2016 Republican Convention

The First Night of the RNC Was a Perfect Encapsulation of Donald Trump's Awful Political Campaign

The whole evening was shallow, stupid, vulgar, and badly managed-just like Trump's run for president.

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credit Douliery Olivier via Newscom

The first night of the Republican National Convention was a nearly perfect encapsulation of Donald Trump's presidential campaign to date: It was amateurish, outrageous, badly managed, more than a little cheesy, and almost entirely devoid of policy substance.

The night started with a speech from Willie Robertson, one of the stars of Duck Dynasty, the reality television series and occasional magnet for stupid political controversy. Robertson's speech consisted almost entirely of pro-Trump banalities followed by the promise that Trump will "have your back," which, in the prepared excerpts sent around to the press was always rendered in all caps: DONALD TRUMP WILL HAVE YOUR BACK.

But the shaggy Robertson, wearing an unbuttoned dress shirt and an American flag bandana, didn't even bother to shout his lines. Instead, he delivered them with the conviction of a fast-food worker trying to upsell a value meal. It didn't matter. He wasn't there to say anything in particular, or to say it well. His purpose on stage was as a culture-war signifier.

Shortly after Robertson spoke, D-list actor Scott Baio appeared to deliver his own vapid remarks. Again, he wasn't there to say anything particular. In an interview with CNN following his speech, he seemed as baffled as anyone about his presence at the convention, saying that Trump only asked him to speak last Thursday, in an out-of-the-blue request during a Los Angeles fundraiser. Baio's main contribution to the evening was to defend a tweet he sent out picturing Hillary Clinton standing in front of letters spelling out a derogatory term used for women's anatomy.

Not long afterwards, soap opera star and former underwear model Antonio Sabato, Jr. delivered his remarks—after which he told ABC News that he is "absolutely" certain that President Obama is actually a Muslim. 

These pseudo-celebrities weren't there because they had something insightful to say, or even because they are particularly recognizable faces. Instead, they were there to normalize the shallow, stupid, vulgar style of Trump's campaign. Trump has conducted his entire presidential run like a pandering low-brow entertainment, and he has brought the same approach to the convention.

Similarly, Trump's campaign has been fueled by terror of immigrants and outsiders, and that too was on display last night. The theme of the evening was "Make America Safe Again," and it featured speeches by parents of children killed by illegal immigrants. Their sharpness of their grief and pain is real. But placed on stage in rapid succession at the Republican party convention, the message it sent was one that played to the unfounded fears about immigrant crime that Trump has stoked throughout his campaign. Immigrants are less criminal than native born Americans, and yet while running for office, Trump has consistently portrayed them as rapists and murderers, as violent invaders who have come to wreck the country, transforming it into a place that is fundamentally un-American. A more accurate theme for the night would have been "Make America Afraid Again."

That's certainly what former New York Mayor Rudy Giuliani's thunderous speech seemed designed to do. In remarks that veered heavily off the prepared text, he shouted about about terrorism and at terrorists, ending with a threat: "You know who you are, and we are coming to get you." He also spoke about having known Donald Trump for years, and coming to understand that Trump was a "good man."

The matter of Trump's essential goodness was also taken up by his current wife, Melania Trump, who pitched him as a loyal and devoted leader who will look out for the country. Before the convention started, Trump campaign director Paul Manafort said that the chief goal of the week would be to humanize the candidate, presenting him as the "father, businessman and compassionate individual he is when the spotlights aren't turned on."

Melania Trump's speech was the night's chief effort to do so, and yet it was curiously lacking in even the smallest bit of evidence that Trump is the kind and compassionate human his campaign insists he really is. There was not one personal story about Trump's decency in Melania's speech last night, not a single anecdote from all their years together about what a good person he is. That isn't meant as a criticism of Melania, who did a fine job in the unenviable task of delivering a primetime address at badly managed political convention. But it does suggest the difficulty of humanizing a man like Trump, who appears devoted exclusively to the management of his own ego.

Indeed, the revelation later in the evening that parts of Melania's speech had been plagiarized from a convention speech by Michelle Obama in 2008 spoke far louder than any of the hollow testaments to Trump's character and business acumen we heard on stage. This is how Trump and his flunkies manage their affairs. This is the level of professionalism and attention to detail that Trump and his team put into major political events. 

More to the point: This is how Trump treats his wife, or allows her to be treated. The message sent by the incident was louder than Giuliani's shouts: Donald Trump doesn't have anyone's back except his own.

NEXT: GOP Platform Selectively Condemns Safe Spaces, Political Correctness, Campus Rape Trials

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  1. The First Night of the RNC Was a Perfect Encapsulation of Donald Trump’s Awful Political Campaign

    You misspelled “successful”.

    1. Suderman and his ilk simply don’t get it through the filters that exist between their ivory towers and the unwashed masses below.

      1. My co-worker’s step-sister made $14200 the previous week. she gets paid on the laptop and moved in a $557000 condo. All she did was get blessed and apply the guide leaked on this web site.. Go Here…. http://www.trends88.com

        1. Agree to disagree.

      2. Suderman and his ilk simply don’t get it through the filters that exist between their ivory towers and the unwashed masses below.

        The majority of unwashed masses who award Trump with a 60% negative rating, the worst negatives EVER for a major party nominee? (only measured since 1992 (Gallup))
        The majority of unwashed Republican voters…. who voted GAINST Trump??

        THOSE unwashed masses?
        Please don”t see me as Politically Correct.

    2. I was just laughing. It wasn’t Reagan’s night at the convention but yeah, he pretty much set the place on fire. I was surprised at how well it went.

      Suderman has an intractable case of Trump derangement syndrome. Everything he pens is some spittle flecked, screwy-eyed denial of reality. If Trump gets elected it will derail his career. At least he wouldnt be alone muttering to himself in that back alley under his cardboard box. Cankles will probably be two boxes down on the other side of the dumpster.

      1. Suderman has an intractable case of Trump derangement syndrome.

        Which appears to be transmissible, judging by the stylings of some other Reason writers.

        1. “…At least he wouldn’t be alone muttering to himself in that back alley under his cardboard box.”

          I alluded to that but was not clear enough.

      2. Pete Macadoodle Suderweigel is definitely voting for the Hildog, probably in both Washington D.C. and whatever other state he’s falsely claiming he’s still a resident of.

        1. Pete Macadoodle Suderweigel

          Shine on, you crazy little retarded diamond.

        2. Lacks the panache of Block Yomamma. C-.

          1. Or the gritty slap of “Shit Flopney”!

            1. gritty slap

              Band name… Street slang…

              Only the Swiss knows.

      3. Suderman has an intractable case of Trump derangement syndrome.

        You might even say he has a case of the DTs.

    3. My co-worker’s step-sister made $14200 the previous week. she gets paid on the laptop and moved in a $557000 condo. All she did was get blessed and apply the guide leaked on this web site.. Go Here…. http://www.trends88.com

    4. Trump’s success in winning the Republican primary says only that the Republican party has become a globally embarrassing shitshow. Like with Sarah Palin, you guys refused to properly vet the latest bigoted dumbfuck you got a boner for, and if this country is worth preserving at all, you’ll see an even bigger landslide lost than that time. And I don’t want to hear any blaming Democrats for it either, even though it’s 100% certain that you members of the “personal responsibility” team won’t be able to help yourselves.

      1. You don’t get it either.

      2. What is this “you guys” crap? I’m not a Republican, I don’t support Trump, and will not be voting for him. Although claiming that the Republican party has become a uniquely embarrassing shitshow when the Dems are nominating a corrupt incompetent criminal and have demonstrated nothing but overt contempt for the rule of law is exactly the sort of disingenuous bullshit we expect from you. Don’t ever change, Tony.

        1. It’s true, the fact that Hillary Clinton won the D nomination ought to be at least a little embarrassing. Not as embarrassing as Trump though.

          1. It’s embarrassment all the way down!

          2. Really Americans in general should just be embarrassed at their massive joke of a political process. I mean, it was always a joke, but at least you tried to cover it up.

            *Smiles in a condescending Commonwealth fashion, until I realize we elected Prime Minister Zoolander*

            Oh. I made myself sad.

            1. North America Shitshow Politics FTW!

        2. Hillary can’t be that incompetent a criminal or else she’d have been charged with something.

          1. There’s a feather in your cap! “Hillary: She’s Competent Enough to Avoid Indictment”

            1. By an AG from her own party!

          2. Bill Cosby can’t have raped anyone, he was never convicted! OJ can’t have killed anyone, he was never convicted!

            Hillary is actually quite competent at being a criminal, as long as her Dem cronies have control of the DOJ to rig the system for her. She is quite incompetent at the whole governing thing, though, as demonstrated by her stints as senator and Sec State.

            1. Well it’s gonna be a rough 8 years for you isn’t it?

        3. Downright scary how many goobers think Suderman would not vote for Gary Johnson.

      3. Tony, how dumb are you that, after 8 or however many years of trolling around here, you STILL don’t know what a libertarian is?

        1. A Republican in a leather jacket?

          1. Thank you for illustrating my point. Fuck along, now.

            1. I bet you I share as many political beliefs with libertarians as your average Republican white supremacist Christfucker. It’s just that they fill 70% of these threads and they’re just sort of treated like pets. Is it because they’re too stupid to bother with?

              1. that is incoherent

                1. That is Tony in a nutshell.

              2. Aww, are you feeling picked on? Maybe go blather inanities somewhere else, then.

              3. Oooh…shades of Shreek in there, too.

                You figure they’re melding, or, have we got us a Sith situation going on?

              4. Sorry, but anecdotal bullshit is still bullshit.

                “Hey! I suspect that right wing racist Christian fascists are lurking here, going unmentioned. Meanwhile, people keep calling me out on my maximization of priggishness. What gives?”

                1. maximization of priggishness

                  Perfect name for a hipster bar.

          2. What’s your next guess, rent-boy?

            -jcr

      4. you guys refused to properly vet

        WTF?

        Where did you get the notion that it’s up to Libertarians to vet Ruling Party candidates? We’re not republicans here, dumbass.

        -jcr

        1. Wait? TEAM BE RULED is vetted by us libertarians?! SHIT, we missed our chance!!!!

          1. We’ve obviously been doing a shitty job of it.

      5. and the Reason crew puts forth aging stoner Gary J and wonders why Libertarians only get 10% of the vote.

    5. He means in terms of style. He’s bemoaning the lack of coaching and talking points prepared by high-priced consultants and focus groups. The man is a connoisseur when it comes to being bullshitted by cynical politicians, and this amateur effort just doesn’t cut it.

    6. Start working from home! Great job for students, stay-at-home moms or anyone needing an extra income… You only need a computer and a reliable internet connection… Make $90 hourly and up to $12000 a month by following link at the bottom and signing up… You can have your first check by the end of this week..
      .Go This Website…. http://www.trends88.com

  2. The whole evening was shallow, stupid, vulgar, and badly managed

    For the first time in his life, Suderman discovers political conventions.

    1. And not aimed at him….its like watching a 300 lbs NFL lineman roll his eyes at a misty focus, feminine hygiene product ad. It is red meat for their base. And it appears to be getting them a whoopin’ and a celebratin’ too.

    2. “The whole evening was shallow, stupid, vulgar, and badly managed”

      …and it resembled a penis.

  3. Convention conschmention.

    Why am I seeing so little in the news about this?

    http://www.bbc.com/news/world-europe-36832909

    The so-called Islamic State has released a video purporting to show an Afghan asylum seeker making threats before attacking a German train.
    The 17-year-old injured four people with an axe and knife, one critically, in the attack in Wuerzburg on Monday evening. He was shot dead by police.
    In the video, a young man brandishing a knife says he is an “IS soldier” preparing for a suicide mission.

    1. I don’t know why we aren’t seeing more of it, but I have my suspicions.

      1. That should be “17 year old” “Afghan” “refugee”, since we really don’t know if any of those are actually true.

        We do know that a number of migrants claimed to be underage, claimed to be from other countries, and claimed to be refugees, when they were none of those things.

        1. But they’re *living* like refugees.

          1. Cashing welfare checks and molesting women?

            Its the European dream!

        2. That should be “17 year old” “Afghan” “refugee”, since we really don’t know if any of those are actually true.

          Add “he” as well. We don’t know which gender he identified with if any

  4. “You know who you are, and we are coming to get you.”

    You know, all the terrorists that were tuned in to the convention coverage.

    1. Got to do something, when in asylum housing and waiting on your application being processed!

      1. In America, you could look for a job…

  5. Trump has conducted his entire presidential run like a pandering low-brow entertainment, and he has brought the same approach to the convention.

    As opposed to Hillary’s classy above-board approach.

    1. I was about to say something similar. We have a outright criminal that is the literal embodiment of pay-to-play politics and that is outright hostile to any defined limits of the federal government or presidency running for office, and Reason is concerned about Trumps lack of diction/decorum.

      1. Hey now, her main objective is ending ‘income inequality’.

        1. Yes, by funneling everybody’s income into the Clinton Foundation.

      2. I know, right? Why can’t they talk about the Democratic National Convention, it’s not like it’s not even happening yet or anything.

      3. Who would have ever figured The Hat and Hair guy was garish. Not like that hasn’t been visible for …. decades.

      4. We have a outright criminal that is the literal embodiment of pay-to-play politics paid for by the other candidate in the race

        FTFY

    2. Why would you even bring Hillary up in an article about the Republican convention?

    3. Rich, we all love to hate Hillary, and we’ll get our moment, but Reason is covering the Republican convention… I mean, fuck… everyone is covering the Republican convention, so the coverage is going to be about the Republicans right now.

      1. Let us see if when they cover the Dems whether Trump’s name is mentioned in those articles.

        1. ^Do these people ever stop being retarded?

        2. There’ll be a comparison to trump some where and with great repetition.

      2. Yeah, right now is probably the dumbest time to complain about an over-abundance of Trump and ‘the GOP is dead’ articles.

        The over-abundance of Trump articles talking about things like penis logos on the other hand…

    4. Trump has conducted his entire presidential run like a pandering low-brow entertainment, and he has brought the same approach to the convention.

      Considering what tends to grab the attention of the average person, I would consider this a rather shrewd move. Too bad he isn’t that clever, and really is nothing more than an ego-maniacal clown with his own circus.

      Thinking about this makes me sad. Time to partake is some good old misanthropy courtesy of Nihilist Arby’s and SMOD.

  6. Well, I suppose it’s not like a Reason headline would have said, “Trump behaves like a true statesman at the Republican convention.”

    1. The other day they accused him of tautology for a statement about violence or something.

      That’s dangerously close to saying he was right.

  7. Similarly, Trump’s campaign has been fueled by terror of immigrants and outsiders

    Can someone parse this for me, I can’t think of any way to make it mean what Suderman obviously wants it to mean.

    1. I think he said the sheriff is near?

    2. Replace “terror” with “fear”.

  8. shallow, stupid, vulgar, and badly managed

    But enough of what Ken White thinks of Reason’s commentariat

  9. Embarrassing. But at least more batshit embarrassing than the stupid embarrassing that we’re sure to endure next week.

    1. They will back on the road to redemption, or at leased aimed in the right direction, if they give her as good as they give Trump. As bad as he is she is exponentially worse. Well, except for Chapman, Richman and Suderman. We know where they stand.

      1. I look forward to the “libertarian case for Hillary” articles.

        1. I think we are already seeing them.

          1. You ain’t seen nothing yet.

    2. What is embarrassing about it? Is whether you like the show the standard by which all embarrassment is measured?

        1. In your head I suppose.

  10. “Melania Trump’s speech was the night’s chief effort to do so, and yet it was curiously lacking in even the smallest bit of evidence that Trump is the kind and compassionate human his campaign insists he really is. There was not one personal story about Trump’s decency in Melania’s speech last night, not a single anecdote from all their years together about what a good person he is. That isn’t meant as a criticism of Melania, who did a fine job in the unenviable task of delivering a primetime address at badly managed political convention. But it does suggest the difficulty of humanizing a man like Trump, who appears devoted exclusively to the management of his own ego.

    First the plagiarized is a joke. There is only so many ways to talk about someone.

    But I know Suderman doesn’t understand this, but as someone stated on another site she showed that she truly loves “the Donald”. I know after 8 years of the Obama’s and now Hillary and Bill – you can’t recognize it. You want those little stories about eating peanut butter or the time they protested something and got arrested.

    If the Trumps have showed anything is that they are a family that cares about each other. When Bill is up there speaking and saying great things about Hillary, is anyone going to believe him?

    1. Oh yes European supermodel Melania was traveling the world looking for her one true love, but nobody was orange, fat, old, or mentally ill enough… until she found Donald.

      And you’re just not gonna win this plagiarism thing by sticking your fingers in your ear and pretending it didn’t happen.

      1. “And you’re just not gonna win this plagiarism thing by sticking your fingers in your ear and pretending it didn’t happen.”

        What difference, at this point, does it make?

      2. “And you’re just not gonna win this plagiarism thing by sticking your fingers in your ear and pretending it didn’t happen.”

        Why not? It worked for Joe Biden, didn’t it?

        1. No. His career was forever upended by that. It’s still his biggest scandal, and everyone still remembers it.

          Correct me if I’m wrong but I don’t recall anyone calling his plagiarism “not plagiarism.”

          1. His career was forever upended

            is an awfully funny way of saying “now he’s only a heartbeat away from the presidency.”

          2. How was his career “forever upended”? He stayed in the Senate forever and a day and is going to finish up eight years as VP shortly. The most you could say about it is that it might have kept him out of the presidency, although his dumb-as-a-brick intellect and penchant for saying grotesquely stupid things probably would have had the same effect. Even then, he likely would have been the nominee and likely winner this year had he opted to run.

            Very odd definition of “forever upended” you have there.

            1. I’m certainly not saying that plagiarism is the worst crime in the world. Even felons get a second chance at life, in theory. But let’s at least agree on what plagiarism is.

              1. Appreciate the complete non sequitor, thanks!

          3. http://www.slate.com/articles/…..stuff.html

            Biden angrily denied having done anything wrong and urged the press to chase after the political rival who had sent out what came to be called the “attack video.”

            1. Yeah, but that’s from notoriously right-wing Slate.

      3. Sure Tony, Michelle Obama invented those personal descriptions. Or maybe she plagiarized Elizabeth Dole’s 1996 speech. You really are a dishonest little retard, aren’t you?

        1. They teach you what plagiarism is in like 4th grade dude.

          1. So, you didn’t make it through 4th grade, then? Seems about right.

      4. So it’s not a fake skanduhl?

        If it weren’t for double standards…

        Never change Tony, never change.

        1. PHAKE SKANDULL is more shriek’s turf.

        2. C’mon! It’s not like Melania was only in charge of the State Dept., or anything…

          She used a PLAGIARIZED SPEECH!! Can you not see how deadly dangerous her conduct was? I mean, this is a political convention, not some embassy storming!

      5. You’re just jealous that she got a richer sugar daddy than you ever could.

        -jcr

    2. But I know Suderman doesn’t understand this, but as someone stated on another site she showed that she truly loves “the Donald”

      Wow…on another site? She must be head over heals for Trump and not in it for the money at all!

      1. or heels

      2. or heels

        1. Damn, how long are those stairs?

  11. To all those who toil at real work for a living, keep this in mind, Suderman got paid for this.

    Yeah, I’m a little jelly.

  12. These pseudo-celebrities weren’t there because they had something insightful to say, or even because they are particularly recognizable faces. Instead, they were there to normalize the shallow, stupid, vulgar style of Trump’s campaign. Trump has conducted his entire presidential run like a pandering low-brow entertainment, and he has brought the same approach to the convention.

    Does Suderman realize he seems intent on fulfilling every single cosmotarian slander? What does it mean for someone to be a “pseudo-celebrity” other than “Peter doesn’t like your act”? I don’t understand why the Duck Dynasty guys are not real celebrities, whatever that means. Their show commands millions of viewers. They do appearances and thousands of people show up. What exactly is the standard to be a celebrity if not being on a TV show watched by millions and being able to attract large crowds just to get your autograph or take a picture with you?

    I bet if the Democrats had the cast from some hipster favorite show like Parks and Rec or Girls, Suderman wouldn’t claim they were pseudo celebrities, even though the people on those shows would not be recognized by 90% of the country. I am sorry but this is just pathetic. What is Suderman trying to accomplish here? Who is convinced by this crap? What is added to the debate by this bullshit?

    1. I bet the Duck guys make far more money. There’s your answer.

    2. I don’t understand why the Duck Dynasty guys are not real celebrities, whatever that means. Their show commands millions of viewers. They do appearances and thousands of people show up.

      Well, yeah, but they’re not the right people. Sheesh! Do we have to explain everything to you?

      1. That is really it isn’t it Bill? Does Suderman realize how snobbish and ridiculous he sounds?

        If Trump wins the election, his campaign should send Suderman and a lot of other people in the media thank you cards. People like Suderman really seem intent on making the election about the “uptight snobbish assholes versus everyone else”.

        Someone a while back said this election is Al Czervik vs Judge Smails. There is some truth to that. What I can’t understand is why Suderman seems so proud of being associated with the poobahs at Bushwood.

        1. Do you have any idea how ridiculous it is to have reality TV stars speak at a major-party convention? Or to have one as the candidate?

          1. Well, what do you expect from democracy?

          2. Obviously the RNC couldn’t get anybody classy, like Kumar or Perez Hilton.

    3. The Duck Dynasty guys aren’t sexually attractive. At least not conventionally so.

      Celebrities are about sex appeal. That’s why Kim Kardashian is famous and the actor who play Hagrid on Harry Potter isn’t.

      1. Kim Kardashian was the lawyer in the OJ trial, right?

      2. Barbara Streisand is a major celebrity.

        Barbara Streisand is NOT sexy.

        1. She was sexy once.

          1. Nope. No. Not once.

            1. She was a one-bagger.

      3. That is absurd. Billy Joel is butt ugly. Is he not a celebrity? Or if he isn’t now, was he not one back when he was selling millions of records.

        No one ever said Jerry Seinfeld was good looking. Is he not a celebrity? Come on Hazel.

        1. Ric Ocasek. Ric Motherfrakin Ocasek.

          1. He is still married to Paulina Poriskova. And she is still fucking amazing, even after several kids and hitting 50. Tell me a deal with the devil isn’t an option.

      4. Two words:

        Danny DeVito.

      5. The Duck Dynasty guys aren’t sexually attractive. At least not conventionally so.

        It depends who you ask. I’d wager you’d find as many, if not more, female fans of the Duck Dynasty guys (at least the “younger” ones) as you would fans of, say, a “conventionally attractive” actor like Ryan Reynolds. But they hang out in different circles.

        1. oh, and there are more attractive people who are less famous than the Kardashians. They’re probably most famous for being rich despite having no talent.

      6. The Duck Dynasty guys aren’t sexually attractive

        They’ve got their groupies, all right.

        -jcr

  13. All I know is that this stupid, useless convention preempted Antiques Roadshow. So, fuck PBS, the RNC and the DNC.

    1. That show never seems to get old. You would think it would eventually get boring to watch but it doesn’t. I don’t watch it religiously, but whenever I flip by it, I always get sucked in. It is just compulsively watchable.

      1. It’s history, plus a good yard sale, plus a Price is Right style guessing game, plus a chance to maybe get rich quick on something you find in your attic,

        1. And you never know what kind of quirky history. I still remember the guy whose family ended up with some of the figures used to make that stop-motion Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer special.

          1. Oooh, I would love to have one of those!

      2. Its the only thing on PBS that I watch.

      3. I always get up to make a sandwich during the painting appraisals, but I really love the pottery, glass, and furniture ones. There was a flapper outfit on an episode recently. It was fucking amazing.

        And I really get a kick out of the doll expert. He’s a living, breathing Urkel.

        1. Sometimes I see things that I would starve before I ever sold if they were mine. Then you see things that before the appraiser even gives a value you are saying “sold”. Some of the ugliest shit is worth obscene amounts of money.

  14. Wrong. That was the greatest night of television since the who shot JR episode. I confess that given the level of total bullshit that eminates from the average Republican that I was going to skip it, but given last night’s level of awesomeness, complete with no fewer than 20 conspiracy theories on what in the hell Melanie’s trump was doing, I don’t want to miss anything.

    I just got into work now. If I slack off for the next 4 hours do you think I’ll be able to go home in order to catch Don Lemon being punched in the head by some nutty right-winger? USA USA USA!!! This country is awesome.

    1. “That was the greatest night of television since the who shot JR episode”

      God damn you must be old.

      1. He’s wrong ,the greatest night (s) were when Cote De Pablo was on T.V.

    2. “Work”….hah, you had me going for a minute there!

    3. “I confess that given the level of total bullshit that eminates from the average Republican that I was going to skip it…”

      Oh, sure. Clearly you’re not the kind of person who’s captivated by consuming and following the very same people you presumably scorn and hate on a regular basis, like a moth to a burning flame. That would just be…weird.

      You were going to do something else, but, oh look, TV came on and tuned into the entire convention.

      Sure, we get it.

    4. This country is awesome.

    5. Naturally, as a socialist, bullshit is what you live on.

      -jcr

    6. That was the greatest night of television since the who shot JR and killed socialism episode.

      FTFY

  15. I’m imagining a a line up of speakers I’d love to see. Fist,Crusty,Swiss,Old Man with Candy,ect. Now that would be great television.

    1. Would I be allowed to speak in Z?rid??tsch?

      *narrows gaze*

    2. Heroic Mullato. Can’t leave him off either! And maybe a reading from the select works of SugarFree?

    3. WE CHOOSE TO GO TO THE MOON IN THIS D’CADE AND DO THE OTHER THINGS NOT BECAUSE THEY ARE EASY, BUT BECAUSE I AM HARD.

  16. How DARE Donald Trump have vacuous celebrities repeat inanities to get the crowd riled up.

    Doesn’t he understand that the Democrats’ have a patent on that?

  17. Does Melania sing? I’d like to see Melania sing ‘Don’t Cry For Me Argentina’. It would be be perfect.

    1. Why? I thought Clinton was Peron.

      1. Only more corrupt.

      2. Definitely not. Trump is Peron, Clinton is Cristina Kirchner.

  18. Immigrants are less criminal than native born Americans, and yet while running for office, Trump has consistently portrayed them as rapists and murderers, as violent invaders who have come to wreck the country, transforming it into a place that is fundamentally un-American

    Immigrants or illegal immigrants? It seems to be a purposeful obfuscation of that distinction. By definition, all illegal immigrants are criminals, just not necessarily violent.

    1. Well to be scrupulously fair, the proliferation of petty and obscure laws render everyone in the country a criminal regardless of their immigration status.

      1. *turns Hugh in for sedition, gets arrested for vigilantism*

        1. Now THAT is an abstract masturbation euphemism.

    2. Illegal immigrants have about the same level of criminality as native-born Americans in the same socio-economic group. In other words, they are no more criminal than the worst hoods in Baltimore, Detroit, and Camden. So, nothing to be concerned about.

    3. By definition, all illegal immigrants are criminals, just not necessarily violent.

      Illegal presence, like jaywalking, is a civil infraction, not a criminal offense.

      Criminal offenses come with Constitutionally guaranteed rights like a right to a trial by jury while civil infractions can be handle by the much cheaper and less time consuming option of a civil hearing. Congress members have proposed from time to time to make illegal presence a crime but when they see the price tag of jury trials and appeals, they withdraw their proposals very quickly.

  19. We’ve seen republicans nominate Trump.

    We’ve seen California democrats elect Schwarzenegger.

    It’s only a matter of time before political parties dopey exist as vehicles for burned out, ugly celebrities.

    I look forward to the Franken presidency.

    1. Aww, Poor whittle Brian is upset that right-wingers made fools of themselves last night.

      Poor whittle Brian.

      1. Why aren’t you running that Cuban blockade again?

      2. Hey, Suderman? This road you’re going down?

        amsoc is one of your fellow travelers. Keep that in mind.

      3. Um, didn’t you say you were at work?

        Do your “employers” know you’re posting shit on the internet, on company time?

        Or, is that what you mean, you’re a paid astroturfer?

        1. He’s posting from the street corner on his iPhone while waiting for the johns to show up.

          1. Looks like he’s got a backhand to the face in his future…

        2. Mwahahaha… I’m a paid goon by George Soros. No, seriously, most of the time I’m responding to you right-wing nitwits from the crapper. What can I say? I have an easy, good paying job. I should apologize for that?

          1. “I should apologize for that?”

            You’re the socialist: ask yourself.

          2. Welp, that explains why everything you post is shit. I hope you turn over your entire salary to the government like a good little socialist, so that Top Men can determine what you actually need.

          3. I’m responding to you right-wing nitwits from the crapper

            Good luck with that pink eye, fuckwit.

          4. “I’m responding to you right-wing nitwits from the crapper.”

            For an hour straight?

            1. Amsoc is really, really full of it.

            2. He cleans toilets. Duh!

          5. What can I say? I have an easy, good paying job.

            Hang on to it, because you’ve got a real shitty credit history from that mortgage you never repaid.

  20. But the shaggy Robertson, wearing an unbuttoned dress shirt and an American flag bandana, didn’t even bother to shout his lines. Instead, he delivered them with the conviction of a fast-food worker trying to upsell a value meal. It didn’t matter. He wasn’t there to say anything in particular, or to say it well.

    Still don’t get his down-home, aw shucks grass roots appeal, do you?

    Shortly after Robertson spoke, D-list actor Scott Baio appeared to deliver his own vapid remarks.

    To be fair to Baio, he used to be a B-list actor, and everyone’s remarks at conventions are vapid.

    1. Chachi was A-list

    2. Chachi was A-list

  21. That pulpit rings with bitterness and monotony.

    Parading tears and fears creates a scandalous vacuum of fresh ambition. Ancient concepts flaunted become conceptual quags trapped in political memory.

    Trump may hold a political genius braided with mystical delight but his convention reveals little of this. The spectacle has barricaded Trump behind stiff tradition bounded by hoary sighs.

    1. “stiff tradition bounded by hoary sighs”

      Now THAT is a euphemism!!!!

  22. reads like mcardle wrote the first draft, but suderman contributed the reference to underwear model Antonio Sabato

  23. Indeed. That whole night resembled a pens.

      1. The penis, mightier than the sword.

        1. “The Penis Mightier, Alex!”

  24. Drudge’s obsidian-lettered orgasms are fucking Trump-level distracting.

  25. I can’t wait to read the thoughtful and insightful rebuttals from the various resident Trump supporters…

    1. Well, let’s be honest, there is a population of “Trump is a clown, and so is Suderman” types as well.

      And I’m in it, Suderman, you’re fucking awful. Worse than Dalmia.

      1. Whoa, whoa, whoa….let’s not say things you’re gonna regret

        1. No, he needs to hear this, it’s for his own good.

          1. Hey, he might be off…but Dalmia level off?! I think not so bad as that!

          2. for his own good? – but it’s megan who wrote this

    2. the various resident Trump supporters

      I wonder how many there actually are, here.

      There are quite a few (like, ahem, me) who don’t like Trump, don’t support him, but respond to stupid and ridiculous attacks on him because they are stupid and ridiculous. Could be confused with “supporting” him, I guess, if you are sufficiently binary in your thinking (“If you ain’t agin’ ‘im, you must be fer ‘im!”).

      1. If you’re not a Trump supporter then obviously I wasn’t talking about you. Awfully defensive though.

        “If you ain’t agin’ ‘im, you must be fer ‘im!”

        Annnnd you immediately imply that anyone who isn’t as super-duper smart as you think you are is an idiot hick who can’t talk right. It’s shit like this that makes me hate, literally, everyone. I hope a meteor destroys this fucking planet soon.

        1. My point was, I’m not sure there are any Trump supporters here, as you seem to believe. I speculated that you might be confusing “this attack on Trump is stupid” with “I love Trump”.

          Glad to see you’re not. So who are the Trump supporters you are seeing that I’m not?

          1. I can’t speak for Cynical Asshole, but I can only think of three commenters who are clearly intending to vote Trump. Everyone else here who hates Hillary more than Trump is getting counted as a Trump voter by the H&R Gatekeepers.

          2. SIV, Domestic Dissident, & John mostly.

            1. I forgot about them. Add buybuydandavis and Nativist, Sexist, & Homophobe to that list. In any event, not a long list.

              In fairness, I can’t think of one commenter (HazelMeade said she might) voting for Hillary. Even counting her as one vote, I’m proud that such a small number of the commentariat is voting Purple.

              1. Johnson and not voting are going to dominate the H&R commentariat this cycle.

              2. I’m voting Johnson. If I lived in a swing state, and it looked like a close race between Trump and Hillary, I *might* vote for Hillary. But I don’t expect that to happen.

                And incidentally, a preliminary ‘fuck you for making me vote for Hillary’ to all the Trump supporters around here. Just in case it actually happens.

                1. I’m not sure you’re very good at telling the difference between people who hope Trump edges out Hillary and “Trump supporters”.

                  I will not vote for Trump.

                  If your hatred of Trump is such that it will actually make you vote for Hillary Clinton, then you’re so far out in left field, you better make sure you’re still in the ballpark.

                  I can actually see three reasons to vote for Trump.

                  1) Supreme Court nominations.

                  Trump may not care as much about the Second Amendment as I’d like, but Hillary will nominate Supreme Court justices specifically because they’re against our Second Amendment rights.

                  2) Trump’s off the cuff remarks on Iraq.

                  If Trump changed his views from before the Iraq War started, then good for him! Hillary Clinton is still a bigger necon warmonger than George W. Bush ever was–and back then, her biggest criticism of Bush was that he wasn’t going far enough.

                  3) Strike a blow against elitism.

                  The progressives honestly believe that the purpose of government is to inflict the views of elitists on the American people–and they hold average Americans in contempt as a point of honor.

                  I’d like to see their heads explode if Trump wins–not just for fun. As a libertarian, I believe that both markets and the culture need to be managed from the bottom up. Both free minds and free markets are incompatible with elitism.

                  1. I know there are a hundred excellent reasons to vote against Trump, but for goodness’ sake, Hazel, is there any reason you can give us as to why a libertarian should vote FOR Hillary (rather than against Trump)?

                    1. Trump should be out of the question for anyone who isn’t a cousin-fucking moron. If there are any real men in this room they would nut up and admit they are duty-bound as citizens to vote for Hillary. Not “I’m smarter than everyone for voting for the guy who can’t win” third-party bullshit. No “Trump’s gonna nuke the world but at least he’ll put Heritage Foundation goobers on the Supreme Court.”

                      I’ll not hold my breath on this one.

                    2. Look at what Tony’s saying, Hazel.

                      If that doesn’t dissuade you from voting for Hillary, nothing will.

        2. Annnnd you immediately imply that anyone who isn’t as super-duper smart as you think you are is an idiot hick who can’t talk right.

          WHYCOME TRUMP SUPPORTERS SO PRETENTIOUS?

    3. The rebuttal is simple. Why does Suderman not liking someone make them a psudo celebrity and why is that a bad thing or worth noting even if they were?

      The entire article is nothing but substance free snobbery on Suderman’s part.

      Do you not agree? Do you think there is some kind of substance or value to Suderman telling us how he thinks the Duck Dynasty guys are not real celebrities whatever that means? If you do, I would be curious to hear your explanation for thinking that way because I can’t see any reason to think that.

  26. Baio’s main contribution to the evening was to defend a tweet he sent out picturing Hillary Clinton standing in front of letters spelling out a derogatory term used for women’s anatomy.

    Heh, I hadn’t seen that before. That’s gold.

  27. What I loved most about Sabato, Jr. speaking to all these overly-made-up middle-aged soccer moms and staid, plastic-haired men is that he’s been in a crapload of softcore gay porn.

  28. Shorter Suderman: Eeewww !

    1. Hey now!? No horning in on Teenaged Girl’s turf!

  29. Poor Peter. He needs to go to his safe space for a juice box and a hug from Tim Egan.

  30. I admit it. I’m beginning to succumb to a genuine vindictive delight at the massive case of the flutters people like Suderman and Egan exhibit over teh Trumpocalypse.

    1. Come to the dark side Brooks. It doesn’t matter who you vote for or want as president. If you can’t appreciate the humor of the fainting fits people like Suderman are having over this, you have no heart. This is world class entertainment.

    2. It is a bit much. I’d stick to “the positions these people are advocating are antithetical to liberty in all these ways….” rather than bitching about the Duck Dynasty guys.

  31. Peter: as much as I also dislike Trump, you’re making the mistake of looking at it from the perspective of a DC insider. It’s possible that the show was crafted to appeal, not to the likes of you, but rather the people whose votes Trump needs to get.

    Remember, Robertson is the star of a show that has a pretty decent sized viewership. While it’s likely that a good number of his viewers are already pro-Trump, an endorsement can’t hurt. The same for Chachi, who while admittedly D-list, is nonetheless thought of nicely among a decent sized segment of the public.

    And for Trump’s wife? Just as there are people who think that because Trump has money he must be smart, so too are those who think that if Trump can get someone as pretty as her, then he must be pretty hot himself.

    the election isn’t going to be won because people who write for think tanks go for or against Trump (or Clinton). The battle is for those people who aren’t diehard partisans, those who, by definition, pay less attention than you or I do. For these people, maybe the convention is just what they need to see to back Trump. We’ll see.

  32. “The whole evening was shallow, stupid, vulgar, and badly managed?just like Trump’s run for president.

    That’s what they used to say about punk rock.

    “Shallow, stupid, vulgar, and badly managed” can come across as “authentic” to a lot of people

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uRPcPjsriIU

    NWA was shallow, stupid, vulgar, and badly managed. Vanilla Ice, not so much.

    The Ramones were shallow, stupid, vulgar, and badly managed. Nickleback, not so much.

    I wouldn’t normally watch a campaign, but after a floor vote revolt to unpick the nominee and charges of plagiarism last night, I want to see what happens next.

    Howard Stern was shallow, stupid, vulgar, and badly managed. Nobody cares what your well scripted DJ said this morning or any other morning.

    Hillary Clinton may trounce Trump at the voting booth, but if she does, it won’t because she oozes authenticity. And Americans love authenticity.

  33. The flag should not be used as “wearing apparel, U.S Flag Code

    It’s a flag, not a friggin sweatband!

    1. WHYCOME YOU HATE BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN?

      1. Same comment applies to Bruce.

  34. For the record (again):

    I think Trump is a blathering imbecile, and that virtually every single thing he says is wrong.
    BUT- unlike Suderman, Egan, David Brooks, or the rest of the nattering class, I do not believe he is evil personified, nor do I pretend he is any more (or less) eager to destroy Truth, Justice, and the American Way than Hillary Clinton, Bill deBlasio, Peter King or [insert politician here].

    1. Dick Durbin, Tom Cotton, Diane Feinstein, Rahm Emmanuel, Lindsey Graham, Teh Lightworker, Paul Ryan, Harry Reid, Nancy Pelosi…

      Oh, I thought you were asking us to [insert politician here]!

      1. [insert politician here]

        *Makes mental note to add signage to woodchipper*

  35. Oh, I thought you were asking us to [insert politician here]!

    Haha, FAIL.

    It’s a trick question: not “who” – “where”.

    HINT- a device for reducing woody plant fiber to shreds.

    1. Ummm…. a whole shitload of termites?

  36. Obama and Hildog have no administrative experience or competence. This is apparently not a job requirement of the President who is apparently a figurehead who is protected from hard decisions by his underlings.

    In that light, the President is responsible primarily for setting a tone.

    Obama was vacuous “hope and change.”

    Trump is vacuous “Duck Dynasty.”

    These seem like pretty clear brand distinctions, even if the end result is that all toilet paper works pretty much the same.

    I am not sure what you want Melania to say. “My husband buys me nice things and he isn’t shy about taking Viagra, so I don’t find myself banging the pool boy.”

    1. I would stand and applaud if she did!

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  38. The Libertarian Party, headed by two Republican governors, should be there to scoop up the sane part of the GOP.

    Where are they?!

    And would libertarians even open the doors for them?

    For example, Jeb Bush in a recent opinion piece considered voting libertarian.

    Previous Republican presidential candidate Romney seems on the verge of endorsing Johnson/Weld.

    Are libertarians going to freak out that their little club could be getting away from them?

  39. Yes amateurish but when is the Libertarian convention again?

  40. So, because it wasn’t the professionally scripted drama’s that we’ve seen previously……
    We’re …. Going …. To …. Win !!!!

  41. Well which is it? The conventions are important? The conventions are not important? The conventions are little more than line ups of people expected to say all the right things? The conventions are little more than people who don’t give good speeches? The conventions are for their political party delegates? Their conventions are for you?

  42. I am reminded that the balloons failed to drop at Romney’s convention. I’m reminded of “the kiss” at Al Gore’s convention. I think Hillary Clinton at Bill’s convention talked about what a great husband he was, too. So, what’s your point?

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  44. Trump’s campaign has been fueled by terror of immigrants and outsiders

    How fucking wrong can you be Suderman? I can’t stand Trump or any of his throng but I am so sick of “phobia” “fear” “terror” being thrown around like this. Not liking, or not wanting, or not supporting, something, is not a “fear” of it. I’m pretty sure none of those yokels in that audience have an actual fear of illegals.

    For God’s sake, start writing like a journalist and less like a virtue signaler.

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