Here's Your Jetpack (Sort Of)

Katherine Mangu-Ward | 1.31.2011 10:24 AM

Come March, that jetpack you've been promised all these years will finally be available. Sadly, it will (a) be water-powered, (b) have a top speed of 22mph and a maximum height of 33 feet, and (c) cost $99,500. So your commute is still going to suck. Still: Jetpack!

Via Engadget.

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ClubMedSux 14 years ago

Unless that water hose is at least 13 miles long my commute will indeed still suck.
Tim 14 years ago

Looks like more of a Wetpack.
1. ClubMedSux 14 years ago
  
  Racist!
Mister DNA 14 years ago

Jetpacks was yes!
Fist of Etiquette 14 years ago

I can literally put out fires on the way to and from my job figuratively putting out fires.
1. IceTrey 14 years ago
  
  Maybe if the fire was on a boat but that's about it.
Mark 14 years ago

There is another option:

http://www.martinjetpack.com/
1. Old Mexican 14 years ago
  
  That's not a jet pack! We wants a JET pack, precioussss!
Jim 14 years ago

Why does everyone say we were promised jet packs? I don't recall this promise. But I remember being promised Tang.
1. robc 14 years ago
  
  I blame Gilligan's Island. They made it clear that jetpacks were the wave of the future in that one episode with the jetpack.
  1. robc 14 years ago
    
    Season 3, Episode 27: It's a Bird, It's a Plane, It's Gilligan!
    
    A James Bond-like jet pack lands on the island. The castaways believe they can use it to signal the Navy search party looking for it. Even with the jet pack Gilligan as usual messes up any rescue attempts.
    
    /Is there anything wikipedia cant do?
    1. Wind Rider 14 years ago
      
      Isn't that the episode where Ginger, Marianne, and the Professor. . .naaaaaah
    2. Ice Nine 14 years ago
      
      >>Is there anything wikipedia cant do?
      
      Comprehensively provide objective facts.
      1. robc 14 years ago
        
        Are you saying that episode descriptions of Gilligan's island arent objective facts?
        
        And it appeared to be pretty comprehensive too.
        
        Ice Nine 14 years ago
        
        >Looking vainly for the noun (Gilligan's) "island" in my reply. Finding only "wikipedia".> Question does not compute.
        
        robc 14 years ago
        
        You said wikipedia cant provide objective facts. Considering it was in response to a post of mine in which I quoted objective facts from wikipedia, Gilligan's Island fucking disproves your point.
        
        Which is just sad for you.
        
        Ice Nine 14 years ago
        
        The only sad thing in your thread is your apparent partiality in your last post to (in order):
        the Straw Man Fallacy, that allows you to attack what you (incorrectly) claim that I said rather than what I actually said;
        the Fallacy of Appeal to Authority, that allows you to present Wikipedia, which is widely known to be not 100% reliable because of the biases of its contributors, as infallible;
        the Fallacy of Hasty Generalization, that allows you to think that one entry amongst the millions in Wikipedia proves anything 'comprehensive' about it.
        That makes it a pointless thread that I'm getting out of, now. Ciao.
    3. Ezra Klein 14 years ago
      
      Gilligan didn't mess up, never it did.
      
      It was all a metaphor for the military industrial complex screwing up society then blaming the working class.
      1. EJ Dionne 14 years ago
        
        And how society wouldn't do anything about how fat the captain was.
  2. Bugs 14 years ago
    
    When I was a kid, there was (briefly) a show called "The 21st Century." It was a a documentary series hosted by Walter Cronkeit, and its subject was all the cool stuff we'd have in the 21st Century. Like computers that could sing "Daisy" and everyone sleeping under mylar space blankets and, yes, jet packs. And like everyone, I have a computer that can sing "Daisy," I do sleep under a mylar space blanket, but I still have no jet pack. I blame Walter Cronkeit. "Most trusted man in America" indeed. Snake oil salesman is more like it.
    1. Walter Cronkeit 14 years ago
      
      And that's the way it was...
      1. Bugs 14 years ago
        
        You bastard, I want my jet pack!
    2. Nick 14 years ago
      
      I wasn't aware the 21st Century was over.
      1. Doomed! 14 years ago
        
        Well, spluh. But with only two years left do you really think there is time?
        
        Nick 14 years ago
        
        I'll concede. The Mayans never said shit about jet packs.
        
        TheZeitgeist 14 years ago
        
        They did have space capsules though.
Timon19 14 years ago

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/W.....d_Jetpacks
P Brooks 14 years ago

I'll wait for the teleporter.
1. Episiarch 14 years ago
  
  "Enterprise, what we got back didn't live long...fortunately."
  1. Pro Libertate 14 years ago
    
    Don't forget The Fly!
2. McCoy 14 years ago
  
  If Star Trek taught us anything, it's that the transporter is riskier than chainsaw juggling.
  1. Pro Libertate 14 years ago
    
    And the holodeck is mechanized suicide.
    1. fresno dan 14 years ago
      
      Is the holodeck the MOST ridiculous thing on TV???
      
      Every male who had access to the thing would use it for ONE THING ONLY non-stop f*cking - sure, there might be some variation - geeks would want those blue cat women from Avatrar, but I would be the warden of naked asian women's prison.
      1. robc 14 years ago
        
        They covered that in DS9, with the holo-suites that Quark rented.
      2. Pro Libertate 14 years ago
        
        Yes, but the bigger problem is that the holodeck can kill you, pretty much on a monthly basis. Oops, safety protocols busted again.
        
        SugarFree 14 years ago
        
        Or the characters escape again and the ship is filled with triple-breasted superhookers.
        
        It's not as fun as it sounds. Trust me.
        
        Pro Libertate 14 years ago
        
        Of course, the reason for so many episodes set in the holodeck, was, of course, the same reason TOS kept finding Earth-parallel worlds--money, money, and, furthermore, money.
        
        SugarFree 14 years ago
        
        And don't forget that magic fantasy "technology" is easier to write about than the boring old nuts and bolts type.
        
        Pro Libertate 14 years ago
        
        True enough. I prefer ripping holes in the fabric of space-time and walking through them. Fewer existential questions that way.
  2. joshua corning 14 years ago
    
    Screw Star Trek...if you really want to be scared of transporters read the short story "Think Like a Dinosaur"
    
    The outer limits episode of it is not bad either.
NotSure 14 years ago

Sorry for the language, but that thing is an utter piece of shit, the point of a jetpack is that one can travel further than 30m. It would be like someone would builds a bumper car and then saying it is a wondrous new invention that will change our lives.
Brett L 14 years ago

I'll wait for the cordless model.
micsolana 14 years ago

Um, that music is phenomenal.
1. tomhynes 14 years ago
  
  Pretty sure the music is from an 80's porn flick. Not sure which one, I will look and get back to you.
Barely Suppressed Rage 14 years ago

Better be sure you've paid your water bill before firing it up. Falling from 33 feet in the air when they shut off your service would be a bitch.
Old Mexican 14 years ago

I still prefer Little Nellie.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gJdi-rNcEVc
Bugs 14 years ago

I wonder if a pumper truck hooked up to a fire hydrant would enable you to run this thing on land. You could rescue people from burning buildings and stuff. Everyone else would drown, but it would still be pretty cool.
1. The Hoser 14 years ago
  
  Up, up, and nearby!
2. IceTrey 14 years ago
  
  Or you could just use a ladder.
  1. Bugs 14 years ago
    
    Yeah, but it wouldn't be as cool.
SIV 14 years ago

You can see what's left of the old jetpacks at the Fort Eustis Museum of Military Transportation.
1. Wind Rider 14 years ago
  
  I couldn't possibly care less what they have at that lame-O sideshow at Fort Eusless. There is no way that I'm going to plan on spending time in 'The Old Dominion' Commonwealth of lost Virginity. Particularly not in the fucking penalty corner of that shithole of a state.
  1. T 14 years ago
    
    Nice rant. Now show us on the doll where VA touched you, mmkay?
  2. SIV 14 years ago
    
    The sucky part of Virginia is up near DC.
Tim 14 years ago

You know who could use these? Somali Pirates...
1. Pirate 14 years ago
  
  Arrrrrready have'm, matey!
Wind Rider 14 years ago

Hey, look at us! We came up with a crappier, more expensive, and less capable version of something someone else already made almost 50 years ago! Probably with a slide rule, no less! Woo Hoooooo!
Barely Suppressed Rage 14 years ago

You'd look like a real hoser using one of those things.
TheZeitgeist 14 years ago

They had one of these at the Grand Prix of Monaco out in the harbor last year impressing the beautiful people. It was awesome, remember a guy flying it right into the fantail of its mother-yacht.
1. SIV 14 years ago
  
  Monaco-class yachts are why I defy my personal gambling ban and buy a single lottery ticket when the jackpot gets really big. I NEED >30m of boat.
joshua corning 14 years ago

To be perfectly honest the internet, and smart phones are better then Jetpacks and flying cars.
1. Pro Libertate 14 years ago
  
  Better still are the Internet, high-powered computing, smartphones, jetpacks, flying cars, space colonies, robot slaves, immortality, and robot slaves for our robot slaves. Oh, and fusion!
Leroy 14 years ago

This is a perfect way to commute to and from land from our off-shore floating libertarian paradise!

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Here's Your Jetpack (Sort Of)

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