Movie Review: Batman v Superman: Dawn Of Justice

Ben Affleck dons the crusader's cape, but the movie's real wonder is a woman.

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Batman
Warner Bros

(This is a movie review, so there are spoilers ahead. Beware, I guess.)

There are interminable stretches of Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice in which the logjam of pricey digital effects and the garbled plot and jumbled visuals conspire to overwhelm our senses and weaken our will to carry on.

Well, maybe I exaggerate. The movie's a mess, but it's not a total fiasco. Director Zack Snyder conjures up a sky full of winged demons at one point that testifies to his gift for dark visions; and when Gal Gadot's Wonder Woman finally leaps into the fray, deep into the picture's second half, she more than passes the audition.

Mostly, though, we're stuck with the two super-guys of the title, both of whom are a little short on super. First-time Batman Ben Affleck is so glum and scowly—so not-fun—that you hope he'll be able to kick his Frank Miller habit before returning in the two Justice League semi-sequels already headed in our direction. (Warner Bros. is betting the farm on DC Comics characters in the studio's belated pushback against the well-established Marvel franchises.) And the serenely wooden Henry Cavill, whose Superman was introduced in Man of Steel, remains little more than an object of contemplation.

Why would these two characters suddenly be butting heads? It's complicated. In a flashback to the sky-high Superman-vs.-General Zod battle that concluded Man of Steel, we now see that Bruce Wayne/Batman was on the ground below, witnessing all the collateral damage being caused (little girl loses mom, passing man loses legs) and vowing to take down the airborne vigilante. The U.S. government is now similarly alarmed, and is being urged by an anti-alien citizenry to rein Superman in. (The movie echoes current political concerns throughout, rather in the way that Snyder injected a virtuous environmental motif into his 2009 Watchmen.)

Meanwhile, a cache of mysterious green stones has been discovered in the Indian Ocean. In Africa, globe-trotting Daily Planet reporter Lois Lane (Amy Adams) has come across an artifact that proves to be most alarming. And there's a mysterious ship on its way to Metropolis, where over-caffeinated tech billionaire Lex Luthor (Jesse Eisenberg) is researching his "meta-human thesis" with the help of a "Genesis Chamber" and some sort of galactic archive. In Gotham—which appears to be just across the river from Metropolis—Bruce Wayne and his faithful butler Alfred (Jeremy Irons) are tinkering with battle gadgets (one of which seeks to explain Christian Bale's froggy basso in the Christopher Nolan Batman films), and Bruce is finding himself drawn to an enigmatic woman named Diana Prince (Gadot). As for Superman, he continues flying around righting wrongs, saving lives and pausing, in his guise as Clark Kent, only for a surprising bathtub love-making interlude with Lois, now his live-in girlfriend. (This scene is bluntly truncated for PG-13 reasons).

There's a lot of other stuff going on—two and a half hours' worth—and a lot of it isn't very clear (or wasn't to me—Bat-fans may be unperplexed). There are many, many explosions and mano-a-mano super-smackdowns. (Batman shoots people in this movie; he also brands them.) There are fleeting appearances by other DC characters who'll soon feature in movies of their own—the Flash (Ezra Miller) and Aquaman (Jason Momoa) among them. And the soundtrack score, by Junkie XL and Hans Zimmer, achieves a new high in thunder-god overkill—at the screening I attended, the floor was actually shaking.

There's also a space monster who long overstays his welcome, and one enormous battle too many at the end. And when Batman suddenly calls off his anti-Superman vendetta and decides they should be friends, the reason adduced for this is so preposterous you wonder if the writers (David S. Goyer and Chris Terrio) will ever be able to hold their heads up in Hollywood again.

The movie is so oppressively dark that I offered up little sighs of thanks whenever Eisenberg appeared. His wholly reimagined Lex Luthor (possibly the son of the arch-villain played by Gene Hackman 30-odd years ago) suggests Mark Zuckerberg with his finger stuck in a wall socket. He's a wonderfully weaselly techno-brat, and he provides much-needed jolts of enjoyment.

The picture's most compelling presence, however—although she has comparatively little screen time—is Gadot's character. In her guise of Diana Prince, she's smart and stylish; but when she clamps on the Wonder Woman bracelets and takes up the magical lasso, she gives the picture an exhilarating lift. A decade after Joss Whedon was fired by Warner Bros. after completing his own Wonder Woman script, the Amazon princess finally has a foothold on the big screen. Up next: her own movie, directed by Patty Jenkins, which is already in production. May that one be a lot more fun than this one.    

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  1. I’m not too excited to see his one, because I’m pretty sure how it plays out:

    1. Batman picks fight with Superman
    2. Superman hands Batman’s ass to him, because Superman has super powers, while Batman has gadgets and karate
    2.b. Maybe Superman just swats Batman away like an annoying toddler for 45 minutes or so
    3. Batman gets some kryptonite and makes the fight even
    4. Through this experience, they learn to trust each other
    5. They finally kick the bad guy’s ass, together, as a team
    6. Gay butt sex

    It just sounds so predictable.

    1. there has to be a twist that noone sees coming. A sex scene that starts out as a gay butt sex in the beginning and than wonder woman joining would be interesting.

      1. The main 3 heroes are saved by the Wonder Twins. Spoiler alert.

        1. Nickname for Wonder Woman’s tits?

          1. Wonder twin powers—-activate!

      2. I’d pay to watch Amy Adams being made love to.

        1. You have to settle for her in a bathtub.

    2. It has to end with the formation of the Justice League, right?

      1. No, the Vengence League, this is actually an alternate universe.

        1. Justice Lords. “No one stays good forever.”

      2. Yes. Step 6 is the initiation.

    3. Batman is pissed because Superman defiled Robin.

      1. Matt Damon has a cameo?

  2. You mean this movie was actually made and its existance wasn’t just a satirical meme on the internet?

  3. Gal Gadot’s Wonder Woman

    Damn. She’s getting a full length movie? Now that I might see.

    1. A “full length” movie, eh?

      1. Well, something will be full length, that’s for sure.

    2. Wonder Woman is a Cardassian?!

      I did NOT see that coming.

    3. Anything Joss Whedon was fired for suggesting has a lot going for it.

  4. The problem I see with the movie is that – from the ads I’ve seen – it’s a Batman movie, i.e., we are expected to cheer for Batman in Bat v. Supe – but they put Ben Affleck in the Batsuit so who the hell’s not going to be cheering for Superman to kick his ass?

    1. Cheer for it to flop, so hard that Warner Brothers has to cancel the whole mess and restart with something that’s not an apparent homage to the stupidity and excess of the nihilistic era of ’90s comics.

      1. They’d have to fire the editorial leads at DC, who are revelling in the nihilistic 90s.

  5. The Onion said it best: ‘let’s just get this over with’

    1. There was a Batman vs Superman script from around 2003 where Batman and Superman say essentially that, as if they were aware of the stupidity of it all.

  6. I’ll look to borrow the Blu-Ray from the library sometime around Christmas.

    1. I’ll look to stream it from Russia this weekend…

  7. At some point, cartoon movies became serious works of art, and live action movies became cartoonish boring garbage. It’s bizarre. I mean, compare this shit with Zootopia. Enough with the fucking comic book movies, already.

    1. You should know that the market decides when the comic book movies will go away – whenever they stop making oodles of cash.

      1. I understand that the market is driven by dirty foreigners and that the lice-ridden filth in Dirkadirkastan wants CGI and insipid plots. I don’t even have any problem with that, really. But it won’t stop me from bitching about this shit.

        1. by the lice-ridden filth in Dirkadirkastan you mean the overweight fanily of six waddling to their suburban megaplex, right?

          1. No. Foreign markets are huge drivers in studio movies these days.

    2. Sorry, hoss, all the nerdy kids from the 80s and 90s are running studios now.

        1. Judd Apatow.

        2. Precisely. [taps side of nose]

          1. [with elbow]

    3. It’s just that to invest $150 million, you need a predictable return–especially if you’re part of a publicly traded company. And if you put Batman or Superman in your movie, the chances of you not getting your $150 million back are practically nil.

      That’s why almost all movies are bankable in some way–with built in audiences that will go see it even if it sucks. Comic books, book adaptations, bankable stars. Even genre films. Brad Pitt made the worst zombie movie ever, and it made a ton of money because it was Brad Pitt in a zombie movie.

      Remember that Last Samurai with Tom Cruise that would have been an amazingly great film if it weren’t for Tom Cruise’s character? They wrote him in! Just make it about the haiku Samurai! The only thing is, they would never approve that budget without Tom Cruise in the picture.

      It’s all like that. Markets are weird in that they offer the best product to the most people, but if you have relatively refined tastes, then you’re not most people. For whatever reason, probably because the studios legally can’t own their own theater chains, there’s no luxury market for luxury films. Actually, your local art house probably charges less than the multiplex, and it’s probably an old run down theater that failed because it only offers two screens.

      1. I thoroughly enjoyed The Last Samurai, but I have always had some problems with the fact that “Katsumoto” was portrayed as not having his me use firearms and he maintained his samurai appearance. Except the real life leader the film was based on, Saigo Takamori, wore western uniforms, and his troops (though, perhaps not his samurai leaders) all had modern weapons.

        1. Despite the romantic portrails of bushido, samurai (espiecailly those outside of the lull of the tokugawa shogunate) were martial pragmatists. If he hadn’t equiped part of his force with modern weapon, his rebellion would have been a hell of a lot shorter.

    4. I think you’re realizing the inherent limitation of the superhero as a dramatic vehicle, especially when dealing with truly superpowered heroes like Superman. The more powerful they are, the more difficult it is to present them with believable challenges and antagonists, and the more boring it starts to become as they have to keep upping the stakes. And the more they become removed from any “normal” human experience. It’s like watching a movie about a demigod. I mean, did you ever actually worry that Hercules was going to fail and die in any of his adventures? Well, the same goes for Superman or The Hulk or whoever.

      Where the real entertainment value still lies is in the “barely” superhero crowd; your Daredevil and Jessica Jones on Netflix, for instance. They have a tremendous number of vulnerabilities and remain very human, and so their stories can be told in an entertaining and interesting and approachable way.

      1. This is pretty much it. Overpowered invulnerable heroes are boooooooring.

        1. Not to mention the almost complete lack of pathos in the Superman archetype.

          1. Superman is only interesting in something like Smallville because he’s much less powerful, he is very unsure about what he’s supposed to do, and he’s just more human in general (which is funny considering he’s an alien). Also, Erica Durance.

          2. Superman has some pathos to him. He’s a god-like superhero but he can’t save everyone. Remember in the 1978 movie when his adopted dad drops dead of a heart attack? That’s the kind of stuff that torments him.

            If studios would only care more about characters and stories than loud explosions and CGI you could easily make him a compelling character (assuming you find a better actor than Cavill who is terrible as Clark and just a placeholder for Supes).

            1. There’s also the weird thing about how he has to disguise himself in everyday life. He’s the only superhero who takes off his disguise to become super.

              Clark Kent is his disguise, but that’s what he’s like in everyday life. But nobody, including Lois, is especially impressed by Clark Kent in everyday life.

              1. Somebody saw Kill Bill Volume 2!

            2. Which was great until he turned back time by questionable means to save his girlfriend.

          3. In all fairness, I thought MoS presented a lot of emotional development for Clark Kent. Granted, Superman is the “Boy Scout”. But MoS did present some context for his character.

            1. They tried but the writing was still bad. The jumbled flashbacks did not help either nor did Kevin Costner.

              I realize actors try to do their own thing when given an established role to play but I really don’t think there’s anything to improve upon from Christopher Reeve’s performance. He nailed both Clark and Superman and made that dynamic fun to watch. Why not just remake Richard Donner’s Superman and turn down the camp a bit and update the effects? I wouldn’t begrudge them that.

              1. Why in the hell did Costner have to die? Superman can fly around the planet at hypersonic velocities, but he can’t run out into a tornado to save his dad? What the fuck? That’s a big fucking plot hole. It was better when his dad just died of hard work and old age.

                1. It was because Pa Kent told Clark not to reveal his powers because then he would be “outed” and treated differently by everyone before he was ready.

                  I mean, it’s not the best writing, but that’s the reason.

              2. They did that, it was called Superman Returns and it sucked.

        2. Nah, there are plenty of stories about vulnerable and flawed people. Blockbuster movies are for something you don’t see every day.

      2. “I think you’re realizing the inherent limitation of the superhero as a dramatic vehicle, especially when dealing with truly superpowered heroes like Superman. The more powerful they are, the more difficult it is to present them with believable challenges and antagonists”

        Eh, just have Star Trek’s Q show up and turn him into a potted plant.

        1. DC already has that in Mr. Mxyztplk. Hell, why not make him the villain in one of these movies? Gilbert Gottfried still can play the role in live-action like he did in the cartoon.

          1. I just want a Martian Manhunter movie.

            1. Jamila, is that you?

      3. This is the problem with the entire Urban Fantasy genre as embodied by Harry Dresden. Loved the first three or four books until he basically became a god.

  8. I don’t mean to be a downer, but I’m just leery of any movie doubling down on the bankable attachments. Be it a built in audience with a book adaptation or superhero fan base–god forbid it needs both that and a bankable star.

    If it’s any good at all, I’ll see it on TV some lazy Saturday afternoon anyway.

    Maybe do something weird. Instead of going all Dracula vs. Wolfman, maybe take us to Bizzaro world?

    And while we’re on the subject of bankable, what about tits? Why did Hollywood stop showing tits? Are we just waiting for people born in the 2000s to turn 18? Is it that tits won’t play in theaters in Asian markets? Where have all the tits gone?

    1. What do you mean where did all the tits go? Did you not see the part where Ben Affleck stars in this movie?

    2. PG-13 has a higher gross return level than R on average, so tits are out covered up

      1. Yes, but isn’t that because people born in the 2000s aren’t 18 yet? Or is it for some other reason?

        It isn’t because people don’t want to see tits like they used to. Believe me, people still like to see tits, right?

        Or have the progressives really ruined everything?

        1. It’s because once you become 18, you start doing things that aren’t going to 30 movies a year. You also develop a bit more taste, so CGI-porn becomes less compelling, and you demand a bit of a script. So the theater stops targeting you and moves onto the kids born 5 years after you.

        2. Big tits, little tits, sure!

    3. Where have all the tits gone?

      Dude, the internet.

      1. You’re right that seeing them is easier than ever before.

        Seeing big name tits used to drive sales of Playboy, right.

        If I tell you that in the next Avengers movie, you get to see Scarlet Johansson’s tits, that doesn’t make you less likely to want to see the movie, does it?

        1. Under the Skin (2013) 6.3
          Watch Now $0.00 with Prime Video
          http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1441395/?ref_=nm_flmg_act_14

          Scarlett Johansson … The Female
          A female drives a van through the roads and streets of Scotland seducing lonely men
          Rated R for graphic nudity, sexual content, some violence and language

          “Scarlett Johansson doesn’t have a lot to do in this film; basically make small talk and get naked, all the while with a plain face…But for me, it was dull”

          Most of the discussion is how she has a fat ass (not that there’s anything wrong with that)

          1. I saw it in an art house.

            Not a mainstream movie.

    4. Umm, there was an R-rated super-hero movie with tits that came out like a month and a half ago, and did pretty well at the box office.

      1. Which one?

        1. Deadpool

          1. The funniest thing about that movie to me so far has been the number of parents who obliviously took their kids…

            (I haven’t seen the movie, so there may be funnier content)

            1. I would recommend checking it out, it’s actually a pretty funny movie. Just, yeah, don’t take the kids to see it.

              1. It was hilarious, though there are a lot of ‘in-jokes’ for the fan-bois.

                As on reviewer said “Don’t take the kids, they’ll be shocked by the adult content, and they’ll wonder what the heck is wrong with you, based on your giggling fits.”

      2. Actually, it didn’t show any tits. Even the funny as hell over-the-top sex scene with Morena Baccarin didn’t actually show any real nudity. Other than Ryan Reynold’s ass.

        1. Ryan Reynold’s ass? That sounds like a guy’s name.

          I don’t want to see Ryan Reynold’s ass!

          Showing me some guy’s ass will NOT make America great again.

        2. There was an extended scene in a strip club, wasn’t there?

          I remember topless women…

        3. Oh man, I missed a Morena Baccarin sex scene too?

    5. Where have all the tits gone?

      “Long time coming ?.”

      1. “Oh, when will they ever learn?”

      2. You used the wrong “coming.”

    6. There actually are no bankable stars. Johnny Depp is/was probably the last.

    7. “Where have all the tits gone?”

      I believe this was the Kingston Trio’s original title and subject matter, but back then they couldn’t get radio play with it.

  9. Is this the movie that has Margo Robbie as Harley Quinn? It might be worth half-watching on Netflix, if so.

    1. Harley Quinn!

      See, that’s a step in the right direction.

      Crazy, sexy, violent, fan girls. And tits and burgers and beer.

      This is what will make America great again.

      1. She competes for screen time with Jared Leto/Joker. Suicide Squad looks …. I don’t know. Good? Bad? I can’t tell.

  10. Here’s the sequel: Ukulele Batman vs Bagpipe Superman

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2Yo0MGR2kmA

    1. That was a good movie.

  11. I frikkin’ hate Superman. Such a damnably boring character and concept. Reeves at least understood that he needed humor to be palatable.

    1. That was humor?

  12. Sort of OT: Who’s watched Daredevil Season 2? I thought Bernthal stole the show.

    1. I’m three episodes in, and yeah, Shane…I mean Bernthal…is damn good as The Punisher. Plus, Deborah Ann Woll.

      1. Just watched episode 3 last night, the stairwell fight scene was one of the best action sequences I’ve seen in a long time.

        1. The long fight scenes grate on me. Primarily because no one has the fucking endurance to fight like that with that much energy for that long *while* taking some serious hits. As I said above, the appeal of Daredevil is that he’s approach-ably human, and when he becomes CombatBot 3000 it ruins that. I mean, I appreciate the choreography of the fight scenes (it’s excellent), and the one-take fight scene in the hallway from season 1 was technically very impressive, but that’s not what the story is really about.

          1. Meh, It may be a less than super-superhero show, but it’s still a superhero show, I don’t mind the over the top bits, If I want an epic story-story I read a book.

          2. It is ridiculous how many blows he takes to the head, but what was so memorable about that hallway fight scene last year is how exhausted everyone is halfway through the fight. There’s less of that in the stairwell fight, but I appreciate that they incorporate some sloppiness into their fights.

    2. Yeah, Berenthal stole the show. While I generally dislike the Punisher, they had an interesting new take on him. The Hand stuff was pretty much meh though.

    3. I’m about halfway through Season 2. I though the first season was better, but it’s pretty damn good. The Punisher storyline is surprisingly well done for such a stupid character, and they’ve done a good job reminding us why Elektra was originally cool. It’s not just another retread of the tired “Elektra shows up, does ninja shit, gets stabbed by Bullseye” routine.

  13. Ben Affleck as Batman? Directed by Zach Snyder? I can’t imagine a way they could have put together a Batman movie I’d be less interested in seeing.

    *Short of bringing back Schumacher and Clooney, of course.

    1. Holly Hunter plays Rand Paul.

  14. It’s not impossible to write good superhero movies. DC Animated has done it for almost two decades now. Makes you wonder why they won’t let guys like Paul Dinhi or Bruce Timm write these scripts.

    1. Exactly, why didn’t they just do a live action version of Justice League: War? This dark Iron Age mash up looks like a horrid turd.

    2. It’s odd, Marvel can make some good movies, but lousy cartoons. DC can make great cartoons but lousy movies.

      1. Even the old Batman animated films were good. Mask of the Phantasm and the Mr. Freeze one.

  15. The Punisher movie with Travolta is a hidden gem. Discuss.

      1. I had such low expectations when I saw it that I was pleasantly surprised. And who the villain is and the way he dies was just perfect.

    1. Dolph’s was better. No contest.

      1. Seconded. Dolph’s Punisher was a perfect 80’s dumb action flick.

    2. I also liked the Punisher movie with Ray Stevenson, Jim McNulty and Crusty favorite, Dash Mihok. The Punisher is a great character.

    3. It had it’s moments for sure. The fight with the Russian was fabulous physical comedy. Top notch stuff really. The rest of the movie isn’t on that level, but then the rest of They Live isn’t on the level of that fight scene either.

  16. I will not rest until Val Kilmer is once again thrust into Batman’s cape. How about an aging, overweight Batman? Huh? Make it happen.

    1. I will not rest until Val Kilmer is once again thrust into Batman’s cape.

      Paging SugarFree, please pick up the white courtesy phone. No, the white one.

    2. That I would line up to see. A fat, grumpy, exasperated Kilmer going through the motions – or just letting the bad guys go because he does not care.

      1. Twenty minutes of him grunting while trying to get into his suit. He then has to pull out the 60s version Batman outfit with it’s forgiving spandex.

    3. How about an aging, overweight Batman?

      That’s why they cast Ben Affleck!

  17. Don’t care what you critics think. I’ll be watching the shit out of this movie with a big boner.

  18. “Not a total fiasco!” — Kurt Loder

  19. There are fleeting appearances by other DC characters who’ll soon feature in movies of their own?the Flash (Ezra Miller) and Aquaman (Jason Momoa)

    How about Martian Man Hunter? And next thing you’ll know, you’re going to see a Teen Titans movie which will inflict upon humanity reams and reams of comments about how the movie does not compare to the original series (the one where Raven looks like a transgender “girl”)

    1. Teen Titans movie which will inflict upon humanity reams and reams of comments about how the movie does not compare to the original series (the one where Raven looks like a transgender “girl”)

      If they made a live-action Teen Titans Go! movie that would be amazeballzzz.

  20. Saw an early screening. Save your money. Its not a movie, just a jumble of barely connected scenes. Its a two hour trailer. Its literally one of the worst movies I’ve ever seen.

  21. They should have co-opted “The Dark Knight Returns”; that’s the Bats/Supe fight we all wanted to see, amirite?

    1. As long as they put animated “POW!” and “SOCK!” graphics on the screen like the 60’s Batman TV show did whenever Batman is fighting.

  22. Here is what the fight is really about.

    http://www.madmagazine.com/blo…..each-other

  23. “…pausing, in his guise as Clark Kent, only for a surprising bathtub love-making interlude with Lois, now his live-in girlfriend.”

    What’s the use of being The Man of Steel if you never get to prove it?

  24. Batfleck, the Boobless Wonder, and bratty Luthor…

    Not interested.

  25. look Hollywood, clearly nobody is going to accept a movie that doesn’t have a Disney corporate stamped hero’s journey script, an all-of-the-above seizure inducing color palette, jovial cool guy banter between heroes with flawless personalities, comedic cues that couldn’t be more telegraphed without adding a laugh track, and any subtext that goes beyond a concept like friendship=good. What you all need to do is sell all your IP’s to Disney and let Jar Jar Abrams show you what you did wrong, just like he did with those unsuccessful hacks Steven Spielberg, George Lucas, Gene Roddenberry, Stephen King, all of whom obviously knew nothing about making a successful movie/show/book.

    Take this load of crap about an independently wealthy narcissistic megalomaniac creating a panic by spreading fear about aliens then presenting himself as the solution and shove it. We, the movie going public, should be given a little more credit than to think that America would let anything like that happen in real life.

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  38. my buddy’s step-mother makes $89 /hr on the laptop . She has been fired for seven months but last month her income was $19439 just working on the laptop for a few hours. you could check here

    ? ? ? ? http://www.ReportMax90.com

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  40. 8″Once I saw the draft of 6274 bucks,,, I admit that my friend’s brother was like really generating cash in his free time with his PC. His uncle’s neighbor has done this for only 9 months and by now repaid the loan on their home and bought a new Car …
    JD!69
    ??
    ??? http://www.alpha-careers.com/?…..-in-home-/

  41. before I looked at the receipt of $8884 , I have faith …that…my cousin woz like they say realy receiving money in there spare time at their computer. . there dads buddy haz done this for only about 14 months and just repaid the mortgage on their place and got themselves a Honda . try this…GHT008.

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  43. Start working at home with Google! It’s by-far the best job I’ve had. Last Wednesday I got a brand new BMW since getting a check for $6474 this – 4 weeks past. I began this 8-months ago and immediately was bringing home at least $77 per hour. I work through this link, go to tech tab for work detail.
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  45. my step-mum just bought a new cream Toyota Highlander only from working off a pc… browse around this website

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  46. I’ve made $76,000 so far this year working online and I’m a full time student.I’m using an online business opportunity I heard about and I’ve made such great money.It’s really user friendly and I’m just so happy that I found out about it.

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  47. before I saw the bank draft which had said $9426 , I didnt believe that…my… brother woz like actualy earning money part-time at there labtop. . there uncles cousin has done this 4 less than fifteen months and by now repaid the dept on there place and got a great new Mini Cooper . read the full info here …

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