Welcome back to the Reason Weekly Contest! This week's question is:
Augustus Sol Invictus has announced himself as a Libertarian Candidate for the Senate from Florida. He has admitted to sacrificing a goat and drinking its blood and exhorts his followers to "take LSD and practice sorcery… listen to trap music and black metal," and bring their girlfriends to strip clubs and then seduce the dancers in the back room. Kindly come up with a bumper sticker for his campaign.
How to enter: Submissions should be e-mailed to firstname.lastname@example.org. Please include your name, city, and state. This week, kindly type "INVICTUS" in the subject line. Entries are due by 11 p.m. Eastern Time, Monday, Oct. 12. Winners will appear Friday, Oct. 16, right here at Reason.com.
In the case of identical or similar entries, the first one received gets credit. First prize is a one-year digital subscription to Reason, plus bragging rights. While we appreciate kibbitzing in the comments below, you must email your answer to enter the contest. Feel free to enter more than once, and good luck!
And now for the results of last week's contest: A recent article about the decrease in people responding to customer surveys mentioned that the Roman Emperors actually polled their citizens, too. We asked you for a question that may have been on one of those ancient surveys.
What do you think is the most significant problem facing Greek society today?
1) Not enough bread
2) Too many circuses
3) Reaching peak olive oil
4) Marriages on the island of Lesbos—David Williams, Raleigh, NC
How would you rate Nero's response during the recent widespread fires in the city of Rome?
A) Favorable B) Somewhat favorable C) Neither favorable nor unfavorable D) Somewhat unfavorable E) Unfavorable—Chris Powell
On a scale of 1 to 10, how painful was your most recent crucifixion? — Richard Lawrence, San Diego, CA
Are your fears of Carthaginian terrorism A) Greater, B) Lesser, or C) About the same since the Empire's invasion of that country?—Bob Simeone, Pittsburgh, PA
Senator Bluto suggests a Toga Party. Y/N?—Tim Worstall, Usti nad Labem, Czech Republic
What do you consider the landmark accomplishment of this Roman Senate?
A) Healthy Lead Plumbing Mandate
B) Lasting peace in Judea
C) Affordable Circus Act — Colin Blake, Boston, MA
To whom do you give your highest regard?
C) Countrymen — Susan Montgomery Philadelphia, PA
Should the Empire create a path to citizenship for (check all that apply):
e) All of the above — John Jordan, Oceanside, CA
Would you rather render unto Caesar using Imperial Revenue Service form MXL, unto the Gods a XV percent flat tax , or be crucified on a cross of gold?—Russell Seitz, Cambridge, MA
Please select the answer that closely reflects your preferred punishment for Christians:
1) The Colosseum
2) Devoured by lions
5) Crucifixion — Paul Askins, Warren, MI
You're being considered for POLLING.
Please answer question one to see if you fit into our market demographic:
#1. Are you Spartacus?
Depending on your answer, a team of centurions will be by to complete your poling.
Thank you for your time.—Bobarian, Vine Grove, KY