Geraldo Rivera: Wearing a Hooded Sweatshirt Is Like Asking Someone to Murder You

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Next week: Wearing a skirt is like asking to get raped. 

NEXT: The Five-State Problem at the Republican National Convention

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  1. This would be hilarious if it weren’t for the fact that someone died. Ugh.

  2. Skirt+Hoodie=Rape+Murder?

    Math is hard.

    1. What about wearing a hoodie as a dress?

      1. What about wearing a hoodie as a dress?

        Murderous rape!

        1. LMAO! you hit some gold there!

      2. Next year’s Versace.
        Just wait.

  3. People like Geraldo Rivera remind me why minding one’s own business is a virtue.

    1. Every time I see that guy, I remember what the definition of the word douchebag is.

      1. Just him! So many trigger that response!

      2. Does anyone ever use the word “douchebag” to refer to an actual bag used for a douche?

        1. Only if you’re refering to a bodybag with a dead douche inside.

        2. Nurse, hand me the douchebag.

        3. I present to you……Lord and Lady Douchebag!”

  4. sagging pants, because belts are prohibited in prison, is one thing but hoodies are too ubiquitous.

    1. That is a hoodie *dress*, they even spelled it out for you.

      1. Skirt? Dress? That outfit is practically demanding that a crime be committed!

        1. A rape and murder. Rapder, even.

          1. Analrapist was once Tobias’s profession – a portmanteau of analyst and therapist.

            Needless to say, the business cards almost got him arrested.

        2. No, I’m pretty sure wearing that outfit is a crime and people are right and proper in destroying the wearer in self defense. Like seeing a forever lazy in public.

          1. Only a crime for the fatties.

    2. Thanks Wartster. That was coo.

        1. You can tell the model is reconsidering her decision that porn was more demeaning in the hood up picture.

    3. Oh yeah, she’s asking for it.

    4. Killer dresses!

  5. I thnk he meant ‘if you wear a hoodie then Geraldo will want to kill you’

    But I think it’s more fair to say, ‘if you wear a hoodie, nobody should take you seriously because you are just a 16yr old punk-ass’

    1. come again about hoodies

  6. In Soviet Russia, hooded track suit wear YOU!

  7. Oh, I do wish Al Capone had a few more vaults that could be discovered. It would keep Gerry busy for a while.

    1. And give the B Sharps material for a comeback album.

  8. Good lord. This story is going to be such a monumental clusterfuck, with screaming assholes on both sides.

    1. Yer damn right I’m gonna make a stink about this!

    2. And politicians looking to make political hay. Obama has already jumped in with both feet.

  9. Get off my lawn!

  10. These hoodies must be regulated. For teh childrunz!!!1!11!

  11. I can only hope that my death results in such a screaming national clusterfuck. It’s like having millions of slaves build you a pyramid, except it’s made out of retardation instead of stone.

    1. except it’s made out of retardation instead of stone

      That is weapons-grade exquisite. I lol’ed.

    2. Just like they used to carve memoriums out of stones rather than decals on a car that you’ll get rid of in 3-5 years. Dear grandpa, we’ll always remember you until it comes time to trade in the car.

      1. My favorite memorial consists of some teddy bears, plastic flowers, and handwritten “We’ll miss you!” signs, secured to a telephone pole with Saran Wrap.

        1. I wonder how many people have crashed their cars and died because they were looking at a roadside memorial to some dumbass kid?

          1. Some places have tried to outlaw the roadside memorials because they say they are causing car crashes by people looking at them

        2. I think mine is the alternate Nazi universe in The Atrocity Archive where they carved a certain toothbrush mustachioed face into the moon. I want my face to rise above the Earth every night to glare balefully on the billions below.

          1. That was totally “borrowed” from one of Jack Vance’s Demon Princes novels.

            Which, if you haven’t read them, you should pretty much do right now.

            1. I’ll have to check him out. For some reason I think I read one or two of his books and found the pacing to be abysmal, like worse than Jack McDevitt.

            2. Sci Fi Book Club had a one volume set of them available a while ago. Dunno if they still do.

              But yeah, Vance is highly reccommended. Some is better than others, but almost all of it is worthwhile.

          2. Brett, it might be more apt to think that the real memorial of that alt-Eerth was the fact they brought about the heat death of that entire universe billions of years prematurely.

            1. I was gonna mention that I’d like it done without the infovore frost giant devouring the universe.

              1. You know that the 4th one is coming out in July, right? Pre-order now!

                1. I did it last week. I’ll start the full series re-read in early June.

                  1. The British are just kicking our ass in the science fiction department. Living in 1984 is probably a great inspiration for them.

                    1. Its like somewhere around 9/11 American writers threw a party where someone got up and said, “I’ve got one word for you, just one word: fantasy!”

                      Not that I dont love GRRM and Jim Butcher and Pat Rothfuss. But yeah, we’ve got nothing except Scalzi, who is funny and interesting but not particularly hard sci-fi.

                    2. I think it has to do with the fact that less and less men read. They are consuming science fiction in video games and movies rather than books, so more women-friendly-fare is being published. Harry Potter and the movement of science fiction into the young-adult-only market doesn’t help.

                      [hides behind low wall to avoid the rotten vegetables that will be thrown]

                      And add in the fact that the current crop of British science fiction writers had Iain Banks during the 1990s to inspire them. We had nothing comparable to match his brilliance and output.

  12. What a dick. The Whitney Houston comment adds a nice touch.

  13. THIS IS WHY LIBERTARIANS CAN’T HAVE HANDLEBARS.

  14. Holy mother FUCK.

    I literally wear a hoodie every day as soon as I get home from work (till summer) cause I keep the Man Cave cool to save on heating costs. And now Ima get shot for it? THAT’S WHAT I GET FOR COPYING BLACK CULTURE!!111!

    Oh, wait, I was copying farmer culture (see my Carhart? hoodie).

    Again I say, “Holy mother FUCK.” What a cuntstain idiot moron fuckbag douche. Prick.

    1. You aren’t white anyways, so you’re obviously a criminal, which warrants me shooting you sand nigger.

      1. *meekly*

        But I AM whyte! Wonder Bread White?!! British-Isles-freckles-and-reddish-hair-pasty-skin-burn-easily white!

        1. Only criminals wear hoodies, and whites can’t be criminals, therefore you are not white. Which means you must be black.

          1. FUCK MISTUH CHAHLIE FOR KEEPIN’ A BROTHA DOWN! FIGHT THE POWER!

        2. British-Isles-freckles-and-reddish-hair-pasty-skin-burn-easily white!

          You filthy soulless ginger fuck.

          (I keed! I keed!)

    2. That’s what you get for copying start-up culture. Mark Zuckerberg is asking to be shot!

    3. I wear a hoodie because I live in Seattle and it rains a lot.

      Geraldo please stay out of Seattle. Not because of the hoodie tweet. It’s just that your d-bag and we’re full up here.

      1. SHOOT IT!!

      2. Don’t walk around whittling, dude.

  15. Yipes! I guess I can expect one of my dog training clients to shoot me dead next time I teach class in cool weather!

    1. Count on it.

    2. Kristen you never told us how the road trip went. What’s the verdict?

      1. It was lots of fun (Claremont Lounge!!), except for the last day when he needed to conduct all his official business. We woke up, drove to the SC border to register his car (the GA address he uses is up in some podunk northern county), then back to fucking Atlanta to clean out shit from his old house and do an end-of-lease inspection with his former landlady, then drive 10 hours home.

        I was a wee bit cranky when we got home.

        But I scored his soft serve ice cream machine for myself!

  16. 15 minutes until Geraldo claims his twitter account was hacked.

    1. He said it on the air too.

      1. It was a pun.

    2. I dunno, he’s too dumb to come up with that deflection technique.

  17. Geraldo, still desperate to get noticed after all these years.

    Seriously, if we ignore people like this, they will go away.

    And if we’re gonna make a list of people to ignore, could we all start ignoring Nancy Grace already?

    She’s like Geraldo in a wig except worse–much worse.

    1. Seriously, if we ignore people like this, they will go away.

      Unfortunately probably not. Geraldo is pretty much the White Indian of political pundits. Ignoring it will just make it louder and more obnoxious.

      1. He’s nowhere near as present as he used to be. I’d almost forgotten about him before this. When you say the stupid shit Geraldo does in a forum like this, you’re a troll; when you say it on national television, they give you your own show.

        I’m just tryin’ to say that if we ignore him, the effect will be limited. The more we pay attention to him, the bigger his profile will become. Just like with a troll, the best strategy is to ignore him.

        1. Damn it Ken. If White Indian reads that he’s going to try and get on national television to spout off his insane primitivist crap and then get a show.

          The irony will still be lost on him.

          1. I wouldn’t be surprised if he already has a community access show that he broadcasts from his mom’s basement at 3am. His rantings sometimes remind of that kind of person.

            White Idiot’s World! White Idiot’s World! White Idiot’s World!

  18. The only way to increase the latino, and black survival rate, and decrease the incarceration stats is to be bitten by a radioactive chameleon

  19. Can we agree that Twitter is pretty awesome? It allows dumbfucks like Geraldo to embarrass themselves even more than usual.

  20. Should I not wear the hoodie during the snowy night game next December?

    Should you give the hoodie footie for a Valentine’s Day gift?

    1. Since he apparently washes people’s windshields when they stop at traffic lights for spare change? He has an excuse to be dressed like that.

      I mean, that’s the only reasonable explanation I can think of for why he dresses like that. I don’t know. Maybe his washing machine has been broken for like five years?

      I dunno. If I saw him comin’, I’d just give him a quarter so he wouldn’t hassle me.

    2. Bill Belichick

      If only Geraldo was right in this one instance. The world would be freed from the stain on humanity that is ^^this^^ cheating fuck.

      1. I’m gonna take the heat off ole Bill for a while.

        1. All the guys on the other side of the ball have incentives in their contracts!

          There, I said it.

          What?

          What?!

          1. I know, right! It’s like bitching about catching someone filming when every team does it.

            1. Actually, that really was a cry baby thing. Stealing your signals?! Oh, poor baby.

              The old school coaches used to turn off the heat and hot water to visiting team’s locker rooms at stadiums like Lambeau.

              Chris Hanberger went to the Hall of Fame as the “The Hangman” BECAUSE he clotheslined everybody!

              http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P2cpWWmvcTI

              They’re turning it into a sissy sport. Stole your signals? I can’t stand Belichick, but what a crybaby excuse for losing.

              1. Mike Golic had the best line about the Carson Palmer Rule: No hitting QBs below the hemline.

  21. Quickly Mike, alert Old Navy before tragedy strikes again!

  22. White boys from all white neighborhoods say what?

  23. If you look at what he’s actually saying he’s got a point.

    He is NOT saying that people have a right to shoot you if you’re wearing a hoodie. He’s saying that an asshole may shoot you if you do. It ain’t right but in some neighborhoods I can see it happening. One thing this country isn’t going to have a shortage of anytime soon is assholes.

    And yeah, in the wrong time and place wearing a skirt can get you raped too.

    1. How many assholes we got in this country anyhow?

      1. Too many. There aren’t enough dicks to fuck them all.

      2. So, is Spaceballs a really unpopular movie with the H&R commentariat, or did no one pick up on the reference and run with it because it was too obvious?

        1. I am ashamed to say that I didn’t recognize the line. I will sulk off to my corner now and make myself watch it ala Clockwork Orange.

        2. Replace “in this country” with “on this ship,” and I would have gotten it immediately. The problem is, there are a lot of assholes in this country that aren’t crosseyed gunners on starships, so it sounded like a legit question.

          1. Noted. Next time I’ll do this:

            How many assholes we got on this ship in this country anyhow?

            1. I’m surrounded by assholes!

            2. “YO!”

    2. if he has a point, then every black kid should dress like a mormon missionary because then no one would ever attack them (except other blacks who don’t think blacks should dress that way)

      1. All he is doing is restating a known fact about basic human nature: people judge you based on your appearance.

        So yeah, in some places they would indeed be safer in a business suit. Like I said, it ain’t right. But unless you’ve got some magical formula to change human beings you have to be mindful of it.

    3. Amen! I mean, women wearing burkas in the Middle East never, ever, ever get raped! They sometimes get stoned because they were adulterous whores. That’s just what happens when you’re a woman in the wrong time and place. I don’t see why people get so pissed off about it – it’s just a fact of life that we can and should do nothing about…

  24. Well, I read the politico bit, and he’s not WRONG. It’s just one of those things that’s stupid to say, at least right now.

    Of course, I wore a hoodie to work today SPECIFICALLY because of this.

  25. I don’t see where he said it meant Trayvon was guilty, just that it made him look suspicious. I don’t think that’s crazy if he means when the hood is up.

    In the middle of the night, in a world where people have the right to self-preservation, how threatening do you want to look really? Should everyone ignore all outward appearance and social signals when it comes to defense?

    Any death’s a tragedy, but I think Geraldo’s trying to say, in general, looking like a thug is going to make you more likely to be treated liek a thug. People will accept your intent to look that way. It’s not the most insane thing of the day.

    That distinction goes to Obama for “my hypothetical son looks like Trayvon.” What is the implication there?

    1. Maybe Obama was Trayvon’s real dad?

    2. wearing a hoodie is not looking like a thug, unless you are my grandma. when she sees a young man wearing a backward baseball cap, she asks me if that means he is in a gang.
      that is how stupid it sounds to me.

      1. I’m afraid a lot of folks are that ignorant of popular culture. A lot of members of my family think that Springsteen’s “Born In The USA” is a patriotic song.

    3. In the middle of the night, in a world where people have the right to self-preservation, how threatening do you want to look really? Should everyone ignore all outward appearance and social signals when it comes to defense?

      Did your mother drop you on your head when you were a baby? How someone looks has nothing to do with your defense until they initiate force against you, you stupid bastard. And yes, we all have a right to self-preservation. That does not give us the right to harass and stalk someone that dresses in a way that makes you piss your little panties. It gives us a right to defend ourselves when that person initiates force against us.

      FUCK!

    4. So I’m justified, by this logic, in popping a cap in all the tweener girls in my neighborhhod, because all of them wear hoodies when it’s slightly cold out. And they even put the hoods on! ZOMG! GANGSTERS!

      I also live in a upper middle class gated community, just like the one Zimmerman felt a need to patrol. If I felt a need to accost every young person in a hoodie I would literally have no time to even eat at certain times of the year.

      Hoodie = thug is one of the stupidest things I have heard recently.

    5. What is the implication there?

      That poll numbers are looking, really, really, really bad.

  26. Obama, Bernanke, Geithner, and Blankfein are sitting around table dividing up the pie and laughing their asses off.

    1. Nobody wants to get a visit from the Secret Service but me, I guess.

      But the joke’s on them. I left the (m) off the end of my e-mail address. Haha, suckers!

      1. Noted

  27. I thought he had his hood up because it was raining.

    Look, I make as much fun of racialism as the next guy around here, but it wasn’t the hoodie that got him shot, it was being black. A white kid in a hoodie or a light-skinned Hispanic in a hoodie on the same night with the same circumstance would be 99% likely to be alive right now. Those kids wouldn’t have looked “out of place,” Those kids wouldn’t have looked “suspicious,” and on those kids a bag of Skittles wouldn’t have been mistaken for a gun.

    Geraldo is a grade-a moron.

    1. Actually him attacking someone got him shot. Didn’t deserve all the shit that happened to him before but he shouldn’t have thrown a punch over it.

      1. And who’s word do we have to say that’s how it went down? And who’s initiative led to that possible confrontation?

        The fact is, if Zimmerman wasn’t out playing at being a cop, Martin wouldn’t be dead. Can we put him in jail over it? Probably not. But his actions created the situation that led to Martin being killed, I don’t give a shit how the kid was dressed.

        1. Well we have a 911 caller who says that a man in white is on top. Trayvon was wearing a grey hoodie and George was wearing a red sweater. Who do you think was on top? Zimmerman is a douche but he’s being railroaded.

          1. So we have a caller that misidentified both people. What’s your point?

            1. My point was that grey is more likely to be mistaken for white then red is.

              1. Really? What if it was a very dark grey? And it was raining, so even a light grey would end up dark from the moisture.

                IANAL, but it took me all of 5 seconds to destroy this eyewitnesses testimony.

                1. Give it up, sloopy. Robert got a good look at the only color that concerns him.

                2. I think you alluding to the fact that eyewitness testimony can be problematic. You’re right, it can be. Of course in this case it’s better than your evidence, which is…. Trayvon must be the victim, he is black. That evidence is irrefutable to you because you’re a right-thinking person.

          2. We don’t know that means anything. If Zimmerman attacked him or tried to restrain him, Martin could have been merely fighting back. There’s no evidence that Martin did anything other then defend himself beyond what Zimmerman claims. Fuck that wannabe cop piece of shit. And the piece of shit real cops that didn’t investigate the crime scene when there might have been a chance to find something out about what happened.

            Zimmerman’s going to get away with it. He gets to murder a kid for being black in the wrong neighborhood. I hope he feels really good about himself. Finally one of “those guys” won’t get away with it.

            1. We don’t know a lot of things about this case. That hasn’t stopped the race baiters and right thinking sophisticated whites like yourself from assuming a shitload of black-paranoia stoking facts. Of course, you’ll return to your all white neighborhood tonight, so you’re not concerned.

              1. You got your measure of blood, Robert. Go ahead and give up right now if you think you can convince me to celebrate it. Or is it not enough yet, Robert? Maybe just one more dead kid will satiate you? Or like a baker’s dozen maybe?

                Take your collectivist wet dreams elsewhere, shitbag.

                1. Your willingness to make the “correct” assumptions about his case just makes you a better person than me.

                  1. Yes. It does.

                    1. Arrogant clueless wankstain.

              2. Wow, you are a racist piece of shit.

                Die in a fire.

                1. Pavlovian piece of shit.

              3. “”That hasn’t stopped the race baiters and right thinking sophisticated whites like yourself from assuming a shitload of black-paranoia stoking facts””

                Fair enough. So what was it that made Zimmerman suspicious enough of Martin that he had to follow him? Not the candy, not walking on the sidewalk. Geraldo might be correct.

              4. “”stoking facts.””

                You’re the one claiming Martin attacked. Offer the proof.

            2. I don’t know if it was racially motivated, and I don’t care. A man with a gun chased down and killed an unarmed teenager for doing nothing other than walking through his neighborhood. That’s all I care about.

      2. Actually him attacking someone got him shot.

        Sounds you’ve got the cellphone video everybody has been hoping for. Better turn it over, stat.

  28. And wearing a mustache means you’re lookin to rape…

    1. And when “your” rapist is finished he spits on your back!

  29. This is like the worst chat room ever.

  30. Holy fuck, hoodies are not a criminal culture thing. Anybody above who says so is just as retarded as Geraldo. In college it would be a shocker if someone didn’t own a hoodie that they wore regularly when it was cool enough. You old people are fucking stupid.

    1. I wore a The Ohio State University hoodie to the bar last night to watch them dismantle Cincy (except for a early second half run). And after the game and 4 pitchers of beer, Banjos and I walked 3 miles home because it was a nice night and I’m too Jewish to pay for the cab.

      I’m thankful I made it home alive!

      1. I thought we walked home because you are starting to get paunchy?

        1. Does this count as a nutpunch?

        2. Let him have his illusions, Banjos. They’re essential to a happy marraige.

        3. Sounds likes it’s time for sloopy to “accidentally” wet the bed. There’s nothing like knowing you might wake up in a rapidly cooling puddle of piss to keep a mouthy spouse in line.

          1. LOL. I tried that with the first wife and woke up with a Cleveland Steamer one morning.

            1. Learn to be a light sleeper. It has many advantages.

              1. Yeah, first and foremost, it keeps you from having to clean turds off your chest.

          2. Damn, my wife just threatens to murder me in my sleep whne she’s trying to keep me in line.

            1. Plausible deniability. But you do it often enough, she’ll make the connection.

            2. According to Zimmerman, this would give you the right to preemptively strangle her.

  31. Perhaps not the stupidest thing said in the last 24 hours. This is my nomination:

    Pat Robertson: “And you just ask yourself,” Robertson said, “OK, so Peyton Manning was a tremendous MVP quarterback, but he’s been injured. If that injury comes back, Denver will find itself without a quarterback. And in my opinion, it would serve them right.”

    1. Never thought I’d see myself typing these words, butI find myself liking Pat Robertson more and more every day.

      1. Don’t they still have Kyle Orton? Also, I’m pretty sure Jesus don’t hate the Mannings. Not compared to his hatred for Sodom Jets.

  32. Geraldo: Try substituting “turban” for “hoodie” and “terrorist” for “gansta” and see how that flies.

    1. Uh. Maybe ‘flies’ isn’t the best word choice there. 🙂

      1. I think it was brilliant.

    2. I think that statement would bomb if he put it on twitter.

  33. Well, Bill Belichick better watch out, then!

  34. [Sticks arm out like Roman Emperor with thumb extended…waiting on crowd’s response]

    Verdict?

    1. Do they make it in fat librarian sizes?

      1. XXXXLib

      2. fat librarian

        No need to be redundant.

        1. Too many snacks. There’s a whole cheesecake in the break room, dammit.

    2. HOLY SHIT I MUST HAVE ONE

    3. It will definitely get you shot by Randall Munroe and other velociraptorphobes.

    4. Does the little boy come with your order?

    5. That is AWESOME.

    6. Verdict?

      POW! POWPOWPOWPOW!!

  35. I miss the good ol’ days when Geraldo opened Al Capone’s locker or when he took fat from his ass and injected into his forehead.

  36. I am a whitey white man who grew up in whitey white town and went to whitey white school 30 years ago…

    And we all wore hoodies before we switched to grunge flannel.

  37. I’m genuinely scared of black men from the ghetto. I think that’s legitimate. Black men from the ghetto are more likely to violent; especially towards whites. Why shouldn’t the fact the young black male style is heavily influenced by gangstas from the ghetto be relevant to the discussion of why douchebag Zimmerman was suspicious of Trayvon?

    1. I’m genuinely scared of black men from the ghetto.
      That’s a shame for you then.
      I think that’s legitimate.
      I think you’re a racist dickhole.
      Black men from the ghetto are more likely to violent; especially towards whites.
      he overwhelming majority of crime committed by blacks is on blacks, and the overwhelming majority of crime against whites is committed by whites.
      Why shouldn’t the fact the young black male style is heavily influenced by gangstas from the ghetto be relevant to the discussion of why douchebag Zimmerman was suspicious of Trayvon?
      Urban styles (meaning from the hood) permeate every sector of society. You are as likely to see a skateboard punk wearing his pants off his ass with a hoodie up as you are some thug walking through South Central.

      Jesus Christ, you are really a racist piece of shit.

    2. Do you have a teen son? A lot of (probably most) boys wear hoodies, regardless of race and whether or not they live in a poor neighborhood or a tony gated community.

      My son will wear a hoodie when he walks around our middle class neighborhood. Does that make him a legitimate target for some random dickhead? Fuck you, and fuck Geraldo.

    3. Your right to be afraid of Black people ends where their right to not be murdered for existing in the wrong place begins. You don’t get to shoot someone because they look Black. You don’t get to shoot someone because they’re wearing a hoodie. You may shoot someone IF AND ONLY IF they are DOING something RIGHT THEN to endanger you. And it doesn’t count if you’re the one who jumped the gun and initiated force.

      By that logic, I could shoot a guy walking on the same side of the street as me. After all, female victims of rape and murder are, most of the time, victimized by men. Therefore, if a guy within 20 feet of me looks at me, I can reasonably assume that he is going to rape and murder me. I’ll tell the cops that Robert said it was “legitimate”.

  38. Being Jewish is just asking to get gassed.

    Thanks for justifying my actions, Geraldo.

    1. It’s not the being Jewish. It’s having a big nose that makes it okay.

      1. What am I, chopped liver?

  39. Or maybe there’s more to this story…

    http://www.myfoxorlando.com/dp…..z1phFMGCu4

  40. This goes here

  41. So JUST NOW Geraldo Jr. is ashamed of his old man…?

  42. Since I dont want my brains to explode all over my keyboard Im going to pretend his twitter was hacked. There’s no way someone in the public eye actually says that shit for real, right?

  43. All Power to the Imagination!

  44. Blame the Hoodie? GIVE ME A BREAK. It was raining…. the kid was running…..and ….SORRY… but we don’t ALL use Totes umbrellas when going to the corner grocery store for a snack. Nor should we risk losing our lives while doing so!  And by his own admission, Mr. Zimmerman, the gunman, was stalking unarmed Trayvon – against the advice of the police (via cellphone contact). Mr. Rivera: you should be ashamed of your inane, insensitive comments, and your attempts to create “excuses” for the inexcusable actions of judge-jury-executioner Zimmerman.

  45. Wearing a 3 piece suit and a big mustache is inviting homosexual rape

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