Intern at Reason This Fall! Just Two More Days To Apply!

Reason is now accepting applications for the fall 2009 Burton C. Gray Memorial Internship. The intern works 10 weeks during the fall in our Washington, D.C. office and receives a $5,000 stipend.

The job includes reporting and writing for Reason and Reason Online, and helping with research, proofreading, and other tasks. Previous interns have gone on to work at such places as The Wall Street Journal, Forbes, ABC News, and Reason itself.

To apply, send your résumé, up to five writing samples (preferably published clips), and a cover letter to:

Gray Internship
Reason
1747 Connecticut Avenue, NW
Washington, DC 20009

Electronic applications can be sent to [e-mail], with the subject line: Gray Internship Application. The deadline for applications is August 14, 2009.

Comments

[Xeones]

You should go ahead let Warty be your new intern, out of charity.

[Dr. CoyoteBlue]

Zed: Bring out the Gimp.
Maynard: Gimp's sleeping.
Zed: Well, I guess you're gonna have to go wake him up now, won't you?

[Warty]

Shit, you guys have way more than five of my writing samples. When can I start?

[WWJGD]

Do long-winded trolling/ranting posts count as published pieces of writing?

[Warty]

If Google can find it, it counts as published.

[Episiarch]

Remember, Warty will let you molester him at will, so that's just one more reason to hire him. But he won't like it too much--he'll make sure to give you the "no, please, stop" reactions that you crave, you sickos.

[Warty]

Epi, for the last time, stop confusing me with Lonewacko.

[SugarFree]

stop confusing me with Lonewacko

The best way to not be confused with Lonewacko is to stop masturbating with burritos.

Warty -> Bed -> Lie in it.

[Episiarch]

Warty, are you denying that you aren't not LoneIdiot?

[Warty]

Epi, stop calling me Shirley.

[$20ForHeadDontCum]

Team Lonewacko is now accepting applications for the fall 2009 Gen. Winfield Scott Memorial Internship. The intern works 10 weeks during the fall in our Sunset Blvd. office and receives a 5,000 amero stipend.

The job includes reporting and writing for Lonewacko and 20forhead.com, and helping with research, proofreading, sockpuppeting, cleaning the microwave after ChrisKelly explodes another burrito, throwing rocks at Mexicans waiting for WorkTrucks on the sidewalk, and other tasks. Previous interns have gone on to work at such places as LewRockwell.com, NAU Update, the Ron Paul Survival Report, and Reason itself (in the comment section).

To apply, send your resume, up to five writing samples (preferably published clips), a picture of JenniferLopez naked, and a cover letter to:

Scott Internship
Team Lonewacko
XXXX Sunset Blvd #XXX
Hollywood, NAU district 90027

Electronic applications can be sent to [e-mail], with the subject line: Matamexicano Internship Application. The deadline for applications is August 14, 2009.

[Naga Sadow]

TAO,

Was that you above? You're gonna get banned again.

[Groovus Maximus]

As Warty stood in the elevator awaiting the floor where he would begin his new internship at Reason, he was flushed and diaphoretic with glee that his deepest desire to pleasure himself with KMW's rough editorial drafts would soon be realized. His anus tensed with both delight and pain: the $5000 stipend would finally provide him the means for the (internal and external) hemmorhoidectomy he desperately needed since his experience while at the gymnastics camp in his nubile youth. As the elevators opened slowly, the familiar and overpowering aroma of dried semen and triple sec violently assaulted Warty's keen olfactory sense. Warty grimly ascertained the assault of his nares would only be the beginning.....

[SugarFree]

All lies! Everyone knows Warty needs that money so he can finally fix his "ambiguous" genitally.

(Hint: It looks like an orchid.)

[Groovus Maximus]

Warty's diaphoresis increased dramtically, which he briefly regarded as odd, since he was never diagnosed with diabetes. The fuity aroma was proof of his sweet innocence, his mother had always assured him. Then the second onslaught of putrid semen and triple sec wafted forcefully into his nostrils: he KNEW that smell and the memories came racing back.

In the mere seconds while this was ocurring in Warty's pathological limbic system and cortex, he realized the doctor he saw, after the dreaded "floor exercise" incident at gymnastics camp, was nary a psychiatrist, but a PSYCHOLOGIST!!! Warty felt betrayed in that instant even though the good doctor has sworn that Warty's budding sexual proclivity precipitated by shoddy pre-writing and staid, bland articles written by svelte journalists was not in the DSM-IV. The physical exam should never have taken place; tragically, all was moot as both the statute of limitations had expired and the psychologist, as read by Warty himself a few days before in the obituaries, had met his demise at the hands (or otherwise) of an unknown assailant. The paper had also reported that large bottles of empty triple sec and copious piles of lumpy, putrid semen were found at the crime scene. Warty knew then that this was not a coincidental meeting and braced himself....

[Warty]

My ambiguous genitally what?

[Groovus Maximus]

"Impossible!", thought Warty, "How could it be HIM?" But it was true: there stood none other than LONEWACKO, complete with his torn, soiled wife-beater, crudely fashioned assless chaps and liter of triple sec sans cap! "Why?", asked Warty. "Why the elaborate scheme and how the fuck did you know about my 'condition'?"

LoneWacko took an enormous swig from the triple sec (an addiction whose etiology could be traced to LoneWacko's reported futile attempts to find the source of the IllegalImmigrants plauging the USA; this was secondary to LW's latent desires for transexual Illegals earlier reported at H & R by MNG) and shouted in a drunken roar,"It was YOU, the gymnastics camp, the banner you waved in your floor exercise. I couldn't help myself!!! The damned pomegangit...promeganit...pomegdandtit...FUCK IT! Frooty smell!! I was later assigned to the same psychologist you had! While he was applying his "therapy" (a therapy LW remembered fondly, though the psychologist was Hispanic; Irony!) he whisssshpered..(hic)..in my ear lovingly he would he help me avenge the ordeal! He told of you and how to find you. The ressssht..(hic)..was easy: I knew you could never resist KMW's brainstorming missives! Now I will dispose of you in the same fash... (hic) fasssshion!" Warty cursed Episiarch....

[R C Dean]

So, what kind of internship application doesn't require a photo? Or do you figure you can just hit their Facebook (or whatever Kids These Days use for on-line exhibitionism)?

[Spoonman]

My internship didn't require a photo, though I did have an interview. As far as I know, we haven't seen a picture of Bill or Amanda yet, either.

[Anonymous Former Reason Intern]

Twelve years later and I still feel so dirty.

[Anonymous Former Reason Intern]

I should've killed myself when he put it in me. After the first time, before we were married, Ralph promised never again. He promised, and I believed him. But sin never dies. Sin never dies. At first, it was all right. We lived sinlessly. We slept in the same bed, but we never did it. And then, that night, I saw him looking down at me that way. We got down on our knees to pray for strength. I smelled the whiskey on his breath. Then he took me. He took me, with the stink of filthy roadhouse whiskey on his breath, and I liked it. I liked it! With all that dirty touching of his hands all over me. I should've given you to God when you were born, but I was weak and backsliding, and now the devil has come home. We'll pray.

[Warty]

I wonder if the editors have the decency to be horrified by what we do to their site/

[One of Tony\'s Reason Rubs]

One can only hope.

[Groovus Maximus]

Ooops! A little over the top was it? I thought it was a rather poignant and compelling little ditty. I guess the climax will go unfinished (pun unintended).

[John C. Randolph]

Reasons to intern at Reason:

1) You won't have to work with any of those Capitol Hill maggots who get congressional internships.

2) You won't meet Bill Clinton.

3) You won't meet Al Gore.

4) Nobody will jump down your throat if you doubt the transcendent beauty of the Emperor's magnificent raiment.

5) You won't meet HIllary Clinton.

6) The people around you won't be gushing about how cute the president's dog is.

7) If you meet Bob Barr, you can kick him in the nuts for me.

8) You'll be able to find out if Nick Gillespie's jacket is really leather, or naugahyde as we've long suspected.

9) Reason probably wouldn't rat you out to the local cops if you want to carry a concealed weapon for self-defense, and:

10) Nobody at Reason gives a rat's ass about the drinking age.

-jcr

[R C Dean]

The very RC'z Law in a posting handle:

One of Tony's Reason Rubs

[Daniel Reeves]

Can I just say that I absolutely love the comment threads 'round these parts? OK, I'm done.

[Rimfax]

I didn't realize that H&R was such a hotbed of slashfic.

[Stephen Smith]

10) Nobody at Reason gives a rat's ass about the drinking age.

As a former intern at a high-profile Republican-ish lobbying firm, I can promise you that non-libertarians are no less contemptuous of minimum drinking age laws. Just because they lobby for the laws doesn't meant they have the heart to personally deny their 20-year-old interns the joys of top-shelf liquor!

[Xeones]

I didn't realize that H&R was such a hotbed of slashfic.

You have encountered SugarFree before, yes?

[William]

The ad neglects to mention brain washing and ideological blinkers.

[Xeones]

William, you are a complete turd. Shut the fuck up.

[!]

Are fictional characters allowed to apply? I have one who has not gotten very many lines two books running and she could be the token femanazi at your fine publication.

[ed]

helping with research, proofreading, and other tasks

I've never seen any evidence of proofreading here.

[edna]

i could do it if only i had the pinkies to reach the shift key.

wonder if there's an a.d.a. lawsuit in there somewhere...