Joe Donatelli Apologizes for Being Fat, Costing You More for Health Care

On behalf of everyone who's ever put Doritos on their sandwich for extra crunch or drunken copious amounts of beer out of a lawn ornament while tailgating, Joe Donatelli would like to say, "I'm sorry." With no chance of repeal or reform of Obamacare anytime soon, our personal health and finances are more closely intertwined than ever. Many of us are simply not up for this massive responsibility. Donatelli explains that the federal government claims $147 billion in annual medical spending is attributable to obese people like himself. To give you an idea of how much money that is, the gross domestic product of Bangladesh is $140 billion, meaning that America is detrimentally fatter than the people of Bangladesh (pop. 154 million) are productive.