Nobody Dast Blame Obama for Mispronouncing the Stupid Name of Miami's Basketball Team or Romney Doing Same with Wawa!

So basketball-fan-in-chief Barack Obama misidentified the NBA champeens, the Miami Heat, thus:

At the top of his remarks at the Jackie Gleason Theater in Miami Beach, Obama said his public recognition of dignitaries and special guests would be "incomplete if I did not congratulate the city of Miami for having the world champion Miami Heats here in town."

Wow, what a tool, ha ha ha. His teleprompter (which I understand is controlled by Bill Ayers and Saul Alinsky) must have been malfunctioning.

He sounds almost as dumb as Mitt Romney yammering on about convenience stores:

"By the way, where do you get your hoagies here? Do you get them at Wawas, is that where you get them?" Romney says in the video of the campaign appearance, which can be viewed below. "Well, I went to a place today called Wawas. You ever been to Wawas? Anyone been to Wawas? I was at Wawas. I went in to order a sandwich…."

While I'm glad that Lebron et al won the title, let the record show that the Heat is one of the lousiest names for a pro sports teams. It's right up there with vagues invocations of the Wild and the Burn and geographical brainbusters such as the Memphis Grizzlies and the Utah Jazz. And any spelling of cats with a K.

So let's give Obama a pass on this one, as long as he agrees to never again pretend to be a sports fan for political gain. Seriously, he's the least convincing sports fan since Ethel Rosenberg.

As for Romney, whose former employer (the Salt Lake City Olympics) bought and sold whole countries and off-shored countless athletes while killing small business, he should likewise drop the pretense that he in fact has ever eaten a sandwich, much less ordered one electronically at a convenience store. Rich people don't eat sandwiches, do they? Bonus points that der Mittster got the south Jersey/Philly designation of "hoagie" right (the rest of the world - and real New Jerseyans - know it as a sub), but please stop dressing like anyone other than the Thurston Howell III impersonator we know you to be.

Can we get around to discussing real issues any time soon, like which candidate would be better suited to dealing with an invasion by outer-space aliens?

Comments

[sarcasmic]

?

[Ska]

I know right? It's called a hero. Fuck.

[WWNGD?]

Dude, only communists call them heroes to degrade real heroes. They are subs. There is a reason why that crappy sandwich shop isn't called "Heroway"

[sarcasmic]

Round heeya we call 'em grindahs.

[MP]

hoagies and grindahs, hoagies and grindahs

[Brutus]

Meatloaf sandiwiiiich
Sloppy joe, slop-sloppy joeeee

[Mr. FIFY]

"Sub"way, WWNGD. That would please the submissives like David Brooks.

"Eat your sandwich, slave! *crack* NO! SLOWLY!!!"

[Bee Tagger]

Adam Sandler's millions of dollars says it's also a grinder.

[Bee Tagger]

Sorry, MP. You beat me to that by almost an hour.

[deified]

Someone PLEASE tell me that that Romney shot is photoshopped. It's just so. horrible.

[sage]

So he called it Wawas. What's it supposed to be, Circle K?

[Ska]

In Jersey it's Wawa. No S. I think that's the huge faux pas.

[Ice Nine]

Did you ever consider the possibility that he merely thought it was owned by her?

[Pip from the forge]

The Heat is one of the lousiest names for a pro sports team

Not if you win. Paper covers rock, rock breaks scissors, Heat beats Thunder.

[MP]

'sides, [mighty] Ducks is worse.

[EDG reppin' LBC]

Sports teams should not be named after local geography, local weather patterns , or local manufacturing concerns. They should not be named after mythical creatures or extinct creatures. They should not be named after ambiguous concepts, or fantasy imagery. Sports teams should be named after the local apex predator. However, no sports team should be named "The Predators".

[wareagle]

in South Fla, your convention would require a periodic renaming of teams. Thanks to a number of idiots in the area, the new apex predator may well be the python, which does not belong there to begin with.

[EDG reppin' LBC]

Python vs. Gator. Who wins?

[Tulpa the White]

The vultures.

[Fist of Etiquette]

Agreed.

LET'S GO PENS!

[Pro Libertate]

I've been pleased with my sports teams names up until we got the MLB franchise--Gators, Buccaneers, Lightning, Storm (AFL), Mutiny (defunct MLS), and so on. Then they came up with Devil Rays, now Rays. Love the team, but not fond of the name.

When they did a local name submission thingee before we got the team, I submitted about a hundred names, one of which was Rough Riders (TR and his goons went to Cuba via Tampa). None of them involved rays of any variety.

I think team names should have a local flavor, so long as the local flavor doesn't sound dumb.

[The Craig]

And you think Rough Riders doesn't sound dumb?

[Tulpa the White]

It would be more appropriate for Key West.

[Pro Libertate]

Only to the perverted of heart.

[Tulpa the White]

Pittsburgh Sanduskies doesn't have much cache.

[Voros McCracken]

Damn you!

[Warty]

Sports teams should be named after the local apex predator.

Exactly. That's why we in Cleveland named our football team after our roving gangs of ferocious Negro cannibals.

[Randian]

The Indians???

[Tulpa the White]

Cavalier is a synonym for glib.

Hmmmmm....

[R C Dean]

So every team should be named the Humans, I guess.

[Finchster]

That is the registered trademark of Greendale Community College.

[Tman]

You know why Nashville named the team the Predators, right?

[Voros McCracken]

"Sports teams should be named after the local apex predator."

The Penn State Sanduskys?

[Somalian Road Corporation]

The local apex predator is probably unaccountable violent cops.

[Proprietist]

The Heat's not bad. Seriously, the Denver Nuggets is easily the worst.

Also, the L.A. Lakers. Is there even a lake in L.A.?

You could solve everybody's problems by trading the Utah Jazz back to New Orleans, who give the Hornets back to Charlotte, who should take the soiled Bobcats name out back and shoot it. Utah, LA and Denver should then all choose good names. Oh and the Wizards should go back to the Bullets.

[RBS]

Is there even a lake in L.A.?

Do the La Brea Tar Pits count?

[EDG reppin' LBC]

Is there even a lake in L.A.?

We had Veronica Lake. Which ain't too bad...

[Kaptious Kristen]

How about the T Wolves get the Lakers moniker back, and the Lakers can come up with another name that has shitall to do with L.A.

[Proprietist]

See, I was going to suggest that, but the Timberwolves sounds a lot cooler than the Lakers.

[AuH2O]

The Bandwagoneers just doesn't have the same ring to it.

[wareagle]

Lakers moved from Minneapolis and kept the name.

Utah was the Stars in the old ABA.

[Proprietist]

I know, I'm just not getting why teams that move would or should keep the name of the previous team, especially when it becomes irrelevant to the new location. It's kind of like stealing that team's history with none of the context.

[wareagle]

you may be right with the Lakers as the Minneapolis team had a great deal of history. LA did likewise with the Dodgers and SF with the Giants, though basketball was a very weak sister in comparison at that time.

I don't have a good answer beyond the desire to hang on to the when trying to establish a present and future in a new town. The Rams didn't change when going from LA to St Louis, though the Ravens were surely not going to be the Baltimore Browns.

[BakedPenguin]

I think the Braves hold the record - Boston / Milwaukee / Atlanta. Has any other major teams moved twice?

To be fair, there were tribal warriors in all of those locations, so it works.

[EDG reppin' LBC]

Cleveland Rams moved to Los Angeles Rams moved to St. Louis Rams.

[Voros McCracken]

Not counting 19th Century stuff where teams moved a lot, there's still another in baseball:

A's - Philadelphia/Kansas City/Oakland

[Winded]

In the NBA, you could count Sacramento as the 4th or 5th city for the Kings. The Rochester Royals became the Cincinnati Royals, then the Kansas City-Omaha Kings, then they dropped "Omaha", and they've now been in Sacramento for nearly 30 years.

[AuH2O]

Might I suggest "The Utah Buzzkills"?

[PS]

And thunder always follows Lightening, ka-chow!

[BakedPenguin]

PS - off topic, but have you heard of this?

[Loki]

Heat beats Thunder

And (last year at least) Mavericks beat Heat.

[Bardas Phocas]

I still like the idea of 'Palin Test'. A history test, focusing on major events in US history. Make it an essay test so that partisans can rip into the interpretations of the candidates.
Was the Civil War about slavery? Or a proto-proletarian revolution? Or Oil! How ugly was Martha Washington? Why did the US invade the peace-loving French in WWII?

This would allow for endless, meaningless partisan blather as the nation circles the drain.

[Brutus]

Goddamn it, Bardas, the Civil War was about defeating the fucking vampire hordes!!

[Mike M.]

So let's give Obama a pass on this one, as long as he agrees to never again pretend to be a sports fan for political gain.

Let's not. Instead, lets treat all presidents the same. If we're going to laugh at what an idiot George W. Bush is every time he makes a fool out of himself (and we should), let's do the same thing to Obama, instead of propping up the absurd myth that he's some kind of genius.

[John]

Funny how Nick wants to call a truce after people go after Obama. Why not make this post before Obama's gaffe? It was just as valid then as now.

And I will stop making fun of Obama the day his creepy ass supporters stop claiming he is smart.

[Mike M.]

It's especially weird when you consider that Nick usually is by far the snarkiest person working at Reason. But for some odd reason whenever Obama embarrasses himself with a gaffe like this, he suddenly gets all high and mighty and serious.

[John]

I keep telling people Gillespie is a big contract offer away from becoming Dave Weigel.

[Tulpa the White]

Yeah, that's why he's going on TV skewering Maddow and Maher.

Nick is a die-hard pox on both their houses guy. Which I can respect to a point, though I think there comes a time when you have to swallow your pride and pick a side.

[John]

Weigel would skewer them too if he were smart enough. Just because he won't become a batshit crazy lefty doesn't mean he won't be a lefty when the mask finally slips. Culture matters more to people than reason in most cases.

[Tulpa the White]

Culture matters more to people than reason in most cases.

Good point... 😉

[VG Zaytsev]

Nick's embarassed by 'baggers and birthers.

[John]

Better to be oppressed by someone who is "cool" than join forces with those who are not.

[wareagle]

and it's not like this is Obama's first gaffe. Give me a break. For someone who intelligence is so casually flaunted by his dogwashers - and looks like Nick may want to grab a hose - he says a lot of stupid things.

[Tulpa the White]

Nick regularly rips BO.

[Apatheist ?_??]

John and his fellow travelers love beating on Reason strawmen.

[John]

It is a strawman. That is why there was quite literally a daily "The Republicans need to be punished and must lose" story in 2008. But I have yet to see a single "we need to punish the Democrats for selling out on civil liberties and the war in 2012" story.

If it made sense to punish the Republicans in 08, which it clearly did. Why does it not now make equal sense to punish the Democrats?

[Tulpa the White]

There's a traditional link between libertarians and the GOP from the cold war days, and the liberaltarians (who iirc didn't include Nick) were trying to break that link.

There is no link between libertarians and Democrats other than on very specific issues, so no need to tell us to "punish the Dems". We know they'll never be on our side.

[John]

We know they'll never be on our side.

that will come as a surprise to most of the Reason staff.

[Apatheist ?_??]

[citation needed]

[Randian]

GRR JOHN ANGRY THAT REASON NOT SUFFICIENTLY REPUBLICAN! JOHN GET HIS TEAM RED DANDER UP AND PUFF CHEST! GRRR.

[John]

Keep telling yourself that Randian. Remind me the next time a Reason staffer not named Virginia Postrel turns out to be anything but a conventional liberal after they leave Reason.

[RBS]

Radley Balko, just to name one.

[Randian]

Marty Zupan is the director of IHS and Tibor Machan is an Objectivist.

[Tulpa the White]

There's nothing conventional about Kerry Howley.

[John]

Howley is exactly what I am talking about. And I will give you Balko, although he seems to only write about police abuse.

[RBS]

although he seems to only write about police abuse.

Because that's his job. He also blogs about other issues although it remains to be seen what will happen to The Agitator when it's fully subsumed into the HuffPo.

[RBS]

Maybe he's just tired of the little bullshit every one keeps talking about instead of the issues that actually matter? I highly doubt it has anything to do with Nick all of sudden feeling some sympathy for the pres.

[John]

If ever showed a single concern for such bullshit when it was being directed one way, I would believe you. But since he only seems to care when it is a far fight and goes back against Democrats, I question his sincerity.

[Tulpa the White]

Believe me and be no more disbelieving

Don't We All Agree with Mitt Romney That We Like to Fire People Who Are Not Doing What We Pay Them to Do?

Nick Gillespie | January 10, 2012

I cannot imagine a scenario in which I pull a lever, punch a hole, or have my proxy in the New Black Panther Party cast a ballot for former Gov. Mitt Romney (R-Mass.) in any election anywhere.

But I've got to say that the flap over Romney's line about "liking" to fire people who are not doing what they're paid to do is about the most idiotic thing I've witnessed in a while.

[John]

REad the whole post. The whole thing was an excuse to explain how he really really hates Romney. That is certainly his right. And he may be right about it. But it is still not an example of what I am asking for.

[Randian]

JOHN MUST FIGHT CULTURE WAR, EVEN WHEN JOHN FACT PWNED! JOHN JUST DIG IN HEELS AND CLAIM TO BE VICTIM! GRRR! TEAM RED ALWAYS WIN.

[John]

It is so much more compelling when you write in all caps Randian. Read the post. Gillespie isn't complaining about low tone. He is using low tone as an excuse to slam Romeny. Again, his right. And I don't like Romney so it is not like I care. But my dislike isn't going to cause me to pretend not to see what is plainly there. And you writing in all caps and refusing to post anything of substance doesn't change it either.

Shouldn't you be out perceiving things and concluding their characteristics or some such nonsense anyway?

[Randian]

When you post something of substance, I'll post something of substance. As it stands, you sound exactly like a Feministing poster: you see and take umbrage and offense at every imagined slight.

[wareagle]

When you post something of substance, I'll post something of substance.

and I ask you, good people, isn't that the sort of repartee we come here for?

[Tulpa the White]

Shouldn't you be out perceiving things and concluding their characteristics or some such nonsense anyway?

Wow. Let's not drag the feline epistemology into this, kay?

[Tulpa the White]

REad the whole post. The whole thing was an excuse to explain how he really really hates Romney.

If I were you, I would have said that that was different because he was defending Romney from attacks by other Republicans, not from Obama.

[R C Dean]

Where I come from, there's no such thing as too many petty, vicious attacks on politicians.

[Pro Libertate]

I concur. Come on, how many of these people have the integrity, intelligence, or much ability outside of bullshittery to garner our respect? Out of the thousands of politicians in this country? Twenty?

Contempt and cynicism should be our default position.

[BakedPenguin]

Contempt and cynicism should be our default position.

I don't think it's possible to give politicians the contempt they deserve, or to be cynical enough about the political process.

[Pro Libertate]

We do what we can.

[Tulpa the White]

Petty attacks are bad if they take attention away from the real issues. You can bet BO prefers coverage of superfluous pluralization to coverage of Solyndra and F+F.

[B.P.]

Plenty of people around here can multi-task. And it's small justice to pound Obama for his speech gaffes, no matter how small, since we've all endured years of talk about what a genius orator the guy is, "I'm so proud to finally have a president who doesn't mangle the English language... he's brilliant...", etc.

[JW]

We just need to bring tarring back. I'm ambivalent on the feathers,

[Kaptious Kristen]

It's called a grinder in Vermont, for fuck's sake!

[Auric Demonocles]

Damn straight.

[Auric Demonocles]

And Hoagie's is a restaurant that sells pizza.

[noko]

Poor Nick, so very jaded...

[T o n y]

One would think Obama knows basketball. Hm. But let's not forget Romney's deep connection to "sport," particularly horse ballet.

[John]

making fun of a women who treats her MS by riding horses. Good one Tony. I will remember that next time you whine when someone comments Michelle's refrigerator sized ass.

[T o n y]

Oh come on. It's dancing horses. If it were John Kerry you'd be creaming yourself about it.

[John]

No I wouldn't I happen to like horses. If she on the other hand dressed up in some ridiculous cycling outfit, that would be funny.

[EDG reppin' LBC]

Damn you. That was pretty funny. I hate you just a little less now. 😉

[sarcasmic]

One would think Obama knows basketball.

Why? Because he's black?

RACIST!

[Mr. FIFY]

What about rich, pampered Democrats who ride horses, Tony?

Oh... you're *okay* with that.

[T o n y]

I love riding horses. I have nothing against the Romneys having a dancing horse in the Olympics. It's just fucking funny.

[Mr. FIFY]

But that's only a sport evil capitalists like Romney enjoy. Your Team is busy saying so right now.

[Tulpa the White]

Because ESPN broadcasts him filling out his bracket.

I've always wondered how they fit the whole bracket onto a teleprompter.

[Mr. FIFY]

What you said is likely racist, Tulpa. We'll need Tony to give a ruling, though his dictionary be covered with dust.

[T o n y]

I could credibly say the teleprompter thing is racist but I don't give a crap because it's just so stupid. He also uses lecterns! The idiot!

[Mr. FIFY]

Yeah, yeah... dictionary definitions don't matter. Words mean what you *want* them to mean, depending on how it helps/hurts your Team.

Your game is up, Tony, at least when it comes to people who think for themselves. The masses... well, they believe shit you and your kind say.

[Mr. FIFY]

Okay, I'll bite... how, exactly, is "the teleprompter thing" racist?

Bear in mind, that word has a specific meaning - not that you give a shit.

[T o n y]

Because he's demonstrated a good game and seems to enjoy the sport. I briefly enjoyed basketball since my home state team was in the finals this year, but I don't enjoy it anymore.

[sarcasmic]

Liar. It's because he's a tall, skinny black guy you racist piece of shit.

[Tulpa the White]

Because he's demonstrated a good game

From what I can tell, all the video footage of BO playing basketball is classified under executive privilege.

The guy can't even throw a baseball 54 feet in the air. C'mon man!

[John]

It finally came out that BO is terrible at basketball.

[Mike M.]

Secretary of Education Arne Duncan on the other hand is legitimately a pretty good player.

[Mr. FIFY]

a belief that race is the primary determinant of human traits and capacities and that racial differences produce an inherent superiority of a particular race

Nope, doesn't fit the definition.

/pedant

[Auric Demonocles]

Nick likes Lebron? I am disappointed.

[RBS]

Honestly this admission is the only thing I really took away from this post.

[Kaptious Kristen]

Yeah, what kind of Ohioan is he? Do his fellow Buckeyes know of this? He should be reported immediate.

[Timon 19]

He's from a region known as Sorta Ohio.

Too close to Cincitucky to really be considered part of the rest of the state, but not close enough to be completely expelled. They only know UK and UofL down there, and to a lesser extent, MAC powerhouse Miami.

[Timon 19]

...and of course UC and XU, where small riots break out.

[OU Oh Yeah]

... and to a lesser extent, FORMER MAC powerhouse Miami

[Fist of Etiquette]

Maybe the president is like me and refuses to not pluralize (and correctly so) team names. You hear me, Toronto Maple Leaves?

[Auric Demonocles]

I do refuse to call them "le Heat".

[John]

Best sports names ever are both gone. You can't beat the Super Sonics and the Bullets. All that 70s goodness gone forever and replaced by two of the worst nicknames ever.

[Fist of Etiquette]

All team names in America should be Indian-related.

"Okay, fans, give it up for the Las Vegas Squawnailers!"

[Randian]

We already have the Washington Redskins.

[BakedPenguin]

"Albuquerque, here are The Nose-slitters!"

[Ken Shultz]

Best team names are all in College.

When rthey're not intended for a general audience, so they're not bland like fast food, and they aren't watered down like pop music...

Banana Slugs
Sand Sharks
Fighting Irish
Crimson Tide
Blue Demons

The Devil Rays was a great name for a sports team. I guess the bible-thumpers couldn't handle it, though?

Now they're rays of sunshine?

Ugh.

[Tulpa the White]

It's the Blue Devils... conflating with WF Demon Deacons perhaps?

[Bee Tagger]

There used to be a time people cared about the DePaul Blue Demons. No more, though.

[Tulpa the White]

Totally forgot about DePaul. Which is sad seeing as how I'm from N IL.

[John]

No it is not. It is the De Paul Blue Demons. He wasn't referring to the University of New Jersey at Durham.

[Tulpa the White]

Depends on how you define "it".

[wareagle]

but there is no plural to heat. Then again, there is no such thing as a corpse-man, either, and fallen heroes are not "here with us today."

[Tulpa the White]

A government agency says you're wrong.

[Bee Tagger]

If you're so smart, what do you propose I call the set of multiple dvds of Heat that I'm selling on eBay then?

[wareagle]

according to this site, http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/1068182-heat/, a "must-have for every discriminating viewer's home library" might work. Also, a multi-disk movie.

[BakedPenguin]

um, crap?

[NoTalentAssclown]

my Heat DVDs

[Kaptious Kristen]

So what do you call those preliminary races in sports such as track, then?

[wareagle]

all right; there is no plural of "heat" with regard to temperature. You are correct regarding races, but the team's nickname has nothing to do with those.

[Kaptious Kristen]

I know, I'm just feelin pedantic today 🙂 Like the Simon y Garfunkel tune (I got you, ampersand police!)

[Ted S.]

It should be the Miami Estrus anyhow.

Or perhaps the ?strus if you want to be a pedantic bastard.

[VG Zaytsev]

Miami Heats is just bad English, something that you'd think the smartest man ever to be president would know.

[Auric Demonocles]

Give him a break, it's not his first language.

[Tulpa the White]

It's perfectly legit in certain dialects. Ask Harry Reid.

[Bee Tagger]

I didn't know Cowboy poets were so into basketball.

[Tulpa the White]

There are so many embarrassing Harry Reid quotes that it's hard to make a joke about a specific one.

[Bee Tagger]

Turns out I have an annoying habit of trying to one-up jokes instead of acknowledging the existing (and good) one.

[Scarcity]

I'm dying to know... WHAT did Miami heat??

[wareagle]

WHAT did Miami heat??

for a stretch of the 70's and 80's, the 'what' was the cocaine trade. Then came art deco, the revival of South Beach, and a lot of other stuff.

[BakedPenguin]

"The Miami Dealers"

[Bee Tagger]

It's going to be hilarious when he presents an award to a group of moose!

[JerseyPatriot]

Bonus points that der Mittster got the south Jersey/Philly designation of "hoagie" right (the rest of the world - and real New Jerseyans - know it as a sub)

Please, like you New York wannabes know what the real New Jersey is.

[DesigNate]

Isn't Jersey where culture goes to die a long horrible smog and irradiated death?

[Troy muy grande boner]

All team names should use alliteration and be vulgar:

Pittsburgh Prostitutes
Carolina Cocksuckers
Boston Boners
Tampa Bay Twats
Atlanta Assholes
Phoenix Farts
Tulsa Tea-baggers
Florida Fucksticks
Monterey Masterbaters

[Troy muy grande boner]

You could even make it intellectual. Make the The Atlanta Assholes the farm team for the Phoenix Farts. That's what comes out of assholes, right? Farts?

[Troy muy grande boner]

Last Week, the Cocksuckers, dealing with a crabs epidemic, still managed to play extraordinary and stick it to the Assholes.

[Tulpa the White]

That's Huffington post level humor, not what we encourage here at H+R.

[Pip from the forge]

Anyway, the sport's-page headline I'm still waiting to see:
Razors Trim the Beavers.

[Randian]

I bet that all of your eighth-grade compatriots think that's hilarious.

[Kaptious Kristen]

What's vulgar about "masterbaters"? It isn't even a word in the English language.

[wareagle]

correct spelling is apparently optional

[Voros McCracken]

It's hard to spell correctly with one hand

[dunkotunko]

That makes a whole lot of sene dude. Wow.

http://www.Anony-dot.tk

[EDG reppin' LBC]

You could even make it intellectual.

I don't think you could make your naming scheme "intellectual".

[Mint Berry Crunch]

Well, I went to a place today called Wawas. You ever been to Wawas? Anyone been to Wawas? I was at Wawas.

I thought Larry David was a liberal, but now it seems like he's writing Willard's dialogue.

No "Seinfeld" fan can hear that and not think of the Jackie Chiles balm conversation.

[Rich]

"Miami Heat" is also inappropriately sexist.

It should be "Miami Rut".

[Romulus Augustus]

With such hectic campaign schedules, I'm surprised either of these guys even knows which one of the 57 states he is in at any particular moment.

[B.P.]

Sports team names started getting really idiotic to placate PC concerns about offensiveness by giving teams names that not even Gloria Allred could take offense with. See: WNBA. Chicago Sky? Indiana Fever? Tulsa Shock? What is this crap?

[Kaptious Kristen]

Tulsa Toxic Shock would have been awesome, though.

[EDG reppin' LBC]

Agnostic Front: Toxic Shock

[Timon 19]

MLS was painfully bad at this at the league's founding:
San Jose Clash
Dallas Burn
LA Galaxy
Miami Fusion
Columbus Crew (my beloved and circling-the-drain team)
Kansas City Wiz (yes, Wiz, not Wizards)

Many of those have changed. Some have grown into their weirdness.

[Timon 19]

I can't forget the New York/New Jersey Metrostars!

Fantastically terrible.

[BakedPenguin]

Renaming themselves after a crappy energy drink was a massive step up. How sad is that?

[Loki]

geographical brainbusters such as the Memphis Grizzlies and the Utah Jazz

It made more sense when they were the Vancouver Grizzlies and the New Orleans Jazz. Also, the Minnessota Lakers.

But worst sports name? The N.Y. Knicks (short for Knickerbockers). Really, your team's named after a style of pants*?

*Yes, I realize the term also means something else. It's called a joke.

[Tulpa the White]

No, the Phillies are the worst team name. I mean, it would be swell for a WNBA team, but a men's team? No.

[Kaptious Kristen]

Can we talk about some real sports? Like how the Tour de France is starting this weekend sans Contador and A. Schleck? Will Cadel choke as he usually does (2011 being an aberration)?

[RBS]

I'm sorry, I thought you said real sports.

[Kaptious Kristen]

Yep - a veritable soap opera on two wheels. What's not to love?

[RBS]

I'll have my soap operas produced by the WWE thank you very much.

[BakedPenguin]

I just watch Sons of Anarchy.

[Ted S.]

There's a lot of nice scenery of the French countryside, especially when the helicopters provide overhead shots.

[Enjoy Every Sandwich]

I always laugh when the politicians try to pretend that they're "just like the regular folks". They don't believe that themselves; they think of themselves as an elite of philospher-kings. So their half-assed attempts to bond with the commoners always result in hilarious mistranslations.

[Kaptious Kristen]

'Cept for Joe "Schmoe" Biden, of course, who takes the mornin' train.

[Mr. FIFY]

Biden goes from being a Regular Time-Clock Punchin' Workin' Man, to An Elitist Rich White Motherfucker... usually in the same speech.

He's like eggs. They're bad for you on Tuesday, but good for you four days later. Or something.