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Reason Morning Links: A General in Favor of Drawing Down, Apple Workers United, Anthony Weiner's Last Hurrah

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  1. California has crafted something resembling a “budget deal.”

    Lawmakers want paid!

  2. Some of Apple’s Genius Bar employees want to unionize.

    Understandable, considering 32 of them died in a lanyard accident as a direct result of Apple’s callous disregard for their safety.

    1. It’ll be worth it just to hear the words

      “The meeting 103rd Local of the International Brotherhood of Geniuses will now come to order.”

    2. As a follow up, I got the Unincorporated Man and I’m halfway through it. The writing style isn’t great, but the book is interesting. As promised, since you didn’t fail me, I’ll continue clicking your goatse links.

      1. Fell right into my trap.

      2. I’m going to read The Unicorporated War this weekend, so I’ll non-spoil a short review next week.

        Currently reading Stuart MacBride’s Halfhead. It’s pretty good, so far, if a bit choppy plotwise.

        1. I’m about 2/3 of the way through. I’m not as interested as I was in the beginning and have drifted off into other books (I’ve got multiple-book-reading disorder). Haven’t given up, though.

        2. Unicorporated

          Our unicorporations rainbow powered? Can only virgins be CEO?

          So was the “artist” of the Obama/unicorn “thing” implying that he was a God who knocked up the Mrs twice without touching her or that Mrs O was a cheating scumbag?

          1. Today, I know how it feels to be John. I have typed a myle in his shoos.

            We should be nicer to him.

            1. Considering I joez lawed it with “Our” instead of “Are”, I should agree with you.

              But I dont.

              1. Christ-fag’s!

    3. I have this fantasy that these little sissy unionistas will get to hell one day and spend eternity getting their asses whipped by the original miners/longshoremen/steelworkers that unionized because they were dying.

      1. The term “Genius Bar” alone is worth a punch in the face.

        1. Though this response from their managers almost makes me sympathize with the employees.

          “Money shouldn’t be an issue when you’re employed at Apple.” Instead, managers said, the chance to work at Apple “should be looked at as an experience.”

          Skydiving is an experience, running with the bulls is an experience, watching the Northern lights after ingesting copious amounts of mescaline is an experience, being a hipster version of the Geek Squad is a job and a crappy one at that*. If being a “Genius” was an experience, people would pay to do it, not demand to be paid for it.

          * I spent 3 years in college at our tech support desk.

          1. Running a register at a Stop & Rob along I-95 is an experience, but that doesn’t mean anybody would care to do an unpaid internship there.
            It’ll be interesting to watch the dance the Lefties do to justify Apple not welcoming organized labor.

          2. At least they try to spin it up with Apple marketing. Most companies will just tell you to be thankful you even have a job.

          3. If being a “Genius” was an experience, people would pay to do it, not demand to be paid for it.

            Explains the low pay and benefits. I imagine Apple has no shortage of qualified willing applicants for those jobs.

            1. Yup. It’s such an awful working experience that close to a 1,000 people applied for the 20 or 30 so spots at the one they opened in town. And the turnover is very, very low. (I have a student employee that wants to work out there very badly, so he’s been following it.)

              1. Come now, Apple fans can’t accept that sort of logic, because the same facts apply to WalMart. I mean, can you imagine, that would make them have to defend WalMart?

              2. At >9% unemployment is that at all surprising?

                1. I recall the same demand for those jobs when the economy was roaring. At shit wages then too. Applicants actually said they would work there for free.

                  1. Applicants actually said they would work there for free.

                    When their parents aren’t charging them for food and rent, what would they need the paycheck for?

          4. I’ve been doing internal IT “support” (along with setup and programming) for 9_ years. It makes you bitter. In fact, I’m a proud curmudgeonly asshole by day – but nighttime is when the real Lord Humungus comes out. Wait, wut?

            1. In the library world, we call it “reference burnout.” There are only so many times you can be asked the same goddamn, motherfucking stupid-shit question before you get all disgruntled.

            2. As an IT guy, I think this is an appropriate place for a WoW joke. The real Lord Humungus is a level 85 something or other, isn’t he?

        2. I’ve always found it funny that they claim Apple products are perfect while implying that it takes geniuses to do their tech support.

      2. “Money shouldn’t be an issue when you’re employed at Apple.” Instead, managers said, the chance to work at Apple “should be looked at as an experience.”

        “Let’s switch paychecks, then.”

      3. Brett L, you have fallen for the myth of original unionization. The first unions arose among small groups of specialized workers who knew they could use that specialization to their advantage (good for them!).

    4. First U2 and now Apple? This is a difficult year for adult-contemporary hipsters.

      1. U2 unionized?!

        1. Yes, turns out being The Edge isn’t as specialized as once thought.

          On the off chance there was a sincere question mixed in with the joke, here’s what I was referring to:

          http://thequietus.com/articles…..lastonbury

          1. Funny how people treat money when it’s their money. But I guess it’s hardly news that Bono is a pompous douche bag.

            1. I ran across (and posted) a while back perfect Bono cartoon.

    5. I’m not in the Apple cult, but I assume this refers to retail staff? Why would Apple play ball with a union, when it can replace retail staff in one hectic afternoon?

      1. Pretty much.

        1. Then, um, no.

      2. Being a member of the cult, I’ve been to Apple stores many times. The staff runs the gambit from roaming checkout tellers/cellphone salesman up to someone that could pull a bad CD/DVD drive out and replace in in a fairly efficient manner while I waited.

        I’d be curious to see if the price disparity is between those skill levels, even though all seem to be called “Geniuses.”

        1. “I’ve been here longer, I should be paid more”……Born to be in a union.

        2. By that token, a Best Buy salesman should join a union. While an experienced retail staffer is worth something, they’re simply too easy to replace to give a union much leverage.

          1. Just wait until the cries of “labor disruption” start. NLRB won’t let them be fired. And no Apple stores in right-to-work states either. I guess they will be forced to close the one in town.

        3. The staff runs the gambit

          I bet it’s a profit deal!

          1. Vocabulary fail. 🙁

            1. I was just looking for an excuse to quote The Jerk.

              Speaking of which, hey guys, let’s do some of that again!

              1. I remain ashamed for confusing gamut and gambit.

                1. Gamont is the “third planet of Niushe; noted for its hedonistic culture and exotic sexual practices.”

                  1. Sounds like my kind of place.

                    1. Yes, which is why it totally explains your error.

        4. “to someone that could pull a bad CD/DVD drive out and replace in in a fairly efficient manner while I waited”

          You can’t do that yourself?

          1. Warranty work.

            1. It is kind of funny to me sometimes that there are people out there who consider themselves highly skilled because they can do stuff that I can do by using Google.

              1. You should see how bad some people are at using Google. Boolean logic… how does it fucking work?

                1. I see it almost every day. Some of our older engineers seem to always need help formatting documents, working with spreadsheets, etc. They think I’m a genius for figuring out how to do what they want, but I just google it if I don’t know it off the top of my head. I saw an Adult Swim bump the other night where they mockingly did a Google search to answer a viewer’s question.

                  1. Yeah. For my contemporaries I often use http://www.lmgtfy.com/. Anyone under 35 and in the business of writing code should google before asking someone else for help.

                    1. Anyone under 35 and in the business of writing code should google before asking someone else for help.

                      That’s the other thing I don’t understand: How do people still get jobs writing any Javascript, SQL or VB code? Or PHP?

                      Isn’t that kind of like hiring someone to read the phone book for you?

                    2. How do people still get jobs writing any Javascript, SQL or VB code? Or PHP?

                      It’s incredibly easy to do those half-assed, but some of them it does make a difference if you know what you’re doing. (I hate PHP regardless, though.)

                      StackOverflow and related sites are better than generically searching for most things, too.

                    3. Hey, I still code in VB6! It’s legacy software that we’re (hopefully) phasing out over the next… oh, decade or so.

                    4. I like http://justfuckinggoogleit.com/
                      for the same purpose

                  2. What gets me is how the sheer sophistication of the information found online has increased in the last ten years.

                    Ten years ago you could find a product manual online.

                    Now you can find step by step instructions with photos and with user feedback and annotations explaining how to take any piece of equipment on earth apart and put it back together again.

                    I took my laptop apart and re-soldered a loose AC power outlet back on to the motherboard. NO WAY could I do that using Google even ten years ago. Now all you have to be able to do is read.

                    You can’t even get that repair done for you because the kid at the counter will just shrug and tell you to buy a new one because anything involving the motherboard is too hard and expensive to do. But you can do it using Google.

                    They can’t upload Kung Fu into your head yet but they’re getting pretty damn close.

                2. technically speaking a full adder does take some skill to make out of EM relays. Just sayin AND thinkin outside the box OR fuck off slaver.

                  1. IF threaded comments fail AND fucking late to the game THEN kill self.

      3. Play Ball!

      4. That’s a picket line I could get behind, if for nothing else than heckling.

        Of course, I would enjoy the vacant, glassy stares and panicked mumblings of the Apple faithful, finding their local Apple store locked down, even more.

    6. The Bay Area worker, who works 32 to 40 hours a week, is currently going without medication for a serious health condition because he can’t afford the $120 to $150 a month for the “part time” plan

      If he can’t afford the $30 a week for insurance how the hell would he afford the co-pays and deductible if he had it? Does anyone (outside unions and the government) even offer insurance with no employee “contribution” anymore?

      1. Everyone knows that healthcare is free. Only greedy corporations prevent us from being able to have it all given to us.

  3. In a dazzling display of arrogance, disgraced former Congressman Anthony Weiner is trying to insert himself back into politics…

    New York Post, you never disappoint.

    1. Howzabout: Bottomless Congressman in Reckless Maneuver for Headless district?

      1. You’re hired!

        1. I don’t think his tits are big enough…

  4. The thing about the first one is that “person appointed by President publicly supports President’s policy” is never nearly as much of a story as “person appointed by President publicly demurs from President’s policy.”

    Nice that National Review still hasn’t changed its position that the War on Drugs, and especially on pot, is a failure that destroys civil liberties and the proper conception of government.

    1. As a follow up, I got the Unincorporated Man and I’m halfway through it. The writing style isn’t great, but the book is interesting. As promised, since you didn’t fail me, I’ll continue clicking your goatse links.
      @ I paid $32.67 for a XBOX 360 and my mom got a 17 inch Toshiba laptop for $94.83 being delivered to
      our house tomorrow by FedEX. I will never again pay expensive retail prices at stores. I even sold a
      46 inch HDTV to my boss for $650 and it only cost me $52.78 to get. Here is the website we using to get
      all this stuff, BetaSell.com

  5. The War on Drugs, which is celebrating its 40th year, has been a colossal failure. It has curtailed personal freedom, created a violent black market, and filled our prisons. It has also trampled on states’ rights;…
    That last sin is not the War on Drugs’ greatest, but it is not insignificant, either.

    1. which is celebrating its 40th year

      97th year

  6. http://www.lancastereaglegazet…..hio-budget

    I don’t really care, but I know some libertarians are always talking about roads so I thought I’d share this.

    A compromise between the House and Senate would allow lawmakers to write the contract terms a private operator would need to meet for operating the road, which runs across northern Ohio from Pennsylvania to the Indiana border. The private operator could be required by the state to limit toll increases, maintain the road and pay for improvement projects, for example.

    1. Return of the Turnpike?

    2. The private operator could be required by the state to limit toll increases, maintain the road and pay for improvement projects, for example.

      Just like with the government’s heavy-handed regulation of the private health care industry, if we’re not careful, this could result in a complete government takeover of the roads.

    3. The horror of only paying for what you use.

        1. Ha. Ha. Ha. Good one:)

        2. It would remain, but they would justify it as a carbon tax.

    4. A compromise between the House and Senate would allow lawmakers to write the contract terms a private operator would need to meet for operating the road

      This deal is getting worse all the time.

  7. How to win a cage match with a Lion?

    Feed it a donkey before the fight.

    1. This is why effective anarchy is cool. Wanna fight a lion or a gorilla? Fuckit. Go have a good time. I hope he does piss off a gorilla. If a chimp can tear a person’s face off, I hope they get good pics of the gorilla folding him in quarters.

      1. my dad tried to wrestle an orangutan back in the late 60s, early 70s. it threw him out of the ring in about 4 seconds. or so the story goes.

        1. Four seconds? What, did it need time to compose some epic verse before it tossed him out?

          1. Maybe it was the Hulk Hogan of orangutans and walked around the ring military pressing him for 3.5 seconds.

            1. yep. that’s the story, anyway.

          2. Picking donkey out of its teeth?

          3. Human Forms, who lay entranced
            Thick as autumnal leaves that strow the brooks
            In Sumatra, where the corpse flower shades
            High over-arched embower. . . .

            While with perfidious hatred they pursued
            The defiers of Zaius, who beheld
            From the safe shore their riding carcases
            And broken liberty statue.

    2. I saw a boxing kangaroo kick a lady (shill)up and out of the ring. They immediately stopped the circus routine and locked up the ‘roo. I’d seen the act before and knew how it was supposed to go. The marsupial yanked about a 1.5’ of slack out of the handler’s leash and planted it’s foot right in her chest. No ambulance but probably some broken ribs.

      1. Good lord, what Tiajuana circus featured that?

        1. Some tiny one ring circus working the state fair circuit. “Circus Maximus” I think they are European although the acts were from all over.

  8. …Genius Bar employees…

    Oxymoron

  9. “California has crafted something resembling a “budget deal.””

    Meanwhile, the Texan and Arizonan legislatures and governors, energized and emboldened by the slew of constitutionalists catapulted to office in recent elections, declare their intentions to secede from the Union and defend against federal tyranny by force if necessary.

    At the same time, all indefensible and unconstitutional laws are being repealed in the aforementioned state, and a new day dawns for freedom.

    /Pipe dream.

  10. Nothing at all about Blagojevich getting convicted on 17 out of 20 counts of corruption? Wow.

    Come on folks, it’s always a great day when a corrupt politician is headed for prison!

    1. Not so newsworthy when pretty much every former Illinois governor is sent to jail.

      1. Yeah. Get back to us when a former Illinois governor is not sent to jail.

      2. They really need to make him and Ryan share a cell. It is just too perfect.

    2. I’m trying to tell myself that the jury saw all the evidence and made a good judgement and that I should trust the system. And there was actual evidence that he committed an actual crime.

      But in reality, I suspect he got convicted for “being a sleaze” and not “playing ball” and making the president look bad.

  11. The new head of military operations in Afghanistan favors Pres. Obama’s draw-down schedule.

    A yes-man is appointed in the Obama administration. Over/under that he resigns by April 2012?

  12. In a questionnaire prepared for the Senate Armed Services Committee hearing Tuesday on his nomination to take the command post, Allen warned, however, that success in Afghanistan is threatened by a significant lack of military trainers and mentoring teams for the Afghan Army and police.

    For instance, warrant-serving Afghani SWAT try to get family dogs to fight each other rather than just shooting them.

    1. This is what happens when the NFL is locked out and Michael Vick needs to earn an income.

  13. I have found a picture of our mascot, Tow the Blue lion. Note the requisite monocle and top hat.

    1. The walking stick is so nueveau riche…

      1. Better to be nouveau riche than no riche.

        1. Who care how long you’ve been rich as long as you got there by exploiting the working classes and/or the environment? Monocles are expensive. Got to keep the working man down to afford one.

          1. Does winnng the lottery count as exploiting the workng classes, given the typical demographic of lottery participants?

            1. Well played.

    2. Plus spats! Jeez — gotta get me some spats!

      1. In EVE Online, the there was an ugly nerd riot over $70 monocles.

        1. Awesome.

        2. Speaking of nerds and monocles, here’s another example from pop culture.

  14. Those workers who did ask received a consistent response: “Money shouldn’t be an issue when you’re employed at Apple.”

    This just confirmed everything I’ve ever thought about Apple and its users.

    1. Please. Half the firms I’ve worked for issued the same response in salary negotiations.

      1. Fine, you’re right. You have to ruin everything, don’t you?

        1. Steve Jobs made me do it.

      2. If improving your station in life, through compensation, didn’t matter, we’d still be chillin in caves right now.

        1. I didn’t say I agreed. Mostly, I’ve used that as my cue to find a new job. Just pointing out that many firms attempt to pay their hourly employees as little as possible and give raises grudgingly.

          1. As a happy Apple stockholder, I say keep the little bastards down.

  15. Rick Santorum warned you.
    1) gay marriage
    2) People falling in love with food products.

    http://jezebel.com/5816003/wom…..ng-a-lover

    1. “caress my throat all the way down to my stomach ? it’s almost like having a lover.”

      If this is the definition of what it’s like to have a lover, isn’t the ice cream sliding down your throat decidedly better than the alternative?

      1. Jezebel readers interested in woman who finds food to be a substitute for love?

        I’m holding out for the story of the woman who wants a 75% cocoa chocolate bar to legally be her adoptive father.

  16. Those workers who did ask received a consistent response: “Money shouldn’t be an issue when you’re employed at Apple.” Instead, managers said, the chance to work at Apple “should be looked at as an experience.” “You can’t live off of experience,” said the worker interviewed.

    Life on the fad commune not all it’s cracked up to be, eh, hipsters?

    1. The Genius Bar: a level 1 tech support gig behind a counter at the mall instead of behind a phone tree.

      Yeah, I’d say if you’re unskilled enough or desperate enough to take that gig, Apple has you by the short hairs. Too bad for you.

    2. Where’s Mr. Noodles & Co union organizer when you need him?

    3. “You can’t live off of experience,” said the worker interviewed.

      Funny, how the simplest solution to a problem needs to be explained to a genius.

  17. DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM

    The sleek white and blue train — dubbed “Harmony” after President Hu’s “harmonious society” slogan — zips along its elevated track at 300 km (185 miles) per hour, bypassing flat fields and rubble-strewn villages. It cuts travel time on the 1,318-kilometre (820-mile) route to under five hours.

    1. China has changed a lot since last I was there if they can fill a train with people who can go 5 hours without smoking.

      1. Just got back from six weeks there and saw nary a smoker on the trains. The real challenge remains to fill a train with people who can go 5 hours without spitting.

    2. Hubama?

    3. The fastest way to go from New Xianjiang Empty City to New Guangdong Empty City!

  18. Looks like its going to be a very interesting day. Wow.

    http://www.total-privacy.se.tc

  19. GOTCHA

    Bachmann didn’t exactly defend that idea, but she didn’t back away from it either, telling Stephanopoulos: “What I’m saying is that I think we need to look at all regulations. Whatever ones are inhibiting job growth.”

    Asked if “the minimum wage is one of them,” Bachmann was noncommittal, repeating that “all regulations” ought to be on the chopping block.

    Bachmann’s minimum wage remarks are only the beginning of a massive quote file from her time in Congress and the Minnesota legislature. And the stronger she looks in the GOP primaries, the harder it will be for Bachmann to keep sidestepping questions about controversial statements like this one.

    Michelle Bachmann wants you to work for pennies a day.

    In a sweatshop. A sweatshop that’s on fire with the doors chained shut!!!!!!!!!

    1. She thinks people should be able to contract to work for whatever they want. What a flake. What a nut.

      1. I think the bigger story is her Romneying on the question.

        “Congresswoman, what’s your opinion on the minimum wage?”

        “Um…we need to get rid of waste, fraud and abuse!”

        Thank you Mrs. Romney.

        1. You think that the bigger story is that she hemmed and hawed about repeating a truth that happens to be fantastically unpopular?

          Joe Manchin won his Senate seat by attacking his opponent having said things against the minimum wage.

          The minimum wage is incredibly popular, unfortunately. I’m never going to be shocked if a politician shies away from criticizing it.

          1. I have learned that when a politician says that every regulation is on the table, but won’t name a specific regulation they want to cut and won’t respond to questions about individual regulations, that means that they won’t cut anything.

            Just like Mittspeak for “I won’t cut anything” is “I want to cut waste, fraud and abuse”, “Everything is on the table” is Mittspeak for “I want to sound like I’m against regulation but not get caught opposing any particular regulation.”

            I don’t think Bachmann will keep doing that, because her only BRAND in this election is “Outspoken Chick Who Doesn’t Take Any Shit”, and she can’t do Mittspeak and hold on to that brand. But even hearing a little of it is like nails on a blackboard to me.

            1. Liberals have built and entire welfare state by running as a “moderate” and then going as far left as possible once in office. The sorry fact is that you are not going to beat them by telling the truth.

          2. Unfortunately, many people in this country seem to think that employers would make them work for free if there weren’t minimum wage laws.

        2. I think the bigger story is her Romneying on the question.

          In case you hadn’t noticed, she is a master of looking you in the eye, smiling and not answering the question she doesn’t want to answer. In a league by herself among politicians. Do you remember during the ’10 election her facing down Chris Matthews and driving him to distraction by not answering his repeated question? It was extremely gratifying to behold.

  20. The ATF has fired the gun walker whistle blower. The craven disregard of the law by these people is remarkable even for politicians. I guess when you know you have the entire main stream media running cover for you, it is easy not to give a fuck.

    http://www.foxnews.com/politic…..tleblower/

    1. Name an agency that’s more lawless than the ATF.

        1. Maybe, but I think of them as more incompetent than lawless.

          1. If that was true, we’d hear more about their numerous fuckups in real time, rather than a few years afterward.

    2. You can’t disregard the law when you are the law.

    3. “I AM THE LAW!”

    4. That’s impossible! The Obama administration loves whistleblowers.

    5. Yeah, the utter and total lack of coverage on this from non-libertarian/Republican sources makes me a sad panda.

      (If anyone wants to prove that wrong with links, please feel free.)

      1. Apart from that ridiculous unsigned Washington Post editorial saying that what the ATF really needs is more power.

    6. Since the whole concept of that agency is unconstitutional, no one should be surprised they are unlawful in action as well as spirit.

    7. This reminded me of how the military handled PFC Manning’s detention (for the record I have little concern for how they treat him beyond not killing him, but I have a low opinion of people who violate OPSEC, no matter how stupid). You know this is a person who is going to be getting a whole lot of attention paid to them from some very powerful people. No matter how badly you want to, don’t be an ass to them. In Manning’s case treat him like the super special flower his supporters think he is. It’s not going to hurt anything to achieve some happy-medium between protecting him from fellow inmates and not isolating him naked in a cell. Then lock him up for a couple decades after his trial.

      For the whistleblower let him keep his damned job. I can’t think of a concievable benefit to firing him at this point.

    1. Driverless pods underground…

      What could go wrong?

      1. CHUDs. or Morlocks. Or Morlock CHUDs. or Morlock CHUDs who are third-vampire/third-zombie/third-Shoggoth and armed with alien weaponry.

  21. An ad campaign for monkeys. And it worked. Now I can start crafting and selling monkey fighting knives and monocles, knowing that they’ll sell.

    1. “Monkeys have been shown in previous studies to really love photographs of alpha males and shots of genitals, and we think this will drive their purchasing habits.”

      So monkey advertising is precisely the same as human advertising, then.

      1. Noted

      2. “It’s advertising…for monkeys”, did seem a bit redundant.

    2. So, this is how it all starts. You maniacs! You blew it all up with commerce! God damn you all to hell!

      1. Honestly, I’d sell them nukes, but its probably going to take a while to get the simian arms race that advanced. For right now, makin’ stabby on each other is probably all they can mentally handle.

    3. Now they just need a source of disposable income.

      Apple, your replacement workforce awaits.

  22. Too much talking, not enough linking, HnR. Anyway, someone has to fill JL’s shoes. Here goes:

    The Golden Girls were on to gay marriage before it was cool

    The Legend of “Burque Pops”: The 71 year old professor who ran a prostitution ring.

    His accomplices include a 68 year old professor from New Jersey and and 86 former head of the University of New Mexico. See kids, pimping isn’t a game- it’s a way of life.

    1. Seriously, Reason… what the hell? I have tried to get a discussion going about this twice.

      A group of old men, one of who called himself “Burque Pops” and all of whom are academics, ran a prostitution ring where none of them made money- they just got sex. How can this fucking not interest you?

      This is why we can’t have nice things.

    2. Actually, it’s an experience.

  23. I sent this to Bailey but he never blogged it. Global warming greening the Sahara and potentially improving the lives of millions.

    nationalgeographic.com/news/pf/30639457.html

  24. Ask not for whom the bell tolls Orin. It tolls for thee

    http://politicalticker.blogs.c…..literally/

    1. Primarying Hatch would be fucking great.

  25. Jezebel is angry that a dude from It’s Always Sunny gained “funny fat”.

    “And I, Al Gore, will criticize the media, and they will go, “Thanks, Al Gore, you are super awesome!”

    “Although the primary target of Gore’s piece is the press corps, his pen wanders, giving his article the flow of several op-eds about separate topics stitched front-to-end like the victims of The Human Centipede. Gore begins complaining about press coverage of global warming but then marbles his essay with a couple of history lessons and sections complaining about campaign-finance regulation, the economic crisis, the number of hours people watch television, and the “powerful special interests” who have “rigged” the political game. I needed two cups of strong coffee and a tap from a cattle prod to finish it: Your dosage may vary.”

    1. Rob McElhenney of It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia has gained 50 pounds in the past six months. On purpose. His character’s name is Mac, so now the show can have “Big Mac” jokes.

      Bullshit. He and Sweet Dee just had a kid. Hence the weight gain.

      1. Bullshit. He and Sweet Dee just had a kid. Hence the weight gain.

        Men have to put on baby weight now too?
        Jeez, I’m glad that wasn’t true when we were having kids. I’d be flippin’ humongus.

    2. But if McElhenney actually gained weight for a running joke, he’s working under the assumption that fat, in and of itself, is hilarious. That making fat jokes, mocking overweight people and using paunch as a punchline is okay. Chances are, millions of Americans wouldn’t agree.

      Jesus, she sounds fat.

      1. Of course fat isn’t, in and of itself, hilarious. Jokes about fat are what’s hilarious, Miss Fatty Fat Pants.

      2. It’s funny because of your pain, Ms. Jezebel.

      3. Absolutely zero sympathy for fatties. I don’t care for crying about how it’s genetic or a glandular problem or whatever, if you stop fucking overeating, you will lose weight.

        (I suppose then the breatharian excuses start, but, whatevs.)

    3. It’s worth pointing out that neither Roseanne nor Melissa McCarthy (nor Jonah Hill or of the aforementioned guys) gained weight in order to be funny. They would be hilarious no matter their body type

      I’m going to go out on a limb and suggest that an argument that rests upon Roseanne and Jonah Hill being considered hilarious is a weak one.

      1. That limb you’re out on could hold both Hill and Barr.

    4. So, anyone want to compile the complete list of “Fat guy + hot wife” shows?

      1. I guess you have to start with the Honeymooners.

      2. John Goodman was Roseanne’s Hot Wife?

      3. King Robert from Game of Thrones had some sitcom with hot wife, Jamie Gertz. Paul Blart had a sitcom with hot wife who was in Old School. Ray’s brother had a not hot wife in a sitcom that I recall had fat jokes.

      4. Family Guy

  26. HARUMPHHARUMPHHARUMPH

    It has often been speculated that Bachmann may drag the 2012 GOP field to the right by forcing other candidates to try to match or even outdo her crowd-pleasing bumper-sticker extremism. Here’s a case in point. Bachmann thinks doing away with the minimum wage permanently could represent a legitimate solution to our economic problems and should be considered seriously. She thinks literally all regulations should be on the table. What does that mean? Do her rivals agree?

    OMFG our precious, precious regulations!

    WTF INSANITY!!111

    1. “””thinks literally all regulations should be on the table.”‘

      This guy probably can’t even name 10% of the Federal regulations and yet I bet he thinks that they should be off the table.

      1. Can Anyone name even 10% of the federatl regs ? Didn’t some government agency say the number of new agencies required by Obamacare was essentially unknowable ?

        1. LSU says there are over 1300 federal agencies and departments. I bet most people can’t name 10% of those so to name 10% of the countless regulations those agencies and departments have devised would be, well, impressive but mostly mind-numbing.

    1. It’s really hard to pay attention to what she’s saying. Goddamn.

      1. She said something?

    2. She is super cute.

      1. I’m over 50, so any girl under 30 with reasonable hygiene and isn’t morbidly obese is Baberham Lincoln to me.

        1. I dunno. Seems a lot of them have an odd rectangular plasticky growth on one side of their faces any more. And they talk to the air, mostly repeating things like, “You gotta be buggin, girl!”

          1. Dude!

            A girl with a phone is NOT ASKING YOU ANY DUMB QUESTIONS for as long as she is on the phone.

            The phone is your friend. Embrace it.

    3. Nice brunette. And smart, too. Thanks for the tip!

    4. Her mouth was moving, but I never really heard anything she said.

      Now I have to watch the video for an 8th time.

    5. I watched it with the sound off. Still pretty good.

  27. Charlie Sheen Still Crazy, but also has new sitcom deal.

    WINNING!

    Dave Wiegel on the insidious Russia Today.

    “Illustration by Mark Alan Stamaty. Click image to expand.Alyona Minkovski is on a rant. The rants are essential parts of The Alyona Show,” the series she’s hosted on Russia Today?RT, if you please?since 2009. They can be about anything, but they are usually about the rest of the media. This particular rant is about the New York Times and the Washington Post, “two major newspapers who won award after award for their hard-hitting journalism,” and who, that day, were crowdsourcing an investigation of Sarah Palin’s email archives from her time as Alaska’s governor. This wins them a spot on Minkovski’s regular feature, “Tool Time.””

    Hey, no one attacks Alyona and gets away with it!

    1. My God Weigel is a douchebag. I called him on it the entire time he was at Reason. I always he was a pathetic bootlicking media liberal working at Reason only until he could get on somewhere else. And it has turned out he is worse than even I thought he was.

      1. I called him on it the entire time he was at Reason

        And yet he never replied. Unrequited hate is a bitch, isn’t it.

      2. B..bbbut John, he was credentialed!

        1. You knew who else was credentialed?

        2. You knew who else was credentialed?

          1. apparently not the squirrels.

      3. Weigel is a good reporter and was a good hire for 2008 campaign coverage.What was most exasperating was the commneters who thought he was some kind of “libertarian”. His biases were quite transparent but Weigel should’ve got the boot the moment he lost it and went all Dem partisan hack at the GOP convention.
        (Icouldn’t find this in the archive last time I looked)

        1. SIV – the problem is not that the commentators thought “he was some kind of libertarian” … the problem was the editors thought he was some kind of “libertarian”.

  28. Greece erupts with riots as protestors face off with police over budget cuts

    “The situation that the workers are undergoing is tragic and we are near poverty levels,” said protester Spyros Linardopoulos. “The government has declared war and to this war we will answer back with war.”

    1. I’m surprised Greece has stayed in the Eurozone this long. What’s the over/under on it leaving?

      1. I have no idea what the real chances are of Greece leaving the Euro. But I suspect that if I lived in Greece, I would be keeping as much money as I can in cash, dollars or gold.

        1. Ouzo and raki. Soon they will be the only negotiable currency in Athens.

          1. I’m thinking more that if they do go back to the Drachma, or whatever, anyone with Euros in a Greek bank will find themselves with a bunch of devalued crap instead.

            1. As would any Greek with a bunch of raki on his hand. He’s have to take it over to Turkey to “liquidate” it.

    2. For the life of me, I just don’t get why they’re rioting… or what they think it will accomplish, more specifically. I mean, I understand that they’re a bunch of freeloaders who want to keep their cush bennies, but just who exactly are they mad at – parliament? – and what would they rather those people do? Leave the Euro, then write the checks anyway and destroy the new currency?

      Seriously, it’s kind of like me waddling my fat ass to the freezer for ice cream, seeing that I’ve eaten it all, and instead of going to work and earning money to buy more ice cream I just destroy the refrigerator instead.

      I ALREADY ATE ALL THE FUCKING ICE CREAM!!!! THERE IS NO MORE ICE CREAM LEFT AND NOW I WILL NEVER GET ANY MORE ICE CREAM!!!!

      1. You’ve put more thought into this than the protestors.

      2. They don’t want to pay higher taxes and receive fewer public benefits in order to send the wealth of the nation to the banks.

        That wasn’t hard.

    3. OK guys, how are you going to finance that war?

      I have sympathy for folks that are out of work, but the whole Greece situation underscores the folly of the welfare state: that it can only be paid for by debt financing and kicking the can down the road to future generations. When a society can’t afford the payments, then the fools who don’t understand the nature of that financing accuse the state’s creditors of conspiring to destroy the state. They dont understand that it is the state that has violated the terms of the loan, not the creditors that should act altruistically, forfeiting their well-being to prop up the groaning skeleton of the welfare state.

  29. Man involved in custody battle falsely accused by ex of torture, rape

    Natch, woman faces absolutely no consequences after shown to be a psychopath and a liar.

    1. Wymyns never lie about things like assault and rape, you damn tool of teh Patriarchy!

    2. How on Earth is that woman not facing charges? The DA won’t press charges without her confessing? That is insane.

      1. Well, he wouldn’t press charges against man without his confession, oh, wait…

        Seriously, he even has a court document declaring his actual innocence, yet the woman skates scot-free for the hell she falsely put him through?

    3. False allegations of abuse/molestation are a disturbingly common tactic in custody battles.

    4. Sickening. Makes me wish for a real Hell for that woman to go to.

    5. Given that their alternate theory after “she deliberately lied” is “she’s just fucking crazy”, I’m not sure exactly why she still has shared custody. A woman crazy enough to mutilate herself to frame you is crazy enough to torture your child to death just to hurt you by proxy.

  30. Apparently the Truth rights for the New York Times.

    “None of this makes moral or any other sense. America needs an energy policy and an industrial policy. It has to lead in green technology and ? purist capitalist reflexes notwithstanding ? it must find ways to get corporate America involved in a national revival.”

    Obama is all about the Benjamins… and the Johnsons, the Bryce-Smiths, etc. etc.

    “President Obama and top White House aides are waging a behind-the-scenes push to win over skeptical big-dollar donors ? whose early money is needed to help fund a dramatic summertime expansion of his battleground-state machinery.”

    1. Fucking homophones, how do they work?

      1. They are the bane of my existence.

        1. “bane of my existence.”
          You let an easy joke get away.

      2. just don’t let ’em get married.

  31. Man, the NY Times is having a tough time letting this Florida rail thing go.

    “With a price tag of $1.2 billion at completion, the rail line is expected to serve just 2,150 commuters a day when it starts operating in three years. It will not link to the Orlando airport or Disney World, among the region’s biggest traffic generators. Florida’s governor is even considering killing the project, worried that local government officials will rebel if they have to cover any shortfalls at the fare box.

    But the so-called SunRail project has survived, at least so far, a testament to the ability of one congressman to help push through hundreds of millions of dollars in federal spending, even at a time of deep concern over ballooning federal deficits.”

    My God, I think they’ve got it!

    A new bike seat/saddle/whatever that takes pressure off your junk.

    “Like most cyclists, Mr. Brown at first didn’t see any need to switch from the traditional saddle on the mountain bike he’d been riding full time for five years on the force. When researchers at the National Institute for Occupational Safety and Health and Safety offered new noseless saddles intended to prevent erectile dysfunction, he quickly told his supervisor, “No problems here!”

    But then, after trying the new saddle, he felt the difference. His weight rested on his pelvic bones instead of the crotch area, which formerly pressed against the saddle’s nose. During his sleep, when he wore a monitor, the measure known as “percent of time erect” increased to 28 percent from 18 percent. “

    1. 28 percent? What a pansy.

      1. Well yeah. He’s a cyclist. It probably spends the other 72% of the time embarrassed about being encased in spandex so often.

      2. More importantly: there’s people out there designing erection monitoring equipment.

        1. It’s for Science! I’m at work, or else I’d find the link where the guy got men to poke their dicks through a styrofoam cup (lubricated and non-lubricated) to see what kind of force was required for coitus.

          I still want to see the paperwork that went before the insititutional review board for that study.

    2. During his sleep, when he wore a monitor, the measure known as “percent of time erect” increased to 28 percent from 18 percent.

      So, having traded E.D. for bed sores on his back, what is gained?

    3. a testament to the ability of one congressman to help push through hundreds of millions of dollars in federal spending, even at a time of deep concern over ballooning federal deficits.

      Let me guess… they portray that as a good thing.

    4. If you can’t figure out how to properly adjust a bike saddle you deserve to be impotent.

  32. Prince Georges County set to tighten liquor delivery laws.

    “The new rules, if adopted by the commission, would require that a deliverer be at least 18 (the drinking age is 21), and be trained in alcohol management practices. The rules would also require careful recordkeeping by the store doing the delivery so that liquor inspectors could be assured that the purchaser is at least 21.”

    Well, now the party at Susie’s house this weekend is going to blow.

    1. Yes, good call. She’ll get some blow to make up for the lack of booze.

  33. Oh, and last, but not least… I present you with the dumbest Feministing since “Men can get pregnant.”

    Feministing on recording your pregnancy on Facebook.

    “In our highly medicalized, American system of childbirth, we view women’s pregnant bodies and fetuses through ultrasounds, sonograms and fetal heart monitors without giving it a second thought. In the history of women’s childbearing, ultrasound technology and sonograms are a very recent medical and social development. A trained medical professional in a position of authority and power views the pregnant woman through ultrasound technology, interprets the ultrasound image and confers meaning on it regarding the fetus’ size, health and sex. The couple then shares the image with family and friends in a social ritual that allows them to reinforce the fetus’ individuality and personhood. The woman simply becomes a vessel for carrying and delivering a healthy fetus to term.”

    1. http://theshapeofamother.com/

      Made me want to go out and get two vasectomies.

      Standard SF warnings apply.

      1. http://theshapeofamother.com/b…..anonymous/

        Whine, whine, whine. Jesus christ, how did anyone ever convince himself to fuck this thing?

        1. 5’9″ 130 pounds and a Pilates addict before the kid. There’s your answer, Fishbulb.

    2. Wow. Basically women getting attached to their babies is a bad thing. Got it.

      1. Eh, it comes back to abortion. What they’re saying is treating a fetus like a person is a bad thing.

        1. That is because it is a person. I don’t see how you can observe a pregnancy and not conclude that.

          1. I would say that if you’re going to build a political movement on the basis of demanding respect for women’s choices, you need to start by respecting their choices when they decide they like being pregnant.

            This “Happy pregnant women undermine women who make different choices just by existing!” nonsense is really lame.

    3. “The woman simply becomes a vessel for carrying and delivering a healthy fetus to term.”

      Henry VIII calling on line 1. Something about Facebook having dick-all to do with this attitude.

    4. social ritual that allows them to reinforce the fetus’ individuality and personhood until the final moments before its partial-birth abortion.

  34. Apparently, the TSA now says they never “made” the dying woman in the wheelchair take off her adult diaper. They merely made it known to her that she would not be allowed to board the airplane if she didn’t. So that’s a completely different thing. The system worked!

    1. They were just trying to help her decide.

    2. That is so sad, precisely because that’s exactly what they believe and it’s consistent with the whole “flying is a privilege” line.

      “We’re not tyrants. You have a choice not to deal with us. Enjoy your walk, sucker.”

      1. but how many people are allowed to just walk away and decide not to fly once being told they were going to undergo extra screening? You have no choice. You will be screened.

  35. Funny, how the simplest solution to a problem needs to be explained to a genius.

    But- working for Apple AT A LIVING WAAAAAAAAAGE is a Human Right, you barbarian!

    1. If they think they’re going to score a “living wage” at an entry-level sales job, they’re deranged. I think they just want to lord it over the new hires – that’s really all a union is “good” for at this kind of job. That, and sucking out any incentive to perform better.

  36. purist capitalist reflexes notwithstanding

    Timesspeak for “at a huge financial loss”.

  37. In praise of poison ivy

    And poison oak and ivy ? if one can manage objectivity ? really are ornamental and startlingly pretty, especially when they unfurl crimson leaves in the spring or blaze into fiery copper in autumn.

    Eco-dipshits will convince themselves of anything, won’t they?

      1. Alyssa Milano AND Uma Thurman together? Good job, fossil exhaust. Well done.

    1. Well, most plants are pretty. But that doesn’t change the fact that they are fucking poison and render land unusable for most purposes when present.

      1. Ooooh, that has “bad SyFy made-for-TV movie” potential, SF…

    2. Leaves of three, let them be.
      Leaves of four, eat some more!

  38. If NRO continues making peace offerings I may stop hating them by election season.

    1. They have always been good about the war on drugs. And they have a pretty diverse group of writers. Any publication that employs John Derbyshire, has no problem with dissent.

    2. I expect them to start stabbing Ron Paul in the back about October to kick off their election coverage.

    3. as an ex-NRO reader, there have been some fairly nasty debates between their contributors.

      I rarely go over there now since I’ve “moved on”.

    1. I’m really in the sights of the Fail Whale today, aren’t I? Dammit.

  39. Rosalynn Carter
    Demure First Lady

    meets

    John Wayne Gacy
    Deranged serial killer

    History remembers John Wayne Gacy as the demented “Killer Clown” who lured 33 young men and boys to their deaths, burying many of them in a crawlspace underneath his Chicago home. He was executed for his crimes in 1994.

    Prior to his arrest, however, John Wayne Gacy was known as a beloved children’s party entertainer, respected businessman, three-time Jaycee Man of the Year, and Democratic Party precinct captain. It was in this latter capacity that he finagled a meeting with First Lady Rosalynn Carter on May 6, 1978.

    The First Lady was in Chicago attending the Polish Constitution Day Parade, an annual event celebrating the advent of democratic government in Poland. Gacy was serving as its director for the third straight year. Just two months earlier, a 27-year-old man had complained to police that Gacy had invited him into his car to smoke pot, chloroformed him senseless, raped and tortured him repeatedly. No charges were filed due to lack of evidence. Nevertheless, Gacy, wearing an “S” lapel pin?indicating he had been vetted by the Secret Service and was cleared to interact with the First Lady?made his way to the reviewing stand for the traditional VIP “grip-and-grin” photo op.

    Mrs. Carter was even kind enough to sign the photo for him:

    To John Gacy
    Best Wishes
    Rosalynn Carter

    Gacy later proudly displayed the photograph on the wall of his home, where it was discovered by police searching the premises for corpses. At the time of the Carter assignation, Gacy already had several bodies interred beneath his house. In a surreal coda, Gacy’s attorneys later included the First Lady on a list of character witnesses at his 1980 trial. To the immense relief of the beleaguered Carter White House, she was never called to testify.

    http://historicalmeetups.com/p…..meets-john

    1. Gacy was executed by lethal injection, but they botched the procedure. Three drugs are used in sequence, but they cannot be allowed to mix or they react, clogging the IV, which is exactly what happened. According to the witnesses, Gacy struggled mightily, almost breaking free and rising off the table. It took 20 minutes to fix the problem and for Gacy to die.

      So………

      the joke was, getting rid of Gacy ?
      Good idea…poor execution.

  40. Great. Now Apple products will be even MORE expensive.

    1. Not if you don’t buy them.

      1. Oh, no problem there… thanks to The Summer of Recovery 2: Electric Boogaloo, I can barely afford food, let alone overpriced Apple gewgaws.

  41. The more shocking comment (well, maybe not) out of the confirmation hearing for the new general in Afghanistan was “Allen warned, however, that success in Afghanistan is threatened by a significant lack of military trainers and mentoring teams for the Afghan Army and police.” It’s only been a decade now. WTF?

    1. In only 3 or 4 generations we should have them up to Italian levels of proficiency. I hear they’ve got the bribery part down.

    2. This to me sounds like one of those “beam from thine own eye” issues.

  42. I have this fantasy that these little sissy unionistas will get to hell one day and spend eternity getting their asses whipped by the original miners/longshoremen/steelworkers that unionized because they were dying.
    @ I paid $32.67 for a XBOX 360 and my mom got a 17 inch Toshiba laptop for $94.83 being delivered to
    our house tomorrow by FedEX. I will never again pay expensive retail prices at stores. I even sold a
    46 inch HDTV to my boss for $650 and it only cost me $52.78 to get. Here is the website we using to get
    all this stuff, BetaSell.com

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