Brooklyn Gals Ticketed for Eating Doughnuts at a Playground

They were technically in the wrong, and not the most sympathetic of characters, but this Gothamist story is a microcosm of a world gone at least slightly insane.

Link via the Twitter feed of Brett Ruiz.

Comments

[Fist of Etiquette]

EVERYONE IS AFTER YOUR CHILDREN!

or

Cops zero in on doughnuts, pull out summons books while they're waiting for their cut.

[Pope Jimbo]

One of my neighbors is full on paranoid about all the rapists that are just waiting to abduct her daughters.

Last summer she found out that someone had been texting some fairly risque messages to her 9th grade daughter. She paid one of the internet sites to do a reverse search on the number that was sending the texts and freaked when it turned out to be a 40 year old guy.

Of course she called the cops who went into full suburban pedophile mode and stormed over to the perps house and hassled the shit out of him. It turns out that the 40 year old perv also has a 9th grade son with a phone being paid for by Dad. The poor guy had to have his kid take the fall for him and tell the cops that yeah he was the one who sent the texts.

I am friends of a friend of the perv's and he still gets worked up by how shitty he was treated by the cops. And my neighbor still doesn't really believe it was the 9th grade son sending the texts either.

So I guess the lesson is that the pedophiles are really starting to figure out how to beat the system (AND THEY REALLY ARE AFTER YOUR CHILDREN).

[Fluffy]

Umm...it was pretty obviously the son.

Horses, not zebras.

[wylie]

Yeah, until we find out the "9th grade son" was actually a midget hired to cover for the sick bastard.

You obviously don't have kids, so you can't understand how guilty that guy really is.

[robc]

meme

[SugarFree]

"You suck, McBain!"

[Fist of Etiquette]

MAYBE YOU ALL ARE HOMOSEXUALS, TOO.

[GILMORE]

""The fox network has sunk to a new low""

[Pope Jimbo]

Fluffy if you would consent to fly out to sunny Minnesota and attempt to explain the obvious to my neighbor, I could get rich selling tickets to watch the event to my entire neighborhood.

I'd give you 25% of the gate and 10% of the concessions.

Trust me, people from blocks away would pay to see anyone brave enough to stand their ground and argue with her instead of just running away.

[SugarFree]

What about t-shirt sales? That's the sweetest plum!

[GILMORE]

+1 for crusty quote

[wylie]

Will there be tractor pulls as well? My attendance depends on them.

[Dave]

If you look at the stats, you'll find that this idiocy is most prevalent in Minnesota and Wisconsin.

(Also North Dakota, on a per capita basis but not in absolute numbers, because nobody actually lives in North Dakota.)

[Dave]

America returns to segregation - this time based not on race, but on age (especially if the adult is male).

[In Time of War]

All public property is theft.

[Doc S.]

Should have fined them for eating unhealthy foods too.

[SugarFree]

The comments remind me of why I stopped reading Gothamist.

Those girls got a ticket because we don't tax the rich enough. Cool story, bro.

[Hugh Akston]

It's amazing how people can use any handy stone to grind their particular axe on.

[SugarFree]

MNG: Jews stole doughnuts from the Palestinians!

John: Democrats hate doughnuts!

Episiarch: It's all rather's fault!

Dagny: In Canada, we call doughnuts "sugar pucks."

Danny: Somalis don't have doughnuts because only the government can give out doughnuts.

SugarFree: Me want stick pee pee in doughnut! Poop!

[Episiarch]

It's amazing how accurate this is. Especially the part about you.

[SugarFree]

Yes, I do imitate myself quite well on occasion.

[Dagny T.]

OK, that made me laugh. But Epi would add something about doughnuts being close to deep dish pizza on the list of food abominations. Then it would somehow evolve into a discussion of the best craft brews.

[SugarFree]

"Sugar pucks" went through a number of revisions, including "Toronto rings," "Eskimo blowholes" and "Mer Majesty's Kingmaker."

[Crappy Improv Student]

Belgian cock-rings?

[Hugh Akston]

rather: They added holes to doughnuts so men could rape them. I wrote about it on my blog.

Slap the Enlightened!: Black people be eatin' all the White Man's doughnuts.

Gregory Smith: When Muslims impose sharia law, Doughnuts will be the first thing to go. http://www.conservatives4xenophobia.com

STEVE SMITH: STEVE SMITH RAPE DOUGHNUT, BAKER, COP ALL IN ONE PRODUCTIVE MORNING.

Warty: The doughnut was not unresponsive.

[wylie]

*ALL IN ONE PRODUCTIVE THRUST.

ftfy

[SugarFree]

Well done. Except Warty would be more likely to post a YouTube link to a death metal song about donuts.

[Episiarch]

"Doughnuts are my Business...and Business is Good!" by Megadeth.

[Citizen Nothing]

Perhaps it's time to ponder who would play our regulars in Hit & Run, The Musical.

[SugarFree]

SugarFree: Nathan Lane (Because I'm fabulous.)

Episiarch: James Van Der Beek

Citizen Nothing: The Unknown Comic

Dagny: No one, because there are no libertarian girls, everyone knows that.

Warty: Jason Momoa

[Episiarch]

The Beek works for me. However, I think Gary Busey is a better choice for Warty.

[wylie]

Dagny can be CGI, like other imaginary/mythical beings in film.

[SugarFree]

wylie, then we should make her a beautiful centaur. Wait... What's the word for girl centaur? Centauress? Fillytaur?

[wylie]

Centaurita?

[Hugh Akston]

As long as we can get Robin Williams to play anon-bot, I'm satisfied.

[SugarFree]

Is the actress who played Gilbert Grape's mom still alive?

[tarran]

I want 1992 Alan Rickman to play me.

[Fluffy]

Playing me will be Gilbert Gottfried's big chance to rehabilitate himself after those unfortunate tsunami texts.

[Pope Jimbo]

dunphy: Don't blame the cops. We never do things like this. When I was on "Cops" we used a law like this to nail a pedophile. Besides in Washington you have to show malice before the cop can be charged.

[Abdul]

There are more capital letters in that parody than in anything Dunphy ever wrote. He's the e.e. cummings of law enforcement.

[e.e. dunphy]

i carry my gun with me(i carry it in
my holster)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)
i fear
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)

[dunphy]

fwiw, i only occasionally carry off duty.

i support the right to carry, but i don't exercise it all that much

[cyto]

ee doesn't do punctuation either. he's a bug and it is hard to reach those keys.

[Citizen Nothing]

Naw. That's archy the cockroach. Click Warty's handle sometime.

[dunphy]

you can parody all you want, but the reality is that LEGISLATORS passed these stupid laws.

i try to ignore stupid laws when i can, but ultimatly - bad law is the fault of legislators

think back to your (obviously insufficient) education. who makes laws? that's right, the leg-is-la-tive branch!!

although, i have yet to hear of any cop in my agency ever ticket anybody for any of the stupid anti-smoking w/in 25 ft of a building entrance laws we have

oh, and it's not ee cummings, i emulate. it's bell hooks. cause she's like all progressive n shit!

[zoltan]

Just following orders!

[MysteryFish]

Did the gubmint surgically remove your sense of humor?

[0x90]

So where the rubber meets the road, you have no choice but to implement what you yourself consider to be bad laws. Just a cog in the machine you are, compelled by forces unknown to show up for work each morning.

[Robert]

That's what Dave Kahn did as a bank examiner. He figured the harder the bad laws were enforced, the more easily they'd be repealed.

[old school]

crimethink: Funny how these women could munch away on all the donuts they want while getting an abortion. Why don't we care about protecting the unborn too?

[Or]

Brooklyn Gals Ticketed for Eating Doughnuts at a Playground

I read the linked article. The girls were ticketed for being in a children's playground, not for eating doughnuts. Facts, schmacts.

[SugarFree]

Fuck off, rather.

[Or]

Not even close. But thanks for your concern.

[Dagny T.]

Snarky Brooklyn hipsters might be fun to mock, but in this case I'd hardly call them "unsympathetic." People with the balls to talk back to cops have my respect.

Also, here's how fucked up our food nannyism has gotten: I initially thought the citation was going to be related to the unhealthiness of doughnuts. Post-reductio America is here.

[SugarFree]

STOP RESISTING! STOP RESISTING! STOP RESISTING THE DELICIOUSNESS OF TRANS-FAT!

[SIV]

Snarky Brooklyn hipsters might be fun to mock, but in this case I'd hardly call them "unsympathetic." People with the balls to talk back to cops have my respect.

I have no respect for crap like this this
I have three little nephews and I appreciate that keeping children safe is the thinking behind this rule.

does the issuing of summonses to people who even the police do not actually believe are posing a danger, with no prior warning, accord with the law's protective intent?

Bitch supports the law only she thinks it shouldn't apply to her.

[Dagny T.]

Yeah, I saw that too. IDK, I think people feel the need to reflexively preempt the concern trolls (not without good reason).

At Sug's prompting, I waded into the comments and I was surprised to see people actually agreeing that adults (specifically men) shouldn't be in parks. Like, not to have a picnic or toss a frisbee? The threatening power of male genitalia is that strong, apparently.

[SugarFree]

It's because it makes a wooshing noise, like a lightsaber.

[wylie]

Yes, frisbees do that...oh, not the frisbees, nevermind.

[Dagny T.]

Pretty sure Sug's is shaped like a frisbee. Ponder that.

[SugarFree]

The Love Frisbee.

[wylie]

"Eat a bag of discs. A big ole bag of baby discs." - SugarFree

[Butts Wagner]

Are we sure it's not an Aerobie?

"For example, it can be caught by thrusting a forearm, the head (when the ring is thrown high), or even a foot through the middle."

[SugarFree]

Are we sure it's not an Aerobie?

YOU LEAVE MY WIFE OUT OF THIS, MOTHERFUCKER!

[Timon19]

This sort of thinking is behind the "single men" vs. "family" sections you find in most Middle Eastern restaurants and some public spaces.

The two sides of "The Holy War (TM)" are more similar than either would ever admit.

[Timon19]

Often "single men" is rendered as "bachelors".

[Pip]

You know who else rendered bachelors?

[00=======D]

"The threatening power of male genitalia is that strong, apparently."

Bask in my awesomeness, bitches!

[Dave]

Welcome to Segregation. Men and children are not allowed to mix. That's why we're phasing out male schoolteachers, and why we put fences topped with barbed wire around all the schools.

[Fluffy]

does the issuing of summonses to people who even the police do not actually believe are posing a danger, with no prior warning, accord with the law's protective intent?

Yeah, I really hate that part too. My sympathy disintegrated at that point as well.

I try to tell myself, "Well, maybe they aren't that sophisticated and don't realize that laws put on the books not to be enforced across the board, but to be brought out of reserve only when needed to be used against the 'right' people, are pretty repulsive in and of themselves."

But then I remember that usually even when something like this is explained to people, they go right on saying BS like this anyway. So I said, "Fuck it, I'm not giving them the benefit of the doubt."

[Paul]

I've read the article twice and I'm still looking for the "unsympathetic" part. Did I miss something? What made the ladies "unsympathetic"? I mean, aside from the fact that while no, the children present in the park weren't "theirs", they were "in the company of" children.

[wylie]

Those bitches broke the law, and the law is the law is the law is the law.

Sympathizing with felonious ner-do-wells like that is tantamount to providing material support to terrorists, or eating babies.

[Abdul]

I think it's because they were sitting outside a doughnut shop and were all shocked that a cop hassled them. It's like those yuppie douchebags who buy houses on Indian burial grounds and complain about the poltergeists.

[proegg antichicken]

nice.

[Adam Smith 1776]

I made the same mistake, but in the future will keep in mind that "public" is an Orwellian term, and pulblic places are no longer free to the public. You cannot dance at the Jefferson Memorial or sit in a public playground. E Pluribus Unum should now be replaced with Liberte delonda est.

[Colonel_Angus]

Fuck you, New York City. I hope you all are losing sleep every night because you are paranoid that the terrorists or secondhand smoke will get you.

[Colonel_Angus]

"They were technically in the wrong, and not the most sympathetic of characters,"

and

"Nobody is saying that these women were in the right by sitting and eating their doughnuts on a bench in a playground rather than a park, they weren't"

What the fuck?

[squarooticus]

Yeah, I don't understand how in any way these girls aren't sympathetic. They were quietly eating donuts in a public space, minding their own business. The intent of rules is to preserve order, not to provide pigs with a job harrassing ordinary citizens who are not making trouble for anyone else. This is stupid, plain and simple.

[proegg antichicken]

but were they dressed in rediculous hipster clothes?

[wylie bending rodiguez]

The intent of rules is to preserve order, not to provide pigs with a job harrassing ordinary citizens who are not making trouble for anyone else.

Oh, you're serious. In that case, let me laugh even harder.

[R C Dean]

The essential element of "preserving order" is "respect for authority." That is what distinguishes preserving order from enforcing the law.

[Richard J. Daley]

The police are not there to create disorder, they are there to preserve disorder.

[robc]

As Tulpa keeps pointing out, parks arent for eating.

[SugarFree]

Ouch.

[dunphy]

were they fat?

did the cops confiscate the donuts and eat them themselves.

personally, i live seattle. we don't do coffee and donuts

we do lattes and scones...

well, double decaf no caf soy mocha lattes ... with a twist!

[Fire Tiger]

"They were technically in the wrong,

If the sign linked in the article had the same verbage as the sign at the park they were at then technically they weren't in the wrong. If there were children at the park then they met the requirement of being "in the company of children." The sign should read "unless accompanied by a child." Of course that then means addults who bring more than 1 child to the park would be in violation.

[dunphy]

name the logical fallacy

[wylie]

I was told there would be no math.

[Fire Tiger]

A lack of reading comprehension does not equate to a logical fallacy.

[Robert]

Didn't help with the Inwood chess players, because there were no children present. In the playground with the inlaid chessboards installed by the Parks Dept.

[squarooticus]

They were technically in the wrong

From the standpoint of a bureaucrat, that's the most important kind of wrong.

[Episiarch]

"Don't quote me regulations! I co-chaired the committee that reviewed the recommendation to revise the color of the book that regulation's in."

[squarooticus]

Congratulations: that is, in fact, the scene I was referencing.

🙂

[tarran]

What color did you decide to use?

[Hank Littlefield]

"We kept it gray."

[DK]

I'd like to hear from Mr. Welch on what he thinks is unsympathetic about the gals. Obviously, the story was from their point of view, but their actions seem more than reasonable.

[dunphy]

anybody... ANYBODY who tells me rightwing nannies are worse than leftwing nannies is... well... wrong.

otoh, San Fran is worse than NYC... West Coast REPRESENT!

[Johnny Clamboat]

Precisely, they are both worse.

[Paul]

"Are you here with a child?" We told them no. One of the cops moved on to the couple on a bench nearby, also ostensibly childless, while the other one asked for our IDs.

I have been tempted at times to not carry any ID with me when I'm not driving my car.

[Hugh Akston]

I just want to ask to see a cops ID.

[dunphy]

we are required to carry it and show it on demand - when reasonable (iow not in the middle of a shootout).

i've done so about half dozen times, when required.

[Paul]

we are required to carry it and show it on demand - when reasonable (iow not in the middle of a shootout).

If you were required to present it during a shootout, imagine how many dogs would be saved.

[Fluffy]

Come on, he couldn't hear the dog's request for ID because he was shouting too loud for the dog to stop resisting.

[Mainer]

In my new home state of New Hampshire, you are not required to produce an ID on demand. See Free Staters on YouTube when they tell cops this.

[Walter]

'I got really angry and asked the officer if he honestly believed he was helping this community by giving us these summonses. His response only made me more angry. "I don't believe in anything," he said. '

Fucking nihilists. Say what you want about the tenets of Nation Socialism, at least it's an ethos.

[Fluffy]

I would have bought that cop a donut for his honesty.

No other cop in the entire borough told that much truth that day.

[dunphy]

donnny: "what's nihilism?"

[Walter Sobchak]

Shut the fuck up donny

[.....]

!@*)!*(@#&! beat me to it...

[Paul]

Cops who "don't believe in anything" will will arrest and harass you for anything.

[SugarFree]

Winning.

[R C Dean]

Worse: A cop who doesn't believe in anything will arrest and harass you for nothing.

[dunphy]

or more correctly : for stuff that stupid legislators pass into law.

[Chinny Chin Chin]

They're just following orders, eh Dunph?

[MysteryFish]

Your tireless refrain of this claim is quite impressive.

But are you absolutely certain that the officer bears zero responsibility for enforcing bad law?

[Walter Sobchak]

Nihilist cops! Fuck me. I mean, say what you like about the tenets of National Socialism, Dude, at least it's an ethos.

[X]

I guess the cops were supposed to ignore the fact that they were sitting on a park bench, just like Jethro Tull.

[dunphy]

i hear they can cite for running snot, too

hey snot, WALK don't run (with props to the ventures)

[Highway]

Yeah, but there are 5 little girls there so, even though they have bad intent, they're still in compliance.

[Butt Seriously]

The cops were not aware that these stupid laws were enacted by the Jewish/Black/Gay confab, to disable park patrons of their doughnut fantasy minutes. That is where we come in . . . we educate, and if we can educate the masses then we will have more freedoms to exploit, for longer periods of time, free from the shackles of the aforementioned confab. It's there, has always been there, but can be rooted out through excellent teaching methods.

[Abdul]

I felt bad about this: "And for the record, this was at the Lafayette Gardens Playground, on Lafayette and Franklin Avenues, which is not to be confused with the Crispus Attucks Playground, a.k.a. "Prostitution Park," a few blocks away."

The park named after America's first war hero has gone all 70's blaxpoitation.

[Ska]

Makes those "Brooklyn - believe the hype" signs a warning, not an endorsement.

[TrickyVic]

There are more pervs in NYC parks than anywhere else. Haven't you seen Law and Order SVU?

[Zeb]

Seems to me that the park rules, when posted on a small, hard to read, sign ought to have about as much legal force as the terms of use on a website. Although I suppose there is already precedent for using that against a person who is sufficiently unsympathetic.

[proegg antichicken]

LoneWacko?

[xenia onatopp]

Wait, what? I know I'm a little slow on the uptake here, but I'm still trying to wrap my mind around this whole no-adults-in-the-playground-without-kids idea. I wasn't even aware I lived in a world where such idiocy prevailed. I mean, sometimes I go to the park nearby all by myself and go on the swings. For real, and no drugs involved. Around here nobody even looks at me funny, but apparently in some jurisdictions I could be cited for this? Or would I have to be eating a doughnut ay the same time?

Shit, now I'm all confused.

[SIV]

The donut bitches support no-adult-in-the-park laws, they just don't believe they should apply to them.
"Laws are for other people"
I can't understand why anyone would find these people sympathetic.

[?]

It had nothing to do with eating doughnuts.

[Dave]

It's been this way for years in some jurisdictions.

Of course, it's really the segregation of MEN from children that they're going for, so women are usually left alone. Apparently no more!

[Esteban]

You're better off being accused of terrorism than being an accused/assumed pedophile in Obama's United States. I fail to see how this is little better than fascism.

[The PATRIOT Act]

Hey, gimme a break, I'm working on it.

[Dave]

This has been building since the late 1970s, well before Obama hit the national scene.

[Joe M]

We already did this story, remember? It was the guys playing chess last time.

[IceTrey]

You can go here to se the park.

http://www.vpike.com/?d=2380693&s=NY&f=park

The playground is surrounded by a three foot high fence that is obviously totally useless from keeping anybody out. A perv could stand on the outside of the fence and snatch kids all day.

[Robert]

I just had a vision of someone with a fishing pole slung over the fence. Hook baited with, uh, let's see...crayons? Nah, that'd catch only "trash fish" kids. Maybe one of those electric light thingies.