More 'Inefficiencies' at TSA Checkpoints, Dennis Hastert Was a Hypocrite, Greek Bailout Talks Hit Yet Another Hurdle: P.M. Links

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  1. Former House Speaker Dennis Hastert’s papers show that he cultivated an image as an anti-gay social conservative even as he (allegedly) preyed on male students.

    Not at all a cliche.

    1. Hello.

      So. Re Lenore’s (who has been interviewed on Montreal radio in the past) article from earlier. My wife (a teacher who works closely with social services here) asked ‘if the neighbor cared so much for the child’s safety, why didn’t he take him into his own home?’ Which then led to my learning that Quebec doesn’t have an age specific law regarding leaving kids alone in public. This explains why we rarely – if ever – see such stories in Canada/Quebec. Seems we’re a little more chill on this front.

      1. Quebeckers would only sic the police on the kid/parents if the kid wasn’t speaking French.

        1. Are the server squirrels acting up? I had to reload the page to get my previous comment to show up, and that’s usually a precursor to comments not going through at all.

          1. Oui

          2. Yes. And it’s mighty annoying.

          3. I mentioned Hillary and that post went to the great post fields in the sky.

        2. Quebec parents are actually fine with English. They want to learn it. It’s the insecure, dumbass nationalist hillbillies that cause the problems.

        3. Just tell them that you’re Am?ricain, then it’s cool.

          1. But not from Ontario – maudit tete carre!

            1. Mais oui!

          2. Louisianian is even better. 😀

      2. Out of legitimate fear of being charged with kidnapping. Srsly. There are no good answers to that situation in today’s climate of fear and hysteria.

        1. “Hey, kid, is everything OK?”

          “Yup.”

          “OK, just checking.” ::proceeds to not call the cops::

      3. why didn’t he take him into his own home

        And then explain to the judge why you shouldn’t be put on a sex offender list.

        1. There are no winners.

      4. If you RTFA, you’d know that Florida didn’t have such a law either.

        1. Take it easy.

          I was just making a passing comment about how such stories seem to be absent. Now whether you took it to mean it was directly correlated to the law, that’s my fault.

          Sheesh.

          1. ‘absent here’.

          2. Forget it Rufus, it’s Nikki town.

            1. I had to look up ‘rtfa’.

              I’m so lame.

              1. Came from the original, RTFM from the old Linux days.

                What? too off topic for Reason?

                1. Rtfm predates linux.

                  1. I first saw it as RTFI.

                    1. Script?
                      Mine was Instructions.

    2. No it is not.

      1. Yeah. “A politician is a hypocrite?” That’s not dog bites man, that’s mosquito bites man.

        1. It’s almost as if Hastert is a stereotypical example of a reaction formation.

  2. Nice day, is everyone feeling chipper?

    1. I’m thinking about having chipped beef later. You know, a toothy blow job while black out drunk.

      1. I’d think you would be too busy dealing with the fallout from your shark smuggling ring’s failure.

        1. Not every venture is profitable, you just have to keep chipping away.

        2. Actually, I just noticed my dog chipped a tooth. Gonna have to ask about it at the vet on Saturday.

    2. Ha! Well-done.

    3. Hey, it was worth a shot.

      1. I got a bang out of it.

    4. I’m having chips and guac.

      1. You know what goes well with that? Beer!

        Make sure not too have too much, though; you could have some kind of unforutunate accident

        1. That reminds me. I have a sixer of Sculpin that I need to put in the fridge.

          1. *hork*

            Why you do this to me?

      2. How was this guac prepared? Shredded? Pureed? Smashed? Pulverized? Chipped?

        1. He just threw all of the ingredients into a wood chipper whole.

        2. That question is better posed to the workers at Costco.

  3. Rupert Murdoch plans to hand over the reins at Fox to his son James, so lefties will have to break in new voodoo dolls.

    They’ve mostly switched to Koch bros. effigies already anyway.

    1. There’ll be no change, he’s a chip off the old block.

  4. On behalf of all Indian immigrants, I apologize for the actions of Indian-origin knuckleheads who serve as prosecutors and go after proles instead of the big fish. (Is calling a government official a knucklehead still permissible under our government-granted 1st amendment privileges?)

    It would have been better if such prosecutors had turned out to be like this guy instead. Kumar may be a p0thead lacking his parents’ immigrant ethic, but at least he would not be bullying ordinary people around.

    FULL DISCLOSURE: As an obnoxious asshat who represents the blowhard stupidity of Reason magazine’s commenting peanut gallery, I hereby declare that my comments are typical internet bluster and hyperbole, hardly valuable to public discourse, and must not be construed as “true threats” in “interstate or foreign commerce” in violation of federal statute 18 U.S. Code ? 875. Any precious snowflake or federal judge offended by my worthless comments should see a plastic surgeon to graft thicker skin, or wait and pray for stem cell therapy innovations to grow said thicker skin. Because the word “trigger” is a part of the phrase “Trigger Warning” and may trigger a repressed fear of firearms in some people, no trigger warnings shall precede my comments.

    1. You are not Kumar?? I am disappoint.

      Do you at least know him? Been to his house? Go to school together? Throw me a bone here.

    2. Kumar always struck me as libertarian leaning.

      1. Yeah but the actor who plays him is Al Gore’s BFF

        1. Pretty sure he actually took time away from acting to work in the White House. Some kind of “outreach” position. Or maybe it was at OFA.

          Either way, he’s an effing douchenozzle.

          1. At least I believe think John Mayer is libertarianish

            1. Finally get a comment through and I fuck it up. Time to wood chip this magazine.

              Disclaimer: I will only be wood chipping the latest copy of the magazine I received in the mail.

            2. Fact: the John Mayer song “your body is a wonderland” was inspired by my body. Fact.

      2. Kumar is VERY libertarian.

        The actor that played Kumar, however, is a statist fuck who quit a great acting job to work for Obama in the White House and be a shill in the drug war.

        From she who shall not be named.

    3. +1

      Keep in mind that Preet aint no Injun. The POS grew up in New Joisey.

    4. Hey guys! I was out of town and offline for a couple of weeks. Did I miss anything?

      1. We’re all you now….or something like that.

      2. For some strange reason, there is a woodchipper meme going on. I think it was just a random thing that has taken on a life of it’s own.

      3. Yes, but kinda no. It’s complicated.

        Just mention “701” at random intervals in your missives, and everyone’ll think you’re up-to-speed.

      4. There was something crazy that happened, but all references were thrown down the memory woodchipper.

    5. I always preferred Harold.

      1. I am a NPH sort of guy.

    6. I hope you don’t seriously don’t feel a need to apologize every time one out of millions of people of Indian descent does something wrong.

      I’m white, but I’ve never felt obliged to apologize for Bull Connor or Neil Diamond.

      1. No – that was just a joke/prank.

  5. The International Monetary Fund says the folks in Athens are just dicking around.

    Just like the Hellenics I knew in college.

    1. If I had a nickel for every story in the UK press about how this is the “final hour” for Greece…I have been reading these headlines for years, at this point my eyes go blurry and I just skip them. I can’t image who the Guardian and Telegraph think they are still fooling at this point. I don’t know what’s really going on, but it sure ain’t the final hour.

      1. OT: The Greeks would like to inquire about borrowing those nickels.

        1. They’re not getting my tetradrachm back.

      2. The Greek leaders will continue playing high stakes poker being secure in the knowledge that their creditors are always bluffing.

  6. The TSA thug brings to mind Snoopy on the dog house as a vulture, just waiting for some carry-on to come his way.

    1. Vulture…”carry on”.. carrion.
      Clever.

      1. I’ll be here all week.

        1. That’s what I was afraid of.

          1. I prey that Sevo will continue to wing us with his little puns.

      2. Yes. Very talonted.

        1. *throws flag, blows whistle*

          15 yard penalty, Worst Pun Ever. (meaning really good…)

      3. Ima thinking more auto-correct than deliberate.

  7. House Republicans want to cut $838 million out of the budget for the hard-working tax agency.

    Doesn’t the GOP know you have to spend money to steal money?

  8. You know that big hack attack on the Office of Personnel Management? It appears that the hackers stole data including Social Security numbers for every federal employee.

    No no no.

    The information just went from the government of the United States to the government of China.

    FULL DISCLOSURE: As an obnoxious asshat who represents the blowhard stupidity of Reason magazine’s commenting peanut gallery, I hereby declare that my comments are typical internet bluster and hyperbole, hardly valuable to public discourse, and must not be construed as “true threats” in “interstate or foreign commerce” in violation of federal statute 18 U.S. Code ? 875. Any precious snowflake or federal judge offended by my worthless comments should see a plastic surgeon to graft thicker skin, or wait and pray for stem cell therapy innovations to grow said thicker skin. Because the word “trigger” is a part of the phrase “Trigger Warning” and may trigger a repressed fear of firearms in some people, no trigger warnings shall precede my comments.

    1. He was concealing meth in their blowholes. (Yes, he had to drill blowholes into their backs first.)

    2. I always thought Florida Man was just a peaceful, coffee loving kind of soul.

      1. Well it’s not coffee love so much as minimum coffee requirements… And that just warms us up for the Special Florida Juice that propels these fantastical acts of ridiculousness.

  9. “…officers on every corner with shotguns, and there are roadblocks up everywhere.”

    New York Strong!!

    1. “Secure your chippers!”

  10. the cyberattack on U.S. employee data is far worse than the Obama administration has acknowledged. “Based on the sketchy information OPM has provided, we believe that the Central Personnel Data File was the targeted database, and that the hackers are now in possession of all personnel data for every federal employee, every federal retiree, and up to one million former federal employees.”

    Surprise, surprise, surprise!

    1. So, what will the (US) government do about this shit?

      a) Nuke China

      b) Issue everyone new Social Security numbers

      c) Transfer all data to the Utah facility

      d) All of the above

      e) Nothing

    2. Maybe they got Hillary’s emails!

    3. I kind of assumed that from the beginning. Not that it will do me any good since the attack happened a while ago and the hacker had free reign for long time.

  11. Q: How many leftist professors does it take to change a light bulb?
    A: None. They will praise leftist sh1t until sh1t covers the light bulb, and will then emigrate to the EVUL imperialist capitalist United States.

    Venezuela’s Education Suffering As Professors Leave

    FULL DISCLOSURE: As an obnoxious asshat who represents the blowhard stupidity of Reason magazine’s commenting peanut gallery, I hereby declare that my comments are typical internet bluster and hyperbole, hardly valuable to public discourse, and must not be construed as “true threats” in “interstate or foreign commerce” in violation of federal statute 18 U.S. Code ? 875. Any precious snowflake or federal judge offended by my worthless comments should see a plastic surgeon to graft thicker skin, or wait and pray for stem cell therapy innovations to grow said thicker skin. Because the word “trigger” is a part of the phrase “Trigger Warning” and may trigger a repressed fear of firearms in some people, no trigger warnings shall precede my comments.

    1. Isn’t Venezuela basically refusing to recognize (as in let the other countries know) the credentials of people like doctors and professors who flee?

      1. Well educated janitors here we come!

  12. But a Colorado State Senator told the victim that 5 home invaders would have seized her gun and used it against her…

    Armed Detroit Woman Fights Off 5 Home Invaders

    FULL DISCLOSURE: As an obnoxious asshat who represents the blowhard stupidity of Reason magazine’s commenting peanut gallery, I hereby declare that my comments are typical internet bluster and hyperbole, hardly valuable to public discourse, and must not be construed as “true threats” in “interstate or foreign commerce” in violation of federal statute 18 U.S. Code ? 875. Any precious snowflake or federal judge offended by my worthless comments should see a plastic surgeon to graft thicker skin, or wait and pray for stem cell therapy innovations to grow said thicker skin. Because the word “trigger” is a part of the phrase “Trigger Warning” and may trigger a repressed fear of firearms in some people, no trigger warnings shall precede my comments.

    1. Dee credited God with pulling her through the ordeal.

      She probably thanked John Moses Browning, too.

      1. I thought the proverb was: “God created men and women, but Sam Colt made them equal”

        1. But woodchippers made them equal

  13. Tapped to head up the Transportation Security Administration, Coast Guard Vice Admiral Peter Neffenger warns that travelers will face more “inefficiencies” at checkpoints as the TSA deals with the fact that it sucks. Deals with it badly, apparently.

    This useless bureaucrat will be the one who finally gets the agency in order!

    1. It’s making more and more sense to drive just to avoid the Government Gropers.

    2. Let;s see if the Popeil Pocket Wood Chipper is detected by the TSA.

  14. Looks like we’re going to need a bigger wood chipper.

    1. I chip, therefore I am.

      1. I chip, therefore I am being investigated by the DOJ.

        FIFY

    2. I would love to see every handle on here changed to some sort of wood chipping reference. I love how easy it is to change your handle on here.

      1. I did mine (Comrade F. Stupidity, Jr.)! What, besides an extended stay at a Supermax, do I win?

      2. Indeed.

      3. Done.

      4. done

      5. Done.

      6. I’m in.

    3. “Woodchippers. Lots of woodchippers.”

      — The Chiptrix

  15. You know that big hack attack on the Office of Personnel Management? It appears that the hackers stole data including Social Security numbers for every federal employee.

    This fills me with joy. Of course, rather than punishing the people responsible, I’m sure the feds will rush out some new laws that will kick private industry in the nuts, while the feds continue to be their incompetent undisciplined selves.

    1. If someone does something illegal, passing an extra law or two will make the illegal thing illegal-er and magically prevent the original activity from happening.

    2. This fills me with joy.

      Why?

      1. Some people I intensely dislike in my personal life – for very personal reasons – are likely feeling very uncomfortable right now. Karma is a bitch!

        Of course, my joy is tempered by knowledge that it affects some of the workfare queens like John and Kristen who are sort of kinda OK in a way even if they work for the man.

  16. Repeat after me… Obama is the greatest president since George Washington.

    Too Much Praise Promotes Narcissism

    FULL DISCLOSURE: As an obnoxious asshat who represents the blowhard stupidity of Reason magazine’s commenting peanut gallery, I hereby declare that my comments are typical internet bluster and hyperbole, hardly valuable to public discourse, and must not be construed as “true threats” in “interstate or foreign commerce” in violation of federal statute 18 U.S. Code ? 875. Any precious snowflake or federal judge offended by my worthless comments should see a plastic surgeon to graft thicker skin, or wait and pray for stem cell therapy innovations to grow said thicker skin. Because the word “trigger” is a part of the phrase “Trigger Warning” and may trigger a repressed fear of firearms in some people, no trigger warnings shall precede my comments.

    1. I move that we all use Injun’s disclosure for comments.

      1. I move that Injun’s disclose should replace the “editor’s note” that precedes the comment section.

      2. Last night I sent a note through Postrel’s website defending the board. It was basically a rewrite of my post in yesterday’s am links on the subject. Despite the assurance that she responds within 24 hours to all correspondence, she has not responded to mine.

        That is quite disappointing. That was a thoughtful email even if she didn’t agree with it. It wasn’t some profanity filled rant or something. Shame she is not woman enough to respond.

        I don’t think she is that brilliant to be honest. Her entire body of work boils down to two points; people don’t like change and the Nazis had nice uniforms. Those points while true are hardly profound.

        1. And glamour, John. Glamour.

          1. Yeah, the Nazis had nice uniforms.

            1. Yes but I think the US Marines have the best uniforms.

              1. Yes and they stole them from the Army, who now have the worst uniforms. Brown khaki is the color of the Army damn it.

          2. Oh come on. Glamour is just like liberty. Just like it!

        2. She’s just a little chippy because she doesn’t get all the in-jokes and cultural references we bandy about. She’s not one of the “cool kids” here anymore.

        3. Guys, she’s just not that into you. Get over it.

          1. God damn it, she should be.

            1. Sure but by associating with blowhards and idiots she might accidentally begin writing like us. Some of us. Ok, just me.

            2. You’re not glamorous enough.

  17. I’ve been taking an online course called Cyberwar, Surveillance, and Security from EdX. It’s eye-opening.

    1. “Effort: 2-3 hours/week”

      Fuck that.

      Kidding. Sounds interesting.

    2. Sobering? Depressing? What’s the vibe?

      1. This is my 3rd EdX course. All have been quite good.

        It is sobering to see how much the govt tried to keep things quiet. I haven’t followed Assange or Snowden as closely as the presenters, so there are some eye-opening details. Interestingly, the teacher is from Oz.

  18. Anybody else having their comments eaten?

    1. Eaten, or fed through a woodchipper?

    2. Not eaten, but I had one not show up until I reloaded the page.

    3. Sometimes.

  19. “Don’t count on any breakthroughs in the Greek bailout talks. The International Monetary Fund says the folks in Athens are just dicking around.”

    I lived in Greece for three years and get how that government “works.” They are not serious. They will start acting seriously only when they are made to take responsibility for themselves.

  20. OT:

    Seattle to buy 200 stations and 2000 bikes for ‘bike sharing program’. Waiting for $25 million TIGER grant, with Seattle spending $29.5 million.

    estimated cost per bike: $15,000

    http://mynorthwest.com/11/2771…..2000-bikes

    1. Here is the funny truth about those bike stations. People only use them to go downhill. So every day they have to send a truck out to collect the bikes from the downhill stations and return them to the uphill ones. So all of these hipster doofuses are riding their bikes and praying to the carbon Gods for forgiveness are in fact just causing a big polluting diesel truck to have to make a daily run around the city.

      1. Yep. And because so many people use them for downhill only, it makes them actually useless for anyone actually wanting to commute.

        To be fair, they could fix that particular problem by doing differential pricing based on demand, but they don’t understand economics and it’s not their money anyway.

    2. $15K per bike? That’s insane. Srsly.

      1. Not when you factor in Seattle’s minimum wage.

      2. Estimated. The total grant comes to $50,000,000. But they say that ‘most of the money’ will be spent on the bikes. I took the City’s portion, $29.5 million to add 2000 bikes. It may actually come out to much more than that per bike. I’m being charitable.

        1. You’d think that a sure fire, profitable idea like this would have been done by some entrepreneur by now. You just skip right to step 3.

          What? Stop laughing.

          1. Is government not an entrepeneurial enterprise?

            It has all the markers: growth, profit, expansion, marketshare…

            1. I dunno about entrepreneurial, but enterprise I could see. Having worked as an IT consultant at several large “enterprise” type businesses, the quantity of incompetence is staggering.

      3. That’s like a thousand hours at minimum wage per bike!

      4. It would be better if they merely bought a $150.00 bike for each person. They would then–due to the pull of property–ride the bikes to their destination and back home to retain ownership.

        But who am I to lecture the city of Seattle about property rights?

    3. Surely there is no connection between the people pushing this program and the people supplying the bikes. Surely not.

      1. And you can only have one company per city doing these programs. Competition would just mess up a sweet deal.

  21. Former House Speaker Dennis Hastert’s papers show that he cultivated an image as an anti-gay social conservative even as he (allegedly) preyed on male students.

    See, this is how these things get out of hand on the internet. This is a transcription fail. Originally, the story was “prayed on male students.”

    1. I don’t think it counts as prayer when you include an ice cream scoop and body oil.

      1. You observe your religious rituals as you see fit, I’ll observe mine as I see fit.

  22. I wonder if Hastert is going to be liquidating some assets, like wood chippers, to pay for his defense.

  23. Vox continues to set the bar for unhinged stupidity posing as Journalism

    Why I’m finally convinced it’s time to stop saying “you guys”

    This is not a joke.

    As I read up on the issue, I realized that my knee-jerk response (“It doesn’t seem like that big a deal to me, personally, and changing would require effort on my part and that’s hard and tiring”) is nothing more than a very typical lazy excuse for avoiding the tiny tweaks to our lives that can, as a whole, make society more equal.

    Now I’m convinced that “guys” ? unless we are actually addressing a group of guys ? has got to go.

    1. Here is my question, what the hell kind of deviant even thinks about these things? What the hell is wrong with these people?

      1. These are also the same people who are always talking about how words are always changing meaning, therefore it’s totally okay for them to claim racism means ‘prejudice plus privilege’ rather than just ‘prejudice.’ Well, if words are always changing meaning, then why doesn’t ‘you guys’ stop being a gendered word when applied to a group that also includes girls? Clearly within context it is meant to include both men and women and is therefore not a gendered word.

        These idiots don’t even understand their own arguments.

        1. They spend their entire life obsessing over finding any excuse to shut people they don’t like up and to control those around them. It is a strange and pathetic existence.

          1. In the grievance market, everyone’s trying to find a new angle.

            And. We. Are. All. Dumber. For. It.

          2. It’s a product of our staggering affluence and the fact that even the poorest among us are pretty fucking rich. I read a blog post from some black nationalist about what “Black America” would look like if it were a separate country, and it actually had a GDP on par with Portugal. Now, Portugal is not rich, but no one would claim they’re a third world country or anything. If you took “Black America’s” GDP, it would be the 46th richest country on Earth.

            So even an ethnic group that we’re always claiming is ‘struggling w/ poverty’ is actually wealthier than like 160 countries. When you consider that our poorest citizens are on par with middle income countries around the world while our wealthiest citizens are the richest people on the planet (and even our middle class is comprised of some of the richest people on Earth) it’s pretty easy to see why some people waste their time on this nonsense. They don’t have any real struggles in their lives due to their incredible wealth and privilege.

            1. Want an idea of how staggeringly rich America is? Look at this shit.

              “Even the richer European countries do not fare well against American states (the exceptions being oil rich Norway, financial city state of Luxembourg, free market Ireland and capitalist utopia Switzerland). Denmark and Sweden barely inch ahead of Kentucky, below Louisiana, New Mexico and Missouri. Minnesota is 34.4% richer than Sweden.”

              “The GDP per capita for Americans from EU.15 is $53,000, compared to $33,500 for E.U15 itself. Those of European descent in America on average produce 58.6% more than they do in Europe.”

              That’s right – the average person of European descent in America produces almost 60% more than the average European. We fucking rule, but that gives SJWs such soft padding that they grow weak and flimsy and bitch about ‘you guys.’

              1. But they get free healthcare in Europe, Irish. It’s fucking free.

                Never mind we have the highest cancer survival rate among insured or uninsured people in the world, or that babies born here pre-maturely have a much better chance of survival. Or, that something like 80% of all new pharmaceuticals are innovated here.

                They’re healthcare is fucking free.

                And gun control.

                1. “They’re healthcare is fucking free.”

                  Lady Bertrum, this comment appears to me to be not particularly ladylike and I fear that you’re lessening Ms. Virginia Postrel’s previously high opinion of you.

                  1. Was it the ‘they’re’ when it should have been their or the ‘fucking’ that gave me away? Both?

                2. Or, that something like 80% of all new pharmaceuticals are innovated here.

                  I think this suggests that the US is subsidizing free healthcare around the world.

                  Drugs are created here so that they can make a profit here to pay off development costs and the cost of cheap drugs overseas.

              2. If France were to became an American state, it would be the 50th poorest, below Arkansas.

                Prog response: But France still beats Mississippi

        2. if words are always changing meaning, then why doesn’t ‘you guys’ stop being a gendered word when applied to a group that also includes girls?

          The sad thing is how obvious it is that it did in fact stop being gendered as part of that phrase. If it were gendered, no one would ever say “you guys” to a group of women. Which they do.

          1. The other issue is that language invariably becomes stilted and unnatural if you try to force people to stop using words naturally. “You guys” is the preferred slang for guys and girls so if you tried to force people to adopt some other phrase, it would end up sounding ridiculous because it wouldn’t be natural.

            1. Kind of like when a northern person is down here and they try to say, “ya’ll” which invariably comes out “ya’ll all”.

              1. <pedant The apostrophe goes between the y and the a: y’all. Please fix this immediately. There are wood chippers in these here hills, you know, and they don’t like bad spelling. </pedant

                DISCLAIMER: Warnings about wild roaming wood chippers are not threats to any person, actual or fictional.

                1. There are precious few hills in these parts of Florida exceptin’ the landfills and Florida Woman does not fear the chippers of wood.

          2. I’ve heard women say to other women “what are you guys up to” often enough to believe that in certain context it is entirely gender neutral.

        3. And I always took it as a nice sign of how gender relations have changed. A man in the 60s might say “you guys” to a group of colleagues because they’re all men. A person today says the same phrase, but knows the group could have men or women. I’ve addressed groups that were mostly women with, “You guys are responsible for…” The implication being that it no longer matters if they are men, women or other; they’re all guys, and equally capable of the task or worthy of being part of the conversation. And, of course, women say it to other women too.

          If you are called guy and get offended or sad or damaged by it, you may not be viewing it the right way.

      2. Answer: government employees past, present, future, and wannabe.

      3. I said it once in grad school and got, politely, slapped straight. Decided it wasn’t a hill worth dying on.

    2. Pittsburghers know that “yinz” is gender neutral.

    3. Who knew Southerners were so ahead of the times? We’ve been saying Y’all and All Y’all for several generations.

      1. We’re so progressive.

        1. We were treating women like delicate flowers before that was cool, too.

          1. Southern is so hot right now.

      2. Who knew Southerners were so ahead of the times? We’ve been saying Y’all and All Y’all for several generations.

        But anything historically identified with the South is reactionary, because slavery.

        1. But anything historically identified with the South is reactionary, because slavery.

          Even pulled pork sandwiches? Because I love them but don’t want to be associated with slavery.

    4. It also others ugly people, Catholics, terrorists and monarchists.

    5. OK, I will now only refer to groups of liberal men as “you gals”

    6. I realized that my knee-jerk response

      No, buddy, that’s your natural instincts and what little common sense you possess kicking in. The fact that you don’t realize that is why western civilization is going down hard.

    7. So say “folks” instead.

      Jeebus, this guy had to write an article about it?

    8. The bitches want to be called “Gals“???

  24. There needs be a drinking game made from this. See how many times you can mention woodchippers in your posts.

  25. Gay marriage has finally destroyed a straight marriage!

    A CANBERRA couple has announced their intention to divorce if gay people are allowed to get married too.

    Nick Jensen, who posed with his wife Sarah on the cover of the latest issue of Canberra CityNews, writes of the Christian couple’s decision to end their marriage under the headline, “Gay law change may force us to divorce”. [emphasis mine]

    Children listen to the story of gay marriage busting into Sarah and Nick’s home, guns drawn and forcing them apart!

    Mr Jensen goes on to explain the divorce plan, where the pair will continue to live together, have more kids, and refer to each other as husband and wife, but will legally end their marriage because they believe “marriage is not a human invention”.

    With great weeping and gnashing of teeth they parted ways, never to see one another again.

    1. Additional fun snippet:

      “If our federal parliament votes to change the timeless and organic definition of marriage later on this year, it will have moved against the fundamental and foundational building block of Australian society and, indeed, human culture everywhere,” he writes. [emphasis mine]

      But is the definition of marriage gluten free? I’m curious how they’ll argue against polygamy, polyandry and concubinage since they have historically been considered part of marriage fundamentally, everywhere until relatively recently.

    2. Marriage is not the government recognizing it. The government could declare my marriage null tomorrow and I would not give a shit. Its existence never depended on the government in the first place.

      1. I agree, marriage is a social institution that has become unfortunately heavily entwined with the state, which is why I congratulate you on having a marriage outside the law, and never having filed a marriage license, John.

        1. My marriage exists independent of the law. The fact that the law recognizes it doesn’t mean that it would not exist if the law didn’t.

          I only have a marriage license because my wife insisted on being married in the church and they required one. If the government declared my marriage void tomorrow, I wouldn’t go out and start dating again because the government is not who determines the existence of my marriage.

          1. You have a contact with your spouse. That should be the state’s main interest. You should be able to make whatever contract you want. The state has an interest in determining whom to contact if you are incarcerated, who inherits, etc, and anyone should be able to designate one alternate person regardless of whom or how many spouses you might have. Other than that they should stay the hell out.

        2. Jesse-

          I tried to file for a marriage license 5 days before my lesbian sister died- solely to collect her SS benefits- and nobody helped…

    3. “Nick Jensen, who posed with his wife Sarah on the cover of the latest issue of Canberra CityNews, writes of the Christian couple’s decision to end their marriage under the headline, “Gay law change may force us to divorce”.”

      Now is the time to admit that straights can be just as nucking futz as Tony claiming that the rethugs are to blame for O-care because they wouldn’t fix it.
      Stupidity also knows no sexual preference!

  26. Q: Are we sure Sheldon Richman is not in fact a plant for the ‘Warmongers’ to discredit Reason? Because if so, it’s working.

  27. On the sexist horror of “you guys”.

    Someone needs to check her privilege and stop oppressing speakers of regional dialects.

    And also stop being an idiot.

    1. Nikki, you’re a gender traitor!

      Prepare to be sent to a feminist reeducation facility, so you will have the correct thinking.

    2. Nikki, you’re a gender traitor!

      Prepare to be sent to a feminist reeducation facility, so you will have the correct thinking.

    3. I blame children’s television in the 1970s

      Particularly Captain Caveman. Particularly because I modeled my entire life around his example.

  28. Why do people say when you’re sick ‘drink fluids’? Why not just say ‘drink water or juice’? Yeah I know I shouldn’t drink motor oil or helium gas if I’m sick but ‘fluids’ is so pointlessly….technical.

    1. Whisky is a fluid!

    2. Doctors use technical terms so you feel better about giving them $100 for two minutes of face time.

    3. They mean water or soup.

      Hence “fluids”

      1. Soup is mostly water!

        1. So is juice.

          Broth has some extra goodies that will get your blood pressure up.

        2. Mostly water, with minerals and nutrients from bones. Broth does some great things for the body.

      2. But beer has all that wet stuff in it…

        1. Mandrake. Mandrake, have you never wondered why I drink only distilled water, or rainwater, and only pure-grain alcohol?

    4. It’s to make sure you don’t eat fluids.

  29. Whistleblower testifies on DHS backlash against her

    Found corruption, reported it, got blackballed, had her Constitutional right to carry stripped, and even threats to take away her child.

    Can we hang these corrupt bastards? In the good ol’ days, we would.

    1. Wait, isn’t the EB-5 visa program (the one she was investigating) the same one that Terry McAuliffe and Shrillary’s brother were trying to game? I don’t want to go all tinfoil hat so if I’m wrong someone please correct me.

    2. Can we hang these corrupt bastards?

      Subpoena in the mail.

  30. “Pity the poor Internal Revenue Service. House Republicans want to cut $838 million out of the budget for the hard-working tax agency. Heh heh. Yeah, pity…”

    I am pretty nonplussed by this. 838 million in a 11.8 BILLION annual budget is small potatoes. The Republicans need to go for big air, especially in light of all the IRS abuses.

  31. It seems a strange sort of gotcha to note that people having sex with minors are also hypocrites.

    1. Yeah that is a good point. Would Reason feel better about Hassert if he had been a member of NAMBLA? I wouldn’t. Current society has this weird obsession with hypocrisy.

    2. The minor in qestion was the same gender as the anti-gay person.

      1. So what? The problem is Hassert is a fucking pervert who sodomized young boys. The fact that he over compensated for it by being publicly anti gay is really besides the point.

      2. In fact, isn’t the point of making an issue of hassert being “anti gay” just a sleazy way to imply that everyone who objects to gays is really just a pervert who secretly ass fucks boys? If that is not the point of bringing it up, then what is?

  32. There is obviously a story with Hastert, so pursue it by all means. The Washington Post has got something like 10 journalists on this story, through, reporting, in effect leaks from the DoJ. I wonder when they are going to use this kind of manpower to investigate the Clintons?

    1. when they are going to use this kind of manpower to investigate the Clintons?

      Libertarian moment!

    2. Slow your roll. Investigating all of us has taken up a lot of their bandwidth. Obvs “Clinton” comes right after “Chipper” alphabetically.

  33. Hi Rufus, what makes you think Mulcair is “George Galloway-light”? Was he on the left or right of the Quebec Liberals (whatever that is worth) in Charest’s cabinet? And now he is part of the Quebec NDP, one of the more insane sections of the NDP.

    Oh and I checked the NDP website. $15/hour minimum wage, climate change, “free” childcare, “Rally for Change” and opposing handouts to the “rich”. I thought the left has seen sense since 1994?

    1. The squirrels are making thirsty:

      Mulcair has made similar comments about Israel, the military and such in the past. He tends to be a shoot first ask questions later kinda guy. People may love his passion but I wouldn’t want him leading an entire country.

      I don’t remember but he found himself a niche with the Fed NDP and the Outremont district likes him.

      They have proposals that are known to not work. Daycare in Quebec is a chaotic mess. They’re silly in my view.

      1. And yet, the Federal NDP and Liberals stand a not-too-bad chance of forming at least a minority government come the Fall, with the stunning potential for Justin “The Hair That Walks Like A Man” Trudeau being our next Prime minister.

        Yoicks.

        1. Doubt it. Polls always understate CPC support. Trudeau blew it and Mulcair is hemmed in by his need to pander to Quebec and the alienation that produces in the rest of the country.

      2. Quebec is slaughtering that sacred cow. Mulcair is bad news but I have more respect for him than Trudeau, or even Harper.

      3. I had the pleasure of seeing Mulcair’s duplicitous idiocy in person back when he first ran for Outremont rep.

        He brought up green power, I (obviously) asked why he left nuclear power out of his list. First sentence out of his mouth referenced Chernobyl.

        Deep thinker, right there.

  34. More marriage collapse news

    Homer and Marge are set to split after 26 years of marriage, according to The Simpsons’ executive producer. Speaking to Variety, Al Jean confirmed the duo would “legally separate”, with Homer going on to fall in love with his pharmacist, voiced by Girls star Lena Dunham. Whether the couple get back together is yet to be confirmed. As for what it is that finally causes the demise of the marriage we all thought would go the distance no matter what, Jean revealed Homer is finally diagnosed with narcolepsy, which places incredible strain on the marriage. [emphasis mine]

    So, Homer and Lena Dunham, eh? Some red meat for the commenters…

    Or Al Jean is fucking with us. YOU DECIDE!

    1. Seriously how many episodes have had this plot? 50?

      1. Seriously, who knew The Simpsons is still on the air? Not me.

        1. 2 More seasons with an option for another two. Seems they want to have more episodes than Gunsmoke. Personally they should go for 33 in order to be on the air longer than Amos ‘n’ Andy. Or 35 if you include Sam ‘n’ Henry.

    2. Also it will be resolved with some lame copout that the writers will acknowledge as a copout as bad writing that knows it is bad makes it good.

    3. Pfft. Should’ve been voiced by Caitlyn Jenner. Edgier and she’s prettier than Lena Dunham.

      1. I’m prettier than Lena Dunham.

        1. We’re all prettier than Lena Dunham

          1. You could send a random individual through a woodchipper and they’d still be prettier than Lena Dunham. (They’d have more of their act together, too…)

    4. Lena Dunham. The final nail in the coffin of a show that should have died 16 years ago.

      1. I find it amusing that the Simpsons is close to the point where you can seriously argue that the show should have ended 20 years ago.

        1. At the very very least, it has sucked for longer than it has been good.

      2. Out with Harry Shearer, in with Lena Dunham.

        This is a dark year for the show.

        (though I’m surprised she hasn’t already guest voiced on it)

    5. So in his new relationship Homer is the one who settled?

  35. Government to Adopt New Policy on How to Deal With Terrorist Hostages

    Decided that “blowing them up” is bad PR

    “The Obama administration has been looking at new ways to handle such situations after taking criticism, including from the family of Warren Weinstein, an American hostage who was killed in a U.S. strike while being held by al Qaeda”

    Imagine they actually did this in *other areas* where they completely fucked people over while pretending to help them??

  36. Joyce Carol Oates falls for Spielberg posing with mechanical triceratops

    Followers?and Tilly? were quick to point out that the photo was from a film and not actually of a deceased animal (it’s a mechanical Triceratops, to be exact).

    Oates is not the first person to perhaps think that Spielberg was just a jerk taking a tasteless photo. The image caused a stir last year when Jay Branscomb posted it to Facebook as a joke with the caption, “Disgraceful photo of recreational hunter happily posing next to a Triceratops he just slaughtered. Please share so the world can name and shame this despicable man.” It went viral ? but maybe not viral enough to reach Oates’ social network.

    1. Does she just shake a lot, now? ‘Cause every time her pic shows up in a story about how stupid she is, I always think it should be just slightly blurry.

  37. Greece: tough economy, great wine.

    http://www.forbes.com/sites/jo…..reat-wine/

    Don’t judge it by much of the wine available in the States, which is piss water really. The truly great stuff is available only in the country itself.

    1. It’s okay so long as you avoid any wine with “retsina” on the label.

      You’ll have to look up the Greek spelling ’cause the server is English-only.

    2. The raki’s also pretty amazing, if only for the dawning awareness after several glasses that it really could be a replacement rocket fuel. And oddly enough, they’re trying to market “artisanal” raki that’s been aged longer than from last Tuesday.

      It’ll never work.

  38. Testing for squirrels.

    1. They crawled up your pants leg.

      1. They were looking for nuts.

  39. estimated cost per bike: $15,000

    I’ll sell them my bicycle for fourteen grand. Whom do I contact?

  40. “I thank you for the work you’ve done in trying to make this an open and fair process but my confidence in this administration has been and remains at an all time low and I appreciate what we’ve heard today but I can’t tell you that I’m mollified by?”

    Ryan then interrupted Burgess again to argue that his concerns over the secrecy are why Republicans should relent and support Obamatrade.

    “All I would say is all the more reason to pass TPA,” Ryan said.

    WTF is this?

    1. A fucking sellout, that’s what.

  41. Joyce Carol Oates is still alive?

    1. Barely.

      1. Didn’t she date Lou Reed back in the mid-‘8o’s?

        1. No, she was in a vocal group with Darrell Hall

          1. Ohhhh. THAT Joyce Carol Oates.

            1. In the 80s I watched Darrell Hall play Jon Oates in tennis at the local club. True story. I was about 8 years old, but remember the hair.

              1. But *who won*??? For god’s sake man, don’t leave us hanging!?

                I’d have to assume Hall, being about a foot taller, had the advantage. But you can’t write off a guy like oates…. swarthy, quick, excellent falsetto….

                1. Still leaving us hanging…

  42. Game Of Thrones Star and All-Around Hoss Peter Dinklage Turns 46 Today!

    1. …You scared me there. I thought this was an announcement of yet another celebrity death.

      He’s a good guy. Great on the hula hoop. I almost stepped on him in the bathroom once.

  43. Yeah, the squirrels are eating my comments, too.

    1. I feel better now knowing that the squirrels are actually DoJ attorneys

  44. Ceterum autem censeo nos dividentque arbor scissionibus

    N.B.: If you are so paranoid and stupid as to interpret this as a threat, that’s on you.

    1. Oderint, dum metuant.

  45. Rand Paul backs amendment barring funding for ground war against ISIS

    Thursday, Paul took on another uphill and telling battle. He co-sponsored an amendment from Connecticut Senator Chris Murphy, a Democrat, that would bar funding for ground troops being sent to the Levant to fight ISIS. The amendment’s text:

    No funds appropriated by this Act may be used to support the deployment of the United States Armed Forces for the purpose of ground combat operations in Iraq or Syria, except as necessary-
    1.For the protection or rescue of members of the United States Armed Forces or United States citizens from imminent danger posed by ISIL; or
    2.To conduct missions not intended to result in ground combat operations by United States forces, such as-
    3.intelligence collection and sharing;
    4.enabling kinetic strikes
    5.limited operations against high value targets;
    6.operational planning; or
    7.other forms of advice and assistance to coalition forces fighting ISIL in Iraq or Syria

    1. This makes my war-loving jowls quiver in disappointment. Rabble Rabble Rabble. Any man who doesn’t want America to police the world is unfit to lead!

    2. The exceptions are big enough to march a brigade through.

      1. My thoughts exactly. Those are already pretty much the roles and responsibilities of the SOF guys we’ve got over there now.

        1. Which is fine. This is meant to prevent another Vietnam.

          1. It won’t prevent it. Just give opponents of it another nice argument (it’s completely illegal). Not that that’ll change anything.

  46. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Gumps

    So I guess everything wrong with TV can be blamed on Sidney Smith:

    The Gumps launched a craze for continuity strips in newspapers. It also had a huge influence on the history of radio and television programming. Radio/TV sitcoms and serialized dramas can all be traced back to The Gumps

  47. So how come there hasn’t been a new Star Trek TV series? I thought I read there were some rights issues? Personally I think Modern TV is too soapy and cynical for Trek.

    1. Apparently between Paramount and CBS, as I suspected.

    2. “So how come there hasn’t been a new Star Trek TV series? “

      Oh, there has

      1. So I recently started watching Star Trek TNG on Netflix. I’ve never actually watched it episode to episode.

        However, almost every foe they meet seems to have powers that break the laws of physics. A lot of the foes are Star Wars-esque. I don’t mind but I would appreciate more realistic enemies more often.

        Wesley though. Most of the time I can’t stand that little fucker.

        1. Wait till you get to the evil capitalist Ferengi.

          1. Haha the ultimate caricature of a laissez faire capitalist.

            1. Apparently Roddenberry wanted them to have huge penises. How that fits with “evil capitalist” I can’t say since Roddenberry was for Free Love. That does explain why Ferengi females don’t wear clothes.

        2. They don’t break any laws of physics, Smilin’ Joe, and when you understand this, you too will have warp capability.

          *vanishes into wormhole*

          1. Will going past Warp 10 really turn you into a giant horny salamander?

            1. Warty has confirmed this.

          2. WARP SPEED IS REAL FOR THE LOVE OF GOD.

        3. I have a cunning plan. The next Star Trek series should be about space hippies. Flying through space, space hippying everyone and everything. Lots of original space hippie music, space drugs, space protests, and so on. With occasional cameos by TOS-era characters. Oh, and not in any stupid alternative reboot universe.

          Star Trek: Space Hippies.

          1. That’s a horrible idea. Move over, Nikki!

            1. It’s a brilliant idea. I didn’t say something truly awful, like Star Trek: Wesley’s Big Adventure Time.

          2. I thought that was TNG?

            1. Now, now, they weren’t hippies. I mean, not all of them.

  48. We can use words to maintain the status quo or to think in new ways — which in turn creates the possibility of a new reality. It makes a difference if I think of myself as a “girl” or a “woman.”it makes a difference if we talk about “Negroes” or “African-Americans.” Do we want a truly inclusive language or one that just pretends?

    I prefer a language in which words have consistent, predictable meanings, and are not held hostage to the whimsical invented prejudices of preening communitarian political activists.

    1. We can use words to maintain the status quo or to think in new ways — which in turn creates the possibility of a new reality.

      Yeah, uh, didn’t George Orwell write a book about this…?

      1. You’re just being paranoid, android. You only get to make references to 1984 once you’ve got rats clawing at your face.

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