Dept. of Unnecessary Apologies

The most pathetic thing I've read this month.

Comments

[Abdul]

Most pathetic? Didn't you see Ezra Klein grovelling to Liza Minelli?

[Jesse Walker]

That was Martin Peretz. More importantly, it was last month.

[Abdul]

Shit, I'm lucky I didn't say Barbaara Streisand for the washed up celebrity.

[Pop Culture Pedant]

It's Liza Minnelli. And Barbra Streisand.

[Liza Minnelli]

Do you know who my mother was?

[Pop Culture Pedant]

Debbie Reynolds?

[Mo]

Eve?

[J_L_B]

I don't know, but I'm willing to bet she has a strong resemblance to Ursula from the Little Mermaid.

[Barely Suppressed Rage]

Do you know who my mother was?

What, you don't?

[Citizen Nothing]

Here's my response to those readers' complaints were I editor: Fuck you you mouth-breathing hillbillies.
That's probably why I'm not an editor. (Although I am a hillbilly and often breath through my mouth.)

[Abdul]

Citizen Nothing was fired for offending Hillbilly-Americans with nasal-resipiratory-disabilities who, it turns out, make up the majority of our dying subscription base. God help us all.

[Citizen Nothing]

Actually I'm more of a hillwilliam, which is kinda like the Appalachian equivalent of a cosmotarian.

[Abdul]

Are Hillwilliams the type who would serve Budweiser Select at the wedding to their cousins?

[Citizen Nothing]

To their second-cousin.

[Aresen]

Just FYI: In family relationships, "once removed" does not mean that the person spent time in prison.

[fresnodan]

I always thought "once removed" meant that had pryed Elmer off his cousin, Bobby-Sue-boy, or the goat, once.

[SugarFree]

Double-cousin.

[SugarFree]

hillwilliam? Don't you mean "citygoat"?

[Axman]

Please. The politically correct term is Altitude Enhanced Person.

[Axman]

It applies to Ozarkers too. It's not just an Appalachian appellation.

[Liberal Douchebag]

It's okay when we use terms like "hillbilly", but it's not okay when hillbillies use terms like "elitist".

Just a friendly reminder to you Christfag austerian racist misogynists about the dangers of hate speech against the left.

[Pop Culture Pedant]

Fuck you

C.N. reached deep for that thoughtful retort.

[SIV]

WTF? Who made the editorial decision to put "End of Ramadan" on the FRONT PAGE?
That belongs somewhere in "local" or "features". I can only assume prominently featuring Ramadan on 1A on 9/11 was intentional political correctness. Unless 25%+ of their subscribers are Muslims that paper deserves to go out of business.

[Citizen Nothing]

I do agree that some editor with an ounce of brain matter (is that an oxymoron?) should have anticipated the reader response.

[Slap the Enlightened!]

Indeed. If a political party included the platform "The first thing we'll do is cut the throats of the editors and educators", I'd join that party no matter what else was in that platform!

[SugarFree]

And then we could go break the window of those Jew business owners, too!

Eat a bag of deep-fried dicks, shitbird.

[Slap the Enlightened!]

I don't support breaking the windows of people who actually trying to do something useful.

However, based on that criteria, given the amount of time you spend posting here, I submit one could break your windows with a clear conscience.

[SugarFree]

Crawl back in your egg-sac and jack-off to Lindbergh some more, fascist.

The American Third Position exists to represent the political interests of White Americans, because no one else will.

[capitol l]

Damn you SugarFree, and your lightning quick typing. I like to have the first shot at slappy.

[SugarFree]

I type faster because my mongrel heritage gave me extra muscles in my fingers. And an appreciation for degenerate art.

[capitol l]

Mein Gott slappy! You are touchy today.

What happened, your sister refuse intercourse again(!), and you had to turn to the sheep again(double!)?

Also, I looked up "weaksauce" up in the dictionary, but all I found was your post.

[SugarFree]

Don't knock sister-fucking, capitol l. We must strive to keep The Master Race pure.

[capitol l]

Did you see the ViceTV link at the bottom of the page...creepy?

Ever heard of the place in SAmerica, where the germans set up a fortified compound/town, and it's still there. Supposedly, locals are kidnapped and taken in to be used as slaves.

I'll try and find a link.

[capitol l]

Here is a link to the "dignity colony"...fucking weird.

[SugarFree]

Paul Sch?fer, a former Luftwaffe paramedic, was the founder and first leader ("Permanent Uncle") of Colonia Dignidad. He had left Germany in 1961, after being accused of sexually abusing two boys. On May 20, 1997, he fled Chile, pursued by authorities investigating charges that he had molested 26 children of the colony.

"Permanent Uncle." Creepy as fuck.

[capitol l]

Not to mention that these people were doing work for Pinochet that was to unseemly to be done by polite torturers.

[Spoonman.]

So, the Khmer Rouge?

[Invisible FInger]

"End Of Ramadan" isn't even news. It certainly isn't a "feature" and certainly isn't local.

9/11 anniversaries aren't news either. I don't mind either being content in a paper, but I refuse to believe either subject is anything but filler.

When newspaper publishers put filler on the front page, they deserve all the wrath and reduced sales they get.

[Hugh Akston]

It's Oregon. What could possibly happen up there that isn't filler? Gas station attendant shortages?

[Kristen]

Or Maine, even.

[Hugh Akston]

Eh, trade full-service gas for lobsters and ear-killing accents. Same diff.

[Bill]

Opposing viewpoint would be that Ramadan wasn't really ending??

[fresnodan]

I agree.
Why is the end of a religious holiday on the front page?

[Abdul]

It's a local color item. Look, the Bah'hai's planted a tree, the Boy Scouts adopted highway 21, the Muslims had a party with no booze and lots of dried fruit. Newspapers do it all the time.

Dried fruit--another Minnelli reference!

[Timon19]

On the one hand, they're acutely aware that pissing off customers, even if they're a loud minority, is bad.

On the other hand, they're such enormous pussies that it beggars belief. Stand up for yourselves and tell people to chill the fuck out. The 9/11 coverage was apparently always intended to be massive, so why not cover an important event taking place the day or two before?

[Jaybird]

What is the point of a Front Page?

To sell newspapers.

If your Front Page is resulting in people canceling their subscriptions, then you have made a serious editorial mistake.

(Note: if you believe that the point of the Front Page is to bring light to the darkness, well... we're probably likely to talk past each other for a while.)

[Citizen Nothing]

What if you believe that bringing light to the darkness is a sound, long-term business practice?

[CoyoteBlue]

Maybe for Tom Edison - newspapers need to sell eyeballs to advertisers.

[Jaybird]

It probably would be.

I doubt it works if the philosophy is used twice a year, however.

[Corduroy]

wait. I thought journalists were unbiased and not interested at all in selling advertising.

[Fluffy]

Hey, that's fine.

But the point of this post is to call them pussies.

If you crawl on your belly to apologize to customers you've offended when those customers aren't actually in the right, it may be good business, but you're also a pussy.

[Jaybird]

Which brings us back to:

What's the point of the Front Page of the Newspaper?

Given that I see "newspapers" as somewhat dry entertainment (compared to, say, The Dixie Chicks), folks saying "you know what, I'm not going to buy this anymore!" doesn't really incense me that much.

I don't know that the newspaper coming out with a "I'm Not Ready To Make Nice" headline would make me respect them more than the "Whoops, We Did It Again" non-apology they printed.

[MikeP]

The appearance of the new crescent moon in the sky on September 11 offended me too.

[Timon19]

Goddamn moon, orbiting all planetoid-y like.

[PapayaSF]

Ever notice that the crescent moon and star symbol of Islam is astronomically incorrect? Usually it shows the star inside/in front of the Moon, where one would never appear. The flags of Turkey and Azerbaijan get it right, though.

[Monk]

Technically it's the Ottoman empire symbol not Islam's

Islam doesn't have a symbol as they should only worship god and not any bullshit made by man.

[PapayaSF]

Why would Muslim countries never part of the Ottoman empire (Pakistan, Malaysia, Mauritania, etc.) have it on their flags?

[SugarFree]

It's not a star. Allah left his porch light on. Allah lives on the moon.

Maybe you ought to do some simple research before post. Google is your friend, after all. The lack of basic religious education in this place sickens me.

[Citizen Nothing]

David Brooks: Catatonic, dogmatic rat-fucker.

[Citizen Nothing]

wrong thread. I feel like an editor.

[SugarFree]

I expect a full apology.

[Aresen]

Putting a Ramadan story on the front page on 9/11: Not too bright.

Getting all upset because the paper is catering to MOOSLEMs: Fucking mouthbreathing moronic.

Apologizing because mouthbreathers are upset: Absolutely spineless.

[Citizen Nothing]

Check.
Check.
Check.

[Jaybird]

This reminds me of nothing more than the Dixie Chicks kerfuffle from a handful of years back.

[Jennifer]

We have acknowledged that we erred by at least not offering balance to the story and its prominent position on the front page.

Damned right! Balance matters, and whenever I had to write "Locals celebrate whatever" feature stories I always provided the exquisite balance journalists like this editor pride themselves on having. So, for the story "Jews Celebrate Rosh Hashanah," I'd have Jewish quotes all about the glory of Yahweh and potato pancakes, but also include some fair and balanced quotes discussing possible Jewish culpability for the collapse of the world financial system or Trade Center. And on the fifth anniversary of 9/11, when there was a memorial for local people who died in the towers, I naturally quoted friends and family members who said "This was a tragedy" but also gave time to "The little Eichmanns deserved it" viewpoints. Because balance matters.

[Aresen]

Exactly, I noted the comment about balance and wondered how you brought balance to a 'touchy feely' story.

Maybe next time they run a story about the SPCA, they should run the cops' version of one of Balko's puppycide stories?

[Jennifer]

Exactly. And when you write the annual story "Local Student Wins School Science Fair," you quote teachers and parents about how great the kid and his project are, but also make sure your story includes the viewpoints "Science is for geek losers who can't get laid" and "He'll burn in hell for ignoring what it says in Genesis."

BALANCE MATTERS.

[J_L_B]

This all stems from us being used to only hearing stories that reinforce our viewpoint. That's why we turn on PMSNBC and others, so we can be assured that all stories that contradict what I know to be true are filtered out and removed.

But I agree that BALANCE MATTERS. After all, when Hitler was shouting, "let's kill all them Jews," it would've been nice to hear someone say, "perhaps we should not."

[Jennifer]

Of course, given the sort of people demanding "balance" regarding Ramadan stories, your Hitler analogy only works in reverse -- when I wrote the story "Local university hosts Holocaust historical display," I should've provided balance by quoting people who insisted "That so-called 'evidence of the Holocaust' was concocted in a Mossad Photoshop lab" or "Germany had the right to deal with internal enemies of the state."

[J_L_B]

Then the issue really isn't about balance but rather about the content of the headline story.

Controversy could've been avoided had they run a completely impertinent story with respect to 9/11, even if coverage of the day's events was scant. That they decided to forgo a story about a memorial or rememberance, and instead discuss a topic associated with the cause of 9/11 is the real issue.

[Jennifer]

That they decided to forgo a story about a memorial or rememberance, and instead discuss a topic associated with the cause of 9/11 is the real issue.

Only bigots consider a peaceful Ramadan celebration to be "associated with" the cause of 9/11, just as only bigots would consider a Rosh Hashanah observance to be "associated with" problems in the financial industry.

[J_L_B]

Except that radical Jewish bankers did not cause the 2008 stock market crash with the intent to punish the US for anything related to Israel.

Of all topics to pick for a headline on 9/11, it's ironic that they pick even a favorable story about Islam for the headline, given the way the topic hovers around 9/11, and despite the extreme lengths liberals will go to to deny the connection.

Christianity is connected to the crusades, Japan to Pearl Harbor, Germany to the Holocaust, Russia to communism, and so on. To claim their existances are based on those connections is not correct. To point out the connections is not bigotted, it's simply reciting history.

[Jennifer]

Christianity is connected to the crusades, Japan to Pearl Harbor, Germany to the Holocaust, Russia to communism, and so on. To claim their existances are based on those connections is not correct. To point out the connections is not bigotted, it's simply reciting history.
reply to this

Really? So last December, when I wrote the story "Local Polish Catholics attend Midnight Mass," I should've spent a paragraph or two talking about Christian culpability in the Crusades, or the Polish history of anti-Semitism? See, I avoided doing so because of my belief "The Polish Christians here right now share no blame for bad things other Poles or other Christians have done." But according to you, that's the wrong attitude to take, right? Every Catholic in the world deserves blame for raping altar boys, every Pole should be criticized for Polish anti-Semitism and every Muslim should feel responsible for 9/11, right?

The other story I wrote last Christmas was "Local Congregational church hosts free dinner for homeless." At no point in the story did I mention that modern Congregationalists are -- true fact -- the spiritual descendants of the Massachusetts Puritans who murdered accused witches in Salem. So, was I wrong for not including a paragraph discussing Congregationalists' historical tendency to murder women based on false accusations?

[J_L_B]

You have a hard time differing between such things as Catholics and Catholicism. Let's remove religion, would it be equal as bad for the paper to run a headline story with the caption, "Saudis Dedicate New University to Martyrs."

Not all Saudis are responsible for the actions of those on 9/11, but touting all things Saudi or Islamist on a day marking an vicious attack committed principally by Saudi Islamists, oh i don't know, might bring up some bad memories of that day, even if unintended. And those memories are usually of missed loved ones. Unless you honestly believe the victims of 9/11 only think of nuking Northwest Pakistan whenever they think of Islam?

[Jennifer]

You have a hard time differing between such things as Catholics and Catholicism.

And you have a hard time differentiating between "Muslims" and "al-Qaeda terrorists." You also avoided answering my question: if a story about American Muslims celebrating Ramadan requires mention of what al-Qaeda terrorists once did, should a story about American Catholics celebrating Christmas mention what Catholic Crusaders once did, or what kiddie-diddling Catholic priests still do? Should a story about Congregationalists feeding the homeless mention their historic connection to the Salem witch hunts?

What about Mormons -- if the Mormon Tabernacle Choir comes to town for a concert, should the story mention the Mountain Meadows Massacre?

Basically, I'm asking if all "religious people celebrate their religious holiday" news stories need to mention evil things that particular religion has done, or if it's only "religious Muslim people" who are expected to carry the weight of collective guilt.

[Alan Kellogg]

I get the feeling Jennifer gets a little too tied up in her sarcasm.

[J_L_B]

No my point is that when the anniversary should arrive of a heinous act committed in the name of a certain country/religion, we should preclude prominent headline stories about said country/religion as it might stoke undesired emotions.

On the day South Koreans mark the downing of their aircraft by the Soviet Union in 1983, it would be unwise for the headline to tout Russia's new laser-guided anti wide-bodied aircraft missiles. Or would making such a request be considered bigoted?

[Ace]

I wonder how far libertarians would go in advancing their agenda if they had the tiniest ounce of respect for the values that many Americans "cling" to, perhaps irrationally. It seems like every highly "educated" liberal or libertarian believes it is their primary mandate to piss off/demonstrate their superiority over their lesser educated, some would say ignorant, fellow citizens, at every opportunity.

[SugarFree]

demonstrate their superiority over their lesser educated, some would say ignorant, fellow citizens, at every opportunity

Angry and projecting, I see.

[Liberal Douchebag]

Ace, you're one of us. Keep up the good work.

[Timon19]

Is this an auto-gen troll, or are you in the wrong thread?

[Aresen]

You mean the way you have to demonstrate your superior sensitivity?

[Hugh Akston]

Superior commonality.

[Aresen]

I am humbled by your superior banality.

[Hugh Akston]

sir, I am twice as conventional as you can ever hope to be.

[Rich]

the tiniest ounce of respect for the values that many Americans "cling" to, perhaps irrationally

I try to *appreciate* irrational values for what they are. How much respect do *you* hold for irrational values?

[Citizen Nothing]

I find it difficult not to demonstrate my superiority over most of my fellow citizens.
But sometimes, in casual conversation, I throw in some subject-noun disagreement and maybe an "ain't" or two, just to make the yokels more comfortable.

[JW]

Throw in a double-negative and then you're cooking.

[Brett L]

Latinophiles should not be allowed to dictate grammar in other languages.

[Spoonman.]

What are you even talking about?

[JW]

respect for the values that many Americans "cling" to

Which value is that? Being a slack-jawed, loud-mouthed dolt?

[Jesse Walker]

I'm glad that so many Americans cling to values like pluralism, tolerance, and not acting like a screeching ninny because a newspaper published an article about Ramadan. The people with contempt for their countrymen are the people who assume the folks who freaked out over this really represent the bulk of their fellow citizens.

[Citizen Nothing]

The people with contempt for their countrymen are the people who assume the folks who freaked out over this really represent the bulk of their fellow citizens.

Present!

[Ace]

Did you read the whole apology?

Readers began writing to me and to our paper and website en masse, criticizing our decision on coverage and story play of the local observance of the end of Ramadan by local Muslims.

We began answering them immediately and directly by e-mail and we posted responses on Facebook, Twitter, and on our website. A good eight hours into the day, our editors were still working from home to keep up with a necessary response to our customers. Some managers came to the office on what was supposed to be a day off.

If it was 10 people hitting Reply over and over, or if the IP addresses all came from, how you say in libertarian, "the South"? they wouldn't have made this apology.

So clinging to the belief that having the same religion that was advocated by the terrorists rubbed in your face on the anniversary of 9/11--putting aside all sorts of edumacated nuance about what Islam actually is, which I'm sure you rigorously apply to Christianity, it goes without saying--is simply too much to ask?

and PS, what is happening here is libertarian. Our fellow citizens are choosing not to freely associate with a newspaper that values it's own idea of sensitivity over its readership's preferences. Truly, the real America at work. And you are disgusted. Good luck with that pipe dream that constitutes whatever you call libertarianism.

[JW]

Libertarianism is never having to say you're sorry.

[Jesse Walker]

Did you read the whole apology?

Yep. Sounds like a vocal group of people complained. I doubt they were an actual majority of the paper's readers. I would not be surprised if most of them decided they were offended after hearing about it via talk radio and/or the Net, as opposed to merely picking up the paper.

Either way, I don't see what "values" I'm failing to "respect" here. If this happened in a lefty college town and involved a bunch of people unfairly accusing a newspaper of racism, I doubt you'd be taking the same line.

So clinging to the belief that having the same religion that was advocated by the terrorists rubbed in your face on the anniversary of 9/11--putting aside all sorts of edumacated nuance about what Islam actually is, which I'm sure you rigorously apply to Christianity, it goes without saying--is simply too much to ask?

With all due respect, that sentence doesn't make any sense. (What is supposed to be "too much to ask" here?) It sounds like you took a big batch of culture-war rhetoric, none of which has anything to do with anything I've written here, and threw it in a blender.

I will note that when 3,000 Muslims gather in a rural town of 62,000 to celebrate a holiday, that qualifies as news. When you cover it in the paper, you aren't rubbing Islam in people's faces; you're reporting the news.

and PS, what is happening here is libertarian. Our fellow citizens are choosing not to freely associate with a newspaper that values it's own idea of sensitivity over its readership's preferences.

Muslims have the right to celebrate Ramadan; newspapers have the right to cover it; readers have the right to complain; papers have the right to apologize; the remaining readers have the right to call the paper a bunch of craven wusses. Libertarianism says all of the above should be tolerated by the law. It doesn't oblige me to side with the offended readers.

It seems to me, incidentally, that the paper plunged into "sensitivity" when it issued this apology, not when it covered the holiday.

[Ace]

So what I'm getting is that you believe that his groveling apology was in no way driven by market forces. hmm.

Just read the Ramadan article. There's a paragraph that directly references 9/11 only in terms of Terry Jones. And that is the ONLY reference to 9/11 on the front page!

It is not hard to read between the lines. Instead of an official remembrance of the ninth anniversary of 9/11, with a local slant on the front page, the politically correct, progressive editors chose -- not along with, but instead! -- a huge article talking about how multiculturally awesome Islam is, and how it's all about love and forgiveness and cute puppies, and how they are so beyond the hostility and hate of Terry Jones. No reference, of course, to the hostility and hate of their co-religionists who 9 years ago killed 3,000 Americans. And again, not just anywhere in the newspaper, but on the front page.

You have the right to scour local newspaper coverage and bemoan the diminishment of journalistic integrity wherever you may find it. But in a libertarian world, isn't this more likely to happen, and not less? If you are so concerned about the fate of the Portland Press Herald because it resisted bigotry, do be a dear, buck up and get a subscription. Put your money where your mouth is, which of course is the libertarian way (not that there's anything wrong with that.)

PS the sentence does not make sense because it's missing a negative up there in the beginning.

[Jesse Walker]

So what I'm getting is that you believe that his groveling apology was in no way driven by market forces.

No, I didn't say anything of the kind. There's nothing like the possibility of losing revenue to suddenly make you sensitive to easily offended readers. In this case, though, I suspect that he miscalculated: I doubt that many of the people who were angry about the initial article will be sated, and in the meantime he's just pissed off more readers with this pathetic follow-up.

If you are so concerned about the fate of the Portland Press Herald because it resisted bigotry, do be a dear, buck up and get a subscription.

There are phrases for what the paper did on Sunday, but "resisted bigotry" is not one of them.

[Ace]

Am I right in the assessment of the coverage or not? The PPH was bashing its readers over the head with the theme of sensitivity to Muslims while completely ignoring the way that most Americans feel that 9/11 should be addressed, that is, with some sort of solemn acknowledement of the tragedy and intense emotions experienced. Aside from referencing it solely in the context of a bigoted Southerner. And maybe that's what the readers who complained were reacting to. They know enough to know when they are being treated like rubes. Aren't you the one who posts about the Paranoid Center? This is a striking exhibit of the way suposed educated elites never miss an opportunity to bait regular Americans. And you fell for it.

[Jesse Walker]

Aren't you the one who posts about the Paranoid Center?

Yeah. And I think this is the flip side of it. Instead of wetting their pants and publishing a scare story about crazy right-wingers on the march, the editors wet their pants and published a groveling apology. Not an apology for an inaccuracy or anything like that, but for...insensitivity in the paper's layout? Come on.

[capitol l]

It seems like every highly "educated" liberal or libertarian believes it is their primary mandate to piss off/demonstrate their superiority over their lesser educated, some would say ignorant, fellow citizens, at every opportunity.

Ready the gallows, because I am guilty as charged.

I always did want to be hung(sic).

[dunkel]

"They said you was hung!"

"And they was right!"

[capitol l]

Proving once again that every thread needs a Blazing Saddles quote.

[Kristen]

Stating fact is now objectionable, eh?

[JW]

What I want to know is who is funding Ramadan and why did the decide to pick 9/11 to end it?

[SugarFree]

They thought... "Nine years from now, the day we crash these planes will totally be the end of Ramadan. Take that, American swine!"

[JW]

"Goddamnit! The terrorists really did win!"

[fresnodan]

Obviously, to thwart terrorists winning by celebrating Ramadan 9 years after 9/11, homeland insecurity must confiscate all calendars for the year nine years hence...uh....2019, so that this can never happen again.
O! better get rid of every calendar every 9 years hence in perpetuity.

[Loyal Feeder]

Dear Portland Press Herald Editor: The apology *really* offends me! Cancel everyone's subscription immediately!

[JW]

If Mooslims were really serious about "healing", they'd select 2,977 of the faithful randomly each year as an offering to the Angry Hillbilly God.

[Citizen Nothing]

Angry Hillbilly God would be a great name for a bluegrass (newgrass) band.

[SugarFree]

Angry Hillbilly God

If God is so powerful, then why is he on disability?

[Citizen Nothing]

Heh heh heh.

[Hugh Akston]

Could the AHG create a stump so large that He couldn't create a pickup powerful enough to pull it out?

[SugarFree]

The Problem Of Hip-hop

Either Angry Hillbilly God cannot eliminate hip-hop or He is unwilling to eliminate hip-hop.

[Hugh Akston]

The teleological argument

A pickup on cinderblocks isn't something that just happens. Someone had to put it there.

[SugarFree]

Argument By Degree

There must exist a being which possesses all the properties of a Hillbilly to the maximum possible degree.

[SugarFree]

One night I had a dream. I was walking along the beach with the Angry Hillbilly God, and across the skies flashed scenes from my life. In each scene I noticed two sets of footprints in the sand. One was mine, and one was the Angry Hillbilly God's. When the last scene of my life appeared before me, I looked back at the footprints in the sand, and, to my surprise, I noticed that many times along the path of my life there was only one set of footprints. And I noticed that it was at the lowest and saddest times in my life. I asked the Angry Hillbilly God about it: "Angry Hillbilly God, you said that once I decided to follow you, you would walk with me all the way. But I notice that during the most troublesome times in my life there is only one set of footprints. I don't understand why you left my side when I needed you most." The Angry Hillbilly God said: "My precious child, I never left you during your time of trial. Where you see only one set of footprints, I was riding my four-wheeler."

[Barely Suppressed Rage]

Does Angry Hillbilly God sometimes say, "Hey, hold my beer - watch this!" and then create a potential "America's Funniest Video" $10,000 winner?

[SugarFree]

"America's Funniest Home Videos" is how we feel Angry Hillbilly God in our hearts.

[Citizen Nothing]

The fact that so many cameras have caught so many guys getting hit in the balls by inanimate objects is proof that AHG exists.

[Fluffy]

Dudes, how in the FUCK did I miss this thread in real time?

I just pissed my pants laughing.

Angry Hillbilly God must have sent his dreaded Moonshine Plague upon me.

[alan]

Same here, I didn't see it in real time, probably due to Jesse not rambling on for several paragraphs to make a point like some people do, thanks a lot Jesse.

I always thought that the Flying Spaghetti Monster concept was pretty fucking dumb. Angry Hillbilly God though is a much better idea. Replace FSM with AHG, NOW!

[dhex]

oxycotin is proof that hillybilly god loves getting us fucked up.

[Bean Counter]

Not until somebody immortalizes the Flying Spaghetti Monster with a top 40 hit!

[SugarFree]

Can't read my,
Can't read my
No, he can't read-a my pasta face.

P-p-p-pasta face, p-p-pasta face.

[alan]

I have never heard more than a snippet here and there from other people's car radios of this Gaga travesty. I'm probably in the top 2 percent of the happiest people on the planet.

From what I have seen isn't she a hiphop/pop David Bowie kind-of-be?

[Jaybird]

The comments on that particular thread are particularly juicy.

The running of the original story resulted in (surely no more than a handful of) canceled subscriptions and so they run an apology that results in not uncanceled subscriptions, but even more canceled subscriptions (or, at least, people buying the competitor's newspaper).

Apparently the moral is: If you are going to do something dumb, do it to the hilt. Don't wishy-washy do it then apologize.

[Citizen Nothing]

Fuckin' A. The night of the 2000 election our first edition went to press with a "Bush Wins" banner headline. The phones rang non-stop the next day. My suggested tactic: Declare "That's our story until we're proven wrong!"
Turns out we never were, but mea culpas were issued, nevertheless.

[fresnodan]

It would have been so much more amusing (and ironic) if it had read, "Gore Wins"

[Vogon Poet]

As both a long-time hit&run; lurker and Portland (Maine) native, I can tell you that: 1) The Press Herald is an utterly spineless rag of no journalistic value staffed by PC leftards and this is completely in keeping with their character. 2) Apart from the said leftards who infest Portland proper, much of the state is a bastion of conservative christian redneck ignorance. Sooo...nothing surprising here.

[dead_elvis]

Note the non non-apology:

"We are sorry you are offended by..."

Not sorry for one's own actions, but sorry for the other person's reaction. This kind of non apology has become rather common- sadly, I don't think people even notice anymore, and just assume it's a way of properly apologizing.

[fresnodan]

well, I am pretty sorry. Fat, ugly, dumb...and unapologetic!

[Barely Suppressed Rage]

I agree with the general sentiment that too often these days people offer non-apologies.

However, in this case, it's appropriate.

But I would have phrased it "Again, if you were offended, I apologize that you are such an ignorant intolerant prick."

Seems to me that, as the editor pointed out, the fact that 3,000 people gathered in the small town of Portland to observe the ending of their religious holiday was a newsworthy event. If that was the biggest thing that happened on Saturday in Portland, then it ends up on the front page.

[Mo]

That actually is the proper response. Better still would be, "We're sorry that your vag is still sandy from your trip to the beach on Labor Day. It's the end of a religious holiday, not Atta's birthday."

[Vogon Poet]

Also, be careful: The Press Herald comments section has been know to cause cranial splosions in rational people.

[Garrett J]

Whoah, whoah, hold on a minute. What's a 9-11?

[Jaybird]

A quick google tells me that it is a joke.

[Vermont Gun Owner]

What's this mouth-breathing insult?

[Vermont Gun Owner]

Still no explanation?

[wayne]

Why is the end of Ramadan a front page story? It happens every year around this time. Is this truly "the end of Ramadan"? Is Ramadan never to return? If so, then this is indeed front page news. In other (front page) news, sun to rise tomorrow.

[Vogon Poet]

Feel-good fluff pieces are this papers specialty. That, and Portland has a large community of Muslims due to an influx of refugees from Somalia and Sudan. Maine is something like 97% white, and this has caused considerable racial tension. Hence the ludicrous overreaction.

[Kristen]

Nope. Doesn't ened every year around this time, it ends every year at a different time. In '93 when I was in Turkey and Syria it ended in late March. That's how lunar calendars work.

[Bender Bending Rodriguez]

"Cancel your own damned subscription!" ~William F. Buckley

[Azathoth]

See, what I'm wanting to know is how last years front page end-of-Ramadan article was recieved. If it generated the same sort of response, you gotta ask yourself why they would do this thing again.

But I'm kinda thinking that there was no front page end of Ramadan story last year--if there was one at all. Y'see, I'm thinking that this particular end of Ramadan, being on 9/11 and all, prompted someone to think, 'heh--this'll piss'em off' while he/she/it was making the same snotty comments about rednecks you all are making.

But I could be wrong, we'll see when their front page Purim article comes out.

[Citizen Nothing]

Last year's Press Herald story.

Well?

[Jesse Walker]

Y'see, I'm thinking that this particular end of Ramadan, being on 9/11 and all, prompted someone to think, 'heh--this'll piss'em off'

Uh-huh. They deliberately did this to piss people off, pissed them off as planned, and then issued this groveling apology to...uh, piss everyone else off?

This year 3,000 Muslims celebrated Ramadan in a rural town of 62,000 people in Maine. If the same thing happened last year, it probably got the same amount of coverage.

[Vermont Gun Owner]

rural town of 62,000 people

You've got an interesting definition of rural town.

[Jesse Walker]

Yeah, "rural" isn't the right word for it. The point is that it isn't a heavily urbanized area. 3,000 Muslims observing Ramadan is something you're likely to notice.

[Ace]

I just want to get this straight. In a libertarian paradise, the free market rules, more or less. Thus, a business like a local newspaper, which for both practical and philosophical reasons is NOT funded by the government, has to be funded by some other source. So they decide on reader subscriptions, which is smart. Then, they go out of their way to alienate their subscription base--and here's the catch: THE REASON FOR THIS DOESN'T MATTER!!--and now they are paying a price.

To compensate for this loss of subscriptions, I suggest that Jesse Walker and everyone else outraged get a subscription to the Portland Press Herald post haste to oppose the bigotry that is putting it out of business. Otherwise, just shut the hell up.

And now for the reason that doesn't matter: It's not that they featured Ramadan on the front page, as much as they didn't mention 9/11 once on that same front page! And take this handy takeaway from the article in question: He said that as an American Muslim, he has a sense of belonging that eclipses the hostility of the Rev. Terry Jones, the pastor in Florida who threatened to burn copies of the Quran, Islam's holy book, to mark the anniversary of the Sept. 11 attacks. So actually they do reference it, but only as an occasion of white bigotry.

What was stopping this newspaper from running a warm and cuddly feature, months in the making! featuring local families with sons/husbands fighting, killed, or wounded abroad, or perhaps someone who was there at Ground Zero or lost somone there, and discussing with full nuance aflame the impact of the event on the lives of Portlanders. And, respectfully, putting the Ramadan article on page 2. The answer of course, is that we already know, and don't care.

[Mike Laursen]

I think you're trying to make some kind of argument against libertarianism somewhere in your rant, but it's hard to extract that argument from your unfocused verbiage.

[Barely Suppressed Rage]

What?

[Ace]

true that, my bad. However, what is more unfocused than a libertarian decrying libertarianism in action? The editor is groveling to his readers because he royally pissed them off, and it is impacting his bottom line. In a libertarian world, which I don't oppose, this will become more common, not less. Jesse should get used to it.

[Fluffy]

I note that you didn't answer Jesse above.

What part of "In Libertopia I can hold up a copy of your apology and call you a worthless pussy" don't you understand?

Yes, in Libertopia people get to express their market preferences.

And when people express their market preferences by buying Crocs, in Libertopia I get to point at those people and call them Losers.

Yay Libertopia!

[Jesse Walker]

In a libertarian world, which I don't oppose, this will become more common, not less. Jesse should get used to it.

While I'd love to get used to a more libertarian world (do you know something I don't?), I wouldn't be so sure that it'll play out the way you predict. Think of the way the press has been evolving on the Internet, where entry barriers are low and competition is fierce: There's lots of little outlets serving a variety of niches, not a bunch of quasi-monopolies trying to be all things to all people.

[Ace]

My understanding of libertarianism is that its goal is to create a structural framework in which economic freedom can flourish and one can choose from a wide range of behaviors (mostly) without sanction. Presumably the Constitution, if rigorously interpreted and applied, gets us most of the way there. But the tradeoff is that one must be willing to tolerate petty tyrranies and bigotries in order to avoid that One Big Tyranny/Bigotry that destroys both economic freedom and individual choice. The (implied) bigotry that PPH is supposedly groveling to in its apology is one of those things that probably, in the big scheme of things, should be better ignored. PPH chose to ignore the needs of its readers in an obvious manner, and is paying the price, on both sides. It is clear from the context that the paper was trying to make a politically correct point. However, Jesse's belief that this is somehow newsworthy is evidence that he would rather waste his time stomping all over the USA trying to correct petty wrongs while he's missing out on the big one massing over the horizon.

[Jesse Walker]

Jesse's belief that this is somehow newsworthy is evidence that he would rather waste his time stomping all over the USA trying to correct petty wrongs while he's missing out on the big one massing over the horizon.

I devoted a eight-word blog post to it, which is about the same level of attention Glenn Reynolds gives to announcing a sale at Amazon. If you want to question my priorities, you should go after me for spending this time defending the post, not for making it in the first place.

[Ace]

I was about to 🙂

[PapayaSF]

Ace, you have some valid points, but lighten up, man. It's a blog with many posts a day, some about things relatively minor and/or not central to libertarianism. Variety helps keep things lively. It's no big deal.

[Mike Laursen]

The problem with your choosing this particular story as an illustration of your theory of accepting petty tyrannies is that it's doubtful the few people to which the paper is apologizing reflect its readership.

I predict that tomorrow Jesse Walker will be posting a follow-up about how the editors have issued a new apology for today's apology after hearing from a bunch of readers that thought the Ramadan story was just fine.

Aresen's 9.14.10 @ 10:58AM comment sums up what's interesting about this story. Editorial board starts with slight insensitivity about it being 9/11, digs hole deeper and deeper. Tomorrow the hole will get even deeper if my prediction holds.

[eyno lee]

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