise surprise) they will hate whatever gimmick reflects negatively on whichever lemon they sink hundreds of millions of dollars into.

  10. Tesla Model 3’s “Superhuman” Safety Systems Have a Downside

    Adam Jonas, an industry analyst at Morgan Stanley, wrote a note to Tesla shareholders today, letting them know what to expect out of the hotly anticipated Model 3. First reported by Electrek, the note gives Tesla’s safety systems a glowing review, something that matches up with the company’s already stellar safety record. But while Tesla’s autonomous and driver-assisted systems have the potential to significantly increase driver safety, Jonas’s note also hints at a glaring problem other automation experts and consumer advocates have raised: conditional autonomy could be dangerous.

    Jonas writes:

    To be clear, we are talking about automated driving (not fully autonomous driving) where the driver has a legal obligation to keep hands on the wheel at all times. The driver is still human? but with a ‘superhuman’ assist.

    Automated, but not fully autonomous driving, sounds exactly like level 3 autonomy, the intermediate space between cars that assist drivers, and fully autonomous cars, which some experts see as a dangerous speed bump on the road to fully self-driving cars.

    1. Sounds like a moron waiting to happen. But I already am talking about Tesla drivers.

    1. So here is the question…

      Was he right?

      That is one of the things I love about Feminists, and by love I mean makes me want to drive a spike through my skull every time I hear them speak.

      They get all offended if a man dare give them advice because he is a man and how dare he, they never once bother to stop and ask “well, does he have a point?”

      1. Of course he’s right, that’s precisely *why* they are complaining: it inflames their inferiority complexes.

  11. “It’s a Disaster. It’s a Nightmare.” Is a Civil War Brewing Inside Fox News?

    No one is missing her anymore,” one Fox News insider told me recently. This person was referring, of course, to Megyn Kelly, the network’s former star who left for NBC earlier this year. Kelly’s move may have signaled a rightward lurch for NBC, which appears to be coming to terms with its place in our new Trumpian reality. (MSNBC also recently hired Kelly’s former colleague Greta Van Susteren.) But the move may be more significant for her former stomping ground, Fox News, which appears to be in the midst of its own regressive (if highly rated) culture change. During Kelly’s reign, “it was always all about Megyn,” one former Fox colleague told me. Now, it’s all about the Old White Men.

    Obviously Hannity plays the role of Captain America.

    1. I can’t wait to see how Phase 4 shakes out.

  12. College Diversity Council Admits to Posting Fake Racist Flyers On Campus

    The Diversity Leadership Council at Gustavus Adolphus College admits that it ? with the help of other social-justice groups ? planted fake racist flyers on campus “to educate” people about racism. The flyers, according to a photo obtained by Campus Reform, stated: A NOTICE TO ALL WHITE AMERICANS IT IS YOUR CIVIC DUTY TO REPORT ANY AND ALL ILLEGAL ALIENS TO U.S. IMMIGRATION AND CUSTOMS ENFORCEMENT THEY ARE CRIMINALS AMERICA IS A WHITE NATION

    1. If the racists won’t even racist right then they’ll have to be helped, once again, by the properly minded enlightened ones.

    2. Were they identifying as white people when they posted the flyers?

    3. So, I’m starting to think that all of the supposed racism and anti-semitism following Trump’s election is going to turn out to be false-flag sort of stuff.

    4. Wait….isn’t this Cultural Appropriation? Thought that was expressly forbidden. They need to have that lady basketball player come to Gustavus Adolphus and bring her can of whoop ass…….

  13. A 12-year-old girl was suspended in Wisconsin for selling sex toys. Turns out they were toy water snakes.

    Sale of the toys continued. Eventually, the toys were in the hands of a significant number of students. According to one of the teachers, many of the students sexualized the use of these toys which was disruption to learning that could not be ignored. Several parents had also complained to the administration about sexual overtones associated with these toys, based on what students were reporting at home, and they expected action to be taken. Selling toys, after clear communication prohibiting the presence of toys in school, and the disruption it generated in the school lead to the suspension.

    “My son and his friends pretend they’re fake penis’, and slap each other in the face with them!”

  14. A 12-year-old girl was suspended in Wisconsin for selling sex toys. Turns out they were toy water snakes.

    Sale of the toys continued. Eventually, the toys were in the hands of a significant number of students. According to one of the teachers, many of the students sexualized the use of these toys which was disruption to learning that could not be ignored. Several parents had also complained to the administration about sexual overtones associated with these toys, based on what students were reporting at home, and they expected action to be taken. Selling toys, after clear communication prohibiting the presence of toys in school, and the disruption it generated in the school lead to the suspension.

    “My son and his friends pretend they’re fake penis’, and slap each other in the face with them!”

    1. ‘face-slapping penis’ was my nickname in college

      1. Weird, mine was ‘penis slapping face.’

        1. Both variants were applied to me.

          Small world.

        2. Both variants were applied to me.

          Small world.

          1. SQUIRRELS. Damn them.

  15. Vermont is considering a family leave bill that would give all workers up to 12 weeks paid leave to care for sick family members or take care of a new child…

    And require all leave be labeled GMO.

    1. The word “give” jumps out at me.

  16. give all workers up to 12 weeks paid leave to care for sick family members or take care of a new child

    How is this any different from mandatory 12 weeks paid vacation every year? Or will they figure out a way to discriminate against the childless and familyless?

    1. Who’s going to be expected to ‘cover for’ the ones who are out?
      Same as it ever was.

    2. Or will they figure out a way to discriminate against the childless and familyless?

      They usually do.

  17. Wisconsin’s Nigel Hayes was brutally honest about why he dislikes New York

    “I don’t really like New York. It’s too big, it’s dirty, trash everywhere, too many people. It’s cold right now.”

    1. Sounds like a typical New Yorker to me.

    2. Doesn’t sound too brutal.

  18. Appeals Court: Officer Who Shot and Killed Innocent Man in His Own Home Cannot Be Sued

    Scott … opened the door with the gun pointed safely down. Outside, he saw a shadowy figure holding a pistol … the figure fired six shots without warning, three of which hit Scott, killing him.
    The figure outside was Deputy Richard Sylvester. He failed to identify himself as a law enforcement officer at any point … he simply shot him dead. And on Thursday, the U.S. Court of Appeals for the 11th Circuit held that Scott’s parents and girlfriend cannot sue Sylvester because the officer’s conduct was not “clearly” illegal.

    Friday Nut Punch! From Slate, even!

    1. Sneaking around outside someone’s house before emptying your gun in their direction is not clearly illegal? Sweet, I know what I’m doing this weekend.

      1. Do you have a badge?

    2. That is seriously fucked up.

    3. Don’t want to be a thug, don’t own a motorcycle and play video games.

      1. Judge Frank M. Hull wrote that Sylvester’s behavior was a variation on “the knock and talk rule.” This rule allows officers to enter private property and knock on an individual’s door for “legitimate police purposes.” Hull reasoned that Sylvester had merely engaged in a form of “knock and talk” and that Scott could have simply declined to open his door. Shooting Scott once he did open the door, Hull wrote, did not violate any “clearly established ? constitutional rights.”

        1. It’s a new take on ding dong ditch.

          1. ding dong dead?

            1. Knock knock.

              Who’s there?

              [BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM]

        2. Fun fact: Frank Hull is a woman.

        3. The right of a person to be secure in their home isn’t clearly established?

    4. A district court granted Sylvester qualified immunity, holding that no “clearly established law” prohibited his actions.

      So, they don’t have laws against murder in Florida? Seems legit.

      1. If they do it’d kind of surprise me.

    5. I never knew before thst ckear illegality was required to sue someone for reckless and dangerous behavior resulting in death ir that living is nit a constitutionally protected right.

      1. You don’t have a right to live. That would be a positive right. You have a right not to be killed for no good reason, though.

        1. You mean I can’t get charged pressed against the avalache that killed my grandpa?

    6. Sovereign immunity is tyranny. It’s sickening.

      1. You expect something different from the sovereign?

        This is qualified immunity, which isn’t quite the same thing. But also terrible.

  19. So Vermont is going full retard in driving businesses out of the state. Not that they weren’t doing a bang-up job before, but this could be the nail in the coffin.

    1. Watching businesses flee Vermont is the only thing that gets Comrade Sanders hard anymore.

    2. It does help preserve the rural character, I guess.

      1. If by “rural character” you mean “particularly grim episode of Justified,” sure.

    3. I thought everyone there already worked for either the University of Vt, a Ski Slope, or Ben and Jerry’s?

      1. There are also several private schools and some dairy farmers.

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