Daily Mail: Goofy Broads In Wacky North Korean Adventure
I'm not sure the world even had a love affair with Laura Ling and Euna Lee, the Current TV journalists recently released from North Korea, but this hilariously spiteful, vituperative and innuendo-laden story in the "FeMail" section of the Mail On Sunday indicates that it's over.
The gist will be familiar to anybody who's watched a cynical 70s international thriller or two: It's all just a game. You'll be underwhelmed to learn that Kim Jong-Il planned all along to use the two women as pawns, that their hardships in captivity were less taxing than daily life for the average "free" North Korean, and that unnamed sources say this is all part of the unending war between the Clintons and the Obamas.
But there's good stuff too. Something is seriously wrong with a world where Steve Bing continues to play a major role in political intrigues. Mail reporters Sharon Churcher and Caroline Graham work overtime to make Ling's and Lee's husbands look pathetic. And in order to make the case that Laura Ling is a pitiful character stuck in the shadow of her older sister, they draw a portrait of Lisa Ling as the hottest thing to hit journalism since Woodward and Bernstein. And finally this detail, explaining why the Dear Leader rejected a visit from Al Gore and insisted on Bill Clinton only:
"He idolises the former President because he thinks he is a virile stud with influence in Hollywood."
Who doesn't? Fiction or nonfiction, the whole story is wonderfully mean-spirited. Read it all right here.
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“the whole story is wonderfully mean-spirited”
Ah The Daily Mail
Still pissed of about the fall of mercantilsim
a national treasure!
Ah, cynical British journalism at its best and worst!
Let’s keep using Bill Clinton, if Kim likes him. Maybe if Bill can get elected as President of South Korea, Kim will agree to reunification.
Bill was actually born in the demilitarized zone between the two countries. His Birth Certificate proves it, and I’ll sell anyone who wants one a copy for $10,000 a shot.
The people in this story are journalists. The people who crossed the Iranian border are mere hikers. Too bad they weren’t hiking while working for Al Gore so Clinton could work his magic again.
Here are the headlines of some of the other hard-hitting stories appearing in the Mail’s woman’s section (I was going to focus on stories by these particular authors only, but that would be cruel, so I’ll do all the authors):
‘What to buy a princess for her 21st birthday? From tank-driving lessons to a perfume named Beatrice, the range of unusual presents
‘Red alert: Cheryl Cole takes style inspiration from Sharon Osbourne with fiery new look X Factor star gets one up on Dannii Minogue with striking new look
‘Cruise, the daddy… Tom takes a walk with his two leading ladies Star looks adoringly at laughing wife Katie Holmes as he carries daughter Suri
‘Michael Jackson’s daughter Paris is MY daughter, claims lifelong friend Mark Lester ‘Oliver’ star’s shock claim that his god-daughter is actually his daughter . . .
‘Getting it off her chest…it’s the incredible shrinking Kelly Osborne The 24-year-old is in talks with a plastic surgeon for a breast reduction . . .
‘Heather Graham chills out on the beach in an itsy bitsy polka dot bikini The 39-year-old Boogie Nights star showed off her enviable figure
‘Star quality: How to release your inner Marilyn Monroe It’s all about charm, confidence – and lots of red lipstick. We teach you how to work it
‘Bikini-clad best friends: Lily Allen joins Kate Moss to soak up the sun in St Tropez The pair looked like they were having a ball as they leapt off their yacht
”Where do I most like to make love to Angelina?’ Brad Pitt admits his favourite location is behind the waterfall at home’
‘Salma Hayek turns bearded lady for freak show character The Mexican actress looks uncannily like Big Brother housemate Siavash’
‘I feel like I got the best job there is: Posh’s judging joy as American Idol auditions begin She usually can’t crack a smile’
Fiction or nonfiction, the whole story is wonderfully mean-spirited
I get all I need from MSNBC, Tim. Thanks anyway.
Anyone remember when Jesse Jackson used to do this kind of thing? I wonder how he feels to see Bill Clinton take over his “show up and kiss some tinpot dictator’s ass to get him to release a hostage” gig.
-jcr
Oh, and I almost forgot: FUCK Kim Jong-Il. That repulsive little Elvis impersonator has killed millions of his subjects the same way that Mao did, by starving them to death.
If Bill Clinton had taken the opportunity to strangle the little pig-fucker, I’d have forgiven him for every slimy thing he’s ever done.
-jcr
I’m so ronery…
Q. How is North Korea like Hooters?
A. When Bill Clinton goes there, he brings two women home.
Another triumph for Cavanaugh! He filled up that webspace real good with his Suck-style post about something someone else did. Hey, don’t knock it: it’s easier than doing real reporting.
I’d vote for Bill in 2012 at this point.
You know, I’m glad they are home with their families, and all that, but what the hell were they doing messing around at the border of North freakin’ Korea? Same with the three “hikers” now imprisoned in Iran. How does this thought process work? Did one of them say “I have a great idea. Let’s go goofing around the borders of the most dangerous places on earth and see what happens”?
You know, LoneWhacko, if you want the real story, maybe you should go to the North Korean border to see where it all went down.
Highbrow newspapers need lowbrow newspapers and vice versa. Even when the English press is showing it’s ass, it’s still a painful reminder that at least that ass exists.
Journalism here is far less informative and never as much fun. England has multiple newspapers that compete for the same marketshare, and it shows.
Even if there’s some smarm and snark poisoning this piece, it at least diverges from the party line story, which no American press story has done yet.
Hugh Akston,
That’s a really good idea, but do you think he’ll be able to sell enough pics of him blowing himself to make up the cost of the plane ticket?
“If Bill Clinton had taken the opportunity to strangle the little pig-fucker,…”
…he would have handed the job off to Raymond “Buddy” Young.
Lonewhacko, If you got to visit north korea, be sure to take a suitcase full of bibles with you. They love those. You should give one to every north korean you meet.
-jcr
He idolises the former President because he thinks he is a virile stud with influence in Hollywood.
So, David Hasselhof wasn’t available, I take it?
-jcr
Bottom line: A generation from now, when the Hermit Kingdom is ruled by a Pan-Asian Nationalist itching to get revenge for Hiroshima and Nagasaki (cue Tom Clancy typing out the screenplay in the background) we are going to wish we treated that little star crossed freak like a Godhead, and sent every B list actress over to polish his knob.
The article relies on an anonymous ‘insider’ who is supposedly close to the Clintons while being able to repeat a joke from in the White House that the two women were in greater danger from Bill Clinton than from the North Korean Communists.
Whoever this ‘insider’ is, I would speculate that (s)he has an interest in taking Bill Clinton down a peg – and who would want to do that? Someone who supports Obama and/or Hillary.
Or the ‘anonymous insider’ is all a smokescreen. Shattered Glass! Shattered Glass!
“A generation from now, when the Hermit Kingdom is ruled by a Pan-Asian Nationalist itching to get revenge for Hiroshima and Nagasaki (cue Tom Clancy typing out the screenplay in the background) we are going to wish we treated that little star crossed freak like a Godhead, and sent every B list actress over to polish his knob.”
A generation from now I think North Korea will have merger with South Korea like East Germany did with West Germany. The resulting country will simply be called Korea. The Capital will be Seoul.
Lonewacko, of course, would have asked Kim Jong Il some hard questions and posted the response on Youtube.
Shut the fuck up, Lonewacko.
I’d vote for Bill in 2012 at this point.
Me, too.
The whole think stinks, and when you add Bing in to it, it had to be a fake. Someone asked in the previous thread about new ideas in Hollywood. The new ideas are being tried out in real life first.
when the Hermit Kingdom is ruled by a Pan-Asian Nationalist itching to get revenge for Hiroshima and Nagasaki
The Hermit Kingdom was under Japanese domination for a couple of centuries. If anything, they’d have cheered to see a couple of Japanese cities nuked.
-jcr
In contrast, I saw Deepak Chopra on CNN a few nights ago literally gushing with joy over Clinton’s “heroic” effort, citing it as proof that we are entering a new phase in international relations in which “the United States is respected and loved, not just feared.”
All from obtaining the release of two bumbling reporters from a nation run by a nut job! Wow!
The Hermit Kingdom was under Japanese domination for a couple of centuries. If anything, they’d have cheered to see a couple of Japanese cities nuked.
-jcr
In the Clancy script there is a scene that flashes from Manila to Tokyo to Beijing to Singapore and finally, to Jakarta, where the political and economic elites are dining but stop suddenly with pained expressions of nausea on there faces as the helmet haired and pant suited Secretary of State announces, ‘We’re Baaaaackkk!”
Oh, they’ll be united alright.
Warty | August 9, 2009, 8:50am | #
Lonewacko, of course, would have asked Kim Jong Il some hard questions and posted the response on Youtube.
Shut the fuck up, Lonewacko.
I loved watching his reaction to the health care protest that he has posted this week. Tinged with feelings of envy and jealousy, and an unacknowledged impotence apparent to anyone.
Oh, btw, former Herald of Galactus, Warty? Doesn’t that, like, make you the biggest tool, in like, ever?
I, for one, believe every word of that article. And I didn’t even read it. I’m that good at what I do.
Ah, this is all because Clinton had a role in Lee and Ling’s release, isn’t it Tim? If some so-called libertarian right winger had had a hand in it, you would be singing their praises. Is anything in your pathetic little world not driven by ideology?
Bill not a hero?? These guys are really raining on my parade.
I saw Deepak Chopra on CNN a few nights ago literally gushing with joy
Damn, we should have just swapped him for the reporters. That would have been a win-win.
-jcr
“Hey, look everybody! I’m invading North Korea“!
[…]
“Wait a mintue- who are you guys? I didn’t really mean I was, like, invading your country….
“Heh. Heheh.
“Seriously dude. Hey, let go of me. Don’t put that bag over my head!
“I was joking! Don’t you people know a joke when you hear one?!”
*static*
It is not an unreasonable assumption that Barak Obama sent the two employees of Al Gore’s propaganda company to spy on North Korea. The present regime could glean much inspiration from North Korea’s dedication to human liberty, economic freedom and superlative government health care.
Lonewacko’s pissed because so much attention’s been given to those IllegalImmigrants. And then they were granted AMNESTY!!!
Oh, btw, former Herald of Galactus, Warty? Doesn’t that, like, make you the biggest tool, in like, ever?
Um…fuck you too?
What I found confusing is that Euna is 36 and Laura is 32 and yet through out the article they are describes as girls, and more specifically naive girls. Could someone please explain to me when it is exactly that females not only become women but become capable of making intelligent decissions. My belief has always been that it was at a MUCH younger age than evidently the “Clinton insider” believes it to be.
For a young woman, after spending time in a N Korean prison, you then have to endure a long plane ride with…Bill Clinton. Did not these two girls suffer enough?
At least it’s good to know that Joel Hyatt is still kicking ass.
Could someone please explain to me when it is exactly that females not only become women but become capable of making intelligent decissions.
Sometimes, never.
I am so goddamn fucking sick of people not taking North Korea’s horrific human rights abuses seriously.
Do people make jokes about Stalin’s purges, or the Cambodia’s killing fields?
According to the AP news a British tabloid reported Saturday that the godfather of Michael Jackson’s three children claims to be the father of the singer’s daughter Paris. The newspaper also quotes Lester, is a 51-year-old former child star known for his lead role in the 1968 movie version of the state show “Oliver!” as saying he’s willing to take a paternity test.In a video interview with Lester broadcast on the News of the World Web site, Lester said he donated his sperm at a London clinic. He said Jackson was married to Debbie Rowe at the time. If you are interested to know more about Mark Lester I have collected some good sites and articles related to him (Photos, Videos, latest news coverage etc.,). Check the link below.
http://markthispage.blogspot.com/2009/08/talented-young-star-of-oliver-mark.html
Hazel – As they say, you gotta laugh, or you’ll cry. I’ll cheer when that repulsive family of dictators gets strung up, but until then, there’s not a lot I can do. And people make jokes about everything. It’s whistling in the dark, you know?