Freddie Gray Trials Remain in Baltimore, DOJ to Target More Individuals in Corporate Crimes, Obama Asks to Take in More Syrian Refugees: P.M. Links

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Freddie Gray
  • The trials of the six cops charged in the death of Freddie Gray in police custody will remain in Baltimore, a judge has ruled.
  • The Department of Justice announced a new policy in a memo of attempting to prosecute individuals in white collar crime cases and not just punish the corporations with settlements. So keep an eye out for any buses your bosses are looking to throw you under.
  • A panel in Michigan's legislature is recommending expelling two lawmakers who admitted to misconduct to cover up their affair. This misconduct included the male half of the couple embarking in a strange plot to claim he was caught with a male prostitute in order to make any claims he was sleeping with a fellow female lawmaker less credible. ¯\_(?)_/¯
  • ISIS is using the images of the drowned Syrian boy who washed ashore in Turkey to try to warn other Syrians away from trying to flee the country.
  • Meanwhile President Barack Obama has asked for America to take in an additional 10,000 Syrian immigrants over the next fiscal year. America has taken in 1,500 Syrian refugees in the current fiscal year.
  • Former tennis player James Blake was tackled by New York Police while standing outside a hotel and handcuffed because he allegedly resembled a fraud suspect they were looking for.

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  1. Former tennis player James Blake was tackled by New York Police while standing outside a hotel and handcuffed because he allegedly resembled a fraud suspect they were looking for.

    Race wasn’t involved. NYPD would have gotten the same boner needlessly tackling Roger Federer.

    1. Yello.

    2. Isn’t Blake mixed-race anyhow?

      1. The one-drop rule is still in place.

      2. They only tackled him half as hard.

    3. I read about this yesterday. Why didn’t the cops just walk up to him in a civil manner and ask if they could have a word?

      Instead they go full retard?

      1. Why didn’t the cops just walk up to him in a civil manner and ask if they could have a word?

        Because fuck you, that’s why.

      2. Who joins a police force because they want to just TALK to people?

        1. Where I live we have this kid who has just joined the police in our community. He worked for me for a couple of summers while he was in school. The laziest most harmless person I can think of becoming a cop. He showed us video of his tazer training, him riding the lightening. Now I try to imagine him as being all cops.

      3. According to Krayewski’s post on the topic, the NYPD was doing a “fast approach” (aka an ambush) in which they blindside an unsuspecting victim without identifying themselves first. Apparently assault first and ask questions later is completely legal thanks to internal policies.

        1. It is depressing that this could in any way be considered legal police policy.

          1. Well, if they had sufficient reason to believe he was likely to be violent and particularly if he were violent and armed, not providing warning would be the safer strategy for everyone involved…. the police, the suspect and any bystanders.

            But they were investigating fraud using a sting operation. In general that would fall under the non-violent crime sort of category. And their identification was a bit sketchy…. Exactly how they ended up in a “witnesses said” situation instead of a “here’s they guy we’ve been following as a part of our sting operation” situation is a poser.

            Also, since they were relying on witness identification, exactly why did they do the arrest with plainclothes officers instead of having uniforms approach and apprehend the suspect? All of it is a little sketchy.

    4. Fraud suspects are notoriously violent and hard to control, because of their penchant for PCP and/or Flakka.

      /Officer Safety

  2. am i first?

    1. i swear…even with cheating i am not first

      1. And let that be a lesson for you, young man.

        Winners don’t cheat, cheaters don’t win, and when they do it’s a freak accident.

        1. “Winners don’t cheat, cheaters don’t win”

          Belichek your privilege.

          1. My privilege is fully inflated.

      2. It’s Fist’s Reign of Terror, pal.

        1. We’re just living in it.

      3. Pretty close though. It would have been an empty victory anyway. You have to make a bold, confident statement of firstitude.

        1. at this point I will take what I can.

          Last time I beat you Hillary was SoS.

          1. I’ve offered before to take a week off, but never get any takers.

            1. Nobody wants to be you for a week.

              1. Who needs the pressure?

    2. And for a proper First you have to comment on one of the links.

      1. Ohh I am aware of the rules. I WAS THERE MAN!!!!

        Hence the cheating remark.

        It was all incidental. i just re-opened the window to see if lynx were in and saw no comments. figured I’d take a shot

  3. Meanwhile President Barack Obama has asked for America to take in an additional 10,000 Syrian immigrants over the next fiscal year.

    Syrians are reliable D voters? Who would have known.

    1. The 10K properly screened Syrians will vote D.

      Nobody will check if they might also be ISIS plants, but they will get them to sign a oath of fealty to the Donkey.

    2. They’ll be reliably “diverse,” which is all that matters.

  4. Trump leads! Trump is YUUUUGE! If Trump didn’t exist, Reason would have had to invent him. In Trump we trump. A Trump in every pot, and a Trump in every garage!
    I don’t feel like doing lots of research for Accomplished Female Athletes of Eastern and Central Europe today, so let’s just go with equivalent of comfort food. She’s number 6 ranked tennis player in the world, and easily 10 in all respects. From the Old Country, I present Ana Ivanovic.
    If you want more, her website has an extensive gallery, but I can’t be arsed to curate 17 pages of it.

    1. Your series is much more fascinating than that ‘T’ guy.

      1. Fuck that. That Guy T is awesome

        1. I can get behind that T guy.

          That line is even funnier considering that this is a Shackford column.

          Bow chica bow wowwwwwwwwwwww

    2. Jelena Jankovi? is much better looking than Ivanovi?.

      1. Sorry, I value pretty face above all else, so she wasn’t in consideration. I’m a capricious, entitled shitlord.

      2. No.Fucking.Way. Ana is a goddess sent from Olympus or maybe Transylvania.

  5. Rubio for the win on education borrowing.

    http://www.economist.com/news/…..university

    1. Mrs Clinton’s proposals are a sensible start

      The paper of International Classical Liberalism, ladies and gentlemen!

      1. The Economist gave up on that a long time ago.

        Do they still give celebrities spots of prominence in their pages?

    2. I somewhat like Rubio’s approach. However the key is to get easy debt out of the equation.

      College students are not price sensitive enough to their education because acquiring debt to pay the college is too easy. The same thing happened with Housing and is happening with Healthcare. If price has been removed as a significant factor in the decision, people shop on other factors like student bennies, college perks and culture, while the colleges are free to jack up prices to improve those other factors.

      Switching to an equity model is just a different way of eliminating the “Anyone can get a loan” easy money nonsense. It basically says “Instead of letting every company issue low interest A-graded bonds, we are going to force them to sell equity.” No, the problem was letting the companies issue unlimited bonds at little to no cost.

      The problems I have with equity is that it complicates a problem that was created by a simple mistake. If they would fix the mistake in the first place, trying to figure out equity as a solution wouldn’t be necessary.

      1. It would make students a bit like commodities on an exchange. One share of a Chem E $100, one share of a sociology major $1.

        1. One share of a journalism major, -$25.

        2. I read that novel.

        3. I had to get a shit degree because otherwise I’d never be able to get my magnum opus LIFE AND THE LONELY AARDVARK: A FRIEND OF MAN published.

      2. The problem I have in these situations, and it’s only exacerbated when government is involved, is that incentives are fucked up.
        Get a degree, get a good job, pay up.
        Get a degree, suck at job getting, sucks to be lender.

        UK is one of the worst. One of the proposals they are toying with is that loans will be repaid of special graduate tax on high incomes. So if you chose your field well, you not only pay extra income tax, you get to subsidise idiots who didn’t directly. At least private equity would theoretically bypass this by setting correct risk ratios, but you bet your ass no government would allow more than, say, 1% spread of interest rates or such. And Fair Housing Whatever equivalent to ensure lenders aren’t allowed to discriminate based on major.

        1. It would make sense, actually, if the public-aided approach was to let schools collect a fixed tax on their students’ incomes for a fixed period of time. The schools would focus on guiding their middle-class students toward the more economically useful careers. The sort of entitled trust-fund shitlords that could afford to waste a hundred g’s to “broaden their horizons” could still pay for the bullshit programs out of pocket (though the number of schools offering such programs would probably shrink to an appropriate size); everyone else could read books from their local public library or browse the smarter corners of the fucking internet.

  6. This misconduct included the male half of the couple embarking in a strange plot to claim he was caught with a male prostitute in order to make any claims he was sleeping with a fellow female lawmaker less credible.

    Yeah, this was definitely one strange story.

    1. Ah, yes. My rep Todd. What a douche-bag.

    2. The man is the kind of ass wipe that gives the tea party a bad name.
      Remind me, why did we stop impaling legislative criminals (but I repeat myself) on sharp stakes?

  7. Meanwhile President Barack Obama has asked for America to take in an additional 10,000 Syrian immigrants over the next fiscal year

    This makes it sound like we have a choice in the matter

    1. It’s like when I ask my kids to quiet down.

    2. http://static01.nyt.com/images…..ter675.jpg

      Btw, this is the picture the NYT had up with this story. Because the refugees are all going to be adorable children and their long-suffering mothers. Only monsters would say no to rescuing them.

      1. My understanding is that the vast majority are males from 17-40. I wonder what percentage are jihadis and what percentage of them abandoned their female family members to ISIS.

        Cream of the crop.

        1. Why not just send all the 17-40’s men back to fight for their country. Give them weapons.

          1. That sounds like a good idea until you find out what they really end up doing back there. Also most people, gun in hand or not, don’t want to go face certain death.

          2. Fast and Furious: Al Qaeda Edition

            1. Ok. If they want a weapon they have to agree to be implanted w a tracker and small numbered explosive. If they are seen to be on the wrong side, Boom.

              1. And, of course we are holding their women and kids.

        2. “Males from 17-40”

          Best for the labour force. You should be grateful. I hope Canada opens the floodgates.

          1. Uh huh. My understanding is that many of them actually left Turkey and other havens to go to Europe, specifically Germany and Sweden, because of the more generous welfare.
            I am sure they will get right to work.

            Now, go back and write the Iron Laws one hundred times. I expect that to be turned in first thing tomorrow.

          2. “Best for the labour force.”

            Yes, because everyone knows that most crime is committed by 80 year old women and teenage girls.

            Damn that scourge of shoplifting Werther’s Originals and sparkly iPhone cases. We need an influx of unattached, unemployed young men to improve productivity.

      2. The heartstrings, we must tug them.

      3. Well at least they are wearing yellow raincoats.

        http://static.fjcdn.com/pictur…..394253.jpg
        NSFW

    3. No shit. When have Americans ever had a choice in immigration matters? I think that is a reason for Trump’s support. Americans for too long have felt like the establishment in both parties have ignored their wishes on this subject.

      1. For good reason, apparently. The average mook is ignorant and seriously that DEY TERK R JERBS.

    4. Put them up on the grounds of the White House.

      1. Obama would be down with that, especially if Hilary wins.

        “Hi, welcome to White House, Syrians will be here tomorrow.”

  8. ?\_(?)_/?

    Yet another example of Shackford’s diabolical nature. Watch him closely.

    1. Did you italicize that or is your shrugger having a stroke?

      1. Ital. Previewed it, made me chuckle.

    2. At least they’re not posting in emoji.

  9. A panel in Michigan’s legislature is recommending expelling two lawmakers who admitted to misconduct to cover up their affair. This misconduct included the male half of the couple embarking in a strange plot to claim he was caught with a male prostitute in order to make any claims he was sleeping with a fellow female lawmaker less credible. ?\_(?)_/?

    Is it weird that I think this is the most romantic gesture ever? I mean, how often is someone so willing to absolutely destroy their personal reputation and their family so thoroughly for the sake of saving their mistress’s?

    1. It’s as romantic as a murder-suicide pact.

    2. He wasn’t doing it to save her. What’s really weird is that he is such a bible thumper and went right to the gay sex will save me route. His mailings are creepy.

      1. Wait, really? I thought the whole point was he was trying to keep her from getting pulled into it. If he was just doing it to sow confusion then it’s not really an adorable display of twoo wuv.

        I’m not saying I approve, but it just seems like a weirdly chivalrous thing to do to fall on one’s own sword with something that’s so obviously anathema to his beliefs.

        1. No. He was hoping the gay sex sounded so bad that when the affair came out, he would survive it.

          1. Love is dead.

        2. ” fall on one’s own sword’

          I thought he was claiming to fall on someone elses’ sword.

          hi-yo

    3. Plausible deniability. He can play both sides against the middle, and ultimately trot out the old “it’s all the fault of the gayz” meme.
      He’s a swine. The type of vile politician that needs gayz to be the bad guys so he has a whipping boy or scapegoat to hide behind.

      1. That’s an…interesting…interpretation, Shirl. But at least you are consistent in your cluelessness.

        1. Shirley you’re knott serious?

          1. Don’t call me Shirley.

      2. He’s a swine. The type of vile politician that needs gayz to be the bad guys so he has a whipping boy or scapegoat to hide behind.

        With all the cries to jail these two lawmakers, I think we all need to take a minute to remember that Kim Davis is the real criminal here.

    4. It is indeed romantic and noble, reminiscent of Sydney Carton in A Tale of Two Cities.

      1. It is a far, far scummier thing that I do, than I have ever done; it is a far, far tougher reelection that I go to than I have ever known.

  10. 10,000? Exactly how big is the fighting force of ISIS? I know a lot of these are children, but there still has to be a decent amount of fighting age men and women in that group.

    1. Look, if Syrians don’t feel like fighting ISIS then who are we to say they can’t come to Germany or US.
      Good news: they really want to go to Germany (smart ones to Sweden), not the US, so a large part of this lot will probably be genuine refugees.

      1. Yaaa, having less of a welfare state than the other guy.

        1. Unexpected benefits of competitive advantage!
          If Hungarians were less arrogant and smarter, they’d run special trains full of these guys straight to Germany, instead of trying to enforce EU rules on asylum seeking.
          Hm…I wonder who else ran special trains full of refugees straight to Germany…

          1. The Hungarians, 70 years ago?

            1. Were they smarter back then?

              1. Yes, it’s funny* how Europeans quickly shape up when it’s time to kill Jews.

                *funny-strange, not funny-haha

            2. The Hungarians kept their Jews safe for many years during WWII. Germany had to invade its ally in 1944 to start “solving” the Jewish problem in Hungary. Romanians, Slovakians, and western Ukrainians were much worse,

              1. Well, not “invade” so much as replace the government with actual Nazi-equivalents who were very much into sending Jews to death (about 70 years ago, as you point out).

                But elsewhere they weren’t shy about mass murdering them.

          2. The reason the Hungarians couldn’t do that is the Dublin Regulation. It stipulates that asylum seekers must apply for asylum in the first European county they enter. Germany screamed bloody murder every time Hungary tried to send those refugees to Germany.

            1. Nowadays, Hungarians are trying to keep them in, while Germans are opening the borders and tearing up the Dublin Agreement.

              Here’s a Spectator blog article on the subject, and why it’s gonna make things worse.

          3. Germany is still dealing with their WWII complex. If they want to over compensate by taking them in let them.

            1. Doing the rightful thing for the wrong reasons is still good. Germany will benefit more than anyone.

              1. “Germany will benefit more than anyone.”

                Are you assuming zero ‘incidents?’ It would only take a few, IMHO, to turn this into a mess.

  11. You know, seeing Presidential politics posts on Facebook really depresses me. 4 and 8 years go, I at least had Ron Paul’s candidacy to follow and get excited over, even if I knew he wouldn’t win. Now, I have nothing. I’m reduced to trolling Mike Huckabee supporters on Facebook (the Sanders supporters are too mean).

  12. Breitbart: Lesbians terrorized by clashes between Afghan and Syrian refugees

    The Greek island of Lesbos has been turned into a war zone by rioting migrants, leaving the island’s 85,000 residents in despair. Around 25,000 migrants are currently camped out on the island with hundreds more arriving daily, leading to frequent violent clashes and rioting despite their claim to be fleeing violence.

    As rocks, bottles and municipal bins fly, one tearful local woman told RTL “We are in danger, every day, every minute. We need someone to protect us. They come into our houses. I want to go to work, but I can’t. Our children want to go to school, but they can’t. They have stolen our lives!”

    How often do you get to use “Lesbian” to mean “person from Lesbos, Greece“?

    1. Is there another meaning?

      UHAULSSSS
      /sarcasmic

    2. Please tell me these guys snuck in and there government didn’t actually approve a refugee population a quarter of the size of their population.

      1. No shit. 1/3 of the population is now refugees. That’s not your island anymore. Oh, wait. I mean AWESOME, Open borders! Lesbos is going to be the most productive place on earth. /s

        1. And think of how much they saved not educating them!

      2. According to Breitbart:

        the migrants come over in inflatable boats which they cut up on arrival to prevent being turned back, expecting to be able to quickly travel on by ferry to mainland Europe

        But it’s Breitbart citing another (German) news source, so there’s potentially some game-of-telephone going on.

        1. It’s Breitbart so it’s potentially likely full of shit.

          Is there anything in the article to substantiate the angst? Or is it akin to the ‘heroin epidemic’ sweeping the nation?

      3. Please tell me these guys snuck in and there government didn’t actually approve a refugee population a quarter of the size of their population.

        Like they legitimately confused the sexual orientation for the demonym, right?

    3. frequent violent clashes and rioting

      Fuck those racist Greeks, assaulting poor refugees on daily basis!

    4. The Greek island of Lesbos has been turned into a war zone by rioting migrants

      Buckle up, Germany.

      1. “Buckle up, Germany.”

        Or … Strap on, Germany!

        1. More like “Bend Over, Germany.”

    5. Maybe those Greeks will begin to appreciate the 2nd Amendment.

    6. I fear we are seeing the demise of Europe. We spent untold zillions for years protecting them which allowed them to build their socialist democrat welfare states, essentially allowing them to become spineless proggies. Dumbasses.

      The chickens are coming home to roost.

      1. Actually, once their welfare state gets threatened by furriners, I expect Europe to go back to its true nature, and start massive stomping of various Muslim populations, desires of EUrocrats and politicians be damned.

      2. I can’t see how this will end well.

        Spineless Europe + Welfare = Moocher underclass. See Quartier Arabe in Paris.

        And we’d better be careful here.

        1. “And we’d better be careful here”

          Of what? The welfare state? Obviously. But not of immigrants: we have no serious immigrant problems here in Canada or America.

          1. I’m curious:

            1) Is there any place in the world that does have serious immigrant problems?
            2) Is it possible to have serious immigrant problems? If so, can you give three hypothetical examples?

            1. Island of Lesbos is currently having a serious immigration problem.

              1. Not according to Cytotoxic above! That’s why I was curious.
                And it may be pedantic, but we are looking for immigrant problems, obviously there are immigration problems everywhere, mostly that no country has enough.

          2. “we have no serious immigrant problems here in Canada or America.”

            The cultural divide between Eurotrash and Muslims is far greater, and You’re-up doesn’t have the same history of the melting pot. Much worse.

        2. Caliphate or cattle cars.

          1. Damn, that’s good.

            Poorly timed for exposure so please do use that againg during posting primetime. Hope it catches on.

          2. Caliphate OF cattle cars.

  13. A New Democratic government would “crack down” on unpaid internships in Canada, NDP Leader Tom Mulcair said Thursday

    A New Democratic government would “crack down” on unpaid internships in Canada, NDP Leader Tom Mulcair said Thursday as he unveiled the party’s plan to curb youth unemployment.

    According to the NDP leader, the plan will “break the vicious cycle that exists: no experience, no job; no job, no experience.”

    UNPAID INTERNSHIPS GIVE EXPERIENCE YOU FUCKING NITWIT.

    *sigh*

    1. Perhaps if minimum wage didn’t price these people out of the market, then maybe these people could actually pay them something.

    2. $15 an hour minimum wage gives both experience AND $15 an hour! Vote NDP!

      1. Speaking of which… Cuomo was proposing today a statewide $15 minimum for all jobs. It’s like he can’t destroy the upstate economy fast enough.

        1. Fuck US for inventing $15 an hour bullshit. Up here, NDP will implement it in Alberta, province that’s already suffering from drop in oil prices, and their federal cousins will implement it country-wide if they win. Which could happen if Liberals keep swinging to the left.

          1. And they have the gall to bitch about OUR socialism?

            They come up with the dumbest shit!

            1. Except for medicare, which is an attempt to replicate NHS from bottom-up, every stupid idea in Canada comes from the south!

              Wait, I forgot, handgun registry. That was copied from UK, as well!

                1. Wasn’t there a whole series of articles about Raisin Strategic Reserve New Deal Bullshit Idiot Program? And interstate commerce aspect of growing your own wheat for your own consumption?

                  1. Wikipedia says that the first boards were created in Canada around WW1, well before the New Deal.

              1. This is completely true! Canada often watered-down America’s bad ideas. Canada never implemented anything as retarded as the New Deal. There was bad policy but it wasn’t that bad.

      2. Don’t encourage Cytotoxxxic.

        1. Look, he’s gonna get a job one of these days, hopefully. Although he might end up in government service, at least it will be in sciences, in?ala!

          (Decided to spell inshallah Bosnian style, because I’m dicking with International keyboard settings, and because arguably world’s most sensible Muslims).

          1. The habit of transliterating most arab glyphs with multiple letters is annoying. The main problem is that the most widespread system of single-glyph transliteration employs a ton of weird diacritics that don’t appear anywhere else. That and the fucking habit of transliterating the vowels at random. I have used ? for ? many times, myself. This is common in transliterating Persian, which though unrelated is written with same glyphs and nearby. It is also common to use x for ? for that, which may be useful but come off weird. It is possible to make a decent job of transliterating Cyrillic in single glyphs, at least the Russian alphabet, with the exception of ?, using a caron to indicate cerebral vowels. I prefer ? to j for transliterating ?, but it’s less commonly done.

            1. Also, I hate the custom of transliterating the tv?rdy? and m?gki? znak with fucking apostrophes and double apostrophes. Certainly something more humane is possible.

            2. Phonetic alphabets FTW! Russians came close after the Bolsheviks took power, but one of the strengths of Serbo-Croatian (and Turkish, they may have copied us) orthography is that each sound recognized in the language corresponds to a single character.
              I cannot help you with hard and soft sign, those were booted out of reformed Cyrillic and Latin alphabets in 19th century!

        2. I’m very confused. Why would I be encouraged by this? I going to take a pre-emptive strike and guess that your answer is going to be pretty dumb.

          1. Encourage you to vote NDP.

            1. Look, what’s good for Alberta is good for Canada! Mulcair is Classical Liberal Thatcherite! Libertarian Moment North!

    3. Don’t read the comments.

      ” Crush The Cons…..Vote NDP

      Orange crush coming real soon.

      Another excellent plan for Canadians by the NDP.”

      Canada is so fucked. You know it’s bad when the NDP start to make sense on money, finance and employment. A group of party not known for their love or understanding of business. But they will – POOF! – magically create jobs by throwing money at it.

      Idiots. And people who buy into this gibberish are idiots too.

      1. When Harper is the only hope for sanity, country is in Trump-size trouble!

      2. I think the NDP’s problem is that they have a low support ceiling and that their rise will encourage what moderate Liberals are left to vote CPC. Also, Gilles Ducceppe is back. That guy is crazy like a fox and his province is crazy like a crazy bitch.

  14. P.M. announcement redux:

    I have uploaded a new version of fascr, my H&R-enhancing extension for Firefox.

    Pretty much everything you need to know is on the homepage, which I have rearranged a bit for clarity.

    P.S. I’ve removed sync. It didn’t work well, per Mozilla-set restrictions couldn’t work across desktop and Android, and doesn’t jive well with the new “system” for marking posts as read. Sorry.

    1. Thank you for this valuable service. Even though I don’t use it, finding the scroll wheel to be an adequate filter, I’m glad people have recourse to your software.

      1. Thanks. And FWIW — though what you do is up to you, it’s not as if I’m losing out on any cash — while blocking is the most-talked-about use of reasonable and fascr, IMO 60% of the value is in the assistance navigating through unread posts.

        1. Heh, I now notice that the homepage mentions hotkey navigation through unread posts, but not their highlighting.

        2. Yeah, and not having to do html formatting by hand would be nice…but I’d feel like such a l4m3r.

    2. I don’t understand half of what you’re talking about but thank you for your generosity.

  15. “The president has … informed his team that he would like them … to accept at least 10,000 Syrian refugees in the next fiscal year.”

    Whoa. Glad I’m not on the president’s team.

  16. Meanwhile President Barack Obama has asked for America to take in an additional 10,000 Syrian immigrants over the next fiscal year. America has taken in 1,500 Syrian refugees in the current fiscal year.

    What a fucking racket the Saudis, Jordanians, and other Arab states are running. Not only do we have to spill our blood to fight their wars for them, but we have to take in their war refugees as well?

    1. That’s been going on for a while. See: 3rd generation Palestinian refugees.

    2. C’mon now – if you were a refugee, would YOU want to live in one of those Arab states?

      1. Syria has long been a crappy country. Jordan is much more developed. (I’ve been to both, albeit when I was young) I can’t blame them for wanting to keep it that way.

      2. C’mon now – if you were a refugee, would YOU want to live in one of those Arab states?

        Well, it seems once their daughters stop wearing the hijab and start salsa dancing, they do want to go back.

        Syrians resettled in Uruguay: We want to go back

        1. ‘You mean we have to integrate? We have to learn what language? Get a job? Salsa dancing? Honey, pack up the dynamite. We’re moving back home!”

    3. Jordanians are already housing tens of thousands of Syrians, in addition to still having hundreds of thousand Palestinians, so they (also Turkey and Lebanon) really don’t deserve to be thrown in with the rest of Islamic world, which gives exactly zero fucks.

      1. Yeah, but would relocating to, say, Somalia, be an improvement of their lot?

        But, yeah, Egypt comes to mind as an Islamic and Arab state that should be doing more.

        1. Eh, since Sadat Egypt gave up on trying to be the Lead Arab Nation, and, bar brief presidency of Morsi, they aren’t big on Islam either. Plus, they historically hated Syria more than any other country did. The 1973 offensive against Israel is fascinating as a case study of two allies attacking simultaneously, both with the explicit intent to screw over the other ally and not fulfill their obligations.
          Still, Iran, Saudis, Gulf States, Malaysia, Indonesia, Algeria are war-free Muslim countries that always blather on about Ummah, they could start taking them in.

          1. Pakistan is technically war-free, right?

            1. I’m also trying to avoid countries with large refugee populations already, like Pakistan and Bosnia, internal low-level civil war like Algeria and Mali, and complete basket cases like Bangladesh and Bosnia (again).

              1. nternal low-level civil war like Algeria and Mali

                Fuck me. Tunisia, not Algeria, I’ve used them as example above.

          2. Algeria cares about Ummah? That’s a secular warmed-over soviet-style state.

            1. I dunno, let’s ask FUCKING ALGERIAN PRESIDENT!

              President Bouteflika affirmed his support for the OIC and its initiatives to advance joint Islamic Action, and urged for an increased interplay to face up to the overwhelming challenges surrounding the Islamic Ummah.

              Do you even think before you type, or are you just lazy trolling?

        2. Egypt comes to mind as an Islamic and Arab state that should be doing more.

          Egypt has problems of her own. But fucking Oman? Bahrain? The UAE? Are their potentates’ “import Ukrainian concubines” budget so high that they can’t afford even a token contribution? Much less all that open desert space?

          1. Yes, I know they do. But so do we.

          2. re their potentates’ “import Ukrainian concubines” budget so high that they can’t afford even a token contribution?

            Whatever the budget is, I’ll tell you right now, it deserves to be higher! As I think my anti-Trump feature hints at.

          3. That’s because they know how troublesome their own kind are.

      2. ^^ This. The Gulf states and Egypt, however, are rightly vilified.

      3. Despite my cynicism of their motivations, it’s true the Jordanians may house refugees; however, that doesn’t absolve them of their willingness to use our dime to defend their borders.

      4. Jordanians are already housing tens of thousands of Syrians, in addition to still having hundreds of thousand Palestinians,

        Since I am told that more immigration is always and everywhere a big win for the host country, Jordanians should be happy as clams with all this immigration.

    4. Winner, winner, kebab dinner.

  17. Once seen as bulletproof, 11 million+ Ashley Madison passwords already cracked

    I think someone had said that they’d signed up because they thought it was funny. If you have any shared passwords you should probably change them now…

    1. One of the biggest scams of the year.

  18. Having a sexual preference regarding race means your a racist.

    As I’ve said before, “I’m an equal opportunity lover.” But it’s beyond ridiculous to say that if someone prefers to date only white people, it means they are a racist.

    Then again, I must need to be reeducated so I will join the opinion that we should force everyone to sleep with other people of different races.

    1. I really need to take a break from this place. The derp is getting overwhelming. Maybe if I go away for a few days the next peak derp article won’t make me so sad.

      1. It’s a good idea to take a break once in a while. Stop and smell the roses. The shit will still be here when you return.

        1. Well, just remember that TDB/Slate/Autostraddle/et al will be waiting for your return with baited breath.

    2. A new Australian study published in Archives of Sexual Behavior entitled “Is Sexual Racism Really Racism?” suggests that the answer to that question is probably “yes.”

      Well, I suppose that settles it.

    3. Doesn’t that mean the majority of black men and women are racist? I’m pretty sure a pretty common strain of black culture right now is that black men dating white women are traitors.

      1. The stream of racism only flows in one direction

      2. Right now?

    4. Of course, blacks saying the only want to fuck other blacks won’t be considered racist at all.

    5. White people have an ethical duty to date outside of their race when possible, that way the next generation of whites are less white, ergo less racist. But it’s totally not racist that I think white people have an ethical obligation to eradicate themselves.

      1. Barack Obama was born and raised by racists?

      2. Actually, I don’t think white men are allowed to date outside of their race. Only white women. White men are basically expected to just kill themselves…. for the good of humanity.

        1. i larfed. that does sound like the conventional wisdom.

    6. I’m not a racist regarding dating, but i guess I’m sexist now.

    7. “Among the most ubiquitous are racial disclaimers like “no blacks” and “no Asians,” which are most frequently posted by white men but, as Edwards’s case proves, not always.”

      A country that is 60%+ white has more white men saying something than other races? No way!

      1. “”No whites” is a much less popular slogan.”

        LOL, no whites is a less popular slogan because over 60% of America is white.

        It’s like this woman doesn’t understand how proportions work.

        1. Well and because white populations tend to have higher concentrations of attractive females… fact.

        2. Let’s just say that the Black Women porn genre isn’t terribly popular as far as race / body types go. The porn market is just so racist.

          1. Wut?

            “ebony” DOMINATES southern state porn searches. The only other ethnicity to top a state’s searches is Asian in CA and WA.

            1. wouldn’t be because of the denser black population in the south? As the higher Asian population correlates with those results in CA and WA?

              1. “wouldn’t be because of the denser black population in the south? As the higher Asian population correlates with those results in CA and WA?”

                Yes. Which is why your claim that white women are objectively better looking is fucking horseshit because there is clear evidence that black people like to search for naked black women. Which means which race is better looking is subjective, not objective.

                1. No white women ARE better looking. Fact.

              2. It’s the number one search for all porn in Alabama, which is a state that is ~26% black and ~70% white.

                Either white folk are searching for ebony porn or black people are searching for “ebony” so frequently that they’ve driven out Alabama’s next favorite porn concept “hentai”.

                What the fuck, Alabama, Hentai? REALLY?

            2. but what do the millennials think?

              http://www.pornhub.com/insight…..statistics

          2. Yeah, “big booty” is definitely known as an undesirable body type.

            1. Not all big bootys are created equal.

          3. Except they’re talking about gay people and I have it on good authority that gay black men are fiiiiiine.

      2. This is totally contrary to my experience on MatchDotCom. Virtually all the white women were open to all races while many/most Black, Asian, and Hispanic ladies specifically stated “no white men” in their profiles. But this is Southern California, it might be different in other places.

    8. What!? I thought dating outside your race was ‘fetishizing’ and was bad. At least that’s what Proggies tell me when I tell them I refuse to date white women. And if we’re going down this road, isn’t refusing to date someone of the same gender (regardless of your orientation or preference) homophobic?

      1. It’s all just so, so silly.

        1. And yet these people have a voice and wield influence. This push this crap year after year and eventually everyone gets used to the idea and goes along. Why can’t more people just live their life and allow the rest of us to live ours?

          1. Because they are jealous and bitter.

            1. Yeah, that pretty much sums it up.

  19. Cultural appropriation:

    http://www.politico.com/story/…..ell-213484

    David Brock: The New York Times has ‘a special place in hell’

    That saying is ours. Team playing leg-humpers are not allowed to use it.

    1. Just wait until they start mentioning woodchippers….

    2. Uh huh. Reporting on a known liar and grifter who has been caught redhanded is ” helping to turn the paper into a ‘megaphone for conservative propaganda.”

      Got it.

    3. A special place in hell is reserved for Judases. Brock is saying the NYT has left the reservation without authorization?

    4. Didn’t we trademark it?

      /Looks at Fist. I thought you were supposed to take care of it!

      1. You know I don’t believe in trademarks. You can’t own words, man.

        1. Did you at least get the patent on the Judgechipper?

    5. special place in hell

      *narrows gaze*

  20. DNC Chair Closes Door on More Debates

    Democratic National Committee (DNC) Chairwoman Debbie Wasserman Schultz is closing the door on adding more Democratic presidential debates, and says that a controversial clause penalizing candidates for participating in unsanctioned debates will stand.

    Speaking at a breakfast with reporters hosted by The Christian Science Monitor, Wasserman Schultz said the debate schedule was final and there would be no changes.

    1. “The candidates will be uninvited from subsequent debates if they accept an invitation to anything outside of the six sanctioned debates.”

      Well, maybe those other debates can boycott any candidate who takes part in the DNC debate, so there!

      What a retard.

      1. I mean, what a person with developmental disabilities.

        1. What an insult to retards.

    2. penalizing candidates for participating in unsanctioned debates

      Wow, telling them when and to whom they can talk. The lack of self-awareness is stunning.

    3. The Democrats don’t want a competitive party, which makes sense, they’re Democrats. The Machine works for the greater good.

    4. Can they just sit around a coffee table and call it a “discussion” or “roundtable” or “joint interview” or something?

  21. Sweet Home Alabama: where a judge can override a jury’s decision not to impose the death penalty…after paying the star witness $10,000 to testify.

    1. I’ve always wondered what is the fucking point of a jury when the judge usually tells them how to vote or override their decisions if he doesn’t like it.

    2. Meanwhile, somewhere a murderer walks free because of an incompetent and unscrupulous DA, an incompetent judge, and miserable police detectives.

    3. So they disbarred the judge and the pros….hHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!

  22. Are these the greatest parents of all time?

    Well, maybe they would be if none of this had ever happened.

    1. Well-done, parents.

      BTW is that a neck tattoo on the young lady?

      1. I think it’s a necklace. There’s some shadow in one of the photos.

    2. That’s funny. The best part is how obviously jealous she is over how many times they were favorited

    3. Judging by their daughter’s choices and modes of expression, i’d say they’ve got a long way to go to get to “just ok parents.”

    4. If we’re doing parents related stuff…

      Awesome Dad saves:
      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GdRJxEvZQBA

      I have about half of these under my belt. (not pictured: a few involving fire)

      1. Forget cat videos, dad videos are the best.

        I love how half of them are dads flailing like mad, and the other half it’s like, minimal effort, left hand is all I need.

        1. The flailing dads are first timers. You learn pretty quickly that babies are indestructible.

      2. I was with it until the Dad tea-bagging at about 2:15. Not cool.

    5. “Rylie Day ? Rochester, New York
      “I mean I guess it’s funny but not like 30k favs funny.” Bitch shut up and appreciate, go to work on time, and tell me which eyeliner you use.”

      That’s funny.

      1. The 30k faves is more a vote against her than one in favor of her parents.

  23. ISIS is using the images of the drowned Syrian boy who washed ashore in Turkey to try to warn other Syrians away from trying to flee the country.

    They’re worried refugees will take all the good asylum spots away from their infiltrators.

    1. Quite possibly.

    2. You think they’d be happy that they’re colonizing Europe.

      1. They’re as incapable of logic as any other politicians.

  24. After Promise to Obey Federal Law, Paxton Continues Fight Against Same-Sex Marriage

    Paxton’s office filed a motion August 25 in Travis County’s probate court aimed at blocking an Austin woman from inheriting a portion of her deceased partner’s estate, arguing that because same-sex marriage was illegal in Texas throughout the women’s relationship, Sonemaly Phrasavath has no legal right to her partner’s funds.

    After Phrasavath’s partner, Stella Powell, died without a will in 2014, two of her siblings sought to exclude Phrasavath from her estate. Phrasavath is now seeking to have their eight-year relationship recognized retroactively as a common-law marriage.

    Although Phrasavath and Powell weren’t legally married, they had a wedding ceremony at a Driftwood church in 2008 and signed an affidavit of domestic partnership. Phrasavath acted as Powell’s medical power of attorney and cared for her at their home during her eight-month bout with cancer. Powell died in June 2014.

    The snippets I’ve pulled don’t really do the nuances of the case justice. I really can’t fathom why there wasn’t a will if she was being treated for cancer for 8 months and they had a medical power of attorney and filled out domestic partnership paperwork.

    1. People are really weird about wills.

      I know someone who absolutely refuses to create one because one of her kids is in an unhappy marriage, and she wants to wait until after the inevitable divorce. I pointed out that if she dies intestate, the evil bitch would get the money, whereas with a will she could specify that the dough went into a trust for the grandkids only.

      It was like talking to a wall. She is literally using the existence very sort of situation where a will is critical to justify not writing one!

      1. Yeah, that sounds a bit like some of the people on one side of my family. My biological mom’s family is obsessive about having ducks in a row to the point of making everyone else uncomfortable. I’m 32, single and childless and already have paperwork for the Neptune Society. I don’t feel like a will is that important yet though.

        1. jesse.in.mb said @17:15:07:

          Neptune Society

          That’s your solution to everything: to move under the sea! It’s not gonna happen!

    2. There is a valid reason for recognizing these relationships and this is a case in point. The bedrock of this issue- freedom of association, is overlooked in all of the hullabaloo because people on both sides have an agenda unrelated to their stated goals.

  25. Alt-Text fail, Schackleford

    1. Shackford. Whatever the fuck your name is.

      1. Shackleford. Rusty Shackleford.

  26. Meanwhile President Barack Obama has asked for America to take in an additional 10,000 Syrian immigrants over the next fiscal year. America has taken in 1,500 Syrian refugees in the current fiscal year.

    “asked”

    1. “Oh, very well. ‘Aksed’.”

      1. Let me axe you something…

      2. Let me axe you something…

  27. I came back from burning man a changed man. I now believe in socialist utopias and Bernie Sanders. Nah, fucking hippies couldn’t tell me what to do. Eight days in the god-forsaken wasteland was a truly awesome experience. We successfully built and ran our meat-themed Vegan Nightmare bar for 5 days and trolled the consenting herbivores and discovered who’s dietary choices can take the temptation of delicious animals. My fire troupe nailed the performance and everyone I was responsible for returned safely. 10/10 will burn again.

    1. Did you by any chance go to a flamethrower shooting range?

      1. YES. YES I DID. There was the big one built by BRC DPW and a smaller one off of the 6:00 street run by a bunch of Canucks. Also Fire Tetris and Skee Ball.

        1. I’m not sure what her group is, but a friend of mine from college put together this one (hope the FB link works). If you met a tiny Asian girl with green hair who was unnaturally proficient with power tools, that was probably her.

          1. That was the big one at the Charnival grounds which was a midway of fire-spiting carnival games. They couldn’t operate it much because of wind (Safety comes 3rd but does have a place). Nonetheless it was really fun.

            Just outside the grounds a bunch of Xbox engineers built a version of Simon that shoots fire and plays lout music when the player misses the pattern. Sweet. More Fire!

            1. She’s done stuff several years now. Last year was Last Outpost and the year before that (I think) was The Dusty Junk.

              I’ll have to tell my portmanteau loving friend about “charnival” he’ll be torn between dislike for Burners and his love of portmanteaus.

              1. I don’t really understand the dislike of Burners unless they associate burners as just hippie/raver/music festival types. For the people that support the core of a camp it is HARD to do burning man. Sure there are a lot of flakes who sponge off of everyone else just like in the real world. What else is new?

                http://z9hbb3mwou383x1930ve0ug…..erburn.pdf

                I just took the census. A quick look shows a pretty diverse group.

                1. For him it’s a deviation from the norm thing. He does not like deviations from the norm.

    2. A quick look around the innertubes:

      [?]i_am_pajamasLAMPLIGHTER 3 points 1 month ago
      Avoid camp Vegan Nightmare
      permalink
      [?]Billy405 1 point 1 month ago
      my favorite camp of 2014. spam shooters. srsly.
      permalinkparent

      All right then.

      1. Yeah, if you aren’t willing to put gross things in your mouth then I don’t really know what to say to you.

        1. Am I to understand that you have a cannon that shoots spam?

          1. Or we just put spam in shitty alcohol and encourage people to drink their nutrients. I stepped the game up with baby back ribs, a treasure chest full of jerky, and my smoked sausages.

            1. A treasure chest full of jerky? You are the worst pirate I have ever heard of!

              1. “I AM A PIRATE AND A NINJA AND I DON’T GIVE A FUCK.”

                My second home was the Pirate-Ninja Training Camp and we woke up the entire gayborhood of Black Rock City by yelling from the crow’s nest at sunrise.

                “Good Morning Black Rock City! I love you. Now WAAAAAKKEEE UPPPP AND RAAAAAAAAGGGGEEE!”

                It all comes down to being a better asshole.

                1. How the 90% straight pirate-ninjas got placed in the heart of the gayborhood is beyond me. But man was it funny.

    3. One of my buddies posted a pic of him in a wetsuit on a jet ski. I’m not sure what that was about.

  28. For Crusty Juggler:

    http://thehill.com/blogs/ballo…..re-debates

    A picture of Democratic National Committee (DNC) Chairwoman Debbie Wasserman Schultz.

    Well, to be honest, it is an autoplaying video.

    1. How about this: the EU has Greece vote to donate one of its habitable islands to the cause, and create an entirely new nation for the Syrian refugees. A Mediterranean Taiwan if you will. I look at it like this: Greece owes the EU billions of dollars that they will not repay. The EU could call off the debt w/ this deal. And again, the citizens of Greece would vote for which island gets donated. Yeah it would suck for the people who live there already, but it is an answer to the problem.

  29. a strange plot to claim he was caught with a male prostitute in order to make any claims he was sleeping with a fellow female lawmaker less credible.

    raise gayness shields Mr. Sulu

  30. “President Barack Obama has asked for America to take in an additional 10,000 Syrian immigrants over the next fiscal year. America has taken in 1,500 Syrian refugees in the current fiscal year.”

    Well, isn’t that great news?

    And it would be wrong to just take in the Christians.

    Seriously.

    I wrote something earlier today about how Trump’s advantage is that he’s seen by his supporters as being unapologetically pro-American.

    Obviously Obama isn’t primarily taking the interests of America into account with this decision–because that would be wrong and racist and cruel. Anyone who primarily takes American interests into account should be ashamed of themselves, and, of course, we should all be ashamed of ourselves for being American anyway.

    Trump is wrong about so many things, but people are so sick of being told to tie themselves up in knots. Why only 10,000, Obama? Doesn’t America deserve worse than that?

  31. John’s sister writes:

    I Fuck Fate People

    “It’s not a fetish,” I sometimes find myself explaining. I don’t exclusively fuck fat people, just like I don’t exclusively fuck black people. Out of the?one, two, give me a minute?nine people I’ve slept with or dated this year, three have been fat. Last year I dated two men who you might classify as “obese” and who I classify as “some of the best sex I’ve ever had.” The fact that I even have to qualify my attraction to them outside of fetishization is fucked up and depressing, but that’s the world we live in. Most people are so conditioned to view fat bodies as undesirable that those of us who desire them are automatically labeled deviants.

    1. And John writes the headline?

    2. I had a buddy like that. He was a solid 8 or 9. Good looking, in great shape, made a lot of money. He only liked fat women. Loved them.

      When you saw his mom, it all made sense.

      1. He made the world a better place by making a lot of women happy, I’m sure!

    3. The one thing I remember about the last few seasons of Scrubs: they brought in Eliza Coupe and wrote her character to go crazy over fat men.

      It’s a very nice thought. Though they’d rarely let her show her legs.

    4. The one thing I remember about the last few seasons of Scrubs: they brought in Eliza Coupe and wrote her character to go crazy over fat men.

      It’s a very nice thought. Though they’d rarely let her show her legs.

      1. And this one was on me: I think I hit the submit button twice. I’ll go do some squats.

  32. Hey, did yall hear about James Blake?

  33. Homomorphic encryption is coming to you soon. Everything will be encrypted at all times, even when you’re looking at it.

    http://www.forbes.com/sites/th…..ncryption/

    “Tamayo-Rios says he’s prepping Kodex, a free “lite” version of his file-sharing and chat service as a consumer app on iOS and Android. It will have similar features as Dropbox or Slack but will give users the ability to share and search confidential data without ever decrypting it. ”

    Android version coming out around Merican Thanksgiving, Apple version coming out sometime later in who cares.

    1. Goddamn homos are gettin’ involved with our Kotexes now?

      1. They’ve been involved forever…Oh, you mean male homos!

  34. The Department of Justice announced a new policy in a memo of attempting to prosecute individuals in white collar crime cases and not just punish the corporations with settlements.

    The DoJ would be too chicken-shit to apply the same approach to police officers and the departments they work for.

    1. Yeah, they’ll limit themselves to prosecuting corporate officials who haven’t made enough campaign donations to Democrats.

      1. It’s not like the Enron Rule ever applied to police chiefs or the mayors they report to.

  35. Selfies Kill = But most of them were assholes anyway

    “people exhibiting the so-called Dark Triad of personality traits – narcissism, Machiavellianism and psychopathy – are likely to pursue selfie glory regardless of who gets hurt in the process.
    ….
    The European Union in June proposed a law to criminalise social media posts containing pictures of landmarks such as the Eiffel Tower in Paris or Rome’s Trevi Fountain. And in India this week officials said they were implementing a “no selfie zone” at the Hindu Kumbh Mela festival over fears they may cause stampedes.”

    1. are likely to pursue selfie glory regardless of who gets hurt in the process.

      I’m not sure what’s funnier, the idea of taking yourself out when taking a selfie, or taking out random pedestrians. I’m horrible.

    1. We also need a bun truck, a mustard truck, and a relish truck.

  36. lol send them all back to Africa.

    http://www.Total-Privacy.tk

  37. I wonder if Amash can name a single act of violent aggression by Iran toward the US. I wonder if he can recount the numerous violent acts of aggression the US has perpetrated against Iran.
    This isn’t about fearing Iran. They have been a signatory of the nuclear nonproliferation treaty for decades and have never been found in violation of it.
    This is about neocon goals in foreign policy. It’s about Amash ceding to the relentlessly repeated 25 year old Netanyahu lie that Iran will have a nuclear bomb in “a year.” The lie has been repeated for so long that those disposed to war with Iran have gotten even the most libertarian Congressman, a man supposedly of integrity, to reject looking for the truth beneath the lie.
    The truth is neocons want to control Iran again and that desire is so powerful that even Amash has sheepishly compromised his integrity.

    1. There have been numerous acts of aggression by Iran toward the US.

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