Walker, Texas President

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Chuck Norris, secessionist.

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  1. Campaign pledge #1: Personally informing all children of their HIV test results.

  2. Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.

  3. Walker, Texas President
    Jesse Walker | March 12, 2009, 10:47am

    Oh, I thought you meant you.

  4. I am often confused with Chuck Norris.

  5. When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Jesse.

  6. Kwais could kick Chuck Norris’s ass.

  7. Chuck Norris lost a game of checkers to Mr.T and then proceeded to create racism.

  8. Didn’t Texas Try that about oh, 150 years ago or so? How’d that work out?

  9. one roundhouse kick to Texas’ face and Generalisimo Norris would be El Presidente for life

  10. Why are certain conservatives all of a sudden such drama queens about things in our country that have really been going on for quite some time now?

    But as for Texas forming their own country, go for it, Chuck. Based on Texas’ track record, while admittedly small, of giving the Union horrendous presidents.

  11. I promise a roundhouse kick to the face of every man, woman and child if elected Texident.

  12. I like the plug for the martial arts expo at the bottom. It adds kind of a subtle threat to the secessionist message.

  13. Chuck Norris is not much of a veagan is he?

  14. I am often confused with Chuck Norris.

    Do you two huff ether together? 😉

  15. I huffed ether with Curious George before he went job hunting.

  16. With any luck, the Republic of Texas (I live there, BTW) wouldn’t have the resources to fuel the megalomania of the politicians we’ve been sending to DC, but we’d get some of that small govt they kept promising.

    Except for the forcible conversions to Baptist-ism, of course.

  17. That makes sense actually, did i just agree with Norris, well i guess miricales do happen. Texas is large. has the gdp that is larger than a lot of countries. has its own oil, farming etc. With all of its size and varied climates it would be almost a self sufficent country that should have a trade surplus.

  18. Why did Santa Anna bring just 2,400 troops to attack the Alamo?

    He only had 7 cars.

  19. That Russian guy was right!

  20. I hope Texas secedes.

    The USA is too divided to stand long, which means that long slow road into third-world status.

  21. Chuck Norris, Texas Idiot

  22. One of the bills proposed in the 81st Texas Legislature is HB 1863, Relating to exempting the intrastate manufacture of a firearm, a firearm accessory, or ammunition from federal regulation.

    Firearms, ammunition, and accessories manufactured in Texas and remaining there would not be subject to federal law or federal regulation, including registration, under the authority of the United States Congress to regulate interstate commerce.

    Note that Texas isn’t the only state proposing anti-fedgov laws.

    Didn’t Texas try that about oh, 150 years ago or so? How’d that work out?

    But what if 40 or so states voted to kick the other ten, plus D.C., out?

  23. As a non-Texan, I fully support the idea of Texas seceding from the Union.

  24. One of the bills proposed in the 81st Texas Legislature is HB 1863, Relating to exempting the intrastate manufacture of a firearm, a firearm accessory, or ammunition from federal regulation.

    I pray to God it passes.

    It would be the first serious challenge to the Omnipotent Commerce Clause spawned by the Roosevelt Court that torpedoed our Constitution below the water line.

    The odds that the current SCOTUS would seriously revisit the Omnipotent Commerce Clause? Very small. But still . . . .

  25. ‘Didn’t Texas Try that about oh, 150 years ago or so? How’d that work out?’

    How did they *think* it would work out, when they didn’t have Chuck Norris?

    ‘Based on Texas’ track record, while admittedly small, of giving the Union horrendous presidents.’

    Yeah, but thanks to Texas Congress has a Congressman who can take the oath to support the Constitution without crossing his fingers or making air quotes.

    Also, an earlier Texas Congressmen was literally named Maverick, a guy who wanted to expand the 22nd Amendment to impose term limits on Congress.

  26. Chuck Norris doesn’t *run for* the Presidency, he motions to it with his little finger and it comes running to him.

  27. Before we secede, maybe we can work to pass this resolution (pdf).

  28. I know that many states are debating / passing legislation to declare their 10th amendment sovereignty – I didn’t even know that people in ANY government could read the 10th amendment.

    Now all we need to do is have them read and follow the 2nd, 4th, 9th, Article 4 Sec.4, The enumerated powers clause and the other parts where it tells the fed what it’s allowed to do and nothing more, and we’d be doing ok..

  29. If Texas were to beome an independent country they could have their own immigration policy preventing things like this from occuring.

    Thanks for taking a felon off of our hands, Texas. We’re gonna send Monica Conyers next.

  30. I don’t have a problem with this. Let all the wingnuts go form their little idiocracy and be sure to bring their guns. Loaded with the safties off and under their pillows.

  31. One of the bills proposed in the 81st Texas Legislature is HB 1863, Relating to exempting the intrastate manufacture of a firearm, a firearm accessory, or ammunition from federal regulation.

    They’ll argue people will buy those instead of guns from out of state, therefore impacting interstate commerce, therefore allowing the Feds to jump in.

  32. Didn’t Texas Try that about oh, 150 years ago or so? How’d that work out?

    The northeastern liberals kicked their redneck asses.

  33. We don’t need Chuck Norris to whip progressive ass’s in Texas… There’s a couple of hundred thousand here that would gladly do it for nothing!

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