Inauguration Open Thread

We'll have more here as the day ensues, but consider this an opportunity to discuss amongst yourselves.

Comments

[Adam]

Only 24 minutes before the seas part and the angels sing! Woohoo!

[dbcooper]

Some good news/rumouring:

http://www.latimes.com/news/politics/inauguration/la-na-obama-orders20-2009jan20,0,4916415.story

Reporting from Washington — In one of his first acts as president, Barack Obama is planning to lift a rule that prevents federal money from going to international family planning groups that counsel women on abortion or perform the procedure.

Obama’s repeal of the abortion aid policy is one of several executive actions he will take soon after his inauguration today, according to Obama transition aides. He is also considering lifting Bush administration restrictions on federally funded stem cell research.

[Guy Montag]

The crowds on TV look larger than I expected. Looked like the overflow was in the north end of Crystal City Underground about an hour ago.

[sage]

When are they going to show him whipping out a loaf of bread to feed all those people?

[SxCx]

Enough. Enough with this shit. Just be the President already. Enough ceremonial bullshit. Don’t cover it, don’t talk about it. Don’t enable this melodrama.

Close this thread. Seriously.

[Marc]

When are they going to show him whipping out a loaf of bread to feed all those people?

I’d like to see him shoot pennies and/or fire out of his sleeves, like Gob.

[The Angry Optimist]

OBAMA! DEUS VULT!

DEUS VULT!

[BakedPenguin]

sage, right after he turns the reflecting pool into wine.

[Taktix?]

Rex!

Rex!

Rex!

[cunnivore]

We’ll have more here as the day ensues, but consider this an opportunity to disgust amongst yourselves.

FTFY

I’m watching Fox News for the first time in years so as to avoid any fellating…and it’s not working.

[cunnivore]

Dianne Feinstein. Delicious.

[cunnivore]

And now Rick Warren will invoke the wrath of God on FAGS.

[SugarFree]

WTF is Feinstein rambling on about?

[Episiarch]

OH GOD MAKE IT STOP

[SugarFree]

Thank you, Rick Warren, for reminding us of how important the separation of church and state is.

[zevatron]

OK Rev. Warren, let’s wrap this up…

[Naga Sadow]

More importantly, if I pray to him do my enemies get struck by the ten plagues? Take heed LoneWacko or Chris Kelly . . . whoever you are.

[SugarFree]

Hilton will give you all ten, Naga. Seriously.

[Jozef]

Why is the inauguration on news channels and not on E! and MTV where it belongs?

[SugarFree]

Is Aretha having a stroke? She’s only getting out every fifth word or so.

[Andrew S.]

When are they going to show him whipping out a loaf of bread to feed all those people?

Personally, I’m waiting for him to turn the water of the Potomac into wine. Then it’s really gonna be a party.

[Naga Sadow]

SugarFree,

It’s a backup plan. Relax. Unless I do get a chance to nail her(unlikely). Then . . . . . I’M RICH BIIIIIIIIIITCH!!! A la Chappelle.

[Episiarch]

Haven’t you heard, Naga? It’s better to get in and stay in a Holiday Inn Express than a Hilton. Just watch their commercials. Plus, their doorways aren’t as big.

[R C Dean]

Reporting from Washington — In one of his first acts as president, Barack Obama is planning to lift a rule that prevents federal money from going to international family planning groups that counsel women on abortion or perform the procedure.

Why exactly is it good news that my tax dollarsk are going overseas to be spent on family counselling, again?

[Guy Montag]

I think he becomes President at noon, oath or not.

[scape]

Impeach Bush Obama

/update

[SugarFree]

Rambling speech
Acceptance Speech
Musical Interlude
Rambling Speech
Musical Interlude

It’s the fucking Oscars. Next we’ll have a montage of everyone that died in office.

[Jennifer]

CNN just said that since it is noon, Obama is officially the president despite not having been sworn in.

True fact: the clouds just parted where I live and a ray of sunlight came in through my window. And half-blinded me with its glare. Typical symbolism.

[Ska]

My office is a regular Obamathon right now. How special. What a uniter.

[dbcooper]

Why exactly is it good news that my tax dollarsk are going overseas to be spent on family counselling, again?

Well your money’s going anyway, so it may as well go on something more effective than abstinence only education.

[MikeP]

First!

[cunnivore]

Ha! Dianne Feinstein just introduced Roberts to administer the “oaf of office”.

[cunnivore]

My heater just started screeching at the moment he finished the oath of office. Even household appliances appreciate our Dear Leader!

[Seth]

*just threw up in his mouth a little bit*

[Cliff\'s Notes Obama]

We’re totally fucked. So let the party begin!

[Episiarch]

It’s the fucking Oscars. Next we’ll have a montage of everyone that died in office.

Who gets the Lifetime Achievement Award?

[Pepe]

Obama’s first act as president – flubbing the oath of office.

[Silver Lining]

HaHaHa you cosmotarian fucks. Every time you utter a word of criticism of “Dear Leader” your cubicle comrades and cocktail party chums will suspect you are a Sarah Palin supporter!

[SugarFree]

Who gets the Lifetime Achievement Award?

A mythical average American blue-collar worker, apparently.

[Nihilist-Anarchist]

I am still hoping for a repeat of the Dec 3 1979 Who concert in Cincinatti.

[Warty]

How did he fuck up the oath? Plz plz plz plz let it be something about Allah plz plz plz…

[Fluffy]

So far this speech sucks.

But I do have to point out that Roberts fed Obama the oath wrong [saying “President to the United States] and if Obama flubbed the oath, it’s probably because he was thinking, “Thanks, asshole. You have one fucking job today and you fucked it up.”

[Jozef]

Who gets the Lifetime Achievement Award?

A mythical average American blue-collar worker, apparently.

Joe the Plumber?

[Jennifer]

How did he fuck up the oath? Plz plz plz plz let it be something about Allah plz plz plz…

Nah, he just repeated some of the words in the wrong order. I thought the guy administering the oath was doing a bad job, though; if I’m saying something for a guy to “repeat after me” I’d only say five or six words at a time, rather than utter long compound-complex clauses and expect the guy to commit a couple dozen words in a row to short-term memory.

[Abra Cadaver]

“It’s the fucking Oscars. Next we’ll have a montage of everyone that died in office.”

This is why on Nov 4 I wrote in Senator Hillary Clinton (D-NY).

[cunnivore]

You can’t really expect a SCOTUS justice to remember an excerpt from the Constitution. It’s not like they read it or anything.

[Pro Libertate]

After the coronation, during the Triumphal parade, a specially trained bureaucrat will ride behind Obama in the Presidential Chariot, whispering in his ear, “Remember, thou art mortal. Remember, thou art mortal.”

[Taktix?]

Well, at least we can say we as Americans were able to elect Obama without worrying about things like his name being Muslim-ish.

It may be a small victory, but at least a majority of Americans are not Bushbots or Limbaughbots…

[ed]

Oh no, not the poet.

[SugarFree]

POETRY SLAM! You got served, Maya Angelou!

[ed]

She looks half-black too.

I can’t wait till we start funding this with a Federal Poetry Project

[Seth]

After the coronation, during the Triumphal parade, a specially trained bureaucrat will ride behind Obama in the Presidential Chariot, whispering in his ear, ‘Remember, thou art mortal. Remember, thou art mortal.'”

Or perhaps just, “OH SHIT, DUCK!” randomly throughout the parade.

[Dan the Dawg]

There’s nothing in the streets
Looks any different to me
And the slogans are replaced, by-the-bye
And the parting on the left
Are now parting on the right
And the beards have all grown longer overnight

I’ll tip my hat to the new constitution
Take a bow for the new revolution
Smile and grin at the change all around
Pick up my guitar and play
Just like yesterday
Then I’ll get on my knees and pray
We don’t get fooled again

Meet the new boss
Same as the old boss

[D.A. Ridgely]

And across our great land we rise up in as one at the words “an American poet” to hit the mute button.

[Oh Lawdy !]

I’s gwine ta pick me sum cotton

[John-David]

This is a poem? I thought it was someone reading the dictionary while having a stroke.

[ed]

Sheesh, this stuff doesn’t even rhyme! Where’s Jesse Jackson?

[Pepe]

“You can’t really expect a SCOTUS justice to remember an excerpt from the Constitution. It’s not like they read it or anything.”

Yeah it was Roberts fault more than Obama’s. He read more words than Obama expected before it was time to repeat. Then their timing got all f’d up and he said a sentence out of order.

According to my constitutional interpretation that means Obama is not yet president and bush has already ceded power. We have no president!

[Poet]

“I can’t wait till we start funding this with a Federal Poetry Project.”

Oh you jest – but my fellow poets are salivating at the prospect of a new Federal Writers Project for real no kidding. Obama is the best! :/

[Taktix?]

I’d only say five or six words at a time, rather than utter long compound-complex clauses and expect the guy to commit a couple dozen words in a row to short-term memory.

I would certainly hope the leader of the free world could commit a sentence of two to short term memory. If not, I hope that means he’s stoned and will translate to lax MJ laws over the next four years.

[Mo]

So where is the DOOOOM DOOOOM that John predicted? I only watched because he said Katrina II was going to happen. Where are the refugees on top of the Capitol?

[ed]

Oh good, another prayer. Everyone please bow your heads.

[ev]

lowery has an ….interesting way of speaking.

[SugarFree]

The poem is no worse than the tripe usually written for these sort of occasions. but her over-precise pronunciation and robotic diction is sheer torture.

And the next guy, who sounds like he doing a Sean Connery impression after blunt force trauma.

[ed]

I have things to do. When is the interpretive dance?

[Fresno Bob]

*just threw up in his mouth a little bit*

That’s ok. I just pooped in my pants a little bit.

[Abra Cadaver]

“POETRY SLAM! You got served, Maya Angelou!”

You HAVE to watch the Big Gay Comedy Sketch Show on LOGO TV. One of the actors does a great parody of Angelou reading from the Men Seeking Men personals on Craig’s List. Funny as hell.

[ev]

brown can stick ’round? yellow be mello?

big wtf

[SugarFree]

ev,

That was the best part! Or maybe “tanks will be beaten into tractors.”

[Marc]

According to my constitutional interpretation that means Obama is not yet president and bush has already ceded power. We have no president!

Jesus jumping Christ. Expect LoneWacko to argue this point ad nauseam.

[cunnivore]

That sort of reminded me of an SNL “re-enactment” of Dan Quayle’s inauguration back in ’89 where Justice O’Connor had to say one word at a time so Quayle could remember. Can’t find it on YouTube, curses!

[A]

I liked the comic relief they threw in there (swearing allegiance to the constitution).

[Bingo]

So where’s John with his prediction of how the darkies of DC are going to riot and its going to be a “Hurricane Katrina” in the capital?

[Reinmoose]

I’m just happy that nothing chaotic happened.

[Isaac Bartram]

So far this speech sucks.

At least it was nice and short.

Actually, I must say, he does deliver speeches pretty damn well.

And while there was the usual lack of substance there was something in it for everyone, well, not me, but everyone who belongs to a sufficiciently large voting block.

Yes, the old “We cannot continue to consume line…”. Love it.

Now, normally I’d rail against political dishonesty. But I really hope he’s lying about most of what he wants to do.

Well, at least we can say we as Americans were able to elect Obama without worrying about things like his name being Muslim-ish.

Yes, but is he a natural born citizen?

Inquiring minds want to know.

[Jennifer]

So where’s John with his prediction of how the darkies of DC are going to riot and its going to be a “Hurricane Katrina” in the capital?

The day isn’t over yet. I’m sure John is Keeping Hope Alive.

[ev]

hey, does anyone know what the fuck a ‘box-related accident’ is? did cheney fall on a box, get struck by a box-wielding fiend of some kind? paper cut? box cutter?

and semi-related: if i were injured by a box, no matter how old…i wouldn’t talk about it publicly. there would by lying involved.

[Warty]

Andrew Sullivan is as hilarious as ever.

20 Jan 2009 12:05 pm
The Moment

The highlight so far: a quartet that looks like the America we love, a score as deep and as meditative as this moment demands. And an oath bungled by both Justice and President, as the moment simply overwhelmed their human capacity to grasp it. But we are all grasping it now. And, as it happens, it is beyond our grasping.

[The Bearded Hobbit]

.. I would have given serious bucks to his re-election campaign if he would have ended his speech, “Kill Whitey”

.. Hobbit

[Seamus]

I’m not watching the events, because I have to work (at home, thank you, because the streets are closed around my office building because of the Obamafest), but I checked the text of the inaugural address and noticed a blooper in the second paragraph,where he claimed that “[f]orty-four Americans have now taken the presidential oath.” I guess he thinks Grover Cleveland and Grover Cleveland were two different people.

I wonder how quick people would have been over this if Bush had been the one making the error.

[domoarrigato]

I missed it – stepped out for a burger. burp.

[Urkobold?]

METHINKS ANDREW IS GRASPING SOMETHING, ALL RIGHT.

[domoarrigato]

Urkobold?,

How, oh wise one, can we turn this day into an opportunity to get laid? I await your wisdom.

[Fluffy]

The highlight of the day so far was the crowd booing W and then singing the “Nah nah hey ay goodbye” song.

It’s nice to hear that Cheney is staying in McLean. That means when it’s time to arrest him the marshals won’t have far to go.

[Kolohe]

But I do have to point out that Roberts fed Obama the oath wrong [saying “President to the United States] and if Obama flubbed the oath, it’s probably because he was thinking, “Thanks, asshole. You have one fucking job today and you fucked it up.”

I was listening on the radio and thought the same thing. It also was yet another demonstration that SCOTUS doesn’t know dick about the constitution.

[bob]

was anyone else waiting for obama to do something mad n*ggerish like freestyle or put up a black power fist?

[BDB]

Oh, it wasn’t just going to be Hurricane Katrina. It was ALSO going to be like 9/11!

[Episiarch]

How, oh wise one, can we turn this day into an opportunity to get laid? I await your wisdom.

Be an Obama supporter at a DC inaugural party this evening. Why do you think so many people are excited? People are gonna get laid tonight!

[Fluffy]

That shot of Bush boarding the helicopter was missing something…

…I would have preferred to have the copter on the grounds of the White House, surrounded by riot police holding back the surging crowds, as stones and rotten fruit fly through the air and flames and smoke rise in the background…

[Kolohe]

Cheney should have sucked it up with some cortizone and horse tranquilizers like Kennedy did.

[Ska]

How, oh wise one, can we turn this day into an opportunity to get laid? I await your wisdom.

Pretend to be an Obama supporter at a DC inaugural party this evening. Why do you think so many people are excited? People are gonna get laid tonight!

Seriously, I don’t see how you can not get laid.

[Episiarch]

Seriously, I don’t see how you can not get laid.

Again, this is why a lot of people are even more excited than they already were. I’m being serious here. This is a total thigh spreading moment.

[Warty]

If you could pretend to be happy about Obama in order to get your dick stinky, then you’re a much better actor than me.

[Mo]

Pretend to be an Obama supporter at a DC inaugural party this evening. Why do you think so many people are excited? People are gonna get laid tonight!

If you want to up your chances, pretend that you were a campaign worker in a Midwest swing state to help make it happen. Make up a lie about how you put off working for a year so you could help the cause by canvassing in Columbus or Indianapolis.

[Urkobold?]

FOOLS! TODAY IS NOT ABOUT TRIVIALITIES LIKE ENGAGING IN INTERCOURSE THREE AT A TIME WITH YOUNG, BUXOM OBAMA SUPPORTERS, BLIND WITH THE LUST OF VICTORY. NO, TODAY IS A HISTORICAL, ONCE IN A LIFETIME MOMENT, DEDICATED TO THE PROPOSITION THAT MASTURBATION IS A PERFECTLY ACCEPTABLE ALTERNATIVE TO VOTING FOR GOOD CANDIDATES.

[Episiarch]

If you could pretend to be happy about Obama in order to get your dick stinky, then you’re a much better actor than me.

Get happy about something else, Warty, and pretend that it’s because of Obama. See? Maybe take some X or something.

[Jim]

“If you could pretend to be happy about Obama in order to get your dick stinky”

Where you puttin’ dat thang?

[SugarFree]

Where you puttin’ dat thang?

White liberal guilt is the leading cause of bacterial vaginosis. That’s not opinion; that’s SCIENCE!

[dbcooper]

White liberal guilt is the leading cause of bacterial vaginosis. That’s not opinion; that’s SCIENCE!

Excellent, I guffawed in my office.

[Beaker]

Dick Cheney looked like Dr. Strangelove! A fitting demise.

[Bronwyn]

Was there booing? Did they really sing hey hey hey goooood-byyyyye?

I’m missing the whole thing… thanks for the play-by-play. It’s much better than having to watch it.

[Silentz]

If he messed up the oath, do you think he’ll ask them to do the whole thing over? I mean seriously, it’s a moment he wants to remember fondly. Y’know…the moment he took over the world so he could save it? If it’s not perfect The Savior would not be able to look upon the moment with gladness, and therefore would desire to punish the unbelievers with much wrath.

Or, on the other hand, if the oath wasn’t uttered correctly, could he later claim that it didn’t count? That he really promised nothing? Upholding the Constitution? Heck no…did you hear me utter the proper oath? Nope. Not me.

[Warty]

Well, getting laid does get me happy, but I’d still have a tough time pulling it off. I’d have to wait till tonight when the skanks are good and drunk, so that way I don’t have to attempt to say something positive about our dear leader who all blessing flow from.

[Episiarch]

Heck no…did you hear me utter the proper oath? Nope. Not me.

KLATU…VERATA…N…it’s an “n” word…definitely an “n” word…

[domoarrigato]

hmm – the markets don’t seem to be getting much of a “Hope bounce” from today’s festivities. Seems like traders are unaffected by the enthusiasm of the moment, and instead are selling with both hands. This market sucks – which is why its going to be a hell of a lot harder to get laid in nyc than in DC. Being hopeful doesn’t change the fact im a hated finance guy. I guess I’ll have to lie to spread the thigh…

[R C Dean]

Yes, the old “We cannot continue to consume line…”.

Which is why we need a trillion-dollar stimulus package, STAT! So we can stop our consuming!

Andrew Sullivan is as hilarious as ever.

When did gay marriage stop being the defining moment of our time, anyway?

hmm – the markets don’t seem to be getting much of a “Hope bounce” from today’s festivities.

Yeah, I noticed. I should have set my limit orders lower; I could have shaved a few bucks off today’s buys. Still got some good deals [fingers crossed].

[bruce]

ding dong the witch is dead, the wicked, wicked witch is dead. ding dong the wicked witch is dead!

[SugarFree]

When did gay marriage stop being the defining moment of our time, anyway?

When Sully found out that his favorite china pattern had gone out of print.

[Isaac Bartram]

Which is why we need a trillion-dollar stimulus package, STAT! So we can stop our consuming!

Hadn’t quite thought of that, but, yeah, that too.

Just like we’ll have wailing about the price of gas from the same mouths alternately whining about how we use too much oil.

Actually, I don’t know about you, but for my part I wonder who accurately measures these things and who determines how much is “enough”.

[Eric Gisin]

I thought they had to be sworn in before noon. McCain was, Obama wasn’t. Does this mean McCain is Da Prez?

[Eric Gisin]

Sorry, not McCain, the VP with no name.

[Sarah P.]

Doncha mean “Joe the VP”?

[Stephen the Goldberger]

Congrats to Obama, please don’t suck.

[Swordfish]

And so begins the flood of auntees, cousins, bros, and the mother-in-law’s big-hat garden club coming out of the woodwork to spend a night in the Lincoln bedroom.