Intern at Reason This Spring!

The Burton C. Gray Memorial Internship program runs year-round in the Washington, D.C. office. Interns work for 10 weeks and receive a $5,000 stipend.

The job includes reporting and writing for Reason and Reason Online, and helping with research, proofreading, and other tasks. Previous interns have gone on to work at such places as The Wall Street Journal, Forbes, ABC News, and Reason itself.

To apply, send your résumé, up to five writing samples (preferably published clips), and a cover letter by the deadline below to:

Gray Internship
Reason
1747 Connecticut Avenue, NW
Washington, DC 20009

Electronic applications can be sent to [e-mail], with the subject line: Gray Internship Application.

Spring internships begin in January, application deadline November 13.

Internship dates are flexible.  

Comments

[Troy]

Whoa. I've written lots of erudite commentary for this rag for years for fucking free on this blog. What am I chopped liver?

[?]

Yes.
Wait. Too Jewish!
No.

[Pro Libertate]

I say let the commenters select the intern this time. Just for fun. We'll conduct the interviews here.

[Hank]

I nominate George Will. He's almost ready.

[Episiarch]

The interns need to know what they're getting themselves into anyway, so a trial by fire would be a good thing.

[Pro Libertate]

Passing the pizza gauntlet alone will be quite a challenge, seeing as the best way to do this is to give each member of the Commenter Intern Review Board a blackball.

[Episiarch]

I promise to utterly and immediately abuse my power as a Intern reviewer, and will require absolute obsequious acknowledgement that thin crust is the only acceptable pizza, and that you are a dope and a jerk and you smell because you like deep dish.

[Pro Libertate]

And I, of course, will do exactly the opposite.

The intern that can survive our blackballs will be worthy indeed.

[Live Free or Die]

I propose the Deep Thin Crust Dish Pizza. (The job is MINE! MINE! MINE!)
Now I just have to learn to write.

[Pro Libertate]

That won't work--we're not idiots.

A multidimensional pizza that is flat in one reality and deep-dish in another might work, if you did it exactly right.

[Warty]

"He Built a Crooked Pizza"

[Pro Libertate]

Indeed!

[Groovus Maximus]

Pro'L Dib smells regardless of his sick, twisted love for antipasto bread on HGH and steroids. Dope, not so much. Jerk? Only when you tickle his ass with a gom jabbar.

[Pro Libertate]

Yes, and there will definitely be a Dune and Planet of the Apes litmus test. For the latter, the best way to get through is to deny any knowledge of a Tim Burton film involving ape-like creatures.

[Groovus Maximus]

And there must be an oath of allegiance sworn unto The Shat, as well as a comprehensive and exhaustive battery of ST:TOS knowledge.

Bonus points will be awarded for the appropriate and timely use of:

"KHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN"

[Ska]

However, you will get your ass kicked if you try to deny Ricardo Montalban's epic performance at the end of Escape.

[BakedPenguin]

...a Tim Burton film involving ape-like creatures.

Oh my God. They finally really did it. Maniacs! Damn you! God damn you all to hell!

[Ska]

The idea that two of us posted different Ricardo Montalban references at the exact same time is freaking me out.

We both win replicas of The Jacket detailed in rich Corinthian leather.

[Groovus Maximus]

YAY! I could use a symbiote, even an unreasonable (heh!) facsimile. GMTA!

[Live Free or Die]

Who's Tim Burton? (Heh! The job is mine!)

[Pro Libertate]

A Canadian coffee chain?

[Pro Libertate]

The job isn't yours or anyone else's until you pass not only commenter review but also the Voight-Kampff Empathy Test.

[Groovus Maximus]

Actually, this is brilliant. The Supremely Awesome Lucy S. frequently wanders into the peanut gallery and holds her own quite well, endearing herself to the hoi-polloi quite effectively.

[Episiarch]

Lucy is not an intern.

[Groovus Maximus]

My apologies. Associate Editor. Flog me now.

[Le Encha?n]

You wish!

[Le Encha?n]

You wish!

[Le Encha?n]

You wish!

[Le Encha?n]

You wish!

[Le Encha?n]

You wish!

[Le Encha?n]

The fuck???

[Apatheist]

You wish!

[Lucy Steigerwald]

Damn right, Epi! I learned you good!

I'm surprised Groovius, being such a fan of my work, didn't notice.

You're all forgiven. Because I was awesome when I was an intern as well.

[Tim]

Just tell us you have nothing to do with Friday Funnies. Right?

[Lucy Steigerwald]

I AM CHIP BOK.

[Poet Laureate sloopyinca]

**in voice of Darth Vader**
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!

[William Shatner]

KHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!

[William Shatner]

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!

[Groovus Maximus]

I'm surprised Groovius, being such a fan of my work, didn't notice.

That, Lucy, is because I was fixated on the content of your articles, not the colour of your title. Not to mention the lively and spirited comments that invariably ensue. There is that Picard thing though...

And yes, you Occupy (ha!) The Mantle of Awesome well.

[Pro Libertate]

She's staff, not an intern. And she's a commenter favorite already. In fact, I hereby nominate her to receive the 2011 Honorary Commenter of the Year award.

[Groovus Maximus]

Seconded.

[SugarFree]

And to think... we weren't even going to award it this year.

[Lucy Steigerwald]

Keep showing me with praise and alluding to my future as a junior puncher of nuts and fucker of police and I will keep responding and enjoying and occasionally indulging your memes.

Deal?

[Field Marshall Gill]

Keep showing me with praise and alluding to my future as a junior puncher of nuts and fucker of police and I will keep responding and enjoying and occasionally indulging your memes.

Throw in some regular pictures of Lobster Girl and you have got yourself a deal.

[Le Encha?n]

Your carnal relations with the cops are none of our business.

[Episiarch]

I thought it was going to be given to HERC by default.

[Warty]

Who else could possibly deserve it? Nobody works harder than him.

In fact, I'm voting for Herc for intern.

[Pro Libertate]

Lucy for Honorary Commenter; Herc for intern.

I'm in.

[Warty]

And pizza for lunch.

[Episiarch]

It had better fucking be thin crust.

[Pro Libertate]

Better make it Indian.

[Warty]

Turkey's pizza equivalent is pretty fucking good too.

[Groovus Maximus]

Makes sense. Only gambolers would scarf down deep dish. How long have you been gamboling, Pro'L Dib? You can tell us. We...(snicker) We won't laugh at you. I'm sure the Seminoles have a Gambolers Anonymous chapter handy for one of your...proclivities.

[Pro Libertate]

Oh, right, I completely forgot: All interns must survive the gom jabbar.

[Live Free or Die]

Still talking about food, right?

[Live Free or Diet]

What happened to my name?
Now corrected.

[Clich? Bandit]

For the record she WAS an intern I believe.

[Tim]

Just how hard is it to get cream cheese off of black leather?

[Groovus Maximus]

That, Tim, depends on how long it's left on the leather, the type of leather, the brand of cream cheese and the type of cleaner used to remove the cream cheese...

I'm sorry, what was the question?

[Tim]

Tell Nick we said "Hey".

[Pro Libertate]

Yes, and I was once matter expelled from supernovae, floating around in space. Yet people hardly ever refer to me thus.

[Peter]

Intern at Reason This Spring...

Demand Child Support from Riggs Next Winter!

[Ska]

Suderman, you dog, you!

[heller]

I nominate White Indian.

[Live Free or Diet]

Oh yeah, that's what Reason needs. Somebody quoting out-of-context socialist neo-primitivist screeds from 1929 from his mother's basement.

[Episiarch]

Internship dates are flexible.

I initially read that as "Interns must be flexible". Yeah, I know. But I blame Nick.

[Tim]

Is there any creature more wretched than the Reason Intern?

[Groovus Maximus]

You have heard of STEVE SMITH, no? Alan Vanneman rankles a close second.

[Steven Smith, MSW, Therapist]

Say what?

[Ska]

Hmmm....an OWS-supporting reason intern?

[Le Encha?n]

IT'S A TRAP! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!!!!

[heller]

stfu rectal

[Tim]

What about those who have won "Beloved Commenter" status, would they get a leg up?

[Clich? Bandit]

Umm dude, pay attention, we ALL got "beloved" from Matt Welch yesterday. Like in WoW we can now choose our titles which we have earned.

[Dagny T.]

What? I missed that. I liked being special, dammit!

[Tim]

Grade inflation?

[Dagny T.]

Remember the Simpsons episode where the one kid is in the special needs class because he's Canadian? Yeah.

"Everyone's a winner!"

[Episiarch]

I moved here from Canada and they think I'm slow, eh?

[SugarFree]

"I start fires!"

[Clich? Bandit]

Here

Which list do you like better, o beloved Hit & Run commenters?

Last line in article.

[Troy]

I don't think I want to be beloved by Matt. Not without penicillin handy anyway.

[Groovus Maximus]

Matt requires gorilla-cillin... Oh shit! There's another variance!

[SugarFree]

Screw that. "Beloved" in a collective sense? Does Matt not read his own magazine? If we are all beloved, then, really, none of us are.

[Clich? Bandit]

fairness dude.

[SugarFree]

Sharing with sweet Dagny is one thing, but... "Beloved commenters"... You mean like Double Asshole, Tony, A Rather White Indian, Max, MNG, Holy Cow, et al?

If I have to be "beloved" in a collective sense with them, I don't want to be beloved at all.

[FLAPPY THE EAGLE]

I HAVE EATEN THE LIVERS OF HOLY COWS. THEY DID NOT FRIGHTEN ME.

[Groovus Maximus]

So, everyone gets a trophy? Looks like the currency isn't the only thing experiencing devaluation 'round here.

[Groovus Maximus]

You are Dagny, and not in the safety helmet kinda way. You were the *first* "beloved commenter". You could think it of it as "Proto-Beloved Commenter".

[Warty]

It was too much trouble to write out "beloved commenters, except for those of you who get us sued. Fuck you assholes, anyway."

[Clich? Bandit]

The Warty Exception was implied.

[Warty]

Right. Correction: "Fuck you, asshole, anyway"

[Groovus Maximus]

It's one messy and very gooey implication.

[Clich? Bandit]

At least nobody is traveling in Tim.

[Groovus Maximus]

Yes, but he is wearing a thong.

[Tim]

THAT'S BELOVED COMMENTER TIM TO YOU BUDDY.

[Episiarch]

Get them sued again and I'm sure they'll start writing that.

[SugarFree]

It's my turn to get them sued, dammit!

[Episiarch]

In due time, NutraSweet. In due time.

[Warty]

Hey, it wasn't just me. I had accomplices. I'm looking at you, Latter Day Taint.

[Groovus Maximus]

Is today All Taint's Day?

[Pro Libertate]

Tainted love?

[Fist of Etiquette]

I declare Reason Spring. Throw off your chains and demonstrate against the regime.

[Le Encha?n]

Storm the Reason Compound!

[sarcasmic]

up to five writing samples (preferably published clips)

I guess I blew that one by a few thousand.

🙁

[Suki]

5K can almost buy a 99%er an Apple laptop.

[Tim]

The job includes reporting and writing for Reason and Reason Online, and helping with research, proofreeding, and Starbuck's runs. Previous interns have gone on to work at such places as The WalMart Street Journal, Arbees, AC/DC News, and Reason itself.

To apply, send your r?sum?, up to five writing samples (preferably Hit and Run), and a cover letter explaining why Friday Funnies sucks moose cock, by the deadline below.

Electronic applications can be sent to [e-mail], with the subject line: Gray Internship Application.
(Note: that's GRAY Internship Application.)

[Tim]

The job includes reporting and writing for Reason and Reason Online, and helping with research, proofreeding, and Starbuck's runs. Previous interns have gone on to work at such places as The WalMart Street Journal, Arbees, AC/DC News, and Reason itself.

To apply, send your r?sum?, up to five writing samples (preferably Hit and Run), and a cover letter explaining why Friday Funnies sucks moose cock, by the deadline below.

Electronic applications can be sent to [e-mail], with the subject line: Gray Internship Application.
(Note: that's GRAY Internship Application.)

[Tim]

Shit.

[Clich? Bandit]

applicants will recieve marks off for doubloe or quintuple posting.

[Poet Laureate sloopyinca]

Too bad they're not looking for a poetic intern. I could use an assistant.

[Lucy Steigerwald]

You know, I wrote poetry myself, but you truly have a gift for it.

[Warty]

Are you named after a poem? 'Cuz otherwise I'm not impressed.

[Pro Libertate]

Picture yourself on a blog on a server,
With libertine sleaze and a colonnade guise.
Somebody calls you, you answer quite slowly,
A girl with misguided hopes tries.

Silver screen mentions of Othello and Dune,
Towering over your head.
Look for the girl with Reason in her eyes,
And she's gone.

Lucy, with this guy, on assignment.
Lucy, with this guy, on assignment.
Ahh. . .ahh.

[Pro Libertate]

Or, instead of "with this guy", insert her surname.

[Lucy Steigerwald]

Are you?

[Pro Libertate]

Warty's real first name is Illiad.

[Warty]

If you don't know Don Marquis, click my name.

[SugarFree]

We used to have such nice haiku jags, but then Tulpa decide to shit in the punchbowl every time, so we stopped.

Tulpa: The Fun-Killing Ruiner Awfuloid.

[Warty]

Your stupid glibness
Means I'm better than you are
Take that, I beat you

[Clich? Bandit]

Comenter Tulp
Much spewed garbage ensues
The smell of the lies

[Clich? Bandit]

damnit add the A onto tupla for the 5th on.

[Warty]

Your careless error
Indicates glib sloppiness
The trickle cuts through boulder

[Warty]

5-7-7 is the new haiku pattern, morons.

[Clich? Bandit]

Limericks are more fun:

A comenter named Warty once said
It is Tulpa with whom I shall bed
a gambol was had
sheep fuckers made mad
So Reason up and sued us all instead.

[Herman Cain]

9 9 9 !

[Clich? Bandit]

FUCK!

[SugarFree]

Professor Tulpa
Friend to cops and their lovely
Nightstick calculus

[Dagny T.]

Tulpa: The Fun-Killing Ruiner Awfuloid

Paging BakedPenguin, your next cartoon title is ready for you.

Sug, a quick Google of "awfuloid" seems to indicate you've invented another excellent word.

[Clich? Bandit]

We need a compendium.

[SugarFree]

Meh, it's no "lesbian wrinkle death."

[Clich? Bandit]

i still get giggle fits over that

[Groovus Maximus]

Indeed. You folks are aware Tulpa has been dubbed Tulpy Poo by the lovely and gracious Banjos.

[Warty]

Does an awfuloid suffer from borerrhea?

[SugarFree]

Dean: (while going through a box of Dr. Venture's old things) Ah, neat! You wrote a fan letter to the Herculoids when you were ten? (Hank snatches the letter away from Dean) Hey!

Hank: Hey, horses! (reads letter) It's not a fan letter, he calls them hippies for not fighting in Vietnam. (The Grand Inquisitor snatches the letter) Hey!

Grand Galactic Inquisitor: IGNORE ME!

[BakedPenguin]

...your next cartoon title is ready for you.

Now all I need is the signature image. If I could only find a pic of a fat, nerdy guy in tweed cowering behind a cop...

[Warty]

Haikus lack substance
Dr. Money, PhD
Crunching the numbers

[Clich? Bandit]

He makes money
More than you can imagine
Substance he has

[SugarFree]

Demographics, I
Labor whining PhD
Win, I win, I win

[Clich? Bandit]

LIMERICKS DAMINT!

[Warty]

Irish drunks' genres
Have no poetic merit
Have a potato

[Clich? Bandit]

Haiku is for proles
supernova ejecta
deserve substance

(that's for ProLib)

Warty likes comments in haiku
he makes them sound rather coo'
but no PHD
means none for thee
So stick to limericks you foo'

[Clich? Bandit]

alright, i admit i'm runnin low over here.

[Pro Libertate]

Hey, thanks!

[Troy]

Would I actually get to talk to Lucy? To bask in the glow that is her atomic awsomeness? And do I get to make her coffee, polish her shoes?

[Poet Laureate sloopyinca]

If you had any game, she would.

PWNED!!!

[Lucy Steigerwald]

Never come to this office. Continue to have an exaggeration picture of my importance and general splendor. Thank you.

"Atomic awesomeness" is my new imaginary surf rock band.

[Le Encha?n]

They are so gay.

[Ska]

Shouldn't you be at Zucotti park instead of tweeting how played out your favorite indie band has become since that last time you drank home brewed absinthe with them at PS 1?

[SugarFree]

"Sadie Hawkins Atom Bomb" - Man or Astro-man?

[Poet Laureate sloopyinca]

Did an intern pen the lede for the intern posting?

It should be Next Spring.

Fucking calendars, how do they work?

[Ska]

Pretty sure that without a working time machine, next spring is this spring.

[John]

I want to quit my job and intern at Reason. But I can't because only the rich kids who get checks from their parents can afford to take these jobs and live in DC. I'm the 99%.

[Le Encha?n]

+1%

[Groovus Maximus]

And you refuse to waitress at the local truck stop because you want a life, right John? You sicken me.

[John]

That is right. That work is beneath me. And the cute girls get all of the tips anyway.

[Warty]

That's why you need to be a bouncer at the road house, John. Nobody puts Johnny into a corner.

[John]

ONly if I can have a large German Shepherd and a tazer Warty.

[Tim]

You're probably one of them "knowlege workers" we keep hearing about.