Friday Funnies

Big changes in cable news

|

NEXT: A Jury of His Peers

Editor's Note: We invite comments and request that they be civil and on-topic. We do not moderate or assume any responsibility for comments, which are owned by the readers who post them. Comments do not represent the views of Reason.com or Reason Foundation. We reserve the right to delete any comment for any reason at any time. Report abuses.

  1. HA!
    No, not really. You don’t even try anymore do you?
    Filibuster in the House of Lords, now there is some funny.

  2. Is Payne implying that Countdown finally got to zero because of Olbermann’s untrimmed ear hair? Because I don’t think that was the reason the show went tits up.

  3. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

  4. I remember seeing a clip of his “shut up” speech in a critical thinking class right after o’reilly. The two are remarkably similar.

    1. They are NOTHING alike. Bill O’reilly is a fair and balanced independent who hates spin from either side. Keith Olberschmuck is a spin nazi. Confusing him with Keith is like confusing good with evil.

      Captain Global? Hollywood changes superhero’s name.
      http://libertarians4freedom.blogspot.com/

      1. Bill O’reilly is a fair and balanced independent who hates spin from either side.

        Do we need any more proof that you aren’t a libertarian? Only a conservative could make such an idiotic statement.

        1. OMG, I agree with Heller. Satan come take me home

          1. Daddy says hi.

              1. What the fuck??!

                Tupla is here saying bat shit crazy stuff like government causes “ALL” violence in the world and you guys are picking on some guy who likes Bill O?!?!?

                There is no justice in the world!!!

                1. I AM TUPLA! I CAUSE ALL VIOLENCE!

                  1. In Soviet Russia, violence causes Tulpa!!

                    1. LOL!! No really, LOL!

        2. I didn’t know John Stossel was a conservative. Fool! Lot’s of people like Bill O, why do you think he’s #1 on cable news? You’re probably an anti-war liberal illegal-alien lover who doesn’t even watch the show.

          1. Actually, I am; only difference is that I am free market.

          2. “why do you think he’s #1 on cable news?”
            For the same reason they watch Glenn Beck cry, it’s entertainment; and of course, there is nothing more entertaining than watching a man spout-off about morality while imagining him ‘luffaying’ some girls tits.

            1. No, we watch Beck because he’s INFORMATIVE! If it wasn’t for him nobody would know that FDR and Woodrow Wilson were horrible people. Beck is getting people to read books again, he’s waking up the masses, he’s starting a revolution. Fox News and Bill O’reilly are responsible for passing Jessica’s Law and for defending ACORN.

              If you were a regular viewer, you’d understand.

              1. Defending ACORN? Everything you say is so dumb, I can’t tell typographical errors from opinion.

                1. I meant DE FUNDING ACORN, if you weren’t such a Fox-hating progressive you’d get that.

                  1. I have no problem with FOX. I have a problem with annoying sack of shit statists which describes both O’reilly and your dumb ass…dumbass.

                  2. Get. Off. This. Site.

                    Stupidity is not tolerated.

              2. “If it wasn’t for him nobody would know that FDR and Woodrow Wilson were horrible people.”

                If it wasn’t for him liberals woudn’t call me a fucking Beck shill when I tell them FDR and Wilson were horrible people.

                1. So what? Liberals are still gonna hate you no matter what you say or do. Seriously dude, you need to support your friends and oppose your enemies. The right has a lot more in common with us than the left, wake up!

                  1. Who you callin us?

              3. “…nobody would know”.

                Except for any of us who actually read books before Glenn Beck’s sobbing self discovered them, you mean?

                Beck has made good history and philosophy seem like conspiracy theorizing and craziness to a lot of people, and I’m not sure that’s good at all.

            2. “luffaying”?
              what is that and do you have to hold your pinky up when saying?

              1. NTTAWWT.

              2. Bucky, it is a rough sponge or think of your beard after a few days growth and rub your face into a woman’s chest. I’m crossing my legs now…

                1. yikes…
                  just curious…what were you thinking when Pelosi said “we have to pass the bill so you can find out what’s in the bill?

                  1. I thought she was idiotic…and by the way, it feels good

                    1. dang…
                      i was expecting a scat reference…

          3. This guy is a master troll and you all got troll’d.

            1. That’s the best thing you can do? Calling me a troll? God, you’re just like those progressive nazis that insult you when they disagree with you. Why don’t you put on your swastika, I’m sure it looks cute on you.

              1. Like calling people progressive nazis for instance?

            2. Dude read his blog. He ain’t no troll. He’s the real stoopid.

              1. Helle,you read his blog…….I’m hurt 🙁

                1. Yeah that’s right. I would rather read the ramblings of a delusional conservative than look at your dumb shit. At least I can laugh at GREGOOOOOOOO, you’re just pathetic.

          4. That follows.

          5. If you think “anti-war illegal alien lover” is an insult then you REALLY aren’t a libertarian, not that anyone thought you were.

            1. So you think libertarians are Quakers? You think libertarians oppose defending themselves and their country? Give me a break!

            2. So you think libertarians are Quakers? You think libertarians oppose defending themselves and their country? Give me a break!

              1. No, I think libertarians are libertarians and that most are proudly anti-war and that many, including myself, want open borders.

                1. So you want open borders? Do you also want to pay for the welfare and education of illegal aliens? Because I have news for you, buddy, we do not live in a perfectly libertarian country where everyone pulls their own weight. So supporting open borders is supporting more welfare, more debt, more spending, and more crime.

                  1. It’s none of my business whether someone pulls their own weight or not, as long as no one else is forced to pull it for them.

                    If I say “we shouldn’t have welfare”, you’re fine with that. But if I say “we shouldn’t have welfare, that way whoever wants to come earn a living, or a fortune, in America can do so but others who just want to collect welfare will see America as the last place they would want to come.” You complain that “We DO have welfare though”

                    See how that works? They are both things that I think should be while recognizing they are not.

          6. “You’re probably an anti-war liberal illegal-alien lover who doesn’t even watch the show.”

            I confess to being an illegal alien lover, but just the pretty ones.

            1. The greatest part is that once you tell them you can have them deported if they don’t do anal, you pretty much have complete control over them.

              1. The difficult part is getting the Spanish tenses correct.

                1. Ah, the tenses! So that’s why I’ve had to pay *before* the sex. Thanks!

      2. troll-tastic!!!

        1. Is that guy for real or a spoof?

          1. it’s either one of the best trolls ever, or the guy’s an idiot….not sure. which makes it the best troll ever!!!!

            1. it is performance art masked as troll. bonus points for going through the trouble of creating an inane blog as a cover for said trolling. +100 internets to whomever is behind Gregory Smith. -10,000,000 if I’m wrong and -20 to me for being wrong

      3. Oh, FFS. STFU, Eric Dondero wannabe.

  5. Thanks for the flattering portrait, AND for passing up the chance to compare me with Dramatic Chipmunk again.

  6. STOP advocating violence!

  7. It’s funny because it’s true!

  8. Did he just get shot? And why is he built like a linebacker?

  9. Does anyone know of a sportscaster who, when his or her politics were revealed, didn’t turn out to be rabidly left wing (or at least stupidly and unthinkingly statist)? I’ve yet to encounter one. And I wonder why.

    1. Does this count ?

      http://www.suite101.com/articl…..ues/103808

      Do I get a prize?

      1. I think he means somebody who was originally a sportscaster. That’s still a likely answer to his question, though.

    2. Dennis Miller

      1. I don’t know if he counts as a sportscaster since he earned his chops in comedy first.

        But John Madden actually drives his bus up to Sacramento every now and then for Republican fundraisers. He lives in SD.

        1. I think he lives in Livermore or Pleasanton. But he probably lives in multiple places.

          1. “…he probably lives in multiple places.”

            Cmon, he’s not that fat

    3. I thought Rush was a sportscaster at one time.

      Did Stern ever cover sports?

      1. Yes, David Stern still runs the NBA.

  10. What is “TDOWN”, and what does it have to do with Henry Rollins wearing a suit?

    1. Now that’s a Friday Funny!

  11. Brilliant Payne, all the intelligence and humor we’ve come to expect.

  12. Brilliant Payne, all the intelligence and humor we’ve come to expect.

  13. Ahh, it’s Friday. We’ll save the funny for later, evidently. Morning, Reasonoids.

  14. Olbermann is a blow-up doll?

    1. No, you can have fun with a blow-up doll.

      1. Yes, like filling them with chocolate pudding, for example. Mmmm. Pudding.

      2. “No, you can have fun with a blow-up doll”
        Now I know you aren’t a real libertarian 😉

      3. “No, you can have fun with a blow-up doll”
        Now I know you aren’t a real libertarian 😉

  15. Seriously though, I’m worried someone might sue Reason for fraudulent advertising. Better change the name to Friday Drawing.

    1. Ha! I’m still laughing! I always love the “funnies” because the comments are priceless.

  16. Actually, I rather liked this one.

    1. Me too

  17. Olbermann is a cyborg from future, I totally get it. Would be even more hilarious if he had a speech balloon saying, “I’ll be back” as he slid off his seat.

  18. Two Mexican detectives were investigating the murder of Juan Gonzalez.

    ‘How was he killed?’ asked one detective.

    ‘With a golf gun,’ the other detective replied.

    ‘A golf gun! What is a golf gun?’

    ‘I don’t know. But it sure made a hole in Juan.’

    1. yessssssss!
      (rim shot in background)

    2. *GONG*

  19. I do not understand.

  20. I do not understand.

  21. You’re probably an anti-war liberal illegal-alien lover who doesn’t even watch the show.

    Not only that, but I believe in freedom; not whatever lame conservative “Freedom is Slavery” talking point bullshit you’re trying to peddle.

    1. Freedom? Really? Do you hate the government’s war against obesity? Do you oppose gun control? Do you support politically incorrect speech? Do you support deporting illegal aliens, including the ones that have committed crimes here? Do you support not forcing men to pay child support for the babies they didn’t want to create? Do you think having sex with a drunken girl is rape? Do you support cops shooting criminals?

      People who hate Fox News usually hate freedom, they also hate ideological diversity- the fact that you hate conservatives while you don’t hate liberals says a lot. While I’m not a conservative, it is the right that lets you keep your guns, free speech, tobacco, alcohol and freedom.

      The left only cares about abortion, marihuana and porn. As a libertarian I choose to align myself with the people who support me 90% of the time.

      I do not waste my vote on third party candidates that can never win.

      1. Calm down, Kemosabe. Those are a lot of questionable libertarian credentials. What is this about child support? Don’t you believe in personal responsibility? Unless there’s a crime epidemic that I would rather not know about, I’m certain that most men paying child support had a hand (and more) in the process.

        1. I believe fist is a more accurate description than hand.

        2. I’ve got to jump into the child support thing here because I have a dog in this fight.

          I had sex quite a few times with a girl I was dating. She told me she couldn’t get pregnant because she had her tubes tied after her son was born. I never used a condom because of this. Now, she turns up pregnant a couple of months after we break up and the timing was right when we stopped dating, so borderline on whether or not I’m the father. I tell her I don’t want a child and if I’d known she could get pregnant, I’d have used a rubber. I offer to pay for an abortion and she refuses. I request a paternity test but her doctor says it would be dangerous because of her age (37) and her prior problem birthing her son. I again tell her I do not want a child and offer to pay for an abortion. She refuses. She has the child and I go to the hospital because we are once again civil with each other. The day after the kid is born, a nurse comes in with some forms for her to sign and asks who the father is. My ex tells her that I am and they put my name on the birth certificate. I am consequently paying $850 month to this woman for a child I did not want and offered to pay for an abortion.

          So, why am I being held financially responsible when the woman could have had an abortion any time she wanted to and denied me the right to a child if I wanted one? I did not choose to have a child. I chose to have sex. Having the child was solely her decision and I had no input whatsoever, yet a decision I was not a participant in making will cost me approx $180,000 (after taxes, btw) over an 18 year period.

          1. Exactly! She’s free to do whatever she likes while you get stuck with the bill. That has to change.

          2. There wasn’t any possible recourse based on her telling you her tubes were tied? And despite what the doctor said, I think the part about a paternity test is a complete load.

            Tough break man. I hope you haven’t exhausted all your options in this.

            1. There wasn’t any possible recourse based on her telling you her tubes were tied? And despite what the doctor said, I think the part about a paternity test is a complete load.

              Tough break man. I hope you haven’t exhausted all your options in this.

              No recourse because her tubes actually had been tied. Her doc even signed a sworn statement that that was the case. Just a fluke, I guess. The gyno said it was a “danger” to the child because she had serious problems with her level of amniotic fluid with her prior pregnancy.

              I’ve moved to California since and their DCSS are willing to revisit the case. I haven’t seen the kid in over 4 years and he doesn’t even know me, which is the way my ex wants it since she’s remarried. Her husband even tried to get me top pay them a lump sum to adopt the kid. He wanted $50k and was dumb enough to ask for it in an e-mail.

              I guess my recourse is to present that to the court and/or tell my ex and her hubby that I want shared custody and the kid to stay with me in the summers.

              The only option left seems to be hardball.

          3. Having the child was solely her decision and I had no input whatsoever

            So to speak.

            (sorry)

      2. “People who hate Fox News usually hate freedom, they also hate ideological diversity”

        Paint with broad strokes much?

        How’s this one: “People who make broad statements denigrating those who happen to disagree with them are intellectually lazy.”

        Half the commentators on Fox lie or distort just as badly as the statist fucktards on MSNBC. “Conservatives” as you call them may favor economic freedom, but they also support the War on Drugs, reduced civil rights in the justice system (in the name of being “tough on crime”), fascist border patrol checkpoints inside America, the TSA (set up by neocons), banning gay marriage, and numerous other items which libertarian ideology opposes. Hell, half the time they don’t even support REAL capitalism; just crony capitalism.

        Sorry, I don’t sell out because a 3rd party candidate may have a difficult time winning.

        1. *edit: I accused Gregory if intellectual laziness for painting in broad strokes, then did so myself regarding conservatives. I’m honest enough to call myself out on it.

          Instead of just using the word “conservatives”, I should have said, “Many leading conservative personalities, along with many of the self-described conservatives I know personally”.

          I think of it this way: leftists want to create a permanent welfare state, and conservatives (at least the modern variety) want to create a police state. Either way, you’re f-ed.

  22. I think the joke is that he’s crazy.

    1. or has a ‘screw loose’.
      Either way, I’m really reaching here, this is a little lame, and I usually try to give some leeway on the Friday Funnies since it’s a kinda rough job.

      1. or has a ‘screw loose’.

        Uh, this is the internet. It’s “screw lose” here.

        Did you loose your mind or something?

  23. What the fuck is a TDOWN?

    1. I bow to capitol l |1.28.11 @ 8:18AM|#

  24. the best one i saw about Olberjerk was a picture of him standing on a city street corner holding a sign. the sign reads “will rant for food”

  25. Trust me – he’s not going down.

    1. Ms. Ingram?

  26. I guess he can go back to his job at the airline. He did a fine job flying that plane after Capt. Clarence Oveur and Roger Murdoch got food poisoning.

    1. …but, there is that drinking problem…

      1. Actually, I thought he looked a lot like Otto in the pic.

    1. …Bobby, have you ever played the really fun game called TSA?

  27. The Beck acolyte,with the appropriate last name “Smith”, managed to make the Friday funny. American history lessons from a Mormon… As Olber-douche would say ” how dare you sir!”

  28. Its very nice and ,and comfortable treatments, to anxious and fearful patients. Sedation dentistry is a way for you to get the care you want while you remain comfortable ,Its very useful for all and impressive http://www.louisvuitton.be/lou…..-p-95.html

  29. Every day we face with countertop,you can have a high quality of life with granite countertop of yalitongstone,but we will also very pleased if you can see Huaxingstone’s granite countertop.

  30. Very normal, nothing funny. Like the other comics as.

Please to post comments

Comments are closed.